Social anxiety

[applespider]

I've been away from Newgrounds for quite a while, so I'm sorry if this kind of stuff isn't allowed. I need some advice. I'm 17 years old. I have never "hung out" with anybody outside of school, and I spend all of my free time at home. It's starting to drive me crazy. I want to have friends, but whenever I'm in a group of people, I don't know what to do/say and I just lock up. I live in northern New Jersey, if that helps. I have no acces to any sort of transportation other than by foot. Can you offer some advice as to what I should do to get back on track (socially)?

[Guest8792]

The start of my high school year was like that.

But then when I took Drama I somehow figured out a way to make those retards laugh.

Once you do that you're pretty much open to any group you choose.

[applespider]

It's too late in the year to change my classes without repercussions. I'm not into acting anyway.

[Lost-Chances]

Go to a party, get drunk, things will fall into place.

[DeIirium]

I don't have any social skills either, but then again i don't really give a shit because i don't want to hang out with a bunch of retards just for the sake of having friends.

[applespider]

At 11/6/09 01:55 PM, Lost-Chances wrote: Go to a party, get drunk, things will fall into place.

That's the last thing I need... I would die in a "party" situation :/ The drinking age in New Jersey is 21, and I intend to follow the laws that have been put in place.

[Guest8792]

At 11/6/09 01:55 PM, Lost-Chances wrote: Go to a party, get drunk, things will fall into place.

Your sig alongside this post made me ioi

[hdxmike]

At 11/6/09 01:52 PM, Guest8792 wrote: Once you do that you're pretty much open to any group you choose.

I geuss , at the start of high school i was such an out cast , 2 years later i started not giving a shit and saying the funny shit i said online , instant success , lots of girls :)

[Lost-Chances]

At 11/6/09 01:58 PM, applespider wrote:

At 11/6/09 01:55 PM, Lost-Chances wrote: Go to a party, get drunk, things will fall into place.

That's the last thing I need... I would die in a "party" situation :/ The drinking age in New Jersey is 21, and I intend to follow the laws that have been put in place.

Then good luck getting friends champ. You either get balls or get drunk. The good thing about the second option is unless you get absolutely wasted, anything you say or do wouldn't matter the next morning and will act as your foot in the door.

[Leidolfr]

At 11/6/09 01:50 PM, applespider wrote: I've been away from Newgrounds for quite a while, so I'm sorry if this kind of stuff isn't allowed. I need some advice. I'm 17 years old. I have never "hung out" with anybody outside of school.

I live in northern New Jersey, if that helps. I have no acces to any sort of transportation other than by foot. Can you offer some advice as to what I should do to get back on track (socially)?

OK well, at 17 your best bet for meeting people IS at school, as you get older its bars or clubs, but uhh, theres a few things you can try:

- Get a Bike, easier to get around by bike than by foot, so you can actually travel somewhere

- get your License, Get a car

- join some team or club, not only will you hang out with these people after school, but, especially sports teams, youll all hang out, youll give eachother rides from practice, youll get hammered somewhere when you win a game, etc.

for the record, i did none of that. Id just hang with people in class, and id say like hey, wanna go do shit today? and yeah, theyd come and wed smoke, do whatever, and, boom, friends, yeah.

[sandmanstaysawake]

My answer to every mental conflict is usually 'smoke pot', but in your case that might hinder you more than anything. Practice speaking into a mirror, write down a list of hobbies, and if it's really that bad you might want to consider a therapist.

[SteveGuzzi]

At 11/6/09 01:50 PM, applespider wrote: I have never "hung out" with anybody outside of school, and I spend all of my free time at home.

Do you have no friends AT school either? What do you do with your free time anyway?

You've got to have some shared interests with people. You've GOT TO.

[applespider]

At 11/6/09 02:00 PM, SteveGuzzi wrote:

At 11/6/09 01:50 PM, applespider wrote: I have never "hung out" with anybody outside of school, and I spend all of my free time at home.

Do you have no friends AT school either? What do you do with your free time anyway?

You've got to have some shared interests with people. You've GOT TO.

I don't really have any "friends". There are people who acknolwedge my existance, but they don't really even talk to me. I play Runescape. If you can't handle that, don't post.

[SteveGuzzi]

At 11/6/09 02:02 PM, applespider wrote: If you can't handle that, don't post.

Can't handle what? The fact that you have no friends whatsoever and play Runescape in your free time?

I was asking because I figured you might be interested in SOMETHING that other people can relate to.

So maybe next time you're at school try to strike up a conversation with your local, uh... goblin guild or some shit. I dunno. If you can't handle that... then whatever, continue not-doing what you're currently not-doing already.

