Stories, poems from my head

[NekoMika]

No, not as just a bunch of stories and poems all posted at once but I just intend to write down stories, scripts, poems that come into my head from time to time in this thread anyways. I'll enjoy reading the feedback and notes on how I could improve my stories and such anyways.

Anyways, here's a story I recently had pop into my head while I was being bored during class at school, at least when you have free time you can explore your mind for new ideas, things to do, how not to be so bored.

==

It was coming close to school being ready to empty again for Jimmy, however unlike most kids he was ostracized for things he found normal or things people had made up about him. He watched the second hand click ever so slowly on the clock, he was ready to leave school already. He was just having another one of those days as usual where everyone instead of being helpful would just push him around.

"Hey you piece of crap, you got the answers for our homework tonight since you're done first as usual?", asked one of the pupils sitting beside him.

"Yea... you're not getting them though, finish it yourself and you'll learn more.", replied Jimmy.

"I'll make you pay for not giving me those answers again as usual Jimmy.", the pupil said.

"Try, try, and try, you're intimidating comments don't motivate me to give you answers.", replied Jimmy before turned back to looking at the clock again for the rest of class.

His heart raced ever faster as he noticed there was only a few minutes left in class before he was free of the devious place for he had no real friends there, and the ones he had once had turned and shunned him two year earlier because he had a different taste in music and tended to blurt out random things from time to time when he forgot he was speaking aloud. When those moments happened he would look at them in a tone that merely said, "I'm sorry about that bit.", almost every time. However he enjoyed just sitting there near them in the mornings for some reason despite the fact they always ignored him.

He rushed out the class hearing the bell ring, he was quite a fast walker as well, he'd run and then walk at his normal fast pace until he got to the bus, there were people who would say hi to him on there but it wasn't because they cared but because they did it out of sheer boredom. Whenever Jimmy walked to the back to say hi to them, a couple of the girls would say hi to them while everyone else ignored him unless he made his strange growl, gurgle sounds that he would do sometimes and practice from sheer boredom. He got to just sitting there and talking with them in the back on some days although some of them would get on his nerves and he'd ignore them completely.

He finally got to his stop and said bye as he got off the bus, he got into his grandma's car and rode home with here since his grandfather had recently died and the rest of his parents, siblings didn't care very much about him, she always give him twenty dollars to spend on his lunch at school for two full weeks but he never told her that he would only use half of it so he could save his money for other things he wanted such as gloves, hats, shirts, food, etc., she would always ask where he got the money and he would always replied with it's money he had found or saved up over a long time which was usually true as well.

He got to the house and helped fix dinner and do the dishes with her as usual, the oddest thing about him at home is when he wasn't playing his drums or guitars he would sometimes female clothing which he didn't do until after she slept. He didn't do it very often though so he didn't think it should concern people very much either. Soon enough it was time for him to shower, do his weekly shaving, and go to sleep. He would sometimes have a hard time sleeping from paranoia attacks he would rarely get at night.

The next morning when he got to school it felt odd, people pointing at him and whispering about him getting into a fight. He went to the back where his false friends were and met that kid that wanted the answers.

"I'll give you one last chance to let me copy your answers from your paper before I beat your ass real hard.", said the pupil.

"Ooo-ooh wow, what am I supposed to be scared? Fighting me is a stupid idea, there are cameras on right now and that one right there will monitor the....", Jimmy was cut off by the pupil..

"Yea right, if I beat you under it then there is no evidence and you try to rat me out I will beat your ass even harder!!", said the pupil in a harsh tone.

Jimmy walked toward the door so he could head up to the drama room but before he could he was knocked down by the pupil and being beaten to a pulp and bleeding quite badly after he finished with him, he crawled to the bathroom and got into one of the stalls, he was a tough cookie he found out since he gritted his teeth and popped his knee cap back in place, he went to the office and ratted the kid out after all deciding he wasn't going to tolerate his behavior anyways.

He was soon at his home earlier than usual that day and told to stay there for a few days until they worked things out with putting the pupil in juvenile for awhile for his actions. He looked in the mirror every day and noticed the cuts on his face slightly get better. He pulled the blush from his pocket and tried to do as he had seen it on youtube by gently and lightly applying it to where the cuts were, he smiled a bit noticing the scars weren't as easily seen now. He went to the living room and sat down getting ready to talk with his grandmother on some things. It had been harsher that day at school than usual, he saw it as being over, he wasn't angry at the pupil, he just wanted him to leave him alone.

