Mustache vs Moon: Feedback, plizz.

[UberCream]

Hey there, animation forum! So, I thought i'd try out this new animation forum. I mean, this whole idea of an animation forum is just so ground-breaking and animation forum.

Animation forum animation forum!

Aaaanyway. I'm working on this new flash cartoon where a man with a steam-punk style mustache pledges to destroy the moon. Then, he destroys it, but I don't want to give away anymore of the ending.

It can be viewéd here.

I am just looking for feedback and suggestions that I can use to make it look better. Right now, all the flash is, is the mustache guy talking very angrilly to the moon, as the moon just looks back at him. Also, at the end of this clip of the movie, there is a scene transition that says "7 years latte." I also want to know, would that look better if it said "7 years LATER" instead of latte?

So, please view and then suggest, por favor.

[UberCream]

Oh, I forgot to mention what the character is saying (damn you, lack of edit button!)

I'm only gonna give the script for this particular scene, since I don't want to give to much away:

Stache: Mr. Moon, you make me so angry!
Moon: *smiles*
Stache: Yes, you smile now, but I swear, Mr. Moon! Someday I will destroy you!!!
Moon: *smiles*
Stache: Oh, so now you're mocking me?! That is the final straw, Mr. Moon! Prepare for you imminent demise!
(Seven Years Later)

I assure you, it gets much funnier later on, especially if butts are funny.

[WackyUsername]

nice mustache animation

[UberCream]

At 1/26/10 04:48 PM, WackyUsername wrote: nice mustache animation

Thank you, I focused on that a lot because the mustache is supposed to be prehensile, like, it can be used as an arm to grab things. Also, the character is obsessed with the stache.

[PBass]

I think the style is lovely and it really suits the animation. However, the mustached man is quite stiff in between his various gestures. Try and push your poses more as well, twisting or turning the head and body to show more change and motion. It looks good so far and quite funny as well, I love how the mustache moves.

[Mexifry]

Few issues I had right off the bat.

1. The backgrounds are really boring and look quite tacky. As a viewer, its abit distracting to the overall effect of the piece.

2. Why are you lip syncing BEFORE the audio is added in? It's significantly more difficult to sync words to lips rather lips to words. Plus it wont go off sync if you do it that way.

PROS:
- The lip sync looked really nice, however please take into consideration what I said above.
- The mustache animation added to the liveliness of what you had so far.
Nice touch.
- The moon is really nice looking as well. Nice use of filters.
Alot of people over do em.

CONS:
- If you are gonna tween bounce the character, at least take the time and shade him.
It seems insignificant at first, but it pays off loads.
- Try and keep your line weight consistant. This is probably one of the hardest things to do, especially in flash, but it will make your drawings look nicer. I personally zoom in up to 400% when I make my lines.
- Your character is a bit boring in design, but i feel a change in more warm colors for the the skin and tye would fix that up in an instant.

THE SCOOP:
Okay start. I'd suggest planning out what you are animating before jumping right into it so you have nicer, cleaner drawings in the end of it.

Hope this helps!

[UberCream]

At 1/26/10 06:23 PM, PBass wrote: I think the style is lovely and it really suits the animation. However, the mustached man is quite stiff in between his various gestures. Try and push your poses more as well, twisting or turning the head and body to show more change and motion. It looks good so far and quite funny as well, I love how the mustache moves.

Yeah, you're right about the motion. I think I may have gotten a tad lazy toward the end. Either way, I'm definately gonna go back and make his body move more. Hell, even the mustache animation could use a touch up.

[UberCream]

At 1/26/10 07:25 PM, Mexifry wrote: Few issues I had right off the bat.

1. The backgrounds are really boring and look quite tacky. As a viewer, its abit distracting to the overall effect of the piece.

Yeah, you've definately got a point there. The problem is, when I make the background darker (and with dimmer stars), you can barely see the character's outlines. Should I just make the outlines lighter?

2. Why are you lip syncing BEFORE the audio is added in? It's significantly more difficult to sync words to lips rather lips to words. Plus it wont go off sync if you do it that way.

I know what you mean, but I just prefer to get a general animation of the mouth moving, but not synced, so I can later work the rest of the animation around it. This seems to work a lot better for me personally.

CONS:
- If you are gonna tween bounce the character, at least take the time and shade him.
It seems insignificant at first, but it pays off loads.

This, I don't understand. I don't really know what a tween bounce is, but when I googled it, google said it was something with actionscript, despite the fact that I didn't use any actionscript in this.

- Try and keep your line weight consistant. This is probably one of the hardest things to do, especially in flash, but it will make your drawings look nicer. I personally zoom in up to 400% when I make my lines.

Yes, this I have always had some trouble with, but I'm just gonna have to try harder with it. I'll probably look back after every scene and try to smooth out the lines.

- Your character is a bit boring in design, but i feel a change in more warm colors for the the skin and tye would fix that up in an instant.

I actually would like to keep the character's skin color the same, because as a character, he is a pail, frail man who is kind of creepy, but I will definately put shading on him so he looks more defined.

Hope this helps!

Oh, it has! Thank you very much for the suggestions, and as I make improvements, I'll update my swf and re-upload it.

[Mexifry]

This, I don't understand. I don't really know what a tween bounce is, but when I googled it, google said it was something with actionscript, despite the fact that I didn't use any actionscript in this.

What i mean is the fact you are using tweens to move your character up and down while he's talking and moving to add gestures.

