Here's your horoscope of today.

[X-Gary-Gigax-X]

Aries
You will be poked, violently, in the belly button. You must pay the man for his services.

Libra
You will obtain free goods today. Run in a shop, grab some random chocolate bar and run out the story still clutching them without being caught.

Taurus
Wear a red shirt, piss off your star-sign.

Scorpio
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.

Gemini
You will learn the true value of friendship. Put your friend on E-Bay.

Sagittarius
You will be surprised to realise how much of a fucking failure you are. Remember, down the road and not across the street.

Cancer
Hahaha, cancer.

Capricorn
You will be surprised today. That vodka that you're drinking, it's really bleach. Why else did the bar man serve it in a tinted glass besides the fact you're in a gay bar?

Leo
You will lose a friend today. He's behind the sofa.

Aquarius
You will learn the power of trust. You will be sold a bag of grass thinking it's marijuana.

Virgo
Today, you will learn the power of Monopoly.

Pisces
You're getting help from a mysterious source that might never become clear to you. You have a stalker

[DragonFyre9]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Capricorn
You will be surprised today. That vodka that you're drinking, it's really bleach. Why else did the bar man
serve it in a tinted glass besides the fact you're in a gay bar?

Well, that doesn't sound very nice or very likely.

[Rig]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Aries
You will be poked, violently, in the belly button. You must pay the man for his services.

Sounds like a regular Thursday to me.

[EverReady2Kill]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Pisces
You're getting help from a mysterious source that might never become clear to you. You have a stalker

This...could be interesting.

[Synthesize]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Virgo
Today, you will learn the power of Monopoly.

I came to school with $10 today, and left with $1. I learned nothing.

[Gagsy]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote:

Taurus
Wear a red shirt, piss off your star-sign.

I don't want to piss off my star sign though :(

[Dmabster]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Leo
You will lose a friend today. He's behind the sofa.

There you are Tyler!

[Lagatag]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Leo
You will lose a friend today. He's behind the sofa.

But my sofa is against a wall... And it's a futon, not a real sofa... what?

[Evark]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Sagittarius: You will be surprised to realise how much of a fucking failure you are. Remember, down the road and not across the street.

Wow, I just had an epiphany. Time for a walk around the block.

[theshadowwolf]

I dont wanna get poked.... Or pay anyone. I'm saving for weed.

[ChocEliteBar]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Sagittarius
You will be surprised to realise how much of a fucking failure you are. Remember, down the road and not across the street.

Ah yes, another gloomy day filled with despair and misery... Just another day in my life.

[Dawnslayer]

At 11/5/09 12:10 AM, DragonFyre9 wrote:

Capricorn

Sagittarius.

At 11/5/09 12:12 AM, Rig wrote:

Aries

Pisces.

At 11/5/09 12:13 AM, EverReady2Kill wrote:

Pisces

Aquarius.

At 11/5/09 12:13 AM, Synthesize wrote:

Virgo

Leo.

At 11/5/09 12:14 AM, Gagsy wrote:

Taurus

Aries.

At 11/5/09 12:16 AM, Dmabster wrote:

Leo

At 11/5/09 12:16 AM, Lagatag wrote:

Leo

Cancer.

At 11/5/09 12:17 AM, Evark wrote:

Sagittarius

At 11/5/09 12:22 AM, ChocEliteBar wrote:

Sagittarius

Scorpio.

Astrology's a bitch, ain't it?

[silentwings100]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote:

Leo
You will lose a friend today. He's behind the sofa.

I prefer my Horoscope from another website (I will not name it I'm afraid NG will think I'm trying to get people to go there)

Leo

While teaching the lowland gorilla how to communicate is entirely possible, getting the self-obsessed primate to shut the hell up is a whole other story.

[EverReady2Kill]

At 11/5/09 12:51 AM, Dawnslayer wrote:

Astrology's a bitch, ain't it?

Ophiuchus can go to hell.

[GlayWare]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Sagittarius
You will be surprised to realise how much of a fucking failure you are. Remember, down the road and not across the street.

Funny, my parents had a talked to me today of my constant absence of school, and saying if I don't do something soon i'm going to end up, well, a "fucking failure".

[WeirdJamFace]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote:

Pisces
You're getting help from a mysterious source that might never become clear to you. You have a stalker

Jeepers!! Really?
I'm not getting any help from anybody...

I better lock the windows just in case.

[FlashCam]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote:

Sagittarius
You will be surprised to realise how much of a fucking failure you are. Remember, down the road and not across the street.

Fail. I live in the middle of the ocean

Never trusted Horrorscopes anyway

[Arctic-Zone]

But I don't smoke weed...

[hdxmike]

Im not going to let some latin crap dictate my life !

[BabiesAteMyDingo]

A stalker! Oh no!!

This almost made me prefer this version:

Your Horoscope for Today!, by ZekeySpaceyLizard Type: Movie Rating: Ages 17+

[ransha]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Aquarius
You will learn the power of trust. You will be sold a bag of grass thinking it's marijuana.

No..No I'm pretty sure I'd know if it ganja.

Considering I buy from the same guy every time...

[HighWayStar365]

Virgo
Today, you will learn the power of Monopoly.

HOLY SHIT! I just got Boardwalk and Park Place!

A weiner is me :3

[matrix5565]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Cancer
Hahaha, cancer.

:(

[McJesus]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Virgo
Today, you will learn the power of Monopoly.

For the first time in months, my family and I played Monopoly. I destroyed them all. Twice. First horoscope to be spot on. Granted, I destroy them constantly and it was a week ago, but props nonetheless.

[DarkKingBernard]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: ScorpioN
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.

Cool.Where do i find this FOUR-YEAR-OLD

[Sizzlebuzz]

At 11/5/09 12:12 AM, Rig wrote:

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Aries
You will be poked, violently, in the belly button. You must pay the man for his services.

Sounds like a regular Thursday to me.

I've never had this happen. I'm a little scared.

[SgtDK]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Pisces
You're getting help from a mysterious source that might never become clear to you. You have a stalker

Sounds like a cartoon to me. Hopefully this stalker will have donuts for me.

[DarkKingBernard]

I havent beat up anyone yet,and noone attacked me.

This horoscope is wrong,but funny though :P

[Kiryuku]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote: Gemini
You will learn the true value of friendship. Put your friend on E-Bay.

Description: Skinny asain boy, roughly 5' 6", 100 lbs. Black hair, brown eyes. Likes to play soccer. Skilled with a sewing machine.

Starting Bid: $5.00

Anyone?

[Judzfell]

At 11/5/09 12:08 AM, X-Gary-Gigax-X wrote:

Cancer
Hahaha, cancer.

can any of you guys believes this made me sad faic? i was kinda looking forward to what was said for cancers.