It was going to be a much longer school semester for him now and there was only six weeks of school left that semester for Jimmy....

==

That's pretty much how it went in my head, feedback, notes on how to improve on anything I write in the future are appreciated. :)

[SilentCobra]

Wow, talk about a cliffhanger at the end. Looks good so far.

[WhoIsPaul]

I agree. Really leaves you hanging there.

[NekoMika]

At 1/26/10 05:24 PM, SlntCobra1 wrote: Wow, talk about a cliffhanger at the end. Looks good so far.

Thanks, if I ever get an idea that pops into my head of what happens to him I'll let you know, maybe I should do an index on the start of each new page showing what stories, poems, scripts I've posted on each page as well, that doesn't sound like a bad idea anyway.

At 1/26/10 05:25 PM, WhoIsPaul wrote: I agree. Really leaves you hanging there.

Oh yea, Jimmy sure has it rough, got to feel sorry for the lad.

[NekoMika]

Anyways, this just popped into my head, crappy Residnet Evil fanfiction but you know, just want to put it out there.

==

He had one of those crazy parties the night before and Vixis (Vix-us) was suffering from quite a hangover, he took some painkillers and soon got dressed. He turned on the TV to see if anything was going on and saw that there was a blank signal on it, he tried a few other channels and got the same result with each channel he tried. He went out into the hallway of his apartment and could hear moaning a couple of rooms over. He walked over and saw the door was unlocked and slightly opened. He entered the room and saw their was a blood trail leading towards the bathroom, the closer he got the louder the moaning got. He entered the bathroom and saw a teenage girl kneeling over moaning but noticed her covered in blood.

"Are you okay?, Vixis asked.

She continued to moan and slightly look up at him and noticed her eyes looked a little odd colored and she had blood all over her mouth and hands, she seemed to be making a growling sound now and slowly got up.

"You're OK right?", Vixis attempted to ask again.

She got up and slowly walked toward him as he looked at her bewildered and she soon hissed opening her mouth to try biting him, he sidestepped and pushed her against the wall. She got back up very quickly and ran to him trying to bite him. He knocked her back down again except this time he kicked her face and twisted it to wear her head was in the same direction as her back and rushed to the little kitchen in the apartment hunting through the knife drawer and pulled out a butcher knife. He looked at it and then walked out the apartment and started to walk downstairs seeing blood everywhere.

"My gah! Are there more of them in this apartment? Is this why I can't seem to see any of the news channels? As soon as I can find a gun I better take it and any ammunition I can find for it.", he said as he reached the Apartment complex lobby.

He could hear screaming, moaning, growling in the distance. He walked very carefully through the city trying to avoid large suburb areas where the zombies might be. It was midday and lots of cars piled in places, looking into the cars revealed a gruesome mangled corpse of anybody who happened to have been driving the vehicles. He kept roaming the city until he found the gun shop and entered. He looked around to make sure there was no one there or anything that would try to get him. There were some blood stains on the counter but nothing as far as he saw. He picked up a bag laying around and stored his knife in there, he picked up a magnum, Blacktail, and a shotgun and stocked up on ammo for all three of his new found weapons. he kept out the blacktail noting that it was the least likely to draw attention to himself.

"I wonder if there are other survivors here in the city?", he asked himself.

He walked out the store and started to walk toward the lower half of the city hoping to find answers....

==

Critique? Feedback? Notes on how to improve?

[Fro]

This first story with Jimmy, I absolutely loved. I felt like it really came from the heart and that it was real. I hope you continue with it. You really left me wanting more of it.

The 2nd zombie story I didn't like so much. It seemed a bit generic in it's language and it didn't flow very well. Working on the fluency of the writing would help it a lot because right now it seems really choppy like you were just throwing out some ideas. Adjectives are going to be your friends with this piece.

[NekoMika]

Now for part 2 of Jimmy....

==

It had been a long few days since he had been severely beaten by that pupil who he also found out was the star wrestler on the wrestling team and had been the star player of the football team that a lot of people at school had taken up as their idol and that he always had girls asking him on a date. None of that mattered to Jimmy, he was just hoping the person was in juvenile learning their lesson on why trying to beat another pupil for answers to homework was wrong. He got up from bed that morning, applied blush to try covering the scars on his face, it covered a majority of them that were there. He went to the kitchen and poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat in front of his grandma as he had done every morning.

