The Cave Outing - Rough Draft

[JackPhantasm]

EXT. A forest outside cave entrance - Day

W.S. Troop members are putting on their caving gear, every single one of them possesses top-of-the-line gear. Except for Andrew.

M.S. While the other members of the troop put on high tech spelunking helmets Andrew puts on an old bicycle helmet.

C.U. The same comparison applies for the rest of Andrew's gear. He is in a different class financially from the rest of the trip members.

REBEL LEADER
"Hey Andrew!"

M.S. The rebel leader initiates a volley of rocks that are thrown at Andrew, they hurt his spirit more than his body, as his unbruised eyes show as they peer through the attack with a confident sense of social exclusion.

W.S. The attack ends when the troop master beckons all of the scouts single file into the mouth of the cave. The rebellious and popular ones leer at Andrew with fiendish smiles, mocking him as he is momentarily protected by the circumstance of temporary organization.

C.U. and M. U.s All of the scouts are made similar as they are reborn into the womb of the opening tunnel of the cave, like an esophagus from hell they squeeze through the mud and water into the first belly of the beast, where they congregate, shaking with wetness, looking up towards their scout leaders, who turn their attention towards the cave tour guide.

GUIDE
"This cave has been here since the before the last ice age, that's older than your grandma."

M.S. The guide points towards a formation, a stalagtite, along the cave wall.

GUIDE
"That little column of rock took millions of years to form, and it's not done yet. If you touch it, you'll ruin it forever. Do you know the boy scout code of honor? Leave everything better than you left it? Well that is impossible in a cave, but you must strive for it, you must strive for perfection, for ever breath, every step, inside these walls, is an eternal damage to their preservation."

W.S. The scouts gaze out upon the first belly of the rock beast they have entered.

GUIDE
"Be thankful that you are allowed here at all, for you know, some who have entered have never returned."

M.S. The guide motions dramatically to indicate that he is about to delve into a supposed fantasy that he likes to believe is more than true.

W. S. The majority of the scouts in the troops stare on, completely captivated.

M.S. The rebels choose this moment to plan a method of escape. The leader notices Andrew watching.

C.U. The rebels argue.

Rebel 1
"Look at Andrew!"

Rebel 2
"He's gonna tell!"

Rebel Leader
"Well, there's a simple solution."

W.S. All the rebels look at the leader

Rebel Leader
"We invite him along"

Rebel 1
"No way!"

Rebel 2
"That's horrible!

Rebel Leader
"Would you rather us be completely handicapped?"

W.S. All the rebels pause, and then stare at Andrew, then back at the leader.

All Rebels
"Fine."

W.S. The rebel leader motions for Andrew to come over, who hesitates.

Rebel Leader
"Come on, Andrew."

W,S, Andrew follows the leaders onto their path away from the rest of the troop, who continue their undivided attention upon the tour guide. As the rebels and Andrew leave the group the guide's voice echoes away.

Andrew
"Where do you guys think we're going?

Rebels
"Shutup and just follow us, nerd."

W.S. The group of boys appear minute next to the towering structures of the magnificent cave. They approach a completely still body of water.

Rebel 1
"This is awesome!"

Rebel 2
"Yeah, those fags in the rest of our troop probably weren't gonna even come this way."

M.S. Their leader raises his hand and points.

Rebel Leader
"Check that out boys."

W.S. The whole group watches as a bat flies across the still water, through their reflection.

Andrew
"You know guys-

All Rebels
"SHUTUP!"

W.S. to M.C.U.s - The Rebel Leader leads the group of boys further and further away from the group as Andrew trendily follows behind them.

Rebel 1
"Where are we dude?

Rebel 2, looking away from the Leader
"I dunno."

Rebel Leader
"I know where we are."

W.S. The group continues to march onward, each member of the rebel group slowly grows just as hesitant as Andrew, until instead of a group of leaders, it is a group of Andrews. The group goes deeper and deeper into the cave, which begins to look more and more like the intestines of some grand monster.

Rebel 1 to Leader
"I wanna go home, Mark."

Rebel 2
"Me too."

Rebel Leader
"Don't you think I'm TRYIN' t'do that?"

W.S. All of the rebels stare at the leader, then turn their heads towards Andrew.

P.O.V. The rebels staring towards Andrew.

Andrew
"What?

Rebel 1
"Where are we, nerd."

Andrew
"How am I supposed to know that."

Rebel 2, throwing a rock
"Shutup, you know."

W.S. All of the rebels begin throwing rocks at Andrew until he is forced to lead them somewhere.

M.S. Andrew is now leading the rebels. They reach the body of water from before.

Andrew
"This way."

Rebel Leader
"Are you sure"

W.S. The rebels are lined up behind Andrew, who is heading one way, the Rebel Leader stands off to the side, pointing his feet in another direction.

Rebel Leader
"Are you sure, nerd?"

Andrew
"I'm sure, asshole."

W.S. One by one the rebels follow Andrew, the Rebel Leader is the last to fall in line.

Andrew
"You know how I knew where we are?"

Rebel 1
"How?"

Andrew
"Easy, caves are beautiful."

M.S. Andrew runs his hand along the side of a stalagmite.

"Every formation is different"

Rebel 2
"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, they're made over millions and millions of years. They're like a bunch of old grandpas. Isn't your grandpa different from his grandpa?"

Rebel 1 and 2
"Haha, yeah."

W.S. and M.S. Andrew points at different spots in the cave, talking and laughing with everyone in the rebellious group. Eventually, even the Rebel Leader cracks a smile.

Andrew
"This way."

M.S. The rebellious group rounds a last corner and sees the rest of the troop all waiting for them.

Troop Leader
"Where the HELL were you guys?"

W.S. All the rebels look at Andrew.

Andrew
"We were having fun."

I know the format's fucked up. Feedback plz. Could be a film or animation.

[permaximum1]

Well i really like this idea for a potential animation. Its pretty good just got a few suggestions. One of the main ones would be to make it more personable. By which i mean add more personality to the character. When i was reading it i felt like they were jsut products of your mind not really characters. Otherwise it flowed pretty smoothly and i like it.

[tigerkitty]

Different sort of story, the imagery is good. I like the scene of a cave being the backdrop of the entire "play" (for lack of a better word).

Just a few issues with word choice and some of the metaphors you used struck an odd chord in my head. The idea of the esophagus into hell? That made me laugh perhaps more than it should :P

This would translate well into an animation, I think. It's Short enough as well as visually appealing.

Very cool :)