Forum Topic: Mwc9 : Oct : Punkoween : Talk

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TheReno

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Posted at: 10/14/09 07:59 AM

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So can someone lend a helping hand. Theres something off about mah speech in my story. But I cant figure out what. Any ideas?

Its time to play games and jerk off. And Im all out of quarters.

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WritersBlock

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Posted at: 10/14/09 11:56 AM

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Past the 3,000 word mark. I'd love to be done by the weekend/early next week. Should be done soon.

Moar Flonkerton:

V

"Why can't you just stay in the one fucking place?" he said.
I recognised the voice as the drill guy.
"What have you done to me?" I asked.
He held out a hand to pull me from the cupboard and back out into the lab.
"What have you done to me?" I repeated.
He turned and walked towards the hallway. I followed. And then I saw his other hand. Or what was meant to be his other hand, except it was lopped off at the wrist, and had since been replaced with a cordless drill mechanism, which I assumed was connected to his nervous system.
"What have you done to me?" I asked again, as I followed close behind.
He paused, then glanced back at me as if telling me not to press the question further. His drill revolved briefly with a low whine, as a warning. I refrained from asking again.

He walked out into the hallway and then further down, away from the room in which I awoke.
"At least talk to me" I said.
"What do you want me to say?" he asked.
"Who are you?" I asked "and where are we going?"
"The less you know, the better, kiddo. You can remember me as the guy who gave you your life back."
He led me into some sort of control room filled with levers and knobs and wheels and buttons. There were numerous control panels spread across the room, and along the walls, as well as a few small mechanic controls on the lowered ceiling. He sat me down in a chair in the centre of the room, and swung the chair facing around towards the windows that stretched across the width of the room, all wide and tall as the control panels would allow. The windows looked out upon the city, at a distance, and I could see through a thinly veiled cloud-mist the acrid black smoke wafting from the factories and sweatshops and polluting out into the air.
"Where are we?" I asked.
"We're flying" he responded. "We're inside the Nocturne VII airship, circling the city."
And indeed, he was correct, as I noticed we were moving around over the city. I leaned forward slightly, to enhance my view, but my head began to spin and I was overwhelmed by this simple fear of heights.


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Lost-Chances

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Posted at: 10/14/09 12:34 PM

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Got my new computer, just setting it up now. Hopefully, I should be settled down by Friday or Saturday which then I can at least do some mild brain-storming then.

Swallow your sugar pills, inject your saline, breath in some hydroxide mist and have a nice day.

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WritersBlock

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Posted at: 10/15/09 01:22 PM

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V (cont'd)

"How long have we been up here?" I asked nervously.
"This is the thirteenth day." He said. "We rescued you from the factory on the Friday night after the cat man left."
"Thirteen days... the cat man... what are you on about?"
He laughed wryly. "So you haven't heard about the corruption of the Magna Carta?"
"Last I heard was that you couldn't trust anybody any more. I heard that some strange evils were about. And I found myself in the boss's office waiting for him to finish his meetings. I wanted to talk about working conditions. I was waiting quite a while, and when he came in, he just watched me all quiet like. He filed away a few papers that were lying on his desk and he asked if I've been sticking my nose in places where it ought not be stuck. And I said "no, sir." And he asked me to stay late, and I said "yes, sir." And then he shot me."
"He's not just a factory manager any more. He organised the suspension of the Magna Carta, and has since corrupted the city of its politics. He's got the whole fuckin' city sliding in his palm. They call him the Cheshire Cat now."

VI

The Magna Carta. In this city, in this world, it is the law. Without it we are lawless. This is a story of revenge. I knew what must be done before the words left his mouth. Kill the Cheshire Cat. Kill the Cheshire Cat and restore lawfulness to the city, restore the Magna Carta to its rightful place in our society. I need not sleep, nor so much as rest until the deed is done. All that is required is the diesel fuel to the reservoir in my shoulder. I sat in the control room as the drill guy told me all I needed to know. And then he flicked a lever which opened a hatch beneath my chair. I found myself upturned and soaring down several thousand metres of cold, polluted air, the city looming ever closer with no signs of slowing.


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TheReno

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Posted at: 10/15/09 03:54 PM

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Healthwillkillyou: I read your piece and I must say it was like my niece. So fair and young and pretty, as soft and tender as a kitty. But a Horror was needed, and in this you fell through; just as king tut was locked in his tomb. Your rhymes were nice, your plot was true. And because of this, you fell through; just as king tut was locked in his tomb.

