Several things motivate me, keep me getting up out of bed in the morning and prevent me from jumping in front of an express train or going for a last swim in the atlantic with a bellyful of painkillers.
(1). Ambition. I am ambitious, but not in relation to my day to day office job. I am a wannabee writer / painter / musician / actor. Unfortunately, I can't tune a guitar or read music too well, and have very very little spare time outside work. Also I suck at drawing. I'm not the world's best singer either. However, the desire to keep improving my drawing and writing and to try to fail slightly less at all things audio / sonic keeps me interested and determined to improve.
(2). Curiosity about the future. The world appears to be run by corrupt, short sighted greedy bastards. Humanity as a species could clean up it's act, or we could wipe ourselves out, given the worst case biological warhead exchange scenario. I'm curious as to how humanity's story is going to develop... or END. I wanna stay alive so I can see if technology will be the salvation or damnation of our species. Don't YOU want to know how the story of our species works out ? Even more importantly, wouldn't it be great if you could do something which would have an effect (hopefully a positive one) on the great narrative, the story of humanity ? I wanna try to make my mark, change the ultimate story just a little, even though I realise that it is unrealistically ambitious to aim for this.
(3). I don't really get on with my family, or see eye to eye with them on most issues, but I know it would hurt them / embarrass them and shame them if I killed myself. They would blame themselves for my actions (unless I could engineer something sneaky and clever which made my suicide look like an unfortunate accident). I would not want this. This is one of the factors which consistantly prevents me from self terminating. If I topped myself, who would look after my parents in their old age ? Who would look after my crazy sister and dissuade her from setting people and buildings alight? Very few people would benefit from my death. Maybe the undertaker might make a few bucks from my economy rate cremation, but it would help no one else.
(4). Even if I lost my ambition and will to continue, I personally feel that it is the duty of humans to help members of our species who are weaker or more disadvantaged. Therefore, even if the stress and misery of my job and exceedingly bizarre life constantly made me want to end it all, I would STILL feel that it was a waste to kill myself when I could be using my life to try to help people who are worse off them myself.
Hope this helps, dude. Don't be An Hero
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