BmK's Mental Drippings

[BlackmarketKraig]

I type things from time to time, so I thought it would be in order to make a thread for the things that seep out of my fingers and into my laptop. I'd like to hear feedback and constructive critique, if I may be so bold.

First thing--

I Fucking Hate Them

I am bored, BORED.

They talk in turn, these useless specimens, these fat hunks of depressing, withered flesh.

They have nothing interesting to say, they talk and talk and nothing but uninteresting feces drips from their mouths like they had stretched anuses in the middle of their useless faces.

The man speaking is a giant, bearded infant, toothless with big bulging eyes, a massive round belly and comically short, stubby limbs. His hair and beard are unkempt, he could pass for a bum if he wasn't so fucking fat and out of shape. He never stops talking.

I fantasize about taking a tennis racket and smashing his fat fucking face with it, whacking him over and over, shredding the tip of his nose and his bulbous cheeks with the threaded strings, leaving him bruised and bloody and waffled.

I hate him, I hate all of them, these pathetic, pitiful, despicable wretches. I hate them because I am them and they are me, we are the same.

This is my life.

[Baranar]

I can totally relate Kraig, somehow I just can.

[megakill]

well, you wrote that with quite a lot of anger and disgust, and by the way you revealed to be the thing you hate at the end, shouldnt that motivate you to try and change?

i mean thats how id interperate it anyway

[Luxembourg]

He's not saying he's a fat fuck. He's saying that he's angry because he's human, just like those people.

[BlackmarketKraig]

At 1/26/10 08:12 PM, ChocEliteBar wrote: I can totally relate Kraig, somehow I just can.

Thanks, ReNaeNae told me she thought a lot of people could.

At 1/26/10 08:17 PM, megakill wrote: well, you wrote that with quite a lot of anger and disgust, and by the way you revealed to be the thing you hate at the end, shouldnt that motivate you to try and change?

i mean thats how id interperate it anyway

Yes, I don't know why but a lot of bile has been building up inside me for some time, writing is one of my outlets for that.

No, the man in my short piece is not me, haha, he is just a man, another human being, like me. I am generally pretty content with myself, the way I am now. Thanks for the interpretation though, it is interesting to see what someone else took away from what I wrote, which is why I am glad that there is a decent place on NG for me to let it out. =]

At 1/26/10 08:25 PM, Luxembourg wrote: He's not saying he's a fat fuck. He's saying that he's angry because he's human, just like those people.

Bingo! Thanks. =D

--

This was written as a visualization exercise, I wanted to find a peaceful place inside my mind to go when I need to relax and this is what I came up with. Feel free to comment or critique. Thanks. I will have some longer pieces another time, I promise.

Visualization Exercise

Despite the lush tropical surroundings the air is nice, not humid or hot or heavy. A lazy breeze rustles the jungle canopy as bright tropical birds sing, softly and pitch perfect the most elegant works of Mozart and Beethoven. Crumbling ruins, torn apart over millennia by hardy jungle vines are the only remnants of ancient temples to forgotten gods.

No longer bound by the physical laws of this world, I hover, my feet never touching the ground as I explore my jungle surroundings. Any animals or plants that threaten my safety or aesthetic observe the restraining order I have placed upon them and are out of sight and mind.

As I ascend though the canopy the foliage separates for me as if I were Moses parting the Red Sea. Higher, higher. I see the sky is the deepest blue I have ever known, painted with puffy pink clouds and it no longer hurts to stare at the sun.

[BlackmarketKraig]

I decided to elaborate on the first post (I Fucking Hate Them), sort of turn it into a bigger story in a larger fictional life. So, I guess I'm saying that there will be more to it then what's been posted. =]

---

I Fucking Hate Them 2

The sound of her smacking mouth is almost as ugly as she is. Most people keep their mouth closed when they chew gum, however these aren't most people, these are abominations, humanities dregs, the stuff that get's scraped from the bottom of the barrel of society. I hate them and still I am one of them, at least for now.

