ideas for a short betrayal story

[pantter1]

well i use to make short stories and i thinking of making a short one about in the future when theres spaceships battleships cruisers and all that

what i was thinking of was when a guy named dan is a space marine on the a captial ship called the is
kilomana is under attack by a group of cyborgs called reapers (lol not the reapers from mass effect 2)
these cyborgs have genetic intelligent minds and can outsmart their enemies
the commander of the the captial ship is a hot chick named sarah she has beautiful blonde hair with
red eyes and smooth skin. dan has brown hair with green eyes and a bit of muscle.
there is also other characters such as crew members and dan's best friends such as anto,ryan the
two boys and kerri which is a girl

at the end now i dont want to spoil but ill just say you get betrayed and injured.

now anyone want to add anything else in

[HeroDan]

Dan loves Sarah, everybody knows he does, including Sarah, Sarah sleeps with one of the crew just to make Dan feel bad.

It's cliche, but good cliche.,

[pantter1]

nice i will probally add that in before the reapers attack then well in the end youll know what happens when you see it

[pantter1]

right i was thinking that one of the 2 friends which are two boys anto and ryan went out with the commander making him be betrayed and lose one friend but that doesnt mean its then end of the story there has to be a part 2 and i wont spoil the rest

[Flyingdingo0827]

The crew find the reaper's home world but meet unfortunate events that leaves only Sarah, Dan, Ant, and Kerri as the only survivors of the ship and the last ones to attempt to destroy the reaper leader.

When they reach the reaper's stronghold they infiltrate the base and find the leader inside the base and the battle is seemingly won. Before they can react however, Ant shoots and kills Kerri, injures Dan and holds Sarah at gunpoint while more reapers begin to file into the room. Ant explains that he staged the events after he made a deal with the reaper leader and was hired to lead the main cast to the base so that the leader could capture them. In the end, the leader betrays Ant and Sarah and Dan escape from the base and go back to HQ (assuming there is one) so that they could properly plan for their next attack and hopefully kill the leader once and for all.

What do you think?

[pantter1]

At 4/4/10 08:41 PM, Flyingdingo0827 wrote: The crew find the reaper's home world but meet unfortunate events that leaves only Sarah, Dan, Ant, and Kerri as the only survivors of the ship and the last ones to attempt to destroy the reaper leader.

When they reach the reaper's stronghold they infiltrate the base and find the leader inside the base and the battle is seemingly won. Before they can react however, Ant shoots and kills Kerri, injures Dan and holds Sarah at gunpoint while more reapers begin to file into the room. Ant explains that he staged the events after he made a deal with the reaper leader and was hired to lead the main cast to the base so that the leader could capture them. In the end, the leader betrays Ant and Sarah and Dan escape from the base and go back to HQ (assuming there is one) so that they could properly plan for their next attack and hopefully kill the leader once and for all.

What do you think?

halfo halfo
i was thinking that it would end up everyone on the ship trying to escape to the escape pods as the captial ship is being attack by a group of battleships and cruisers and small fighters and everything
so the captial ship would be destoryed but your right there is a HQ and the only thing you could really call it is the federal alliance and there is a reaper homeworld too with a reaper leader but hes the leader theres reaper commanders and generals as they are genetically smart and not use one person to be thier leader

[pantter1]

better start writing this story

Day1: Welcoming morning

Dan was asleep in bed as he had a few drinks last night.It was a party with the commander and all the crew were invited. The commander was celebrateing the first easter they had with the ship and the crew were allowed to bring thier own booze and food.Kerri walked into Dan's room and shouted.
"Wake up will you!" hitting Dan in the stomach.
"Oww! what!"Dan shouted back.
"You dont have to shout at me like that"
"Well then you dont have to shout at me like that"Dan replied in very angry way.
"Sorry, I didn't know a girl could hit you hard enough to make you go ow"
"Well after a good night of booze im in pain do you not think?"
"Don't lie I know I hurt you by hitting you in the stomach"
"Oh shut up!"Dan was so pissed he put the pillow around his ears so he could ignore her.
"Fine ignore me like that"Kerri grabbed onto the covers and whipped them off him.
"Oh you bitch!" Dan threw the pillow at her.
You could see her bright red hair so shiney and her blue eyes gleaming.She also had smooth skin.
"Well gotcha there time to goto the lunch room"As she walked out
Oh no the lunch room

