Bright in the screen

[HahaISuckMoreThanYou]

Got started on it, wrote pretty much a paragraph a day, today finally got the patience to finish it.

In a room consumed by the darkness, there is a hermit who lives there who can not remember his past before being trapped in this room. His hobby consists of most of the day sitting in front of these televisions. While some of these images seems awfully familiar, there is one screen dimmer with the most static that only plays new contents, though it's the only one that plays this channel, he chooses to ignore this one because it's not as interesting as the other channels. As the light dances around showing images of people whom he wish to merely communicate with for so long, sometimes the hermit even tries to talk to the people, but then grows sad as they do not know that he exists for they are only images and nothing more.

His favorite channel is one with a woman named Sharon, how beautiful she is, and how lucky the man must be to be loved by such a woman! The hermit got so mad at whoever the man was when he saw Sharon cry her tears that he tried to punch the screen as a hope that this dumbass of a man could stop making her feel so sad, but the images still continue as the hermit prays for her to be better. As if his prayers are heard, the screen then continues as the man apologizes and tries to make her feel better as the hermit cries in happiness that everything was better.

Did I forget to mention the radio? Ah, yes the stereo is pretty easy to forget about as it plays nothing but static. Sometimes there are talking heard through the static on it telling someone to "wake up" whatever that means. It creeps the hermit out a great deal, he even tried to break the radio since it's one of the few objects he can actually hold in his hands, and yet it won't stop playing. So now the hermit tries his best to ignore that infernal thing as he leave it on the farthest corner of the dark room. Life in here is so bland, but at least the hermit has his screens to keep him occupied.

Sooner or later as was bound to happen, the hermit grows tired of being in this room. He sees a door, "Just how long has this door been there?" he thinks out loud. examining the door. He tries to reach for the handle, but as he tried reaching for the handle, he realizes that the knob will not open and is immediately thrown back when a loud noise rings into the room as the hermit holds his ears. Immediately sulking back to his screens for comfort, he realizes the further away he was the duller to pitch was. Finally, all was silent except for the radio which had played it's static "ZzzzHizzzzwas movinzzzzzz" the radio played.

In the recess of his mind, he studies the door at a distance, though can barely see it from how far it was. There was a marking on the door "Vaillante" was scribbled on it, though he is sure it must be chicken scratch, for Vaillante isn't a word. Under the word, there is a carving in the shape of a plant that curves making it look like a heart. The hermit tries to look at his lovely screens, but can not concentrate on them, the door which he dares not approach has taken his attention.

After which what felt like another millinium, the hermit begins growing bored, as the screens have been showing reruns time and time again and sometimes it shows the screen of him sitting in the darkroom looking at the screens. All of them has been playing reruns and the hermits domain except for the broken screen to which still plays everything including the boring things to this movie that you can barely see. He began taking a liking to the radio listening to it and even trying to make out the things it has been saying. It depresses him, as he hears complicated talk, some what he thinks as gossip, and people saying to "wake up", but there isn't anything fun anymore. As the hermit began screaming "What do you want from me already?! Quit bugging me!" which the radio echoed the mumbles of someone repeating what he said which only he understood what the person said as people seem to be excited from what he said through the radio. For some reason, though he doesn't know why, one persons voice sounded the most beautiful out of all the other.

The hermit sits there now, bored, bored of everything there's nothing to do anymore in here. He looks at the door now, which hasn't moved, but was the only thing interesting to see now, for all the televisions have turned on into the dark room with the man bored as day. What loathsome time for someone who has eternity to spend in this lonely place. With the radio in the lap, hoping something new would happen on it so he can at least try to understand it, but nothing does happen. He examines this radio which he was terrified of before, watching it's old fashioned (with a hint of thought "Why is it old fashioned?" he kept to himself though, as he couldn't think of a reason why it would be old at all in a timeless room) exterior, with two knobs on it, each of them turned one way and one way only with a button that reads "Push". He started fiddling around with them, and as he turned it something astonished him like never before, the television that was mostly static was actually changing channels! Fascinated at this device, he pushes the button and it switches to the woman from the screen. He loves the way she looks, but his smile goes away as he sees her not moving. The hermit sees a car with a bloody front bumper and the owner of the car talking to the police etc. in a sad, yet irritated tone as if he rather be at work than morn for the woman who he ran over. The ambulance has came, but... it doesn't look like she's alive.

