Balmora- A Blacksmith's Tale

[HollowedPumkinz]

This is the beginning of my first story. It is of a boy who progresses through life as a blacksmith to help his family. And then, one day after a rigorous day of work, he finds that a special opportunity has presented it's self that will, in no doubt of his mind, make him a success with many riches. But will he leave his humble beginnings and his family for a chance at a better life and risk it all? Well I guess we'll find out what happens next on the next exciting episode of Dragon Ball- err...I mean Balmora- A Blacksmith's Tale!

There is no doubt that this chapter will be very boring for most of you. However, fellow writers would agree it is very essential to set up the back ground, story, and characters early on. So yes. There is no dialogue, just a whole lot of explaining. Much will be made clearer in the next chapters on. Such as what his name is, where he is, and how things work where he is. Also, he is in a made up realm not old time England or anything of the sort although it is based off of such places and time.

One more thing. I've yet to make a name for my main character. Feel free to suggest any that come to mine. So long as it is sensible and not total idiocy.

Balmora
Ch.1- A blacksmith's dreams

I am a simple common laborer. I work away at steel and metal all my day and have nothing but small change to show for it. I do get paid quite a bit by many nobler men with large amounts of gold in their purses I assure you, however, working as a apprentice means giving almost all my pay to my master. He would never admit it, but I am the far superior in blacksmithing. I think he knows this as well, and I think he resents me for it.

Every day I am threatened to be knocked upon my crown if I do not do every thing he says, when he says it, and to the very letter. No matter how petty or insignificant the task or how very humiliating or degrading the job, I am to do it with out question. I suppose it gives him pleasure, being the boss for once, as I have witnessed many times before that he is usually the one to be bossed about by the local town guards or nobler men whose paycheck determined whether or not he slept under a roof that night.

My master is quite the piece of work. He is a short, fat, middle aged man whose hair has gone with his age, he smells of vinegar and the cheapest of wine almost always, he also has a foreign accent which implies he has just become home here although he has been here his whole life, he is also always telling me off on how I would amount to nothing with out his guidance and advisory (Both of which I have yet to see from him), how I would never have a better master in all my days, how I could never be grateful enough that he had chosen me out of all the innumerable amount of young that lined up at his door step to apply for apprenticeship (another thing I have not seen as I don't believe there was another young soul in sight when I applied to him), and on and on and on he boasts of himself in the same conceded manner.

The work shop from which I work reflects my master in almost every way. It too is short, old, and quite decrepit. It is mostly made of wood which has been weathered away and chipped at through the years. Its sign is on only one hinge from which it hangs almost crying for help before it falls to its demise, and on this sign it is said to be inscribed in tarnished lettering "Flaningan's Forgery".

You can slough the common saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover" when you come upon the base of this establishment, as you will find most definitely that it is as bad inside as it is out. The tools are rustic, there is hay laying about almost every where, the logs which fuel the furnace are lazily tossed here and there to a point where my master could call me from any where in there to put more wood into the furnace and I could just look down from my exact spot unmoving, pick one up and toss it right in. The furnace its self is also rustic but has been here as long as the shop it's self and is also the one place I feel most at home at since most my day is spent there.

I was born into poverty. My mother had tried her best to keep us all together when I was young, although my siblings couldn't understand the hardship she has been through. However, I, being much older than all my siblings, had been able to recognize that she was growing ill with all the worries we put onto her.

Feeling this guilt, when I was of the proper age to become an apprentice, I set out to find a calling in life to which I could help my mother and repay her for all she has done for me my whole life as well as help the rest of my family with their needs. Unfortunately, the only shop hiring at a respectable pay was Mr.Flaningan. So I took up blacksmithing and learned I excelled far beyond the skills of my "master" and have even often been complimented on my work (which my master always stole credit for).

However, the closest blacksmith work shop had been located in the next town over, nearly a three day trip back to my home. This meant that I had to sleep there as well and send my feeble earnings, by letter, to my mother which also explained as to why I could only be home on days off, which were as rare as seeing rubies up close for me. She wrote that she understood and to keep working my hardest at what I loved. At night, due to many planks of wood having fallen off from weathering, it was very cold. And my master had told me not to light the fire at night unless I cut my own wood as it was a waste of expenses to use his own wood to just keep me warm as he puts it.

My days of work and my nights of cold went on for years. But I had been successfully able to keep my family afloat, and even some of my no longer young sibling were laying there hands on work pulling down even more money. Yes, life was going well. My family's finances were secure for now, and work had some how managed to become bearable. And then, upon my way out of work to do some chopping for the night's wood, I had seen that Mr. Flaningan was pacing the floor talking to him self and having smelt some what different. At the time I dismissed the thought, but looking back on it I could almost swear it was as if he had actually used soap (something even I could afford).

[rifledark1]

Like it so far.
Has potential, and I've never read a blacksmith story before, so this should be a good experience for me. :)

[HollowedPumkinz]

At 1/28/10 01:33 AM, rifledark1 wrote: Like it so far.
Has potential, and I've never read a blacksmith story before, so this should be a good experience for me. :)

Thanks man, I'll be attempting Ch.2 in the near future; however, I can't seem to get to as of recently so I guess I'll have to hold off on it until I can get some real time to write this thing the "write" way.

Pardon the pun, please. also lol, alliterations.

[HollowedPumkinz]

At 1/28/10 01:33 AM, rifledark1 wrote: Like it so far.
Has potential, and I've never read a blacksmith story before, so this should be a good experience for me. :)

Thanks man, I'll be attempting Ch.2 in the near future; however, I can't seem to get to as of recently so I guess I'll have to hold off on it until I can get some real time to write this thing the "write" way.

Pardon the pun, please. also lol, alliterations.

[TrevorW]

A few grammar issues (minor) and a possible tense error, but I like it a lot. This should get good. Keep that pen flowing!

Also...I would consider reducing the "big" words to a minimal. Consider you character and how he would talk.

[HollowedPumkinz]

At 2/1/10 10:47 PM, TrevorW wrote: A few grammar issues (minor) and a possible tense error, but I like it a lot. This should get good. Keep that pen flowing!

Also...I would consider reducing the "big" words to a minimal. Consider you character and how he would talk.

Actually, I modeled my character after Pip from Charles Dickens' "Great Expectations". He contributes a great deal to my character. Also, when my character finally speaks then he will have his own personality and won't use as many big words. but as he narrates the story, I would like to use such big words to show that he is now intelligent just like Pip does in Great Expectations.'
The grammar and such is something I thought might happen as this story was rather rushed. I will try not to do that in the next chapter. And will hopefully pull those grammar issues to a minimum.

Hopefully all these things will disappear in later chapters as I advance with my story. Thanks for the advice, I will most definitely keep it all in mind!

[TrevorW]

I understand now! I was actually thinking you might be doing that...but alas I got lazy and cut my post short. I prefer what you are doing! This should be good.