A Linden Tree

[laurielegit]

Note. Spelling has been checked, but anything else is deliberate.

the trees in the valley,
droop with their linden leaves.
all of these leaves never show a cancer.
until a clearing appears.

As the tree falls,
It's branches snagging,
catching breaking,
on the extrusions of the others; those,
condemned to collapse.
the limbs snap, a
godly dispute; smashing wood,
explosions of dust and bracken,
polluting the sedate air.
while all the time, the pillar
falls
a temple, minus its serene
grace. an acropolis drops,
defaced, until once again the ruin is silent,

apart from those rodents, scurrying
around on the floor.
yet they wield power. twisted them.
the incomprehension is the pity.
as the murderers mumble their orders, the forest dies.
the forest died, to apathetic minds.

[WilhelmTheVampire]

This is pretty good. I enjoy the way you describe the regality if the trees and how destroying them is like razing a great monument. You used some great vivid adjectives, which, unfortunately, makes it more obvious when you don't, like in the last two lines. This is just my opinion, but just saying that the trees "died", doesn't quite resolve the emence feeling created in the stanzas above it. I like to feel something after I read poetry, so feel free to emote more at the end, and be poetic.

Seriously, great job and keep up the good work.

[TrevorW]

Contrary to the previous, I feel that the last line is strong. The whole piece is well worded and the narrowing produced by the last line produces a crisp closure. I enjoyed this very much so.

Cheers.