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Girl Laughed At My...

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Homie-Z
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Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:19 PM

Okay so I've been with this girl for a few months now, and all we've really done is kissed so far, you know, just kind of made out like couples do. All that changed last night when we took it a step further. It was a regular deal, I went to her house while her dad was at work, and we made out.

Then we were both in the mood and I got to rubbin'. Yes sir. I managed down to her vagina, where I placed my fingers and wiggled them about in a manner which was pleasing to her. It was hot. She was moaning, and then she smiled. I knew what that smile meant. I dropped my pants and she moved over on her knees towards my waist area.

This is where it gets bad people. Now, she's never seen my penis but I always assumed it looked fairly normal in size, girth, and so on. Apparently i was a little off by the presumption.

When she pulled my pants down my penis was a little chubby, but not completely soft nor hard. She grasped it with her right hand and began to masturbate me. This was my first hand-job and I was a little nervous, I didn't know what to do really, so I just stood there and moaned loudly. It was dark in her room so when she went to suck my penis, she got a good look at it.

Before she could say anything, she laughed. She said, "Is that all?" I told her back "It gets bigger I promise". Then she went to suck it a SECOND time, but couldn't help but snickering. I said "What is it?" She told me it was nothing and tried to presume but couldn't help from laughing. Soon enough, she was almost in tears from laughter. I pulled my pants up and went home a little pissed off.

When I got home I discovered that she said my penis look like, quote for quote; "A forest mushroom". She told her friends, who told my friends. She also said it was tiny. She also compared it to-and I swear to you-"A sausage that got 'run over'". I am so mad and am considering breaking up with her and have even contemplated suicide.

Newgrounds, I really need your help. I don't want to be with someone like that, but on the other hand we've been together for a few months now. I stuck in a situation her. All advice is welcome.

joeyjoe1
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:21 PM

At 4/3/10 04:19 PM, Homie-Z wrote: All advice is welcome.

Oh god no.

Hawdcore
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:22 PM

Haha a dick that looks like a sausage that was run over? Hahahahaahahahahaha


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formulario
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:22 PM

One Word:

Viagra

NicKoLa93
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:23 PM

she can tell whatever she wants: you are fucking her, the winner is you

AlphaCentauri
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:26 PM

Your dick looks like ran-over mushroom/sausage? I don't even know how to picture that.

Anyways, when you see her tits just laugh your ass off at them and tell her they look like deflated balloons.


You have to know your name.
LOOP
One day you'll all miss me.

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Master117chief
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:27 PM

At 4/3/10 04:23 PM, NicKoLa93 wrote: she can tell whatever she wants: you are fucking her, the winner is you

It was too small to go in...


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funnyhomeboy
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:27 PM

At 4/3/10 04:26 PM, AlphaCentauri wrote: Your dick looks like ran-over mushroom/sausage? I don't even know how to picture that.

Anyways, when you see her tits just laugh your ass off at them and tell her they look like deflated balloons.

NO! The woman is always right!

A woman offended= no SECKS!

:3 Just take it like a man.


I put the BS in BBS.

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MALICE24
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:28 PM

steal the soul of a viagra salesman and there you go simple as that


you'll never be the man your mother was! click this you faggot!

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Stupor
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:32 PM

Tell her that her vagina feels just as tight as her sister's.


Sometimes, it would rain men. "Hallelujah!", we would cry. Thousands were killed.

MyGuitarSticks
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:33 PM

Laugh at her vagina, tell your friends that it looks like two red pancakes with a ping pong ball on top, who will tell her friends.

PROBLEM SOLVED

This sig contains original content.

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Master117chief
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:35 PM

"A sausage that got 'run over'"

Im saving that quote hahaha.


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NoxDexus
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:35 PM

You have a small dick, quit life.


HUGS AND KISSES

This signature has been done by the incredibly sexy Donut.

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Lasergates
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:38 PM

Sorry mushroom dick that's what you get for trying to fuck 12 year old girls. Hang out with some girls your own age and you shouldn't have this problem.

Two months is a long time? Yeah ok Mr.Deflated Sausage, I guess it would be if this is your first relationship.

