Need advice on parents/independe nc

[Sensationalism]

I'm frustrated and I need advice.

I'm 22 and living with my parents while I attend school. I am currently working but it's a seasonal position so it should end at the end of December or early January. I'm trying to get a job in a day-care after that since I'll need to be in one for my classes anyway.

I was out of work for about a year and a half because I had mental/emotional problems and was unable to work. During that time I had a reduced class load, attended therapy, and took medications.

I've been doing a lot better and all that, it's been a while. But since I wasn't working during that time, I owe my parents money because they paid for my cell phone bill and stuff like that while I was out of work.

Problem is, I don't make much at the moment and most of my money is going toward paying them back. Luckily, I got a grant for my classes and books this year.

I don't have a car, but because I'm having to give them most of my money, I can't afford to buy one. And they have never let me borrow their car in high school or anything, and they still won't! I've never been in an accident and I've gotten less tickets than anyone else in my family that's been driving for a few years. They always make up excuses, if they give reasons at all, like the car isn't very good or I don't know how to get there. I tell them you can't find out how to get somewhere unless you actually go there, but they don't listen to any of that.

I'm also not allowed to get a ride from other people if I want to go somewhere. I don't understand why they won't allow me to leave the house on my own ever or why they think they can treat me that way when I've legally been an adult for four years.

I realise I sound a bit whiny, but I don't care that much. I just want advice.
And moving out really isn't an option. Like I said, I don't have the money to support myself. I want to be able to live with them but be given more independence.

They're pretty authoritarian and controlling.

[TheRadicalOne]

Wow sens...

I just live with my mom but I'm 19 and I have my own car. If I were you I'd try to find a better job that can give more money and just move in with someone, I've seen rates of about $350 a month for a room and I'm sure you could do better.

For me college is kind of challenging, and I want to get out of the house, but I plan on transferring to a different college next semester and I don't want to fall flat on my face.

Helicopter parents suck.

[jmalouin7]

unfortunately, the way i got independance from my parents, was I actually moved out for a long time, from 15-18(almost 19 like 2 months before). I only ended up moving back in because i ran out of money.

If you want some independance, you have to start doing things like you would, if you lived on your own, like buy your own groceries, buy your own soaps, make up, do your own laundry, set your own schedule, basically stop taking any help they will have to offer, and do those things for yourself. You gotta start doing everything for yourself, in small doses. If they wake you up for work in the morning, get them to stop, and do it yourself. Don't rely on them for rides to places, if they won't let you take the car, then walk, bus, taxi, etc. It would be better if you had a bit of extra money to help you do these things, but like I said, do little things in small doses.

[Endless-Psychoticism]

From what I've heard, it seems that your parents are following some sort of "If you can prove you can handle independence, then you can have it." Sure you might have proven it, but they must've decided that you have to stay in the house at all times. In other words, they're total ignorant assholes.

[Prinzy2]

Not having any money makes it almost impossible to do anything. It sucks I know, I tried taking a big step and it didn't turn out so well. I was probably burning a grand every couple weeks and I wasn't working so it only lasted a couple of months. Unfortunately unless you find a way to make more money you won't be able to do anything.

Wish I could help, but it sounds like your parents are going to squeeze you for your money if you don't pay your debts off before leaving the nest.

As far as getting rides from friends, I say fuck it and do it anyways. Tell your parents that since you don't have your own car and they won't let you use theirs, you don't have a choice.

[Leidolfr]

At 11/6/09 12:15 AM, TheRadicalOne wrote: Wow sens...

I just live with my mom but I'm 19 and I have my own car. If I were you I'd try to find a better job that can give more money and just move in with someone, I've seen rates of about $350 a month for a room and I'm sure you could do better.

lol i dont know where youre from, but theres nothing here thats 350 a month,heh. but ok real solutions

get a junk truck, and rip all the seats out, put it in your parents front yard, put a matress in it, then collect cans, go to a goodwill buy a bike and a make a card from some found wood, string, and an old roller blade or something. ride said bike around and never shave, have a sign that says cans, the can man can, and spell everything ass backwards wrong, and, repeat

[TheRadicalOne]

At 11/6/09 12:50 AM, Leidolfr wrote:

At 11/6/09 12:15 AM, TheRadicalOne wrote: Wow sens...

