Advice and other things to consider

[Gelatinn64]

Remember
All is musical
Birds sing songs that vibrate like the leaves in the trees
With roots that run deep

Remember
All is well
Warmth finds us
No matter how we may try and hide

There is no structure
Sing two three four

Remember
All is
Something or another
And you ought not forget that

The world is very old
And you are very old right alongside it
You grew up together
You exhale the words of the earth
Not I, my friend
They come from your mouth
I never spoke them

Remember
All is one
And one is all
And you are it

You may think of yourself as a snowflake, if you like
So melt away into the earth
And after billions of years
You may return again
You may fall into my hand

I will put you to my ear,
And you can tell me all you've learned

[Pathnine]

Interesting poem. What inspired it? Are most of your poems abstract like this? -Daniel

[Gelatinn64]

Thank you.

I like my poems to be all about tone, instead of logic. I don't want them to be understood, I want them to be felt. So I guess they are all kind of abstract.

Here's another one, just in case you want to read one.

If ever there is a thing
A thing floating or sinking or taking up space
Made of particulate matter
And organized into a system
So complex as to be mind-boggling
And so ornate as to be lovely
Then this is a thing I love
No matter how insignificant

Every moment of incurable dread
Every tear drop of remorse in the vial
Was in vain
But they all played their part
And I love them for it

All the pain was for a reason
The joy, the exuberance
The love in the night and the morning
All of it is me and I am

I exist and I am everything
And I love myself
For I am the culmination
And so are you

[Calum]

xxqq

[MonkeyV]

These are great. Post more.
Definitely better than anything we read in school.

At 2/3/10 02:34 AM, Gelatinn64 wrote: I like my poems to be all about tone, instead of logic.

I thought they were both pretty logical.

[TrevorW]

At 2/3/10 06:54 PM, MonkeyV wrote: These are great. Post more.
Definitely better than anything we read in school.

What are you reading at school? I hope you aren't saying that the legends are bad...

At any rate these seem nice. I will review them in detail later.

[MonkeyV]

At 2/3/10 06:55 PM, TrevorW wrote:

At 2/3/10 06:54 PM, MonkeyV wrote: These are great. Post more.
Definitely better than anything we read in school.

What are you reading at school? I hope you aren't saying that the legends are bad...

I wouldn't say anything I've read at school has necessarily been bad (When I say "anything", I actually just meant the poetry), just... average. In most cases, I can't see much of a reason as to why those poems got chosen over all the others to be in a Literature textbook.

[TrevorW]

At 2/3/10 07:56 PM, MonkeyV wrote:

I wouldn't say anything I've read at school has necessarily been bad (When I say "anything", I actually just meant the poetry), just... average. In most cases, I can't see much of a reason as to why those poems got chosen over all the others to be in a Literature textbook.

The reasoning behind the poem. There are tools that are used in poetry that most just do not grasp. Though I think your problem is that you have to read works that are very very old. Try reading some newer greats... e e Cummings ect. Maybe those will work better for you.

[Gelatinn64]

Languages don't evolve, they become increasingly more simple. So, it follows that a modern man would enjoy mostly modern poetry, because the language seems more familiar and thus profound. Anyway, I'll put another poem here because somebody liked my first.

Afloat on the still face
Of perfect silence
Weary deep down to my bones
And drifting along

Carried by currents of music
Played on heart strings
While the nightingale sings
Accompaniment

(And maybe another poem)

There is a place
A singular location
A room crafted from imagination
And splayed out in space-time
Inside my skull
Attached to synapses like a jungle tree house
Hanging in the void and radiating heat

There is a fire
On a very dark night
And beyond its boundaries
There is the void
But the fire emits the possibility of
Existence
The fire is hope

There is a woman in my bed

[Gelatinn64]

It just occurred to me how appropriate a name this forum could have, should I continue to post in it.

I wrote something that wasn't a poem. I'm going to put it here so that people can see it and laugh at me
.
.
.
.
My finger strokes the key and it is a symptom of my eagerness to write but also of my inability to. I wish I could float but these days but I am no longer buoyant and never well rested. I'm cold and I work for a pittance; I never once thought that it would turn out like this, but my feet tread the path. I shovel snow all day long for my love, for my love. I shovel snow and it creeps into my boots and the cold snakes its way up my spine like the serpent seeking entrance to the Garden of Eden.
Eden's east of here and I'm very cold, kindly shove off.

How did it happen like this? Well, I couldn't rightly say except like this: I lead a life that is advanced beyond my years and my development; it is as if I have been abandoned in a foreign nation and told to learn the language and the customs. I'm starving for experience, but I'll make do. I'll learn quickly because I have to. I'll learn because, even though I know little, I know to hold on to what I've got, for it is good. I'll learn and eventually I'll care enough to flesh out a story.

If only, if only the wood pecker cries
The bark of the trees were as soft as the skies

If only I had words and not responsibility. If only, if only I could swim, I would swim out to you in the ocean and carry you back home on a raft of sentimental value. If I could just feel the world like I used to I wouldn't need to write like I do now. If every thing was hunky dory I wouldn't need writing as a defense mechanism, but it's what I got. I got life preservers made of stitched word play and stuffed with metaphors that don't quite cut it.

It's not that my life is terrible, but I am shocked by it. The water always seems that much colder when you dive in, but I'll adjust to the sudden change. This is me adjusting.