Armour
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:39 PM

Alright here is the deal.
You go in there again saying she would not be dissapointed.
Switch the lights off, I come in you walk away, I break her and then I walk away you walk pulling your boxers up.

Deal ?

XenonMonkey
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:41 PM

I just got a natural male enhancement product... Called ExtenZe

Natural male enhancement? You mean like... building more muscles?

No, Natural male enhancement

Does that really work?

Girl Laughed At My...


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joeyjoe1
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:41 PM

Immortalized forever in all of my posts from this day forward, down in the sig.

yurgenburgen
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:41 PM

My advice is as follows.

Stay with her long enough so that you end up having sex. Break up with her the next day.

Tell everyone you know about how the sex was with her, except completely fabricate the whole thing and say she's got masses of hair growing out of her nipples and shit like that. Also say that she let you stick it in her ass and when you'd finished, you had shit all over your dick.

Whatever you say, keep it believeable. People love this kind of gossip and it'll spread like wildfire. The thing about women is, they can't get over it when people are chatting shit about them, especially anything to do with sex.

Men generally won't spread the rumours of your mushroom dick because 99% of guys are insecure about their own wangs to begin with.

Prinzy2
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:41 PM

At 4/3/10 04:19 PM, Homie-Z wrote: "A sausage that got 'run over'". I am so mad and am considering breaking up with her and have even contemplated suicide.

Do it so we can eradicate the sausage that got run over penis from out species.


Sig by triplenoob

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Lasergates
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:43 PM

At 4/3/10 04:40 PM, Homie-Z wrote:
At 4/3/10 04:31 PM, Hawdcore wrote: Lmao hes so mad right now that hes actually spamming me
You spammed me, dipshit.

Just because your dick looks like it was run over by a truck doesn't mean you have to be a floppy johnson and spam people.

6r0undZ3r0
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:43 PM

At 4/3/10 04:26 PM, AlphaCentauri wrote: Anyways, when you see her tits just laugh your ass off at them and tell her they look like deflated balloons.

Best course of action.


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Rucklo
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:44 PM

Don't bring your 12-year old styled newspost-spamwar into the BBS, don't give a shit who started it - keep it up and I'll ban both of ya. Posts have been deleted.

Also HEY GUISE, 1UP Y'ALL?!!

Girl Laughed At My...


Join the Newgrounds Battlefield 3 Platoon (for PC)! DON'T ASK WHAT YOUR GAME CAN DO FOR YOU, ASK WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR, UH, NEWGROUNDS! ON BATTLEFIELD 3. eh...

Boxxy
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:44 PM

Lol you have a dick that looks like a ranover mushroom/sausage.


The Saiyans are a true ham and cheese sandwich, DON'T UNDERESTOMATO!

krumpingkatie
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:45 PM

Break up with her. She sounds like a cunt. All dicks look weird, most feel good though. She is NOT worth it. Especially if she told all her friends. You can do better. God, what a bitch. Can I beat her up for you?


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Yukin
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:46 PM

At 4/3/10 04:19 PM, Homie-Z wrote: and have even contemplated suicide.

Seriously suicide? And you should have smacked that bitch in the face when she said that.


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Archawn
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:47 PM

Pics or it didn't happen.

Homie-Z
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:48 PM

Thanks for the useful comments.

Also, she made it clear in a text message I received a few minutes ago; not a sausage run over by a car, no no, but by a steam roller. She was clear on that.

People telling me to break up with her...I don't know.

This is what she looks like:

Boxxy
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:50 PM

At 4/3/10 04:48 PM, Homie-Z wrote: This is what she looks like:

Post a picture of your girlfriend, not a gorilla.


The Saiyans are a true ham and cheese sandwich, DON'T UNDERESTOMATO!

SteakandKidneyPie
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:51 PM

Is she fat. By the way, do not bother breaking up with her, she can break up with you, make yourself feel better you little chubby forest mushroom


Do you need $10 000 in cash for a 30 second animation? Click here

Homie-Z
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Response to Girl Laughed At My... Apr. 3rd, 2010 @ 04:51 PM

At 4/3/10 04:50 PM, Alex12345269 wrote: Post a picture of your girlfriend, not a gorilla.

Don't talk about your mother like that, salami tits.