Writing project

[ElectricPlayground]

I started this in December..ish. It was inspired from one a dude I worked with, it's not about him or even based on him, just the idea stemmed from him. I haven't written anything in a little bit but I want to start again. I'm just looking for some feedback...

"Introduction to Luke Skywalker"

My name is Charlie Anghetti, but sometimes I tell people my names Luke Skywalker. I'm not even a Star Wars fan, but I know my knowledge. I'm 22 and still living with my mother, I know you're probably thinking "oh great, another one of these guys..." Well if you're looking for something with action and crazy adventures stop reading now because there are nothing more then a few tragic stories about my oh-so exciting life in this accumulation.

I should be at the University of Toronto right now studying English Lit. But, because of adverse situations regarding my mother and many other complications, I'm not. I should be living in a condo on Young St. right now, but I'm stuck in my mother's basement in Sudbury Ontario. If you don't know where that is, hit up Google and type "Nickel capital of the world" or, " Top boring cities in Canada" and you'll find Sudbury in the top ten, only kidding about that last fact of course. Although on many occasions I wonder if it would be in the ten top most boring Canadian cities, if those statistics did actually exist. I have many friends that I talk to on a regular basis but only four that I actually speak to in real life and not via the Internet; there's Ian Pierce, Jennifer Weldly, and Brandon Bunker and my psychiatrist Maria Miller. The other ones all have names such as, "cutie_69, ihatetheworld, SlashMeSoICanBreathe". Screen names are what they're called, before I discovered what they were I recall thinking to myself, "Now why would somebody name their kid BeautifulWeakness and then insist to add 633 at the end of it?"

My daily schedule doesn't change very often, I go to work, after my eight hour shift I go and buy Presidents Choice Free Run Eggs to make for my mother every morning, and after that is usually where my day changes a bit... there's usually four things that could happen, I go and see Maria, I go home and sit at the computer for about six hours straight, go to Ian's and have a drink with the other two, or I go for a two-hour jog depending on how much energy and motivation I have left. When I'm not working I spend the majority of my time at the one and only Chapters Book store they have in this city, reading books. I sit there for hours on end and read the entire book, that way I don't have to bring it home unless it's worth the money and my time for my over-analyzing tendencies. I work at an off the charts fast food restaurant called Deluxe Hamburgers, there's only three in Sudbury and nowhere else in the world, or so I've been told, and Google has proved my boss Tim Moyers to be right.
You see my life doesn't consist of much. It once had some purpose, but it ran away with somebody last winter, she said it wasn't coming back. Well, she told me that telepathically when she left and knew I heard it because she never looked out the window like she usually did every time she'd drive away. Sometimes I didn't want to grow up. I think life would've been easier that way. The past is so damn hard to forget sometimes, when all I can think about is how everything was so carefree and simple. Not that my life is one big complication, just if I could stop time for awhile I'd actually be able to sort out all the difficult parts and put them under my bed in the locked box with her name on it and continue with my life.

My name is Luke Skywalker and I'm clinically depressed, I suffer with mild case of Aspergers but my mother covers that up with saying I'm socially awkward, I'm not sure what's worse... being socially awkward or how my mom uses those words as a way of being nice.

"The first day of my life"