Alright enough with poetry time xD. Your rhymes killed this story's horror factor. its to neat and cute. In order to be as scary as they are, horrors need to be told or read as the audiance thinks. So unless one of the judges is Dr.Suess (And I dont think he is, you know unless the zombie apocolypse is upon us) then you didnt achieve the goal. A nice story none the less.

Its time to play games and jerk off. And Im all out of quarters.

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WritersBlock

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Posted at: 10/16/09 10:37 AM

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Over 3,600 words and starting to wrap things up. Definitely should be done over the weekend.

VI (cont'd)

A heavy sickening crunch. I slammed into the road, hard. My face landed several metres away and I lay twisted and scratched and covered in the cracked and broken asphalt of the road. The words reverberated in my head, the last thing drill guy said before he flicked the lever.
"This, my friend, is to show you that you can not die."
I clicked my wrists the right way around and pushed myself up off the ground. I snapped my kneecaps back into place. I slipped my face back on and pulled the hairline back over my fibreglass skull. One hell of a migraine.

I took one step. Two step. Three steps to shake off the disorientation. And then I saw the people in their homes all peering out their windows at me, some of which were probably on their phones to the police. It didn't take long at all before the sirens were within earshot. I transformed my staggered walk into a fuel-pumping sprint and left with little more than a whiff of burned fuel and scattered asphalt trailing into anywhere.


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Some-Stupid-Idiot

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Posted at: 10/16/09 06:00 PM

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http://some-stupid-idiot.newgrounds.com/
news/post/388852

I've done more with the story, I've made the antagonist more demented and added more stuff.


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WritersBlock

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Posted at: 10/17/09 01:31 PM

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Pushing at 4,200 words now. I'm in the home stretch now, and I'll probably be finished tonight. Thought of a few interesting last minute twists that should hopefully wash down well. I've also decided to label my story an experimental fan-fiction, but I'll leave that open for interpretation. ;)


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Lost-Chances

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Posted at: 10/17/09 01:39 PM

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After looking at my dates, I'll probably do a final rush to do it within the last week due to the week off.

Swallow your sugar pills, inject your saline, breath in some hydroxide mist and have a nice day.

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WritersBlock

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Posted at: 10/17/09 02:22 PM

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And I am done. With two weeks to spare. Record pace and a solid word count of 4,618.
Whole story in mah blawg.
I love quad posting.


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TheReno

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Posted at: 10/17/09 07:43 PM

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At 10/17/09 02:22 PM, WritersBlock wrote: And I am done. With two weeks to spare. Record pace and a solid word count of 4,618.
Whole story in mah blawg.
I love quad posting.

It sucked ass and you should quit writing and die!

Oh wait, your not carrot top... Anywho.. xD

Great story. You really captivated me and enthrawlled me in your oiled up world. Although it did come off as a bit Saw-ey if Saw had sex with Dr.Frankenstien. But in a weird way that made me love it more. Good solid plot, well told. The dialouge and his thoughts did leave something to be desired. it was a bit wordy in my opinion. Like hes on the table thinking all these thoughts when you or I would be scared out of our minds at first and then only thinking of how to get out, not what got us here.

5/5 for me. If you won I wouldnt be surprised.

Its time to play games and jerk off. And Im all out of quarters.

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amador10

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Posted at: 10/18/09 12:46 AM

amador10 DARK LEVEL 09

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http://amador10.newgrounds.com/news/post /389509

Here is my story so far. I decided to delve into some cyberpunk with a hint of splatterpunk and some elitism. It could go in another direction, however, and if it does, it will probably involve some existentialism.

I'd appreciate it if you comment on how it is so far.

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Rion-hunter

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Posted at: 10/21/09 09:54 AM

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At 10/17/09 02:22 PM, WritersBlock wrote: And I am done. With two weeks to spare. Record pace and a solid word count of 4,618.
Whole story in mah blawg.
I love quad posting.

Quad posting is quite orgasmic.


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gumOnShoe

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Posted at: 10/23/09 08:22 AM

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So there's about a week left... :D

How are you all coming along?

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Coop83

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Posted at: 10/23/09 11:20 AM

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At 10/23/09 08:22 AM, gumOnShoe wrote: So there's about a week left... :D

I make it 10 days! They've all got to count for something!

How are you all coming along?

Slowly. I'm at about 500 words, but given a decent run at it over the weekend and I'll get this piece finished before too long. I've got 4 days of Holiday before the competition ends and once I've got the short story to go with my Blams Milestone out of the way, I'll be solely concentrating on this baby.

