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I like the idea of a two month long contest. It would have potential to yield some of the best submissions.

I can't wait for the animator-writer-voice actor collab contest, even though it is really far down the line. I have some short plays I wrote that I'd love to see animated.

At 11/5/09 08:34 PM, jmalouin7 wrote:

At 11/5/09 08:32 PM, FatKidWitAJetPak wrote: Ok man great! Ill check yours out as well as the other guys. This is fun.

For someone who was suppose to be leaving Newgrounds you sure are taking your sweet time doing so...

Hi Spock :)

Hey mind your own businees there boyyy. I got involved in this writing thing, my bad :/

Plus i still have tons of loose ends to tie like finish up the voice acting contest, whichi i just finished, compelte 2 collabs, and do some scripts. im just mainly limiting my time on ng right now.

SPPPOOCCKK

At 11/6/09 12:22 AM, boloneyman wrote: I like the idea of a two month long contest. It would have potential to yield some of the best submissions.

Same. It'll give me plenty of time to write my story and revise it. Well, it'll really just give me plenty of time to think about it then put it off until December 27.

I can't wait for the animator-writer-voice actor collab contest, even though it is really far down the line. I have some short plays I wrote that I'd love to see animated.

Same. I haven't written any scripts (besides a music video for a Bloc Party song that never came to fruition), but I would like to try my hand at a 30 second or 1 minute long flash script.

A 2 month long contest would be perfect. There are a lot of great stories that come out of these MWCs, so it would be interesting to see what everyone would be able to create with 2x as much time.

It would give me a chance to work on other projects as well. Oh, and that "real life" thing.

At 11/5/09 08:47 PM, gumOnShoe wrote: WritersBlock had a great idea for a contest even though I haven't found the time to respond to him yet. But I'm worried about committing myself to another contest. What we could do, maybe is just have a year end contest and make it extend up till the first of next year since you've already lost a week in Nov.

To quote Rockhound from Armageddon, but forgive me for being the materialistic weasel of the group, but do you think that Ton would see it clear to consolidate the prize pools for November and December - I think that would make $180 Dollars of Store Credit for the pool.

Now you could make a sliding scale of $100 for the winner, $50 for second and $30 for third - I prefer a sliding scale. What do you say?

If people are ok with that, I think I should be able to judge in Jan, you'd have more time to solidify and edit and revise, wink wink. We could see if a longer contest is a good or bad idea.

Now we're looking at longer, better quality submissions, I would suggest that we have a criteria of not submitting the piece until at earliest December 1st, allowing us time to think about what we are writing, prepare drafts, and iron out any plot holes.

Perhaps the submission rule that means any submissions should be presented as news posts, then links submitted in the thread... though conversely, this could be prone to abuse, by authors that would seek to edit their submission past the deadline. Naturally, this call is down to the organisers, but there's my two pence on the issue ;)

I will review peoples stories if you want but you have to specifically ask me. If you just post the vague "it would be cool if someone would review my story" Im not going to even look at it.

At 11/6/09 06:48 PM, TheReno wrote: I will review peoples stories if you want but you have to specifically ask me. If you just post the vague "it would be cool if someone would review my story" Im not going to even look at it.

Fair enough, please review mine - I'm always happy to hear what people think of the intellectual material I produce.

Your story dear coop is very well written. Sadly that is all it is. It invokes no fear, shows no scary imagry. Had this been a contest to just create a punk world, youd ace it. Sadly, for you, the punk needed a horror companion.

As for the story itself, there was more bone then meat. What you have done is written the inbetween part of a book. You know the inbetween part? The one that comes Before and after the action, and is only there to tell how the hero went from point A to point B. Even your ending supports this thought as it seems your about to start another chapter where the doctor attacks the king or something. It drew itself out for a really fast paced ending that didnt need to be fast paced. Revenge is drawn out my good sir. Watch an episode of Dexter (one of the ones where he kills someone) and you will understand what Im saying. Also, the break in. It makes no sence. The words in the letter didnt justify the break in and what the doctor did to break in didnt foreshadow anything. In essance, useless.

To sum it up, your story was long, used good grammer, and the world was perfectly set up. And thats it Im sorry to say. 3.8 out of ten

I'd be interested in feedback on my story, because I'm not sure how I feel about it myself.

Of course, I'll adhere to the reach-around-system of providing feedback.

At 11/6/09 06:48 PM, TheReno wrote: I will review peoples stories if you want but you have to specifically ask me. If you just post the vague "it would be cool if someone would review my story" Im not going to even look at it.

I like your style; strict and to the point. By all means review mine, I'm still worried about the length but I'm satisfied with it.

