My dearest Newgrounds,
An angel kissed a star which fell to Earth. Upon it was written what I am about to say to you now, and burned upon my heart was your precious name.
Only heaven would outcast an alluring work of Gods perfection like you, for not even divine angels could look upon your delicate face without sacrificing themselves for you. Something about you makes me want to take you in my arms and keep you forever.
What person in their sane mind could resist those mystifying brown eyes of yours remind me of little raisins, and many a times I have wonder if you have real raisins inside your eyeballs. Do they make you see any better?
I really admire your gorgeous, mysterious black hair. Whenever I see it I can't help but notice how shiny it is. I often wonder if you clean it using shoe polish. Technically speaking that would work, but I guess it would smell a bit weird, so I reckon it must be naturally shiny.
I've always loved watching new movies with you at the cinema. I know you love criticising them afterwards about pointless things like flaws in the plot, camera aperture mistakes, and cinematography errors, but I think thats real cute how you notice such things.
I have to tell you one thing though. I really do love your bum. I think that is the most amazing part of you, and is the most amazing thing on this planet! God, I wish I could do nothing but stare at your beautiful bum all day (besides eating, drinking and sleeping of course). That would be pure heaven for me!
Anyhow my love, I must bring this letter to an end now. But I must tell you something. I've always wondered what you would look like in Leapord Skin underwear. I really think you would be the hottest thing on this planet in Leapord Skin underwear and you could easily overthrow any model out there! If you wear those for me, I promise to worship you and treat you like royalty (Just so long as you don't make me clean your toenails with a toothbrush! I draw the line there).
I will forever be thinking about you, and I love you with every beat from my aching, burning heart which will wither away and die without your sweet nectar-like words!
Forever lost without you,
John
