Mismo's writting thread

[Mismo]

First I want to say I'm glad that they made this forum, and then I'm gonna explain what's this thread is all about. In this thread I will post my, Novels, poems, scripts and so on. The main reason I do this to make commercial for my self, and to get feed back so I can beacome better. The first thing I'm going to post is a novel I wrote a will back, I taken time to interprent it and hopefully all grammar errors should been taken care of. I call it "Dog"

A man was on his way to the store to shop in a little milk and on the road, he saw a dog that was running loose, no leash, no necklace, no owners nearby. He watched the dog just a little while before he went right down to the store, he walked a way he usually does not tend to go. A detour. He meets no one on the road, except the dog he had seen not to long ago. But that was nothing that was on his mind for long. He just continued walking. He went through a tunnel as he was familiar with, but although not, because he went a detour to buy milk. He went on nothing interesting happening, just a little sound of cars driving on the freeway not far away and the birds chirping.

Once he had arrived, he did that so he went through the main door which has those typical sliding doors, but before he had gone completely through the door, he sees something familiar. A dog breed that he had seen earlier, the same color and everything, "he muttered quietly to himself when he goes into.

He walks past the section with frozen foods and meat dishes. He knows the scent, but not a scent he has no joy. He ends up in dairy section and take a one gallon milk carton is passing the shelves with chips and cheese doodles without looking, just here to buy his milk nothing else, the same at the candy section. He looks around for a counter, he now knows what counter he's going to choose. He go to counter two, and look where she sits, a woman who he is in love with but she knows nothing about because he has not said nothing about it. He does his thing. He looks up at her, say hello to her a little quiet but enough so she can hear. He pays for the milk. They exchange a few words he take his milk and go out. When he goes out he noticed that the dog he had seen is not there. But he has no desire to think about what it might have gone.

He has now gone the same route back, and has come to the place where he first saw the dog, and where it is again and just watching him. The man checking back on the dog, and he feels a dreadful feeling all over him. As if he were in a horror movie and the dog would any minute would run across the street and bite him in the neck and then eat him up. But the dog just stands there and looks at him. When suddenly a sound is heard a truck coming towards them, and for some reason the dog just then run across the road when the truck is coming closer without slowing down. The man would do anything to save the dog but it is too late, he looks away to avoid seeing the horror that will soon occur. The truck has by now driven past him and he hear the sound of the trunk increasingly disappearing. He does not want to watch but he has no choice he must cross the road. When he turns around he sees that the dog stands by him sitting up and decline of the tail. He can not understand what has happened, but he pats the dog, which survived the great all odds, and after he pat the dog, it ran away.

He then went straight home. When he gets home he sits down in his couch open the milk package and drinks it directly from the package. He turns on television and to see if there is something worth watching, nothing special. He takes a sip of milk takes his phone and hit the number to the girl at the counter. He hears the dial tone he thinks for him self, what happens if it does not go to hell?

The end

Written by Mismo

[Sawdust]

Oh my god this is bad, that story was practically throwaway drivel. And the grammatical errors. And you spelling 'writing' wrong. But hey, who can blame you, people native to European countries like Sweden and Iceland have main languages that are extremely difficult to learn and master, which puts English on the back burner.

Anyway keep practicing, I can't see potential since the plot was boring and the writing style wasn't noticeably different, but keep going, practice makes excellence. Sorry for being too harsh, in case you took my comment personally.

[Dragyli123]

Good so far, say, with a few fluency errors. Edits are done in caps.

A man was on his way to the store to shop in a little milk and on the road WHEN he saw a dog that was running loose, no leash, no necklace, no owners nearby. He watched the dog just a little while before he went down to the store, he walked THE way he usually does not tend to go--a detour. He meets no one on the road, except the dog he had seen not to long ago. But that was NOT on his mind for long. He just continued walking. He went through a tunnel THAT he was familiar withNothing interesting happened, just THE FAINT sound of cars driving on the freeway not far away and the birds chirping.

He went through the main door which WERE those typical sliding ONES, but before he had gone completely through the door, he sees something familiar. A dog breed that he had seen earlier, "The same color and everything," he muttered quietly to himself AS he ENTERS.