At 11/7/09 12:01 AM, TheReno wrote: Your story dear coop is very well written. Sadly that is all it is. It invokes no fear, shows no scary imagry. Had this been a contest to just create a punk world, youd ace it. Sadly, for you, the punk needed a horror companion.

Since I've never really been into the horror genre, I'm not particularly surprised by your feelings, but I would say that I was more in the mind set that you can write a piece of suspenseful thriller style, without having to go into details on blood, guts and actually breaking the suspense, by delivering closure.

The words in the letter didnt justify the break in and what the doctor did to break in didnt foreshadow anything. In essance, useless.

I wouldn't have said that - I was writing that to prove that there were two sides to the coin of the 'monster' (Smith), by pointing out that he largely holds the laws in contempt, distancing himself a little from humanity.

To sum it up, your story was long, used good grammer, and the world was perfectly set up. And thats it Im sorry to say. 3.8 out of ten

Your review didn't specifically use good grammar ;) You can download a spell checker for your browser, quite easily :P

But aside from my counter attack, I feel that I can see where you're coming from. If you didn't like it, that's up to you. If anyone else decides that they fancy reviewing it, please feel free.

At 11/6/09 06:48 PM, TheReno wrote: I will review peoples stories if you want but you have to specifically ask me. If you just post the vague "it would be cool if someone would review my story" Im not going to even look at it.

Cool. Please review my story. I want to improve.

Alright im about to review a couple of stories, to make this fair I will review the first two who respond to this post. I would also enjoy it if someone were to review mine as well, its my first one so dont be like THIS SUCKED lol. ;)

At 11/7/09 01:11 PM, FatKidWitAJetPak wrote: Alright im about to review a couple of stories, to make this fair I will review the first two who respond to this post. I would also enjoy it if someone were to review mine as well, its my first one so dont be like THIS SUCKED lol. ;)

I finished reading your story. It's easy to read and well written. The best part is the ending, it reminded me of Dark City (if you have watched it you will know what I mean). The only thing I didn't like is that the ending leaves some threads untied. It could have been scarier, the descriptions of the 'things' are a little too vague to cause fear in the reader... but overall it's a good story.

So, I am a bit behind in reading stories myself. Real life got in the way for the time being and my computer is dying so the chances that I will be able to finish typing this even are rather miniscule. Hopefully I can get my new computer this weekend and read more stories today and tomorrow.

Rapemuffin, way to kick ass. Seriously that was a fantastic story. The pacing was perfect, the mood was dark, and you villinous monstrosity had purpose. I especially like the ending how it just left you feeling uncertain about the future.

(PS to Coop, this is what your story should have been. I dont say that to be mean but I say it because rape's story has almost like yours in the characters involved and what they do. Read it and you will understand what Im trying to say)

Now of course with the good comes the bad. During the explination of what the murderer is, the speech didnt feel right. Why would robert keep calling his grandfather Thomas Edison (love the cameo in this btw)? You over use the name. Family use family names when addressing or talking about family. You wouldn't be like "So Dave drove me to the store. Yeah my dad Dave rocks. Then Dave bought me the new GTA. I love Dave."

Also, the detective gives in to easily to Roberts rantings. I mean just because shooting through foliage at a moving target seems impossible doesnt mean I believe Kennedy was shot from a grassy knoll. The detective should have checked that shit out, gone back to the old crime scene where Tom was killed or work in on hius captain to make sure hes under the payroll. Just the regular things that a detective should do before rushing off on a madmans word.

Other then that, youve done good. A solid story that was an intresting read and makes me want more. 7.5 out of 10.

At 11/7/09 03:38 PM, TheReno wrote: Rapemuffin, way to kick ass. Seriously that was a fantastic story. The pacing was perfect, the mood was dark, and you villinous monstrosity had purpose. I especially like the ending how it just left you feeling uncertain about the future.

Haha - wow! Thanks so much, man.

Now of course with the good comes the bad. During the explination of what the murderer is, the speech didnt feel right. Why would robert keep calling his grandfather Thomas Edison (love the cameo in this btw)? You over use the name. Family use family names when addressing or talking about family. You wouldn't be like "So Dave drove me to the store. Yeah my dad Dave rocks. Then Dave bought me the new GTA. I love Dave."

You're right, of course - but I was tentative to link Robert closely to Thomas Edison simply because Robert's grandfather wouldn't really have spent much time with Robert during his lifetime. I feel like when you refer to a grandfather you know well, you say "Grandpa" (as you said), but when you speak about a relative you've never met or spent much time with, you may use their full name. Actually, no - you probably still say "Grandpa" here as well. You're right.

