A dialogue

[Evark]

... between an individual and his environment

Modern convenience of pen and paper,
Though apt to attract many an aper,
So allowing an insight inside-out
And leaving the context mostly to doubt;
Yet hoping to instill context in you,
The reader who otherwise would eschew
A perfect description's perfect setting

Of a twelve by ten, frustrating homestead
Over bright green hill, trees, and brick buildings instead--
Of a slowly wafting coffee's ascent
Toward the morning nostrils' cognizant scent--
Of an inquisitive bee at the screen
Trying to get in, and as it is seen
Persuading my exit. Most convincing.

I wrote this while I was at UMass Amherst. It was spring.

[jakenator85]

Wow. That's really impressive! It kind of makes me feel like.....adventure. I don't really know how to explain how that made me feel. Still, nice one!

[gunner-564]

that was great it
it was well writen great job!

[Evark]

At 1/28/10 10:35 PM, jakenator85 wrote: Wow. That's really impressive! It kind of makes me feel like.....adventure. I don't really know how to explain how that made me feel. Still, nice one!

Thanks. It's an experimental sonnet of sorts, I was proud of this piece in every way. I liked the ascension of words at the start of each line in the first stanza, I liked the turn, and I liked rhyming the last line of each stanza with each other.

Glad it's well-received.

At 1/28/10 10:52 PM, gunner-564 wrote: that was great it
it was well writen great job!

Thanks man.

[TrevorW]

Oh the writer's burden to write well.

Great work and the structure is grand.

[TrevorW]

Actually, could you post author comments? I would like to understand more of what you were thinking.

Thanks!

[Evark]

At 1/29/10 07:46 PM, TrevorW wrote: Actually, could you post author comments? I would like to understand more of what you were thinking.

Thanks!

Hah, all sorts. Take a look at the last line from each stanza. Read them separately from the rest of the work, together as a couplet. Notice how the last line of the first stanza refers to the second stanza and the last line of the second stanza refers to the first? They also work within the poem's context because they follow almost necessarily as the conclusion to each stanza. I may have originally written them as a couplet at the end but decided to split it and stick them onto the end of each stanza.

By the way, this actually happened. I was describing the scene around me while I was writing the poem. This takes place in the morning at Umass, I used to wake up early to get work done and since I was in a poetry class this piece was actually an assignment (to write an experimental sonnet. This was one of three we had to write, the other two I'll be posting up eventually... or you can troll my ancient userpage posts to read 'em).

As a by product of having written this poem while I was observing what was happening, I actually still have the clear image of the mid-spring morning sunbeams pouring in through the two windows of my room. The 10 x 12 description is a slight exaggeration, but only by a foot or so either way... the double I was in was absolutely tiny. I used to get up at 7am when the DC opened to go get breakfast and coffee that I'd bring back to my room to have while working. I, of course, didn't actually leave immediately after the bee finished buzzing around the window (because I had to finish the poem), but I did thoroughly enjoy the walk to class that morning. It was one of the first warm days in quite a while.

[TrevorW]

Honestly this in not my kind of poetry, but it is well written. I respect it.
Thank you for the clarity and again, brilliant.

[jakenator85]

I also like turtles.

[Interimo]

So you're talking about paper, and how you can draw on it, do math problems, and write on it?