I am different... at least I think I am. I wonder if that's arrogant to assume that I'm better than these people, this scum, this mindless refuse. Am I truly better? There's no question that I have more clarity of mind-- I can, at least, follow simple directions and do things without fucking up several times and giving up in despair. That counts for something, doesn't it?

Smack, smack, smack. Ugh, I wish she would stop.

I wonder about the brown tooth she has in the front of her nasty face. What could cause that one tooth to turn such a hideous shade of shit brown while its neighbors remain an almost normal shade of yellow? I wonder how much it would hurt her to have it torn from her head. I put myself in my own little world and fantasize about using a sturdy pair of pliers and ripping that nasty brown tooth from her screaming mouth, her head frantically shaking back and forth as if I might obey her pleas for mercy.

Smack, smack, smack.

Now I wonder how much force it would take to crush that tooth, to squeeze it until it cracked and crumbled. I wonder if that would be more painful for her than simply pulling it from her head.

There's an odor coming from the smacking woman, it's cat urine I think. How does that happen? Does she leave her clothes on the floor and her cat pisses on them and she wears them without realizing that they smell? It's noxious and that infernal smacking is driving me crazy.

No, I am not one of them, there must be some mistake, I am here, sure, with them, but I'm learning something I am using my mind to better myself so that I can be not here, so that I can leave them behind to rot.

I am something different. They are stupid and untalented, they are here because they can't control their anger or depression or anxiety. I can control it, I can fake it whenever I need to or keep it locked away when it is of no use to me. I am here not because I am like them but because I am different from them, from everyone. I am not like them at all.

[megakill]

At 2/11/10 10:59 PM, BlackmarketKraig wrote: I decided to elaborate on the first post (I Fucking Hate Them), sort of turn it into a bigger story in a larger fictional life. So, I guess I'm saying that there will be more to it then what's been posted. =]

Well, I have to admire you honesty. You portray such real hatred and emphasize without boring your reader. It almost seems professional, the way you've dedicated so many paragraphs to one idea without losing your audience.
Very fun to read!

[tigerkitty]

At 2/11/10 10:59 PM, BlackmarketKraig wrote:

I Fucking Hate Them 2

Ok, it took me a while... but I finally figured out what this reminds me of... I wonder if you've ever read Dostoyevsky or Kafka. They're seen as some of the founders of existentialism. Your writing itself is not entirely representative of either of these authors, but the sentiment expressed reminds me of them. The depiction of humans in this sort of disgusted manner just strongly reminds me of their styles.

I suggest try reading either of them. If you want something short, try Kafka's The Metamorphosis.

[InsertFunnyUserName]

What I really love about your writing is the flow that you have. Your sentence structures are awesomely varied, which makes the reading smooth and without pause. You also seem to be very aware of your wording and are careful not to become repetitious. Along those lines, the words, idioms and phrases that you use are perfect for what they're describing. And you do this without delving into a vocabulary-oriented writing style that wouldn't fit the mood. In addition, you gathered humor and insight and mixed them together to create something that's gets the reader strongly connected to the piece. So, bravo.

[BlackmarketKraig]

At 2/12/10 03:21 PM, tigerkitty wrote:
I suggest try reading either of them. If you want something short, try Kafka's The Metamorphosis.

I've read a little (very little) Dostoyevsky, but based on your recommendation I think I should read some more in addition to Kafka. Thanks. ;]

At 2/16/10 11:50 AM, InsertFunnyUserName wrote: What I really love about your writing is the flow that you have. Your sentence structures are awesomely varied, which makes the reading smooth and without pause. You also seem to be very aware of your wording and are careful not to become repetitious. Along those lines, the words, idioms and phrases that you use are perfect for what they're describing. And you do this without delving into a vocabulary-oriented writing style that wouldn't fit the mood. In addition, you gathered humor and insight and mixed them together to create something that's gets the reader strongly connected to the piece. So, bravo.

Thanks a lot, I appreciate the feedback. I'm very pleased that you felt that way. =]

--

This is something a wee bit different. A sort of freeform poem, more of less a work in progress. As always comments and critique are appreciated.

