My Humour Sucks

[ShortMonkey]

My jokes on the spot in conversations and events are really lame. I want all of Newgrounds to show off their awesome and clever comments for any point in a conversation. If you know of any awesome come-backs to say at any comments in conversations, post it here.

I want to get all the awesome, cheesy, pissing-off comments I can get, and can hopefully build from there to improvise on the spot at any time in any conversation.

Show me your stuff, Newgrounds!

[WeirdJamFace]

"You scratch my back and I scratch yours.
And by back I mean genitals.
And by scratch I mean rub furiously."

Yeah....

[LynchedJohNNY]

fuck off

[megamagition]

You're definately in the wrong place.

[Ryan]

Using a pre-planned joke or "witty" comment of any sort is fucking lame. Pick up things from people you talk to but don't put work into remembering them. Stuff like that is supposed to come natural to you, though you shouldn't blurt out random jokes of phrases like a child either.

The only help I can give ya on this subject is to not bother with it at all. Being the funniest person in the group isn't that important anyway.

[xxdomoxxkunxx]

sorry buddy you're born with it not inherited but
GIRUGRAMESH and
I
AM

[ShortMonkey]

At 11/9/09 05:20 AM, Ryan wrote: Using a pre-planned joke or "witty" comment of any sort is fucking lame. Pick up things from people you talk to but don't put work into remembering them. Stuff like that is supposed to come natural to you, though you shouldn't blurt out random jokes of phrases like a child either.

You're exactly right. I wanna hear all these ones that can give me ideas for improvisation. Mate, it's just a bit of fun.

[OMGhaxedlol]

At 11/9/09 06:24 AM, xxdomoxxkunxx wrote: sorry buddy you're born with it not inherited but
GIRUGRAMESH and
I
AM

im fabulous too! :D

fab hugs

[Me-Patch]

It's all in the delivery, you have to be quick. Half the time it's not even what you say it's how you say it. It's just something you should of developed by now from trading barbs with your buddies growing up, but some people just aint funny and are better off accepting it.

[EpicsplosionMedia]

At 11/9/09 05:02 AM, ShortMonkey wrote:

Show me your stuff, Newgrounds!

Knock knock,
Whos there?
Penis,
Penis who?
Penis to meet you.

[Magyar]

Read comics. They are funny.

Sometimes.

[ViZi]

At 11/23/09 10:36 AM, Magyar wrote: Read comics. They are funny.

Sometimes.

I actually laughed. I got a image in my head of what it would be like if someone randomly did that.

[Lemmiwinks91]

At 11/9/09 05:15 AM, megamagition wrote: You're definately in the wrong place.

speak for youreself. Any sex reference goes down well with guys providing your not gay, or if it's a horrificly to far gay joke. And tame them down when your around girls.

Anything that turns the joke on the other person.

Don't look so serious when tellin gjokes, JEEZ :P

[Asalraalaikum]

"I like sailing"

this sentence is fucking amazing and fits in many situations

[142201]

You have to know your audience before you can be funny. The trick is to get to know them well enough to start developing inside jokes.

[Leo3oproductions]

At 11/9/09 05:02 AM, ShortMonkey wrote: My jokes smell of dead carcass and so I must post hopelessly about it!

if you want to see something funny look in the mirror...becouse you're ugly...and that's funny...LOL!!

[PinballWizard976]

Most people consider me the 'funny person' in the group, but i really don't try. the funniest people are usually the ones that take situations and laugh about them. like if you don't try to be a 'funny person' and just take past experiences or stuff you find funny; then it will be better i guess. don't tell jokes, those are the worst. especially the ones you hear other people you say. that just makes you lame. it's all about improvisation and stuff that happens when you're talking with people

[TiredPaperBoy]

At 11/23/09 07:39 AM, Me-Patch wrote: It's all in the delivery, you have to be quick. Half the time it's not even what you say it's how you say it. It's just something you should of developed by now from trading barbs with your buddies growing up, but some people just aint funny and are better off accepting it.

Hmmm, I agree, you can't learn to be funny, you just are.

Or arent in your case.

HURHUR!

[TNT]

(Me): You know something, I think every president has their ass handed to them.
(Stranger): Bullshit, they suck!
(Me): It's a hard job, and you can't blame everything on him. Just look at their advisers.
(Stranger): Bullshit, they suck!
(Me): CHRIST! I WAS FROZEN TODAY!

Quote taken from ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.Com (the last line).

[Grizzli]

Confusa say:
When you lokking for a book and cant find it, youre probably in the:

say it fast and you'll get it.

[Zecampeao]

At 11/23/09 04:58 PM, Grizzli wrote: Confusa say:
When you lokking for a book and cant find it, youre probably in the:

say it fast and you'll get it.

That actually made me lol.
But how the FUCK are you gonna do that in real life?

[Grizzli]

At 11/23/09 05:04 PM, Zecampeao wrote:

But how the FUCK are you gonna do that in real life?

What do you mean??