TypographyPoster needs Critique plz

[Zarathushtra]

Ok so I'm a freshmen in my first year of Graphic Design and for our final project we had to design a typographic poster of a famous quote. I chose to do this quote by George W. Bush.
Right now i have a C in the class and I really need to do good on this final so I can pass.
I've done everything I could think of and everything looks alright to me.

Thats why i need someone else's opinion. I greatly appreciate all comments and Ideas. I would like to make it better in anyway that i can before I turn it in on monday.

Thanks

[CefyJr]

I'm going to assume you want it to say "Best and Brightest"...

[Wivernryder]

No, I don't think that's quite the aim here. I believe it's a statement on sexism in the armed forces.

[Wivernryder]

And it's also a quote, says so right there at the top. Of the post.

sorry for the double post.

[EnjoiLove]

Looks fine to me. Are their any other requirements you may have forgot to mention?

[ReNaeNae]

It's too hard to read/follow. People shouldn't have to work so hard to understand it. The spacing and angles are too random and add to the unreadability. The 'top secret' is even harder to distinguish. I really hate the flag inside the letters and the zig-zaggy-ness. I get what you were going for by reusing the B and Proud, but it's not positioned right so it doesn't flow. I like that some of the text is getting cut off on the edges... but the overall layout shouldn't suffer to achieve that. All in all, I'd say it's a mess ...sorry :(

[Fifty-50]

"Breast and Brightest" is that the way it's supposed to be? It looks good enough, but I thing a little color wouldn't hurt.

[Zarathushtra]

At 12/4/09 09:31 PM, ReNaeNae wrote: It's too hard to read/follow. People shouldn't have to work so hard to understand it. The spacing and angles are too random and add to the unreadability. The 'top secret' is even harder to distinguish. I really hate the flag inside the letters and the zig-zaggy-ness. I get what you were going for by reusing the B and Proud, but it's not positioned right so it doesn't flow. I like that some of the text is getting cut off on the edges... but the overall layout shouldn't suffer to achieve that. All in all, I'd say it's a mess ...sorry :(

What do you mean the spacing and angles are too random? And how is the B not positioned right?

thanks by the way :)

[ReNaeNae]

At 12/5/09 02:49 AM, Zarathushtra wrote: What do you mean the spacing and angles are too random? And how is the B not positioned right?

It's too choppy. It looks like 3 separate points (blocks of text). Like... america [stop] ...the middle chunk with the humongous B and the too-bright-blue reast [stop] ...proud [stop].

Because you're using a font where the top of the cap B isn't as wide as the bottom you end up with a huge gap between the B and reast ...add in the size and color difference and there's total disassociation. It's no longer one word. It's a giant B and a word that's not in the English dictionary.

Rightest is way too tightly kerned. I find myself trying to see something recognizable in the negative space between the letters. ooh, I see lobster claws :P ...it's an unattractive font (imo)... is there a requirement on how many different faces you're supposed to use? You have what, 5? Is that necessary?

The bottom section... it's not lined up, and even though it should read left to right, my eye follows the size.

So, at first glance, I see:
"America. Needs a military where our reast and rightest B are and proud to serve to protect ...toe arrest."
Say huh?! You just lost all of the hilarity of the quote.

I know I totally exaggerated and over analyzed a lot of points, but they're things to keep in mind when creating something someone has to *read* ...you can get as cutesy and crazy with the elements as you want, but if the actual message is lost, what good is it?

Try to focus more on making it one cohesive statement/element with obvious and deliberate visual flow. Size and colors affect the weight and can mess up the balance, so us it wisely and purposefully.

disclaimer: I am not a designer, and I usually have no idea what I'm talking about ...so feel free to ignore everything I just said. thanks :P

[RNNR]

^That's actually what I was going to say.

To illustrate what's wrong with the image I've hacked your pic a bit.
The placement of the text causes big gaps of nothing to get between the text, you don't want that. Renny above said that readability is key and you can enhance that by making certain words bigger or whatever.

As it's one sentence and supposed to be read completely, having the words on different angles with big gaps between them makes it hard to read.

By putting extreme emphasis on 'reast' and 'B' that's the very first thing the reader will look at. It screams attention, while you should start at 'America' since that's the beginning of the sentence.
The B is also a completely different colour than 'reast' and 'rightest' so those bits are completely torn from it.

Overall there's dissonance in the picture, while you should go for balance and harmony.
I suggest taking a step back and just look at the picture. Don't read it, but just look.
What's the very first thing you notice?
What comes after that?
Is that your intention?

[Zarathushtra]

Thanks so much you all have been a huge help!

[ReNaeNae]

At 12/6/09 02:59 AM, Zarathushtra wrote: Thanks so much you all have been a huge help!

So that's it? You're not going to post your revised work? bah!! ...lame.