[BUTANE]

start cracking stupid gay jokes...they drive the ladies wild and make guys think you're cool. It works for me...i hang out with people at least twice every month.

[RockMessiah123]

learn guitar
start a band
make a demo
get signed
get groupies
???

PROFIT!

thats all i can really say.

[sandmanstaysawake]

The only reason I would worry about it is if you're being weighed down by it. Socialization is just a psychological reassurance that you're not alone in your life journey. You're probably better off joining a group related activity because you would have a scripted role and you wouldn't have to independently initiate a common agreement or goal with your peers. Popularity is conveyed as a social achievement but the fact is it's more distracting than anything, and with my experience, people would betray you more often than not if they had the chance.

[Callum123456]

Do what I do and find other social rejects and freaks to be friends with
and they will understand your problems

[Rallard]

Following the laws makes you a square.

Especially drinking. Granted, I didn't start drinking until 18, but being 21 now I noticed I drink a lot less often. Don't waste your life away abiding by stupid laws.

If the government said you could only have one meal a day, would you follow the law? Probably, and this is why you have no friends.

Mystery solved.

[applespider]

If I get fat and wasted, I'll be happy... got it.

[hhcash]

Well, are you saying in big groups you have problems knowing what to say? You may just not be good with socializing with big groups, but is good at talking one-on-one to someone, more close relationships.

[AlphaCentauri]

I am in something of the same situation, I have a lot of fiends at school, but literally one person I talk to outside of school. I also lock up in groups larger then about 4 or 5 people.

Like you I never drank or partied or anything, but just last weekend I went up to my brother's college party and drank for the first time in a loud crowded party scene, drinking helped. Most anything you say is going to be enjoyable to the people you are talking to and vice versa.

It sound scary because going from not talking to people to going to a party and drinking is a huge step, but like LC said it gets your foot in the door.

[DumbassDude]

At 11/6/09 01:58 PM, applespider wrote:

At 11/6/09 01:55 PM, Lost-Chances wrote: Go to a party, get drunk, things will fall into place.

That's the last thing I need... I would die in a "party" situation :/ The drinking age in New Jersey is 21, and I intend to follow the laws that have been put in place.

I actually agree with Lost-Chances, it's a great way to just fall into place.
Just don't make an arse out of yourself.

[Maverick-Alex]

At 11/6/09 01:55 PM, Lost-Chances wrote: Go to a party, get drunk, things will fall into place.

...Or end horribly wrong.

[Leo625]

1 word my friend.

Snortalotofxanxes

[GoryBlizzard]

Which part of Northern NJ do you live? I would think many parts of Northern NJ have NJ Transit bus stops and train stations which connect to other parts of the state as well as NYC. I live just across the river from you in NYC, but I also have many of the same problems relating to socialization, minus the playing Runescape part.

But seriously, I know I'm not the first person to say this, but if you can somehow get into a party within the next year or two, then drink your ass off, or even just a little bit. If you've never had alcohol before, it may take a little getting used to. You need to develop a taste for it. Try to get used to drinking it on your own whenever you can. Me personally, I drink whenever possible--although most of the time, I do so alone and not in any social situations. Don't refrain from drinking just because the legal drinking age here is 21. Besides the U.S., only Ukraine, South Korea and Malaysia have an absurdly high drinking age of 21, which is fucking bullshit. Fuck the law and just get drunk.

[Lost-Chances]

At 11/6/09 03:28 PM, Maverick-Alex wrote:

At 11/6/09 01:55 PM, Lost-Chances wrote: Go to a party, get drunk, things will fall into place.

...Or end horribly wrong.

If it goes badly, you've only got yourself to blame for drinking WAY too much. Know your limits, it helps.

[applespider]

Are parties something you're invited to, or do you just show up?

[GoryBlizzard]

At 11/6/09 03:54 PM, applespider wrote: Are parties something you're invited to, or do you just show up?

Depends. I rarely if ever get personally invited to parties. All of the parties I go to these days are at frat houses, and I get invites via Facebook which are sent to thousands of people. So I just go alone and show up.

[EclecticEnnui]

Since I have Asperger's, I may not be one to give the best advice, because I know what it's like to be socially anxious. I do have friends and go to parties, but I more or less stay quiet or at least don't talk non-stop. What's worked for me is sharing interests, having a sense of humour, and talking about what I know or even what I don't. Right now, I'm part of a group of people roughly my age who have Asperger's or Autism. It's been difficult at first to talk, but as I warm up to them, I'm OK.