He walks past the section with frozen foods and meat dishes. He knows the scent, BUT DOES NOT LIKE IT. He WALKED INTO THE dairy section and TOOK a one gallon milk carton, passing the shelves with chips and cheese doodles without looking, just here to buy his milk, nothing else. He looks around for a counter, he now knows what counter he's going to choose. He GOES to counter two, and look where she sits, a woman who he is in love with, but she knows nothing about IT because he has not said nothing about it. He does his thing. He looks up at her, say 'hello' to her, RATHER quiet but enough so she can hear. He pays for the milk. They exchange a few words, he take his milk and LEAVES. AS he goes out he noticed that the dog he had seen is not there. But he has no desire to think about what it might have gone.

He TOOK the same route back, and AS HE CAME TO THE place where he first saw the dog, IT WAS THERE again and just watching him. The man KEPT ON LOOKING BACK AT THE DOG. He feels a dreadful feeling, as if he WAS in a horror movie and the dog AT any minute would run across the street and bite him ON the neck and then DEVOUR HIM. But, the dog just stands there and STARES at him. Suddenly a sound is heard AND a truck DROVE towards them, and for some reason the dog STOOD UP AND RAN across the road. The truck DID NOT SLOW DOWN. The man WANTED to save the dog but it was too late, he looks away to avoid seeing ALL the horror WHICH will soon occur. The truck HAS driven past him BY THEN, and he heard the sound of the trunk DRIVING FURTHER AWAY DOWN THE ROAD. He does not want to SEE THE DOG but he has no choice, AS he must cross the road. When he turns around he sees the dog STANDING BEFORE HIM. He DID NOT understand what HAD JUST happened. He pats the dog, which survived the great ODDS, and after he patted the dog, it TURNED AROUND AND ran away.

He then went home. When he gets home he sits down in his couch openS the milk package and drinks it, directly from the package. He turns on television and to see if there is something worth watching, BUT THERE WAS nothing special. He takes a sip of milk takes his phone and hit the number to the girl at the counter. He hears the dial tone he thinks for him self, what happens if it does not go to hell?

Good start. But if this were to be the beginning of a real story it would have a great deal of explanation to do. Please be careful with your tenses.

[Mismo]

At 1/30/10 10:43 AM, Dragyli123 wrote: Good so far, say, with a few fluency errors. Edits are done in caps.


Good start. But if this were to be the beginning of a real story it would have a great deal of explanation to do. Please be careful with your tenses.

I respect your feedback and I'll think about it next time I write something.

[Mismo]

At 1/30/10 09:10 AM, Sawdust wrote: Oh my god this is bad, that story was practically throwaway drivel. And the grammatical errors. And you spelling 'writing' wrong. But hey, who can blame you, people native to European countries like Sweden and Iceland have main languages that are extremely difficult to learn and master, which puts English on the back burner.

Anyway keep practicing, I can't see potential since the plot was boring and the writing style wasn't noticeably different, but keep going, practice makes excellence. Sorry for being too harsh, in case you took my comment personally.

Well I accept any type of crticism. But I do agree with you the plot is boring as hell. The only reason I choosed to post this novel was that I hadn't have any other available. And the misspelling of writting and other stuff, I noticed it too, but to late that is. I think you should be able to edit if you know something is wrong.

[Mismo]

Here is some Haiku poems I took my sweet time to write, and yes I was bored.

John Doe is my name.
Jane Doe she was my sister.
Father also so.

Three hundred seconds.
What takes so many seconds?
Creating Haikus.

I don't like you Sue!
Well I don't like you Johnny!
Behold a marriage.

Cowards behind words.
Or cowards behind muscles.
Cowards are the same.

Ernst Hemingway.
He was kind of great right.
You know how he died.

Music is my life.
Without it I would die.
Smells like teen sprite.

I could write something.
But I don't really want to.
What's that now you say?

No I'm not funny.
Neither am I a poet.
I just like to write.

Life is mysterious.
Oh, so many clues to find.
Like to find the clue?

Why, oh why did you?
Trade the cow for magic beans.
Friend your in deep.

Hidden it shall be.
In poems you shall see.
Find it might you will.

I can't go on boy.
I can't go on any more.
This is the last boy.

This is not meant to be any special but feedback is always welcome

|And as a wiseman said, "Go ahead and troll, but your still a dick".