"So why did this boy beat you Jimmy?", she asked.

"I refused to give him answers to homework he could have gotten done himself..", he replied.

"Well that's not a very nice thing or reason to beat you up, you're a smart cookie, you'll figure out things in life, you can do it. So what happened to that boy?", she said.

"Well, from what I heard yesterday when one of my supposed friends called me, he has been sent to juvenile and a lot of the students at school hate me now because they idolized him and they didn't like me much. I don't really care what they think, if others try to beat me, I'm not scared to turn them in as well since violence isn't something they tolerate at school. As much as I hate the staff there, for some reason they want me to be as safe as any other student. I wonder how today will go..", he replied.

"Well if they give you a hard time you can call to come home earlier today, you only need to be there for two classes for it to count as a full day for you right?"< she said and asked.

"Yea, I'll make sure to call you if anything bad happens to me or the staff will anyways.", he said.

She looked at the clock as they finished their breakfast.

"My goodness, we better get going or you'll miss the bus! Go get your school bag and let's go.", she said.

"Alright then.", he curtly replied as he got his stuff and they were out the door.

As they rode down in the car on this still cold morning since it was halfway through February and it was still winter, he wondered how today would go at school. He sat there and pondered his thoughts as he listened to some of his kind of music in the car, his grandma didn't mind the music very much. He sat there and thought out so many scenarios of what could happen to him, he just didn't know how today would go for him. Right as he was thinking of something the bus arrived.

"See you this afternoon Jimmy.", his grandma said as he opened the door.

"Alright, see you too, I'll call you if something comes up grandma.", he said as he closed the door and got on the bus.

He sat down and could even hear murmurs amongst the other students on the bus who sat near the back saying something or another, he occasionally thought one of them said his name from time to time but they hadn't. The bus ride was long and boring as usual, he was just glad no one asked about why he had been beaten or did they already know why? He didn't know. As the bus pulled up to the school he gathered up the last of his thought and thought of right where he was going to go, since he knew being out of class meant he was subject to likely get a beating whether or not the cameras were on and catching the violence as it happened on camera.

He went up to where his first block was which was a computer class, he found it dull since it was all easy stuff he already knew to do but he got a free 100 for almost everything he did in there so he didn't really mind too much. He sat in there and the teacher knew he sometimes came in there just to play some games on the computer in the morning.

"So how are you feeling today Jimmy? Feel any better since that student beat you up?", asked Mrs. Sild.

"Yea, I guess, how are you today as well?, he replied.

"I'm alright, you and that kid have been the talk since you were out Monday and here it is Friday, been a long week as usual anyways. *laughs* I'm just glad you're alright, that kid won't be here for awhile. If you need anything feel free to ask us because it sounds like a lot of the kids just hate you right now for standing up for yourself. We did a small message Tuesday telling them to leave you alone or give you a hug. You just don't seem to talk to anyone much anymore either.", she said.

"Meeeh, I just don't really have much of a reason to speak with them anyways, most just give smartass answers to me I don't appreciate. Just a lot that's been going on since last year that's made me not like the students around here as much as I did, I stopped dancing and hugging because of it as well.", he replied.

Soon class began, first block seemed pretty normal to him as well as break and second block but he kept having a sneaking suspicion that someone was going to make an attempt to harm him the whole time. He had done all his homework while he was out of school so he turned that all in. There were still a very few amount of students who cared about him, a couple were seniors who really liked him because he could excel greatly in guitar and vocals and they enjoyed hearing his death growls as well.

So far it was a roundabout day for Jimmy, but he felt it was going to be fine next week though, he hadn't even finished second block at the school but he felt ready to come back home already.

==

Critique? Feedback? Notes on how to improve appreciated. :-)

[Fro]

Yet again another great addition to the story. I hope you keep up with this. Except for a couple word choices and grammar mistakes it was a great story. I feel that it's alright to skip by the grammar and things such as that at first anyway and to go back once you get all of your ideas out to fix the common mistake.

Again, I feel this story is very real and gives people an inside look of what life might be for someone who isn't considered normal. It's stories like this that show even though someone might be very different it doesn't mean their weird or that it's a bad thing at all. It's this inside story that people really need to hear more often.

Keep it up. Get an editor to go through all of your mistakes someday and I could see this being turned into a novel.

