biff and ernie

[mcnunkee]

please critic. first reading piece. it is about biff and jeff.

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Arnie and Biff ep. 1

*Arnie and Biff are hanging out*

biff: sigh. im bored. what should we do?
arnie: i dunno.

biff and arnie think for a while.

ernie: hey, i know! let's hire a clown!
biff: yeah!

narrator: and so they do. they have lots of fun, happy music plays.

biff: ah, that was fun.
arnie: yeah. hey, want to go get a coke?
biff: sure, le- oh wait, we dont have enough money.
arnie: oh yeah. man that clown was expensive.
biff: we're broke.
ernie: what are we going to do for money? we need some to pay back the loan we took out at the bank for the clown's small tricycle.

they think for a while.

biff: i know! its a perfect scam.
ernie: ok, lay it on me.

biff creates suspense.

biff: we become attorneys at law!
ernie: hey yeah, lawyers are great at making money without actually doing anything!
narrator: and so the two set of to become defenders of rich people!

cut to fat guy sitting down to watch tv. sits down to turn the tv on.

biff: hi! have you been recently injured?
ernie: have any of your rights been violated?
biff: do you feel like your trapped with no way out?
ernie; are you a fucking moron?
biff: if any of those situations apply to you,

*show on screen "only the last one"*

biff cont: than this is the place for you!
ernie: because at Bisson and Sicmore law house we care for you!
Biff: hi im biff sicmore
Ernie: and im ernie sicmore
Biff: me and ernie know that suing people can be fun
Ernie: but also tiring.
Biff: so why not get two highly trained adults* to do it for you?

Show on screen "*not really"

Ernie: here are some previous customers who loved our services;
Tim (reading from script, stiffly): bisson and sicmore attorneys at law really helped me when I crashed my car. I felt trapped with no way out. I am so glad I called them.
Joe(also reading script): when my rights were slightly violated bisson and sicmore helped me sue the living shit out of my perpetrator as well as the perpetrators next four generations. Thank you, bisson and sicmore!
Bert (reading from script): hi, I am a fucking moron. Wait, what?
Biff: wow, happy people!
Ernie: yes certainly!
Biff: so call now and we will make sure you get the money you think you deserve!

Show title: BS attorneys at law:

Narrator: bs attorneys at law: "better than actually defending your self in court, because we assume you are an idiot"

Cut to fat guy watching tv:

Pause...

Cut to ernie and bert in suits:

Ernie: ok, now all we have to do is sit and wait.
Biff: sounds good.
Ernie: oh wait, here comes our first customer.
Dick: hello, my name is dick jaggoff. I want to sue my neighbor.
Biff: ok, for what?
Dick: for not keeping his DAMN DOG QUIET. And also I think he killed my private flock of geese.
Ernie: so a foul to the foul? Plenty of harm done then. Heh.
Biff and dick: ...
Ernie: fuck you guys.
Biff: we'll get right on it.

Narrator: and so they did! They stayed up night after night just so they could defend mr. Jaggoff.

At the trail:
Biff: your honor, we have several bits of evidence supporting the fact that mr. Tucker here killed jaggoff's geese.
Ernie: first! A video of him doing it. Roll the clip.

*poorly made video of biff and ernie staging assault.*

Judge: wha-
Biff: second! Fingerprints. Show them.

*poorly painted fingerprints*

Judge: you guys-
ernie: third! A witness who saw him doing it. Bring him in.

Enter steve jobs.

Ernie: so, mr. Jobs, did you or did you not see tucker kill the geese?
Steve jobs (high pitched voice): why yes I did.
Ernie: describe the situation word for word.
Steve jobs: ok. I was just walking along listening to my iPad, which plays music you know. It also holds videos.
Biff: doesn't an iPod do that?
Steve jobs: well yes but you didn't let me finish. I was listening to music when I decided to look at some of my photos. As I lifted up my ipad I noticed some geese. I decided to Look up specimens of geese on the ipad with it's high speed internet.
Ernie: the iPod touch pretty much does all of that.
Steve jobs: well yes but again you did not let me finish!
Biff: and you still couldn't watch any videos of geese because the ipad does not support flash.
Steve jobs:... Gaaaah! Shut up! The ipad is a great idea! A great fucking idea! Look at how fucking big it is! Aaah! Feel the multi touch wrath!

Starts hitting biff with it

Ernie: mr. Jobs! That's not proper use of the ipad!
Jobs: are you kidding me? its just a bigger fucking iPod touch! The reason the ipad was made was to hit apple haters like biff and jaggoff!

Crowd gasps

Jobs: yeah I did it! And I'd do it again! Nngaaaah!
Judge: guards!

Guards wake up.

judge: take him away.

Guards take jobs and exit, jobs screaming.

Biff: well now we know who really killed jaggoff's geese. But where does that leave us? We don't get paid because we didn't sue tucker.
Ernie: what we need is a way to pin something on tucker in less than ten minutes.
Biff: hey there's an app for that!
Ernie: really?
Biff: sure! It's called "iSueU" here it is!
Ernie: wow and it seems even better on a big screen!

Music plays and a game not unlike spin the bottle is shown to be playing. It stops.

Judge: well tucker, it looks like you're going to jail for, uhh, (reading iPad) "armed robbery of an ice cream truck on a Thursday"
Tucker: and I would have gotten away with it, too if it wasn't for that damn dog!
Scooby doo: aw, screw you too.
Biff: what fun!
Ernie: and we managed to make a case!
both: Alright!
All: yaaaaaay!
Narrator: and so the two payed back the loan on the tricycle and went on to star in other zany adventures. Tucker was sent to jail for seven minutes. Jaggoff found out that one of his geese lays platinum eggs and became a millionaire. The clown went to to feature in the film "2013: a sequel you might see if you were drunk enough".

TEH EDN

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suggestions? do you like it?

[permaximum1]

That was ok, some parts of it could have been better. Overall it was amausing and i would give it a 3 out of 5 star rating.

One of the funniest parts i though was the BS attorney's at law part that was pretty ammusing. Also just the general flow of it was really funny.

A few suggestions would be the intro with the clown was unnecessary i think, and made no sense. Instead you could just have these two guys just wanting money. Also another big thing whats with the guys name?? Mr. Jagoff -_- little more orginal then that.

Other wise it was a pretty funny scene and it would be interesting to see what this would look like to be animated. Good job though i could see this scene playing out in my head as i read it.