Also, the detective gives in to easily to Roberts rantings. I mean just because shooting through foliage at a moving target seems impossible doesnt mean I believe Kennedy was shot from a grassy knoll. The detective should have checked that shit out, gone back to the old crime scene where Tom was killed or work in on hius captain to make sure hes under the payroll. Just the regular things that a detective should do before rushing off on a madmans word.

This was a troublesome spot for me honestly. Half of me wanting to write a believable encounter between the Detective and Robert, but the other half of me knew that I had to get the story moving, since I was running out of space. So I agree that the Detective took Robert's story to heart rather quickly, but I had a plot in my head that I wanted to get out, so I had to sacrifice this conversation's realistic portrayal, unfortunately.

Other then that, youve done good. A solid story that was an intresting read and makes me want more. 7.5 out of 10.

Thanks a ton for the review. I haven't started reading through the stories yet, but I'll pay close attention to yours and give you some feedback as well.

At 11/7/09 01:11 PM, FatKidWitAJetPak wrote: Alright im about to review a couple of stories, to make this fair I will review the first two who respond to this post. I would also enjoy it if someone were to review mine as well, its my first one so dont be like THIS SUCKED lol. ;)

If you could review mine, that'd be great. I'm in no shape to do any real reviewing (2 days removed from surgery), so I'll critique it later, when my head is on straight.

As always, I'd love a bit of feedback.

To those unsure of their own credibility as critiques, I only have this to offer: If you can accurately explain what you think about a person's story, you've done your job. Sure, it'd be good to have some 'and why' in there, but personally, I find open ended criticisms allow for some great personal development. The characters didn't feel genuine, the ending was a let down, the setting was too unnecessarily detailed, the dialogue didn't work. You know what you like and don't like in a story and if you can pack it into a few short sentences, you can give a writer a good idea as to what they need to work on. Everyone can be a critic, and if more people chipped in their two cents, writers here could probably gauge their readership's response and work on giving them what they want. But if you can pick out particular details, that can be good too.

I also recall my creative writing lecturer telling me something of a reader's criticisms of your work. Often if they point out a problem, the actual problem began occuring much earlier. So that's a good excuse to go back and revise your own material.

I've been away for a few days, so I'm glad to see a lot of you guys up for reviewing eachother's work, and I'm glad that gum liked my MWC idea. And I'm also looking forward to this two month competition. While I'm working a little more over the next few months, I've got a lot more free time (no more uni until late Feb/early March) so I should be up for judging again.

So, what's everybody been working on since the deadline? I found that I was in such a writing mood that I was excited to write more poetry. I'll post it in my userblog if there is interest.

At 11/8/09 08:33 AM, WritersBlock wrote: As always, I'd love a bit of feedback.

Wanna trade again? I'll review your completed work and you'll review mine?

Shit, sorry about the delays in my judging. I've been fairly busy with assignments and everything, but that can't account for everything, so apoligies to all. As always, I'm going to try and give some feedback to everyone with my scores once the winners are announced, so that's something to look forward to. I'd hate having to cut my feedback down as a result of time, but it's not fair to keep everyone waiting as a result of laziness. I'll get down to some now.

I planned out a story for this contest that I might very well develop in the future, with some compulsory elements toned down a little. That's something I've directly gotten out of this contest, it's all good. As ever, reading to write here, so I'll get myself stuck in now.

Just as a final note, I'm also looking forward to the collaborative contests featuring writing segments, very much so. These contests are great tools for everyone here, at least I like to think as much.

I've posted this link before I think, but I'll flag it up now for anyone interested: Celtx. It's a free software that works for different methods of pre-production (writing, storyborards, etc.). It's assisted me with script formatting quite greatly actually. While formatting's probably not the most important thing on Earth at this sort of stage, it might help you flex your muscles in regards to script writing. It might take a while to get the hang of, but I've been using it for random drafts for a couple of weeks, and you might find yourself slipping into it quite easily. I'm still starting out though! I believe it's quite easy to share with others using Celtx too.

(Hope the example comes out okay - I literally wrote this off the top of my head!).

What was I doing? Oh yeah, entry reading.

Alright Mr. TheReno, I would like for you to give me feedback on my story (anyone else, feel free to do so aswell).

FYI: Please for the love of all that is holy, do not I repeat DO NOT give my story a grade, do not give it a rating between 0-10 or 1-10. It's obscene when reviewers do this, and there is no rational behind this other than if it's a big number it's good, if it's a small number it's bad, if it's neither it's okay. It's also gratuitously obscene when you give ratings with a decimals. It's sickening. Look, when you do that you're not rating the numbers out of ten, in reality you're rating them on a possible 100.