[pantter1]

ill do the next part when i come back as i will be going out for dinner

[pantter1]

im back and heres part 2

part 2 : happy meals

Dan got dressed in his normal marine cloths which was a uniform. Everyone on the ship had the same uniform but the commander had a special one. Dan took a good look at his room.His room was made of metal covered with wallpaper which was sliver.He had little bedside with pictures of his family and friends.He had a cabient with bunch of clothes and other stuff.Dan left the room and headed to the lunch room. As soon as he did the mail man was there.
"Ah i have some mail for you Dan"he handed him a letter.
"Thanks Eric"
Eric was the mailman and he useually came around everyday.
Dan started heading to the lunch room.

As Dan got to the lunch room he started to smell crap food like every other day.
The cook's were bad at cooking and everyday the food so bad that half of the crew members would start pukeing all over place which made the food even wrose for people to eat.
Dan entered the lunch and hundreds of crew members were there eating something different than
what we have been eating everyday.Dan thought to himself as he saw people eating hamburgers and fries,What the hell!.
Dan started blinking just to make sure he wasn't seeing things and then he heard someone shout at him.
"Hey Dan get your happy meal"Kerri shouted at him.
Dan was stuned,happy meals?.
Kerri was sitting with his other two friends Anto and Ryan .
Anto had fair blonde hair and green eyes.Ryan had brown hair and green eyes aswell.
Dan walked to the counter of where the food was and took a happy meal and walked over to where his 3 friends where.
"Well atlest you finaly got up Dan" Kerri said
"What? you think i wouldn't get up at all?"Dan replied in a angry voice
"From the looks of it you weren't"
"Well i did!"
"Right cockey you did get up"
Dan just took out a burger and found a toy in his happy meal.
"Whats this?"Dan in a very confused voice.
"What do you think it is retard, it's a toy" anto said in a very bad mood voice.
"I know it's a toy but why the fuck is it in my meal"
"They dont call it a happy meal for no reason for no reason do they?"ryan said.
"Nice one smartass but aren't we suppose to be bit over the age of a 8 year old,we are in our 20s and they give us a cuddley toy just to make us happy when its makeing me pissed off"Dan replied in a very pissed voice.
"Whats wrong with you today your being a total smartass yourself can't you have common sense to just throw it away"Kerri said.
"No because i want know why they put it in my bloody meal in the first place! "
"Well they just want to ok"
Dan had enough and stormed out of the lunch room.What a happy meal.

[pantter1]

Part 3:My key!

Dan walked through the corridors to his room in a so angered mood that he locked his room door when he got inside.He didn't know what to do so he just laid himself on the bed until Kerri started knocking on the door.
"Hey! you better not be going back to sleep im not done with you yet!" she shouted.
"How about shut up before you attract any unwanted attention us" Dan replied
"Does it look like I care? open up the door or I will"
"Yha you wont even touch that lock or ill have you reported for tresspassing"
"Huh wanna bet on you even reporting me and me not touching the lock?"
"Yha I bet you won't"
"Ok thats the way you want it"Kerri wiped out a key and put it in the lock and the door opened.
"Oh you bitch... you stole my key now im going to report you" But as soon as Dan was about to walk out Kerri grabbed him by the hand with her nails digging into him.
"Do you not rember our..."
"Owwww! stop digging your fucking nails into me!"
"Not until you stop trying to report me or ill dig even harder"sense of sighness washed over Dan.
"Fine then Owww!"Kerri's nail's went out of Dan's skin very hard.
"Ahhh.... did that hurt"
"Shut up and give me the key and get out off my room"
"No why should i give you the key? and why should i leave?"
"Do it now!"
"No! not unless you tell me why you were...."Dan grabbed the key off her and pushed her out of the room.
"Oh! you bastard! you better let me in again right now!"
Dan ignored her protest and laid out on the bed with pillow again covering his ears and fell into a deep sleep.