It's been twelve years since I've saw my father. I remember the last day I saw him; it was the summer of '97 on a Monday morning. Holding one of his travel bags, he sat me down and gave me some numbers written down on a piece of paper and told me to come find him if I wanted to when I was eighteen and that he'd always love me. At the time I had no idea and put the paper in my pocket, I gave him a hug like I would've done any other day before he went to work. What I didn't realize was that my mother was standing in the kitchen doorway behind me looking at him with pleading eyes until I looked at the reflection in his sunglasses and saw her there with one my father's sweater he always wore. When he gave me that last hug, which I was not aware was my last at that point, I remember thinking about the emotion in his voice when he said the things he said to me. When he finally let go I looked at him closely and saw all the wrinkles in his face when he was looking at my mother, I could've sworn he was my grandfather. I had no idea why I hadn't noticed all of them before, and it was something I was going to look more closely at when he came back later that day. I remember planning the whole day out for how I was going to ask him about them so it wouldn't offend him. When he took his final walk out of the door he looked back and tipped his hat to my mother like he always did and his sunglasses slightly fell down the bridge of his nose and he winked at me and said, "see you my boy". I remember my mother slowly slumping down to the floor and letting out an immense sigh, I turned to her and asked her if she was alright and for the very first time she said, "I don't know how to answer that", actually she didn't say anything for a long time and when she finally did she had tears in her eyes and said "no". I wanted to call emergency because I didn't know what to do, she started crying and I stood there watching her for a whole two hours. I had no clue why and she didn't say anything but "no" every time I asked her something. I asked her if she wanted me to call my father's work, but she said "no" to that too. When she finally got up, she walked into the bathroom and ten minutes later she came out and had a smile on her face and her eyes were all done up in eyeliner. She made me scrambled eggs as she usually did every morning and asked me what I was up to that day. Everything seemed fine after that, until the time when my father was supposed to come home, it happened again but this time, she had the news on and was sitting in my father's usual seat and again she was crying, but this time it was much harder then before and with more panic. I sat there and watched her and observed the dark circles under her eyes and wondered if they had always been there, I told her to go to bed but she didn't seem to hear me. This time I called my best friend Ian's mom and told her my mom wouldn't stop crying, she asked me what was wrong and I told her my dad wasn't back from work yet and she is sitting in his chair in the living room. The next little bit is a blur for me but I'll try to recount what happened. Arlene (Ian's mother) told me that she would be over within the next twenty-minutes and when she showed up, she had a traveling bag in her hand as well, she told me to go to the car and to talk to Ian. I slightly remember me going but stopping halfway down the hall, and heard my mother talking to Arlene, "He's gone for real this time. It's not a business trip; he's gone for good. I shouldn't have pushed him Arlene." That's when everything sort of blurs, I don't really remember much from that night after hearing those words come from my mother's mouth.
* * *

[ElectricPlayground]

pyjamas with the same dark circles under her eyes from the first day my dad had left. There were the odd days when I'd come home and the house would be clean and supper on the table, and she'd even be humming or even singing the "I will survive" song, I know it now that it was a bit ironic that I'd hear her singing that when she was slumped on the couch with a box of tissues beside her but I never said anything but gave her a big hug and told her about my day because she always asked me if the kids gave me a hard time that day. Sometimes I'd say no, even though they did. You see, the first day I realized that my father Richard was not coming back to see my mother and I was one of the saddest days in all my life and I will never forget it because it has imprinted on me so deeply and would forever change my future and how I saw relationships in life. Although I never realized any of this at the time, all I remember is staying up all night wishing he'd walk through that door. Sometimes I think my mom did that too, but she did it every night instead. I let myself cry the first time when I realized it and there was nobody to go to because my mom needed me to be strong for her. So I sat there, looking at the paper with the number on it and over and over again I contemplated calling him, or whoever's number it was. I slowly got off the bench by the window near the door in the living room and walked over to the phone, it was twenty-five after one, I picked it up and dialled the number that was on the paper, it rang three times and somebody finally answered, it was my father. He answered; "Hello?" in a groggy voice and I stayed on the line for about ten seconds and then hung up. I went up to my room and cried myself to sleep. I made a realization that moment, he wasn't going to come back and he already had another place out there, I had no idea if it was in Sudbury or not, but he was out there living somewhere without us and for all I knew he was happy. I told myself that I'd never go and find him when I was eighteen and that I was not going to chase people in a relationship for the rest of my entire life. I would live for myself and only myself.

Now you see, around seven years later when I was seventeen I met Anita Cleverly and fell for her. I broke the forgotten promise I made myself seven years earlier and never realized it until it was too late. Again, I had to relive the first day of my life.