[NekoMika]

At 1/27/10 07:20 PM, Fro wrote: Yet again another great addition to the story. I hope you keep up with this. Except for a couple word choices and grammar mistakes it was a great story. I feel that it's alright to skip by the grammar and things such as that at first anyway and to go back once you get all of your ideas out to fix the common mistake.

Yea, I've been wanting to get Microsoft Word 2007 for some time but maybe just typing it up at school and then saving it in notepad and opening and posting it here would be just easy although that makes the process of everything a little more difficult for me I won't really mind since I rarely ever use my flash drive.

Again, I feel this story is very real and gives people an inside look of what life might be for someone who isn't considered normal. It's stories like this that show even though someone might be very different it doesn't mean their weird or that it's a bad thing at all. It's this inside story that people really need to hear more often.

Yea, I was hoping this is the kind of message this story would be able to give because not everyone lives a normal, well if everyone did though the world would be quite sad and boring actually. Yea, I feel a bit sorry for my own Jimmy character just writing about him is fun though, I wonder if I should make him break the 4th wall the next time.

Keep it up. Get an editor to go through all of your mistakes someday and I could see this being turned into a novel.

I will do, I actually am writing a novel but I haven't updated it since the end of my Fall semester at school, so far it takes up 12 full college ruled papers long and I don't write very big either so that's a lot to me even so far, might print it up here.

[NekoMika]

Well I figure it's time to pick Jimmy up again for the third time. Listening to some soft FF VIII music while I do this. we shall pick up right before second block has even started for our lad.

==

Jimmy was playing on the computer in his first block as usual since he tended to come in early before that class started and got all the work done for that day so he just spent the rest of that class period playing around on his computer, sometimes going to listen to music on there as well. He looked up to the clock and noticed class was about to be over in a couple of minutes. He suddenly felt someone poke his arm and he looked beside him to notice it was Greg, a person who he didn't speak with at all, he was a tall person for only being fifteen, he was a year younger than he was as well.

"I heard about what happened between you and that kid everyone loves, I think you're pretty cool for standing up for yourself. So what happened that he beat you up Jimmy?", Greg asked him.

"Well the day before he pestered me for my homework answers and I didn't do it, the next morning I went to where I usually go and he waited there to beat the shit out of me for no reason at all.", replied Jimmy.

"Well where's the scars from it then? At least on your face anyway? I would at least expect to see those on your face since he beat you badly.", asked Greg inquisitively.

"Oh, my face, it looks like it did before since I'm using facial powder to cover up the scars, I don't want people bothering me over something like that, there was no real damage made on me from it, I just felt a bit angry but I don't really care now...", Jimmy was almost finished when he heard the bell ring and that meant it was time to go to his next class.

He got up and went over to his Physical Science class as usual, he dropped his stuff there and walked around the class a bit and waved at the teacher letting her know he was OK. he sat down and got his pencil, pen, paper, and book out so he would be ready for class.

"You have your homework Jimmy?", asked Miss Aon.

He nodded and handed it all to her and explained it was why that kid try to beat him so bad as well. He went back to his desk, none of his false friends came to ask how he was doing today, in fact they never called when he was out for a few days due to the injuries. He sat there for the last five minutes of break and started to do the work that had been written on the board, in computer class he would play on the computer after finishing all the work in that class and in his non-computer classes he would sit there and doodle on a scrap piece of paper instead. He watched the students come in and take their seats, thankfully none of them were bothering him and then he remembered it was because they had made an announcement not to pester him on his injuries.

Second block went quite normal as always. he was glad when it was over and that he had second lunch instead of first because there were quite a few people in first lunch that either bothered him or he didn't like them and their attitude whatsoever. He went straight to his U.S History class next. He liked it ab it in there since there was hardly any work done in there, plenty of quizzes, and a lot of videos watched while the teacher was always telling them humorous historical stories. He turned in all his makeup work for that class as well, the teacher smiled at him seeing as Jimmy wasn't even trying to grab attention or say anything about the beating he didn't deserve but got. Why would he? He was more of a pacifist than anything else, if he didn't have to get involved in physical violence then he was happy.