That's just vulgar. All I want you to do is give me a review; analyze the problems you've had with it and what you either liked or disliked about it.

That's all, thank you.

At 11/8/09 11:38 AM, MattTheParanoidKat wrote: Alright Mr. TheReno, I would like for you to give me feedback on my story (anyone else, feel free to do so aswell).

FYI: Please for the love of all that is holy, do not I repeat DO NOT give my story a grade, do not give it a rating between 0-10 or 1-10. It's obscene when reviewers do this, and there is no rational behind this other than if it's a big number it's good, if it's a small number it's bad, if it's neither it's okay. It's also gratuitously obscene when you give ratings with a decimals. It's sickening. Look, when you do that you're not rating the numbers out of ten, in reality you're rating them on a possible 100.

That's just vulgar. All I want you to do is give me a review; analyze the problems you've had with it and what you either liked or disliked about it.

That's all, thank you.

You know the judges rate your stories out of 10?
But I do see what you mean. They're more for your own judging rather than 'your story was worth this many numbers', but on another scale, it can be useful when sizing a story up to its potential. Whether you have to fix something up a little or a lot. Depends on how you take your feedbackLEARN TO COPE WITH FEEDBACK MAN! Jeez, what a buttwipe. I'm gonna give this guy a 2.36 out of 11.

@Scarab: That's an interesting looking piece of software you've got there. I've heard it mentioned before, but haven't really looked into what it does. I'd probably definitely take a closer look at it if I probe further into scriptwriting, as manual editing is a bitch. But then again, you can do things your own style if you're left to your own devices, but after 5-6 pages of fully loaded dialogue, I quickly got sick of centering and capitalising the name, then hitting enter then tabbing three times then writing the line then hitting enter twice then centering and capitalising the name then hitting enter again then three tabs again and yadda yadda yadda (pic below). As for whatever bells and whistles that come withi it, I probably wouldn't bother at all. I tried using yWriter quite recently, for the novel I've started writing for NaNoWriMo, but I've found the notepad to be much more convenient for planning and drafts. Simply put, just writing a standard story, something like Microsoft Word or Open Office Writer cover everything I need, and, like I said before, I can set it out exactly as I want it, without anything being hideously in the way.

@TheReno: Sure. That'd be great.

FYI: Please for the love of all that is holy, do not I repeat DO NOT give my story a grade, do not give it a rating between 0-10 or 1-10. It's obscene when reviewers do this, and there is no rational behind this other than if it's a big number it's good, if it's a small number it's bad, if it's neither it's okay. It's also gratuitously obscene when you give ratings with a decimals. It's sickening. Look, when you do that you're not rating the numbers out of ten, in reality you're rating them on a possible 100.

I personally use numbers after a review because it expresses a whole lot more then what I said. Take what I said about rapemuffins story. Its all very good I just elaborated on a couple issues with it but all in all It was a good review, makes ya think it was near perfect. If one were to give a number grade you might think its a 9 (or 90 on your scale) but it wasnt. The issues I pointed out were a tad bigger then what they might seem. Well only the one where the detective takes the story in too quickly, and that cost some points (for me). And the reason I dont round up to even numbers is the same reason you leave a penny on the table as tip for a bad waitress, its a more powerful image.

Thats why the numbers are there, its all about showing what I cant describe. And if you dont like that, I cant review your work properly because there is just shit i cant put words to.

At 11/8/09 11:38 AM, MattTheParanoidKat wrote: FYI: Please for the love of all that is holy, do not I repeat DO NOT give my story a grade, do not give it a rating between 0-10 or 1-10. It's obscene when reviewers do this, and there is no rational behind this other than if it's a big number it's good, if it's a small number it's bad, if it's neither it's okay. It's also gratuitously obscene when you give ratings with a decimals. It's sickening. Look, when you do that you're not rating the numbers out of ten, in reality you're rating them on a possible 100.

This is partially why I've tried to lower the significance of the number scores in my reviews when I've judged in the past. I do give numbers, and the numbers are pretty indicative of how I felt about the story, but I feel their primary responsibility is to help me in sorting out which entries I put into my top bunch to put up for prize consideration. I wouldn't like just giving a number at all, and as slim as some of my reviews may seem at times, I like to think it's one of those situations where everybody wins in some way.

At 11/8/09 11:55 AM, WritersBlock wrote: I quickly got sick of centering and capitalising the name, then hitting enter then tabbing three times then writing the line then hitting enter twice then centering and capitalising the name then hitting enter again then three tabs again and yadda yadda yadda (pic below).