I just live with my mom but I'm 19 and I have my own car. If I were you I'd try to find a better job that can give more money and just move in with someone, I've seen rates of about $350 a month for a room and I'm sure you could do better.

lol i dont know where youre from, but theres nothing here thats 350 a month,heh. but ok real solutions

get a junk truck, and rip all the seats out, put it in your parents front yard, put a matress in it, then collect cans, go to a goodwill buy a bike and a make a card from some found wood, string, and an old roller blade or something. ride said bike around and never shave, have a sign that says cans, the can man can, and spell everything ass backwards wrong, and, repeat

Florida bro.

Well around our college we put offers on our community bulletin board to split the rent of apartments so they are more affordable, like roommates.

[Ryan]

Doesn't really sound like they're gonna budge on the subject. Maybe you could tell them you'll move out and get out of their hair ONLY if they let you have a job/car. As long as you can support yourself you don't have to answer to them anymore. Besides, they should realize you need to go about having your own life now.

Be firm and clear about what you want.

[CaveyMc-fat]

Damn. I thought I had it rough..

I believe the only real option for you is to just bear with it until you have the means of supporting yourself. Not having your own car, however, is a big limitation for you to become self-sustaining. In order to get a job that can pay off all of your debts, you would want a car. That way, you wouldn't have to be relying on public transportation, which can limit your workable hours. Try buying a decent used car--nothing flashy, just a vehicle to get you from A to B. Go to school, and get your degrees. I really don't think there is much else to it. Just bear with it, and it will eventually be over. Good luck.

[amaterasu]

At 11/6/09 12:07 AM, Sensationalism wrote: I'm also not allowed to get a ride from other people if I want to go somewhere. I don't understand why they won't allow me to leave the house on my own ever or why they think they can treat me that way when I've legally been an adult for four years.

That's absolutely rediculuous on their part for your age dude.

[Timmy]

Unfortunately, parents are going to be your parents as long as you live under their roof. If they were controlling and overprotective in highschool, they aren't going to suddenly change just because you crossed the threshold into adulthood.

Other than moving out of the house (which I know is an impossibility right now), you might want to try simply sitting them down and talking with them about their possessive behavior. You're likely NOT going to be able to coerce them into lending you their car, but perhaps you'll get more freedoms from them - like allowing you to leave the house without a chaperon lol.

Frankly, I find it completely unacceptable for them to limit your social life by prohibiting you from riding with your friends or coming & going as you please. However, you find yourself in a tough position because you can't afford to leave. Unfair as it may be, it sounds like you'll just have to grin and bear it.

Or hitchhike over to Philly and sleep on my floor. Either one.

[Dawnslayer]

At 11/6/09 12:07 AM, Sensationalism wrote: I'm 22 and living with my parents...no car, no money, no solid work, etc.

Sounds just like my life, except with mental problems instead of diabetes.

You're right, it absolutely sucks. And what makes it worse is that you can't do jack shit about it. I'm in my fifth year at a two-year college, which is incredibly frustrating when you're smart enough to have graduated university by now and you're watching all your friends get out and move on with their lives. (Diabetic issues; you'd be amazed how debilitating it is in academia.) My social life is minimal at best, in large part thanks to living two cities away from everybody else, and with my mother's health slowly degrading life at home is enough to drive me clinically insane.

So every day that passes by, I just suck it in as best as I can and try to remind myself that I'll get out eventually, as long as I stay in school, get my degree, and build a skill set for my resume so I can get paid enough to cover my own expenses. Recently I was lucky enough to pique the interest of the head honcho in a start-up game development group; if that works out, then financial security might be around the bend. So opportunities do sometimes present themselves. The best advice I can give is to keep chipping away, keep an eye out for a better deal, and try not to kill your parents. Sooner or later, the travesty that is our lives at 22 will come to a victorious end.