I hate children. I really do. You see, the children are our future, and frankly, that's fucking depressing.
I don't think I'm alone in being seriously bothered by the idea of my elderly incontinence being dealt with by some fruity weabo, and frankly, I think any straight man would be.
But you see, children, yes, even children, are good with barbecue sauce. Just fry one up, bake on a glaze of Corky's (local memphis stuff. Makes Jews and Muslims cry), and enjoy.
Now, I know that sounds strange, enjoying children, but believe me, it's much better than listening to them cry and scream all day.
But what about yip dogs, and the elderly? Why, even the oldest, bitchiest granny can be rendered succulent by a slow roast over wood coals and a healthy dollop of the sweet warm red stuff. And then after you give them a fresh coat of blood, you can put some Corky's on there, too.
Even veggies, yes, even food that doesn't suffer flavortastic pain before you eat it, can be rendered glompworthy with a light covering of Barbecue sauce.
A lot of people wonder why Memphians seem to wallow in our grinding poverty, and they wonder why we don't kill ourselves or move to a place where the populace has a literacy rate greater than 50%, and the truth is that it's no so bad.... with a little barbecue sauce.