Slap's Silly Short Stories

[tehslaphappy]

Here I will post short stories that I will randomly make on occasion. I rarely make stories, but if I do, I'll post them here. Oh yes.

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KevnSevn's Hawt Day.

I was with my girlfriend a couple of days ago and we were talking about Newgrounds and you came up in the conversation. We were discussing how you make animations and games. I showed my girlfriend you're animation, 'KevnSevn's Hawt Day'. We I started laughing at it she looked at me and said, 'Why the hell did you find this funny? It's so racist!' Then I replied, 'Why are you being so uptight about it? It's hilarious!' She got mad and started arguing with me until I smacked her across the face. She fell on the floor and started running for the door until she tripped and fell. I realized I could let anyone know I hit her so I took a glass bottle and smashed it across her head. I thought she was knocked out until I saw the blood from her head poor out. I went and dragged her into the backyard and put her body in my mom's car trunk. Knowing my mother would be blamed for the murder I quickly rushed inside and locked the doors.

The next day I found out my mom saw the body and was sent to jail later that evening. I went to talked to my dad about it and he was in a complete mental breakdown. He didn't know what was going on. I tried to talk to him but he pushed me away and told me to go to bed. In the middle of the night I hear a gunshot in my parent's room and I found my father to be dead with a gunshot to the head. As I saw the horrific scene I packed all my things and got on my bike and just pedaled away. Pedaled away until all the troubles were gone. I stopped at a local grocery store and saw this girl I really liked and I was talking to her and she happened to bring up all that happened. I didn't want to tell her what had really happened so I asked her to come to my house just to look at an animation. An animation called 'KevnSevn's Hawt Day'.

As I looked at her she busted out in tears and said, 'WHY DOES THIS MOVIE EXIST? IT IS SO OFFENSIVE! OMG!'. I picked up a knife and just slit her throat. As I sat and watched her bleed out I just looked back on all the drama and evilness that had happened. I was thinking about all the murder and sadness that had happened then I realized. This is only one person's fault. One person and one person alone. Luis motherfucking Castanon. Thus the search goes on....

Based On A True Story I Made Up.

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yupasdf

[tehslaphappy]

'The Search For My Brother'

It was a long journey, but I finally found myself. This was not an easy thing for me to do. Around last Sunday, I took a hiatus from Newgrounds and left my account in the very responsible hands of my buddy from Portugal, Tiago. After I logged out of my Newgrounds account, I fell asleep, resting my head for what I was about to do.

Monday morning, I woke up, packed my bags, and headed out. I started to hitch a ride to California to search for my long lost brother, Kevin. The fella that lent me a ride was acting a wee bit suspicious, but I paid it no mind. As we were traveling I got to know the man a little. His name was Jeff and he was going to Cali for a career in acting, which was fine but his mysterious behavior lead me to believe he isn't the brightest crayon in the box.

In Houston, Texas we stopped for a random police check, Jeff was sweating bullets at this moment. The officer came to the car and ask for the license and registration, but Jeff started asking why was he stopped. The policeman took offense to this and asked him to step out the car. Jeff panicked and sped off. At this moment I was scared as shit, not knowing what to expect. I ask, 'What the hell are you doing? Why didn't you give him your license and shit?' and then Jeff replied, 'To be completely honest with you, I'm wanted for four counts of murder and possession of narcotics.' My mind was blown.

Jeff wasn't the best of drivers, considering he was Asian. He crashed his car into a wall at a local law firm which happened to be owned by Valz. Unfortunately I didn't have time for chit-chat as I was being dragged out of the car the police.

I was in a holding cell for the next 3 days. The worst 3 days of my life. The food was horrible, the people smelt GOD awful, and the bathrooms were crap. The only positive thing out of that is I grew a beard. I got out on a Thursday morning with nothing. No bags, no money, nothing at all. Here I am, stranded in Houston with nothing. I figured, what the hell and walked my way to California.

I would been damned if I was to hitch a ride with another drifter. Sadly, I was abducted by a cult in a black van. They wore black robes and worship and strange creature that looked like a combination of a goat and Fergie. Their chants were almost haunt thing, they were the only group of people that I knew that could speak backwards.

As they dragged me to a tub, filled with a strange boiling liquid, I could tell I was being used as a sacrifice. Tug and pull. Push and shove. I couldn't get away. I got one of my hands free and pull lint from my pant pocket. The cult was amazed. As if they never saw lint before.

They sat there and stared at the lint as I made my escape out of their secret hideout. Strangely, things around the hideout did not look like Houston anymore. I stopped by a local convenient called 'Pleasant 'Jays'. I was shocked to see my good friend Sanjay at his store. We made small talk and I asked the date, he said it was August 21st. As mad as I was to find I was find out I was farther for California than I expected, I asked Sanjay to give me a ride back to Georgia which he kindly did. He got someone to cover for him, and we drove off.

