Rap Lyric: Palladium

[stimcrab]

I've been working on this for a little. Criticism would be appreciated!

Some people tell me they're too legit to quit
I'm the only one who's legitimate
You and I, like birds through the bushes flit
Lost near the waterfall, it does seem trite
Takin' a ride on a private jet, ultralight
Change the game with a slight sleight
You can't challenge me with my diamonds
Better than the Jeffersons, cooler than the Fonz
I see you layin' on the beach with a fake bronze
Like a statuette made of palladium
Pushin' out my broom from the home stadium
I see all the people, I beat 'em.

It's a palladium rhyme scheme
Made of little silly dreams
An old school feat without compare
A little bit of drama, every type of flair

Threw the tie off my neck, I was strangled
Bangled like the Bimmer, hear they were jangled
Tired of the new stuff, tired of the newfangled
I'm in the fast lane, baby, but not like Don Henley
I'm poor as fuck, I don't have a Bentley
Made richer with rhymes, I guess, slightly
Without a thick accent that comes to mind
Like a trashman, I'm comin' up from behind
Harvest the man's treasure and leave 'im the grinds
I'm not into to coffee you see, I'm into tea
Something that comes in a box like Aztec mushies
What hipster do you know that doesn't like to ski?

It's a palladium rhyme scheme
Made of little silly dreams
An old school feat without compare
A little bit of drama, every type of flair

Chemical here without any oxygen
Subsist on a planet made of silicon
And intermolecular forces like h-bonds
Nothin' to tie me to the world except the 'cense
I believe it's sandalwood, not like the stanzas
Pynchon's the boss, crank it up to blast
Here the bass boomin' out the phones
The kind you wear on your head, that make tones
Alpha-matic, makes hos ecstatic, that's my bones
So what if I make up words, Eric B's still president
And I'm the number one resident
Of a separate hip-hop world, one world of talent

[TrevorW]

Eminem did the same thing when he was new -- he used "big" words too carelessly. I woulds suggest that you check your wording and find yourself in it, but also find the rapping in it (this is a form of rhythm poetry). There is a beat and a flow. The wording is great but you need flow. Also I would suggest that you possibly work on your rhyming slightly.

Cheers

[stimcrab]

Thank you. Haha, and comparing me to Eminem. Is it that obvious that I'm white?

[Peacekid]

At 1/26/10 10:40 PM, stimcrab wrote: Thank you. Haha, and comparing me to Eminem. Is it that obvious that I'm white?

I don't think hes saying you're like Eminem, hes saying you're being careless with big words and thinking you can just put them into your lyrics.

[TrevorW]

I'm making a comparison. Eminem is the greatest lyricists in the Rap industry at this moment. (99' and up).

I suggest you take the following diet:

Tupac, Rakim, and Immortal technique for the meaning

Biggie, Jay Z, and Snoop Dogg for the flow

Eminem and NAS for wording (of course there are others)

Also check out Furious five, big L, big Pun, ect.

Oldschool is a great place to find the methodology to rap. Jay Z and Eminem are great as well. Please do NOT fall into the corporate sell out genre (lil wayne). That is not rap, it is crap :D

Rapping was a form of poetry that evolved into hiphop. Remember that!

[Thechickensparta]

At 1/26/10 11:16 PM, TrevorW wrote: I'm making a comparison. Eminem is the greatest lyricists in the Rap industry at this moment. (99' and up).

I suggest you take the following diet:

Tupac, Rakim, and Immortal technique for the meaning

Biggie, Jay Z, and Snoop Dogg for the flow

Eminem and NAS for wording (of course there are others)

Also check out Furious five, big L, big Pun, ect.

Oldschool is a great place to find the methodology to rap. Jay Z and Eminem are great as well. Please do NOT fall into the corporate sell out genre (lil wayne). That is not rap, it is crap :D

Rapping was a form of poetry that evolved into hiphop. Remember that!

are you saying Eminem is the best lyricist of today??

what the hell ever happened to jedi mind tricks, a tribe called quest, etc.

[Josh-B]

We need some resident rapper to rap out these lyrics for the audio portal.

[TrevorW]

At 1/26/10 11:21 PM, Thechickensparta wrote:

what the hell ever happened to jedi mind tricks, a tribe called quest, etc.

Of course them! There are more than I listed. Give me a break, its late!
Eminem's verbiage is stunning. Lets not argue it, but that is my opinion (and it is shared by enough people for it to be valid).

[stimcrab]

At 1/27/10 12:06 AM, Josh-B wrote: We need some resident rapper to rap out these lyrics for the audio portal.

Best. Idea. Ever.

[stimcrab]

I would say Rakim is the best lyricist still alive but he isn't much relative so you gotta give it to main men: Jay Z and Eminem. They still active, relative and on top of the world.

I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I also really love MF Doom.

[TrevorW]

Immortal Technique is good too, and hes deep.
There are great artists still around...and then there is Soulja Boy. Sigh.