Untitled:

I fold in on myself like origami
smaller and smaller
smaller
there is only a grain of me
what once was a man
is a speck of dust
.
and then it happens
.
first comes the flash
second, the wind
hot and fast
intense
the wind sweeps everything away
the dust
the leaves
the stones
the water
it tears trees from the earth
all are thrown to the heavens
all is burned to ash
.
I am but an atom
but a nothing emanates from me
a nothing more powerful than what was before
the ash burns
the nothing burns
and when it is over
what is left
is beautiful

[BlackmarketKraig]

Well this is a short piece that I don't really know where I was going with it, but I was told that it was "easy to read and follow..." I think it was a compliment, even though I actually prefer challenging writing.

Anyway:

The Man With the Heavy Heart

In the evening the man with the heavy heart watches the national news and sees unrest in the world, he witnesses conflict and strife, disaster, environmental decline, violence and human suffering and it makes him want to die. The man with the heavy heart takes antacids for his stomach which is constantly burning and belching up bile into his throat, he takes a knife and makes several superficial cuts on his body before he climbs into bed, he wants to feel something besides acid and the decline of humanity, he wants to see himself bleeding.

The man with the heavy heart dreams about something, he doesn't remember what, but when he wakes he has an erection and it makes his feel ashamed and dirty, it makes it hard to urinate.

The man with the heavy heart no longer works, the so-called 'economic downturn' has created a vacuum in his life and the lives of millions more, he isn't even sure he wants to work anymore anyway... what was the point of that again? It's hard to remember.

Some celebrity talked to Charlie Rose last night and they're playing the interview on PBS again this morning, the man with the heavy heart watches with mild interest. The celebrity talks about a part of the third world that has recently experienced some disaster or other, the celebrity went there and was transformed, apparently. The man with the heavy heart is more cynical than the celebrity from Hollywood who tells us what we should do to fill our hearts.

[Zeldakrazed7]

God damn American Psycho!!

I liked it! :D

[BlackmarketKraig]

At 7/20/10 08:59 PM, Zeldakrazed7 wrote: God damn American Psycho!!

I liked it! :D

Thanks. I haven't read any Bret Easton Ellis, but perhaps some day when I have more time...

--

What I have this time is a poem of sorts.... Maybe it's too obvious what it's about and how I feel.... =P

Blessings of Semen and Blood

We must protect the spell
The sacred, bound spell
Made from the pulp of a tree.

Behold it is sacred!
Behold it's glory!
Look at the words, they are good!

The trees, they're not sacred
Tear them down for our book!

The ink is not sacred
Spread those toxins around!

The words!
They are sacred!
They are from prophets of god!
Men who could never be wrong.

Life is not sacred
Enslave it and conquer!
Force it to worship our god!

Women aren't sacred
Lop off their noses and ears!
Keep them silent in the church of our lord.

Children ain't sacred
Beat them with rods!
Better them broken than spoiled!

The fetus is sacred!
Let it grow to a man
A man who will worship our god!

We love peace!
We love peace!
We spread our cancer through peace!

Praise god for these blessings of semen and blood.
We'll cover the world with our stain.

[BlackmarketKraig]

Blah, wrote a Shakespearean sonnet...

--

Sonnet

I cannot say the things I think,
or the things I feel.
Believing she'll be gone were I to blink,
still I sit and spin my wheel.

I've never known how to act,
I'm useless in this situation,
I lack experience and tact,
all I know is self-damnation.

I can safely assume I have nothing to offer,
on the back of the coin I have nothing to lose,
still I keep my hard heart locked in a coffer,
a life of stagnation without a muse.

I'll open the window and breathe some new air,
a little bird sings to rid me of despair.

[BlackmarketKraig]

Shakespearean Sonnet Number Two

Throw some crystals in a mug,
the caffiene will see me through,
a stimulating kind of drug,
and it's aromatic brew.

Sleeping not from dusk to dawn,
mornings' too cold and bright,
I growl at the songbirds song,
twas staring at a screen all night.

I've a morbid passion for rhyme and art,
yet in life; I have to fake it,
I want to show my creative heart,
but I lack the drive to make it.

Don't ask me for the time I've lost,
that's a threshold I have crossed.