Now I am back. Though I never saw my brother Kevin, I was still shocked as the past experiences I had witnessed. One day I hope to see my brother of different color. Maybe it will be this year, next year, a decade, maybe even a century before I see him. But one thing I know, I will see him. One day.

[tehslaphappy]

'Teaching People What You Already Know - A rant about helping ignorant people.'

Well let's see, we'll I have a Engineering class where we also learn about web design, design, and other shitzzzz. We'll whenever I have off time from work and stuff, I and other students happen to mess around on Pivot Animator. I happen to find my self becoming better at animating with this program. Then I got to look over at my friends computer.

I hate to say to a someone as a beginner at something like that, but what I saw was down right awful. I glitchiness of it all was horrible to look at. They're looking at it like it's real art and I try to tell them how to make it come out looking, somewhat better, but the stubborn, ignorant douches won't listen. So I have to walk away, wondering what will they do when we actually have to do this stuff for a grade.

I have actually gotten better at Pivot, and showed it to couple people that liked it. Though the guys that are making the crappy, spammy looking ones, often have some 'criticism' on my saying that it looks stupid and doesn't make sense. More and more ignorance I get everyday, the more and more angry I get at idiots. Please let me go one day with out this shit on my daily plate (of course I'm para-phasing)

[BrokenPaw]

Slappy these are fucking hilarious great job.

[Shikamarana]

Kevin should star in some film adaptations of these.

[tehslaphappy]

'Ode to Jamoke'

I miss the times we used to share.
At the computer screen, we would stare.
Long nights in the Paltalk Chat.
A quiet tip, of the dreaded e-hat.

Now I see you move along.
Leaving me sad, singing this song.
All I have to say now is...
Sup brah.

<3 Slap.

[tehslaphappy]

'The Rooster'

Sounds like that rooster is mad that it has to take a major shit but couldn't afford enough money to go to the store to pick up some laxatives so it had to settle for some left over pills in the fridge with were APPARENTLY suppositories and it made him very sick and it had to do to the hospital because it was an out dated pill.

So it was laying in the hospital and the doctors had to flush his stomach because if they did the pill would eventually start to eat at his stomach lining and cause it to die. So after it paid the highly over-expensive medical bill of $1,063.39, it went home to a nagging wife of 2 children and just sat at home in its chair.

The rooster, to this day still wonders, what would happen if it never took that fine looking hen to the dance and to her back to the coop and had unprotected sex it. Maybe he'd be successful, maybe he'd be happier, maybe anything, but all he knows is that this is how it's going to be forever, until the very end and maybe even after.

[tehslaphappy]

'Excuse Me'

Loving you, well why is it
Every second with you, feels of shit

How come you, always seem
The dastardly girl, of my dreams

It's not your looks, style, or even your name
But your personality is the beautiful dame

This poem my suck, as lame as it is
Every time I see you, I have to jizz

[tehslaphappy]

Here's a story I wrote in 6th grade. It kinda makes it seem like I was fucked up as a kid, but hey, don't judge me.

Life of a Geek.

If you ever wanted to be famous, you'd break a world record, be on a TV show, or be a stand up comedian, but for Jerry Doflogal, humiliation is not an option. He did something else. Something more than some TV show or a world record. He was going to do something more dramatic.

BUM BUM BUMMMMMM.

He did something so dramatic that he even couldn't say it, so I will. He faked his own death. I know, I know, too dramatic, but hey, he did it. It started with a girl named Ann Jane. He had been called a nerd, geek, and...uhhh...poopyhead. So that's how he got the idea.

He started small by jumping in a 12 ft pool. As soon as he was in the air, he remembered that he could swim. 'Sphoosh!' then he jumped off his house. Except for one thing, there was grass at the bottom.

Then he went to the tallest building near him. Police, Navy, Army, and...bum bum bummmmm...his mom were all there as he was about to jump. Luckily, the firefighters came just in time...slackers. Then Ann Jane came and asked him, 'Why did you do that?'
"I...I like you."
'WHAT A NERD!' she exclaimed.

10 Years Later.

Jerry Doflogal became the youngest billionaire in history (and got lots of chicks too.)

Ann Jane failed the 6th grade 12 times and became the dumbest redneck whoever lived. (HAHAHA!)

The end.

[Kevin]

I really wish I still had that "KevnSevn's Hawt Day" swf.

[tehslaphappy]

At 9/26/10 01:49 AM, Kevin wrote: I really wish I still had that "KevnSevn's Hawt Day" swf.

Me too. :(