[ElectricPlayground]

At 1/28/10 01:17 AM, ElectricPlayground wrote: pyjamas with the same dark circles under her eyes from the first day my dad had left. There were the odd days when I'd come home and the house would be clean and supper on the table, and she'd even be humming or even singing the "I will survive" song, I know it now that it was a bit ironic that I'd hear her singing that when she was slumped on the couch with a box of tissues beside her but I never said anything but gave her a big hug and told her about my day because she always asked me if the kids gave me a hard time that day. Sometimes I'd say no, even though they did. You see, the first day I realized that my father Richard was not coming back to see my mother and I was one of the saddest days in all my life and I will never forget it because it has imprinted on me so deeply and would forever change my future and how I saw relationships in life. Although I never realized any of this at the time, all I remember is staying up all night wishing he'd walk through that door. Sometimes I think my mom did that too, but she did it every night instead. I let myself cry the first time when I realized it and there was nobody to go to because my mom needed me to be strong for her. So I sat there, looking at the paper with the number on it and over and over again I contemplated calling him, or whoever's number it was. I slowly got off the bench by the window near the door in the living room and walked over to the phone, it was twenty-five after one, I picked it up and dialled the number that was on the paper, it rang three times and somebody finally answered, it was my father. He answered; "Hello?" in a groggy voice and I stayed on the line for about ten seconds and then hung up. I went up to my room and cried myself to sleep. I made a realization that moment, he wasn't going to come back and he already had another place out there, I had no idea if it was in Sudbury or not, but he was out there living somewhere without us and for all I knew he was happy. I told myself that I'd never go and find him when I was eighteen and that I was not going to chase people in a relationship for the rest of my entire life. I would live for myself and only myself.

Now you see, around seven years later when I was seventeen I met Anita Cleverly and fell for her. I broke the forgotten promise I made myself seven years earlier and never realized it until it was too late. Again, I had to relive the first day of my life.

AGH, totally disregard that this, part... i copied the wrong part.
here:

I looked at those numbers on that piece of paper my father, Richard Thompson, gave me countless times. I knew it was a phone-number but for where had me stumped and I was scared to call. I was told by a councillor that my mother was going to be all right and all she needed was rest and to be taken care of. I was told that my father had left us and there wasn't a very large chance that he would be coming back any time soon if at all. There were many times where I'd come home from school or Ian's house and find my mother spread out on the couch still in her pyjamas with the same dark circles under her eyes from the first day my dad had left. There were the odd days when I'd come home and the house would be clean and supper on the table, and she'd even be humming or even singing the "I will survive" song, I know it now that it was a bit ironic that I'd hear her singing that when she was slumped on the couch with a box of tissues beside her but I never said anything but gave her a big hug and told her about my day because she always asked me if the kids gave me a hard time that day. Sometimes I'd say no, even though they did. You see, the first day I realized that my father Richard was not coming back to see my mother and I was one of the saddest days in all my life and I will never forget it because it has imprinted on me so deeply and would forever change my future and how I saw relationships in life. Although I never realized any of this at the time, all I remember is staying up all night wishing he'd walk through that door. Sometimes I think my mom did that too, but she did it every night instead. I let myself cry the first time when I realized it and there was nobody to go to because my mom needed me to be strong for her. So I sat there, looking at the paper with the number on it and over and over again I contemplated calling him, or whoever's number it was. I slowly got off the bench by the window near the door in the living room and walked over to the phone, it was twenty-five after one, I picked it up and dialled the number that was on the paper, it rang three times and somebody finally answered, it was my father. He answered; "Hello?" in a groggy voice and I stayed on the line for about ten seconds and then hung up. I went up to my room and cried myself to sleep. I made a realization that moment, he wasn't going to come back and he already had another place out there, I had no idea if it was in Sudbury or not, but he was out there living somewhere without us and for all I knew he was happy. I told myself that I'd never go and find him when I was eighteen and that I was not going to chase people in a relationship for the rest of my entire life. I would live for myself and only myself.

Now you see, around seven years later when I was seventeen I met Anita Cleverly and fell for her. I broke the forgotten promise I made myself seven years earlier and never realized it until it was too late. Again, I had to relive the first day of my life.

[X1SephX]

I think its very well done writing. Liked how he just mentions his day and days of his usual routine. I really don't know what else i should criticize. So far so good i guess.