Nothing really happened during third block, second lunch, or even his fourth block which made him a bit happier as well since he didn't have to deal with anyone's shitty shenanigans either. He walked up to the door at fourth block waiting for the bell to ring to let him school was out and he was free to get on to the bus to head home. He quite enjoyed the bus since no one on there talked to him except for that one annoying kid who like him seldom played Yu-Gi-Oh and was always pestering and asking to be the drummer of his bands. Jimmy always turned him down since he could drum fine on his own in his one man band and sing, and play guitar well for his band he had made with friends he didn't speak much with.

He got back to his stop again as he did everyday except this time a girl he had always secretly admired from the back of the bus came up and hugged him before he got off. She already had a boyfriend she had been dating for a few months, she had long black hair like him except hers went a bit farther than his, he thought she had a beautiful voice, face, and personality. he kept his mouth shut and hugged her back shortly before getting off the bus. He got into his grandma's car and rode home with her letting her know the day wasn't any different which was good for him anyways. As soon as he got home he did his usual thing.

Later after dinner he hopped onto the computer and talked to a couple of his friends on the IM system since he didn't use a cell phone, he didn't really care much about them since he knew he would be pestered with text messages rather than people actually talking with him. He wasn't a romantic type and was never going to change from that, he enjoyed who he was. A strange guy who no one really bothered. Jimmy soon got into his pajamas and got ready for bed. He wondered how the weekend would be..

==

Critique? Feedback? Notes on how to approve?

[Kajenx]

I read the first story (about Jimmy) and I found it a little hard to read. The writing itself was alright (the grammar could improve, but it was readable), but it felt a bit like you weren't completing your thoughts before starting then next sentence or paragraph. It felt top-heavy, and needed some fleshing out, I think. Try to slow down a bit. :3

I'll come back and read more later.

[SilentCobra]

It sounds as though Jimmy is your alternate persona SCTE3. All in all, a few grammar and spelling mistakes here and there, but it's a good story. Thank you for double spacing your paragraphs, it sure is much easier on the eyes.

Again, the only thing you're gonna need to work on is the "there/their/they're" & "its/it's" word groups, spelling, and punctuation. Other than that, great story.

[NekoMika]

At 1/28/10 09:04 PM, Kajenx wrote: I read the first story (about Jimmy) and I found it a little hard to read. The writing itself was alright (the grammar could improve, but it was readable), but it felt a bit like you weren't completing your thoughts before starting then next sentence or paragraph. It felt top-heavy, and needed some fleshing out, I think. Try to slow down a bit. :3

Ahh, alright, I can defiantly try to do that with the next piece I post here anyways. Thanks for the critique and notes on improving.

I'll come back and read more later.

Ahh, I'm just trying to think of what is going to happen next to Jimmy.

At 1/31/10 02:34 PM, SlntCobra1 wrote: It sounds as though Jimmy is your alternate persona SCTE3. All in all, a few grammar and spelling mistakes here and there, but it's a good story. Thank you for double spacing your paragraphs, it sure is much easier on the eyes.

Nope, not at all SlntCobra1, should have posted that before I even started Jimmy, I'm just trying to display the story from a perspective that maybe some people don't see often.

Again, the only thing you're gonna need to work on is the "there/their/they're" & "its/it's" word groups, spelling, and punctuation. Other than that, great story.

Maybe I should do a grammar lesson thread on the use of those and other homophone words. As in words that are spelled and used in more than one way.

[NekoMika]

This isn't much of a story but more of a dream I had a couple of weeks back after my grandfather died. The only odd thing is the dream made no sense so if you say the story makes no sense then it's ok because it isn't meant to.

Currently hearing:
Panic Attack- Dream Theater
Pull Me Under- Dream Theater
==

I awoke in the middle of the house on my floor which was quite dirty. I look up to see my grandfather still being able to walk, remember things, and talk normally instead of in murmurs. I get up only to see I had on boxers. I quickly head to my room and put on a shirt and pants and notice my walls look a tad bit darker than usual. I ignore it. Right before I head back to the living room my brother stops and shows me a shirt he bought. It feels like a normal shirt anyways.

I walk out to the living room to see my grandpa wearing the shirt for some reason except he's in pain. he's on the floor howling, just howling in pain and for some reason he seems more flexible enough to the point of he seems to be kind of stretched into a semicircle for some reason. I try to help him get up but he flails out of my arms and passes out. I watch my brother laugh at it for some reason and then the room fades away and the rest is blank.

==

No real reason for feedback, critique or anything since this doesn't make much sense and I'd rather not try to remember more. Might post mroe of dreams after awhile if I find them to be of interest.