The hermit falls apart, on the brink of depression as he mopes, disillusioned that this angel, this beauty of his to suffer a fate as the radio plays, no static or anything as it says it in a voice not familiar at all with a voice as cold as death himself "Do you wish to save the Sharon girl?" The hermit, stunned by the life the radio has shown hesitated to speak for fear that "W-who are you?" the hermit spoke. "You have a little bit of time, ponder on my question, that door over there holds the key to the truth. Oh, and by the way, your not a hermit." The hermit, confused by what this radio is saying, changes the channel, but realizes the knobs have disappeared, the left knob replaced by a engraved word named "Sharon" and the right knob is replaced by a engraved word by "Vaillante".

The hermit sees her running from something, but sees several men after this beautiful woman as she cries "hellllllllllllllp!". Immediately, several screens pop up revealing a map with dots of different colors. Three dots with purple colored, one dot with red, and one dot on the street with black as he yelled at the radio giving it instructions. As he gave the instrutions, he realized a miraculous thing with the radio once more as the girl followed his every command. In awe of what he can do, he continues telling her to go up ladders, to go through doors, to make a left, to make a right, even what to say when a employee told her she wasn't allowed back, but the guys were persistent. He realized that eventually, the girl would be trapped and the only way out would be through the streets approaching her death. He can't believe it, he's going to see her death not just once, but twice. There has to be some way! Anyway! God damn... then that's where it hits him... the door. The hermit runs at the door, the deafening noise doesn't bother him anymore he just wants to stop this tragedy from happening, he can not let her die! As he reaches the door, he finds the knob quite easy to turn as the door opens and a bright light that was far away at first comes to come closer to him as he runs at it faster and faster unt-

End of part one

[HahaISuckMoreThanYou]

part 2

I woke up from the hospital bed, my head is quite foggy. "Man, just how long was I out?" I thought to myself as I immediately get up, some nurse telling me "Sir! Umm sir you shouldn't be gettin... sir you need to lay down... sir... GUYS WE NEED HELP HERE!". As I push myself out of the window, I feel needles I must have forgotten was there ripped out along with some chest pads also ripped out of me as I use all my force to lift myself up, barely succeeding. As I stumble to the nearest car, I must have been a sight for sore eyes because people are covering their children's eyes as I stepped into some persons car, thanking the heavens that it was unlocked. I immediately search for anything I could use in the glove compartment, finding a pair of barbers scissors (thinking about this person must be a woman) grinning a bit, I use every bit of my strength to remove the dashboard to hotwire it, failing miserably. I then search around for something with more leverage than small scissors and found something even better, a set of spare car keys.

I then floor the car, remembering where this place was, what I must do, and how to get there, I floor the car as fast as I can go, determined to save her, without her life isn't worth living! As I passed through a red light and nearly crashing several times, I reminded myself to keep focused through my foggy mind as I approach then scene to be. Spotting a car much like the car I saw, I began to floor the gas keeping my mind on the car. Going faster and faster, I can briefly remember everything that has happened to me in my life, all the things I learned, all the people I met, all the joys there is to life, the joys of love, and even if you don't like to admit it, the joys of pain and suffering. Because to me, everything like that was just a added proof that I exist. I looked to the side and caught a glimpse of the beauty that I've always known and loved with a hint of remorse as I wish I could at least say goodbye and how I never stop thinking about her even in my deep sleep.

And my mind went blank.

[InsertFunnyUserName]

What I love about this story is the excellent detail that you put in it. I can really see the scene clearly and I get a good sense of the hermit's personality.

There are some small grammatical things that I noticed and those are that you have some run-on sentences and some repetition in your wording. But those aren't a big deal. It's just something to be conscious of when you're editing your next story.

But honestly, I don't know about the whole, "I woke up and realized that that was a dream" rout. I think that if you are going to go that way, then you shouldn't immediately go into how significant she was to him before the dream/coma. You might want to consider having him at first not know why he feels the need to save her and then realizing who she is later. I don't know, just a suggestion.

I do really like how surreal it became in part one. If you're going to keep adding more parts to the story, I strongly recommend keeping that surreal aspect.