[Luis]

i think most of the feedback you've gotten is pretty useful thus far. I think you should not be shy/conservative about reanimating the body/ using some frame by frame. Your characters movements are so wild and aggressive that theres no way the body would not move or move so slightly. If you lift and wave your arms around as aggressively as this character you'd notice that your shirt and ribs shift greatly. I think youre too conservative in just recycling the body symbol.

[Damien]

Because all the pro's have entered here to comment...I'll give one advice I can only think off...

Use white dots as stars...Not gradients...

Like different sizes of dots...A really big one...really small ones...a shiny one...You get the idea.

xD

That is all....

[Cordyceps]

You should totally replace the moon with the moon from Majora's Mask.

[Kurai-Samurai]

Awesome! The animation of the moustache was really good, it showed great character and expression.

[UberCream]

Update Rape!

Okay, so I've toned down the background a tad.

Also, Luis was very right about what he said about not making my movements so conservative. Looking back, I can tell that my movements were almost as conservative as FOX news!

Medium brow joke.

So, besides the background changing, I've added some chest movement to go with the arm movement. Here is a short loop that I made.

Before you say anything: Yes, I know his head isn't moving in this clip. I will make it move later, but right now I gotta do homework... By the way, someone in this thread said that I was using motion tweens, but I actually put no tweens in this flash. I don't understand why it looked like I did.

[UberCream]

Bump. Please feedback more. I really wanna know if I improved my 'mation, or just made it look stupider.

[Mexifry]

At 1/28/10 12:35 PM, UberCream wrote: Bump. Please feedback more. I really wanna know if I improved my 'mation, or just made it look stupider.

Why does the inside mouth color change from a dark red to black when he makes the "o" mouth?
Also, the lines one the redrawn body are really rough. Id suggest you redo them.

Otherwise, its an improvement.

[UberCream]

At 1/28/10 01:27 PM, Mexifry wrote:

At 1/28/10 12:35 PM, UberCream wrote: Bump. Please feedback more. I really wanna know if I improved my 'mation, or just made it look stupider.

Why does the inside mouth color change from a dark red to black when he makes the "o" mouth?
Also, the lines one the redrawn body are really rough. Id suggest you redo them.

Otherwise, its an improvement.

Thank ya, sir. I'm definately gonna redo the lines, since the lines in the clip were roughly made so that I can get a general idea of how they will look when it is finished.

Also, the mouth changes to black because, well, if your mouth is squished into a smaller area, less light would be able to get in.

[PBass]

I think it still looks really conservative. Your subject matter is really wacky so feel free to break your characters mold! Find ways to pose him that you didn't even know you could, it'll really bring the humor out. Also, try working pose to pose instead of animating frame by frame by frame. I drew some examples of how you can really push your character to its limits, even a simple one.

[UberCream]

At 1/29/10 10:29 AM, PBass wrote: I think it still looks really conservative. Your subject matter is really wacky so feel free to break your characters mold! Find ways to pose him that you didn't even know you could, it'll really bring the humor out. Also, try working pose to pose instead of animating frame by frame by frame. I drew some examples of how you can really push your character to its limits, even a simple one.

Oh my god, those are the most awesome rough sketches I've ever seen. In fact, they are so awesome, I'm gonna make some wacky practice sketches that I can incorporate into my flash right now.

[Mexifry]

At 1/29/10 10:29 AM, PBass wrote: I think it still looks really conservative. Your subject matter is really wacky so feel free to break your characters mold! Find ways to pose him that you didn't even know you could, it'll really bring the humor out. Also, try working pose to pose instead of animating frame by frame by frame. I drew some examples of how you can really push your character to its limits, even a simple one.

That's what I was also thinking, but you put it in words alot nicer that I would have. haha
Just be a bit more dynamic with it.

[Starogre]

also, when he gets angry, have his hat jump up and spin around

that will ensue rages of laughter from the audience

[Mexifry]

At 1/29/10 01:34 PM, Starogre wrote: also, when he gets angry, have his hat jump up and spin around

that will ensue rages of laughter from the audience

That's a good idea Starogre.
Yeah, it's the little things that make videos the funniest.

[UberCream]

Am I supposed to start my sketches by drawing "Madness Characters," ya know, like, a body and a circle with a crosshair on its face? Cause that's how I usually do it. Also, that's usually how I see others do it.

Anyway, the first two of these drawings are actual concept art that will be in the flash. The last one, I just drew because I thought it would look funny.

[PBass]

At 1/29/10 01:40 PM, UberCream wrote: Am I supposed to start my sketches by drawing "Madness Characters," ya know, like, a body and a circle with a crosshair on its face? Cause that's how I usually do it. Also, that's usually how I see others do it.

The crosshairs are for you. It's to help you feel the form of the basic shapes your character is made out of so that you can mold their features into and around it, don't do it simply for aesthetic purposes. Nice job with the sketches though, you should make a rough pass through your animation or a test animation and put in all the poses you'd like for each part.

[UberCream]

At 1/29/10 01:50 PM, PBass wrote: you should make a rough pass through your animation or a test animation and put in all the poses you'd like for each part.

Will do! Thanks for all your help, PBass, and everyone else who helped. You guys are all so helpful!

When I finally release this cartoon, I'm gonna have to put all of you guys in the credits, since without your input, my animation would look a lot shittier. :D

[PBass]

At 1/29/10 01:53 PM, UberCream wrote: Will do! Thanks for all your help, PBass, and everyone else who helped. You guys are all so helpful!

No problem, I'm glad I could help. I wish you luck with your project!