Forum Topic: Badass

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Creepyfan

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Posted at: 10/19/09 12:40 AM

Creepyfan DARK LEVEL 04

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Posts: 212

Found this shit on cracked... Just read it...

Who Was He?

Simo Hayha had a fairly boring life in Finland. He served his one mandatory year in the military, and then became a farmer. But when the Soviet Union invaded his homeland in 1939, he decided he wanted to help his country.

Since the majority of fighting took place in the forest, he figured the best way to stop the invasion was to grab his trusty rifle, a couple of cans of food and hide in a tree all day shooting Russians. In six feet of snow. And 20-40 degrees below zero.

Of course when the Russians heard that dozens of their men were going down and that it was all one dude with a rifle, they got fucking scared. He became known as "The White Death" because of his white camouflage outfit, and they actually mounted whole missions just to kill that one guy.

They started by sending out a task force to find Hayha and take him out. He killed them all.

Then they tried getting together a team of counter-snipers (which are basically snipers that kill snipers) and sent them in to eliminate Hayha. He killed all of them, too.

Over the course of 100 days, Hayha killed 542 people with his rifle. He took out another 150 or so with his SMG, sending his credited kill-count up to 705.

Since everyone they had was either too dead or too scared to go anywhere near him, the Russians just carpet-bombed everywhere they thought he might be. Supposedly, they had the location right, and he actually got hit by a cloud of shrapnel that tore his coat up, but didn't actually hurt him, because he's the fucking White Death, damn it.

Finally on March 6th, 1940, some lucky bastard shot Hayha in the head with an exploding bullet. When some other soldiers found him and brought him back to base, he "had half his head missing." The White Death had finally been stopped...

...for about a week. In spite of having come down with a nasty case of shot-in-the-face syndrome, he was still very much alive, and regained consciousness on March 13, the very day the war ended.

How the fuck do you get shot in the FACE with an EXPLODING bullet and wake up?!


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michelinman

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Posted at: 10/19/09 12:42 AM

michelinman NEUTRAL LEVEL 15

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I just saw that the other day actually. That dude is fucking nuts. I love that website. Did you see the 9 Most Badass Bible Verses? That is the best one for sure.


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Doombox162

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Posted at: 10/19/09 12:46 AM

Doombox162 NEUTRAL LEVEL 08

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At 10/19/09 12:40 AM, Creepyfan wrote: How the fuck do you get shot in the FACE with an EXPLODING bullet and wake up?!

Sounds like a question you'd have to ask him.


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Creepyfan

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Posted at: 10/19/09 12:53 AM

Creepyfan DARK LEVEL 04

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Posts: 212

Holy fuck. This motherfucker lived from 1905 to 2002!


Shouting

MexicanGun

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Posted at: 10/19/09 01:19 AM

MexicanGun FAB LEVEL 23

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How the fuck... how the fuck is that possible?

<Insert witty remark here>

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michelinman

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Posted at: 10/19/09 01:24 AM

michelinman NEUTRAL LEVEL 15

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At 10/19/09 01:19 AM, MexicanGun wrote: How the fuck... how the fuck is that possible?

Notice, he was on a list of the top 5 real soldiers who make Rambo look like a pussy. He got 5th.... Read the article.


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Goldfire64

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Posted at: 10/19/09 01:25 AM

Goldfire64 FAB LEVEL 17

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Posts: 854

he must be related to that scottish guy who killed a bunch of nazies with a broad sword.


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Creepyfan

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Posted at: 10/19/09 01:28 AM

Creepyfan DARK LEVEL 04

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At 10/19/09 01:25 AM, Goldfire64 wrote: he must be related to that scottish guy who killed a bunch of nazies with a broad sword.

While carrying a bagpipe


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michelinman

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Posted at: 10/19/09 01:31 AM

michelinman NEUTRAL LEVEL 15

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Don't forget the guy that was so badass that he had to play his part in the movie based on him because no one else even looked badass enough to pretend to be him.


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HuntersMoon

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Posted at: 10/19/09 02:06 AM

HuntersMoon NEUTRAL LEVEL 08

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Who was the American guy who killed a huge amount of Nazis by himself during world war 2 but later died from a plane crash back in the USA?

I think him and Simo were demigods.

How do I Forum Post?


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Robotchk12

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Posted at: 10/19/09 02:13 AM

Robotchk12 LIGHT LEVEL 11

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Posts: 1,410

This dudes' BA.
In fact, he's surpassed BA and upgraded to BAMF.


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Darth-Zanuha

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Posted at: 10/19/09 03:07 AM

Darth-Zanuha EVIL LEVEL 07

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At 10/19/09 01:19 AM, MexicanGun wrote: How the fuck... how the fuck is that possible?

He's finnish.

Insert witty, stolen sig here.


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Mecha-Bear

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Posted at: 10/19/09 03:25 AM

Mecha-Bear DARK LEVEL 04

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At 10/19/09 02:06 AM, HuntersMoon wrote: Who was the American guy who killed a huge amount of Nazis by himself during world war 2 but later died from a plane crash back in the USA?

I think him and Simo were demigods.

Audie Murphy

He was one badass mother fucker.

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Creepyfan

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Posted at: 10/19/09 02:41 PM

Creepyfan DARK LEVEL 04

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Posts: 212

Yup cracked is addicting. I guess you could say I'm a crackhead


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Sekhem

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Posted at: 10/19/09 02:42 PM

Sekhem EVIL LEVEL 27

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Killing commies is so much fun you just can't quit.

Think about this; think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that.

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michelinman

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Posted at: 10/19/09 03:31 PM

michelinman NEUTRAL LEVEL 15

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At 10/19/09 03:25 AM, Mecha-Bear wrote:
At 10/19/09 02:06 AM, HuntersMoon wrote: Who was the American guy who killed a huge amount of Nazis by himself during world war 2 but later died from a plane crash back in the USA?

I think him and Simo were demigods.
Audie Murphy

He was one badass mother fucker.

Like Audie Murphy could die of a plane crash! You got it all wrong. Audie Murphy stayed alive, went back to the U.S., and played his own role in the movie based on how badass he was. The last I heard, he was still enlisted and was kicking ass up in the mountains of Afghanistan.


Misunderstood

HuntersMoon

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Posted at: 10/19/09 10:05 PM

HuntersMoon NEUTRAL LEVEL 08

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At 10/19/09 02:42 PM, Sekhem wrote: Killing commies is so much fun you just can't quit.

Too bad he was fighting for the axis.

How do I Forum Post?


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RightWingGamer

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Posted at: 10/19/09 10:19 PM

RightWingGamer LIGHT LEVEL 06

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At 10/19/09 10:05 PM, HuntersMoon wrote:
At 10/19/09 02:42 PM, Sekhem wrote: Killing commies is so much fun you just can't quit.
Too bad he was fighting for the axis.

he wasn't. back then, finland was a neutral faction. when russia invaded, it was an attack unsanctioned by the other allies. in fact, russia was later condemned for it.

but i think we can all agree that shootin' commies is fun.

"May the lord have mercy on my enemies, because I sure as hell won't" - General George S. Patton


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j33sus

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Posted at: 10/19/09 10:27 PM

j33sus DARK LEVEL 05

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Posts: 145

Very badass, but this is such an ollllld story.


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Doomfan1

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Posted at: 10/19/09 10:41 PM

Doomfan1 LIGHT LEVEL 05

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Posts: 47

He is Chuck Norris with a rifle.

You are now aware that this is a stupid sig.


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