On my way home from work today, I was feeling a hunger. It was a hunger that couldn't be satisfied unless the exact type of food was eaten and fast. Luckily, I spotted exactly what I was looking for when I saw the Chipotle sign in the distance. I pulled in, went inside, and ordered what I always get, a chicken burrito.
Everything's normal so far, but then I noticed the total on the receipt: $6.66
"That's not a good number to get" I said to the cashier, who gave a slight laugh at my half hearted joke. Grabbing the bag, I headed out the door to my car and thought nothing of it. As I was driving home again, I started noticing a few strange things. For one, the music coming out of my speakers sounded distorted and warped, like it was being played backwards. Then the lyrics of the song came and it went like, "Eat the flesh, suckle the blood of the innocent, become one with the darkness."
"Wow this band sucks." I thought to myself. "They can't even rhyme correctly. How did they get on the radio?" The weird thing was that the song was just repeating "Eat the flesh, suckle the blood of the innocent, become one with the darkness." and it continued for the entire 15 minutes I was in the car and whenever I tried changing the station, it was still the same thing. Must be some kind of new popular song that sucks because it's mainstream and being played on the radio.
So I get home and I walked up to my front door with the Chipotle bag. As I reach it, the light outside our front door suddenly pops out. "Oh damn, I hate having to replace that light." I thought to myself. It sucks because you have to get a ladder and replace the bulb at an awkward angle because of how the front porch is positioned. Then as I walk inside the light goes back on again. "What in tarnation is going on here?!" I wondered in an impromptu southern accent, which do on occasion to amuse myself.
"Whatever, I'll just get to eating." I placed the bag down and opened it to look inside. Instead of seeing the burrito inside, I saw what appeared to be an interdimensional gateway that had distorted rainbow colors everywhere. It was at this moment that I began to think something wasn't exactly right. I reached into the bag/interdimensional gateway, found the burrito and pulled it out only to hear a shrieking noise come out of the bag once it was out of the bag.
I have come to the conclusion that this burrito is indeed evil and cursed. That is why I have resolved myself to eat it. #1. because it's important to scientific research on paranormal activities to see what happens to me. #2. because Chipotle is really good and even an evil Chipotle burrito has to taste great.
More details as they unfold.