This is mostly what got me into Celtx, that, and learning about some more of the technicalities of script-writing that I'm still unfamiliar with. Celtx's greatest feature in the writing section is its quick key scheme. If you're writing a scene heading, pressing enter will take you to writing some action. Pressing tab now lets you insert a character name, pressing enter then gives dialogue space, and so on. It's all displayed at the bottom of the screen quite helpfully.

As for whatever bells and whistles that come withi it, I probably wouldn't bother at all. I tried using yWriter quite recently, for the novel I've started writing for NaNoWriMo, but I've found the notepad to be much more convenient for planning and drafts. Simply put, just writing a standard story, something like Microsoft Word or Open Office Writer cover everything I need, and, like I said before, I can set it out exactly as I want it, without anything being hideously in the way.

Yeah, I haven't looked much further than the writing sections on Celtx. Why should I, being honest? I have no need for them. I use notepad/Word for most of my plans and drafts too, as like you say, I've grown accustomed to how they work over several years and I can easily play around with them. As far as Celtx goes, some of its "Master Catalog" elements may or may not be of any use to you. Once you create a character, you're given a screen that's almost set up as a screen you get when you register for website membership, allowing you to put some detail about the character in. Like I say, you might not find that useful - I've not really used it enough yet myself, being honest. I want to meet the challenge of coming up with some script ideas that could possibly be used for Flash. We'll see then, I hope!

And I bet Celtx won't pay up now because of that penultimate remark of mine :(

At 11/8/09 11:38 AM, MattTheParanoidKat wrote: FYI: Please for the love of all that is holy, do not I repeat DO NOT give my story a grade, do not give it a rating between 0-10 or 1-10.

I see what you mean, but I find numbers are pretty helpful. They quickly quantify what a person (or I) feel about a story. Sure, it's a bit arbitrary, but they can be a quick indicator of how well you write. They are especially useful at the MWC's because not only do they have to find a winner, you usually only get a sentence or 2 from the judges on what they thought about the piece.

At 11/7/09 11:30 AM, Abuelodigital17 wrote:

At 11/6/09 06:48 PM, TheReno wrote: I will review peoples stories if you want but you have to specifically ask me. If you just post the vague "it would be cool if someone would review my story" Im not going to even look at it.

Cool. Please review my story. I want to improve.

I read yours. Personally I love the idea of a prison in a black ocean with endless mazes of glass chambers and strange "wardens" with blades and glowing blue eyes and weird movements. Its all very creepy. I loved the description of the man sitting next to the main character with his belley button ripped out, good description. In other wrods, your main good point is the way you develop your atmosphere.

As for the bad side, it was a very confusing story. The ending was a bit strange and didnt make all that much sense. You could have made it clearer about what that place was. It could have been a scientific test or a prison. I also thought that it would be impossible for the man to survive more than a minute in the ocean because the waves were moving so quickly that the blood would have been rushed out of his body very quickly. I was just confused by many of the things that happened.

I give you a 6.8/10

Wonderful atmosphere, confusing plot, strange and exotic characters, poor design, overall preety good job man.

I read yours. Personally I love the idea of a prison in a black ocean with endless mazes of glass chambers and strange "wardens" with blades and glowing blue eyes and weird movements. Its all very creepy. I loved the description of the man sitting next to the main character with his belley button ripped out, good description. In other wrods, your main good point is the way you develop your atmosphere.

As for the bad side, it was a very confusing story. The ending was a bit strange and didnt make all that much sense. You could have made it clearer about what that place was. It could have been a scientific test or a prison.

I'm glad you liked it. It's my first horror story and I wasn't sure if it was scary or not. I understand why you think it's confusing. Some things were obvious to me because I'm the one who is writing it... Besides, I like leaving things unexplained so that the reader has to tie the loose ends by himself.

I also thought that it would be impossible for the man to survive more than a minute in the ocean because the waves were moving so quickly that the blood would have been rushed out of his body very quickly.

I don't know... salty water makes blood clot faster but maybe you're right.

I was just confused by many of the things that happened.

Hint: the main character is female, not male... re-read the ending and you will understand what happened.
I can explain everything , just ask me and I'll answer your questions ;) I have some questions about your story as well, if you're willing to explain the things I didn't understand let me know.

I give you a 6.8/10

Wonderful atmosphere, confusing plot, strange and exotic characters, poor design, overall preety good job man.

What do you mean when you say 'poor design'? (I want to improve).
Thanks for the feedback!

If nobody minds could someone review mine? It'd be much appreciated.

I'll start reading and reviewing others, if you want more feedback.