Watch my news post for more info :)

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Peaceblossom

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Posted at: 10/23/09 11:34 AM

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Ugh, I got mad writers block after I got my setting. I need some people to basically suck my e-penis and stroke my ego so I know it's worth my time to continue writing.

Here's what I have so far.

The clang of the tram as it putted across the gray and brown smoked-out urban cityscape was more than enough reminder that today was going to be one of those days... You know, one of those days where everything is an infinite inconvenience.

On my way into the city I generously gave up my seat to an elderly woman of about fifty-five or so. Her skin was pale and wrinkled, and she possessed a cough that wreaked of death in both odor and sound. Everything about her was saturated with her looming death. I wouldn't be surprised if she passed within the next ten or so days.

I recognized her too. She was Deloris Finch, widowed heir of the Finch Dirigible Company. She sold the company to the Thompson brothers, who combined their extensive engineering knowledge to make the greatest airships Europe had ever seen. This frail shell of a women invested every last penny she owned in her own healthcare. That is precisely why she rode the rusted out tram into the city-center each and every morning.

I stood for the remainder of the tram ride. Each stop jerking me to and fro. I nearly lost my balance with each change in pace and each shake in the line. Mrs. Finch left the tram before I did, but her seat was quickly filled by faceless vultures cluttered around her seat. The public transport here is an absolute abomination compared to most private industry. A broken pipe in the tram-car was bellowing thick hot steam directly into the side of my head on an already scorching summer day. Beads of sweat were building up on the rims of the goggles I had placed atop my forehead.

Stepping out of the tram and up into the edges of the downtown core, a gust of dusty wind blew by the street corner, layering dirt onto my already sweat-drenched face. I pulled a handkerchief from the inside breast-pocket of my vest and wiped myself.

Crossing the train tracks on the way to my interview, I waited several minutes for trains coming and going to pass. The building was in my sights, but the trains that passed by did not stop for what seemed like hours. In my downtime, I began daydreaming. Try as a might, I can't help but think of women. On my mind now was Lysha, my first crush from my childhood. I never had the guts to ask her if she was interested in dating, but I always go through the motions in my head of what life would be like if her and I were together.

Eventually the trains had stopped and I failed to realize it immediately. One surly individual in his top-hat piloting what looked to be a six-legged steam-powered crawler - complete with bellowing smoke stacks and exposed gears - sounded a rather large horn in my direction telling me to get going. I snapped back into it with several running steps and headed toward the giant spire ahead of me.

The spire was the eastern-most wing of the government division for public maintenance and centralized planning. I was hardly interested in the politics of this place, but the upper floors of the building had several dirigible docks and was the only place where large packages could be handled and received from across the globe. My interview here was for a job in just that - the delivery of large packages.

blah abrupt end

Anyway, I basically plan on continuing this with the dude delivering a giant beast, kinda like a loch ness monster, on his airship. Basically he'd be stopped by eco-terrorists / pirates and then the beast would wake up and start to FSU.

Yeah, so convince me to keep going, because I haven't felt like writing since I hammered out what I have now.


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Lost-Chances

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Posted at: 10/23/09 12:17 PM

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At 10/23/09 08:22 AM, gumOnShoe wrote: So there's about a week left... :D

How are you all coming along?

Hoping to start maybe Saturday or Tuesday or something. I have a basic outline of what I want to do, just planning in my head how to do it.

Swallow your sugar pills, inject your saline, breath in some hydroxide mist and have a nice day.

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gumOnShoe

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Posted at: 10/25/09 09:43 PM

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Now I'm allowed to say 1 week, right?

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EternitySpent

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Posted at: 10/26/09 12:26 AM

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lol I only started writing two days ago, but my class schedule is looking pretty light this week; after 2 weeks of grueling mid-terms and I have this sudden urge to write, so I'm hoping I can get a buzzer beater in.

I don't think I'm very good at this punk think though, but shit worst case scenario my story sucks the bag.

The stories submitted so far looked pretty good, unfortunately there isn't many of them :(


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WritersBlock

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Posted at: 10/26/09 03:53 AM

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At 10/25/09 09:43 PM, gumOnShoe wrote: Now I'm allowed to say 1 week, right?

That is permitted, yes.


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Lost-Chances

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Posted at: 10/29/09 03:28 AM

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I'm not sure what to think of it but the draft is done. Needs some major tweaking such as dumping the deux ex machina in it.

Swallow your sugar pills, inject your saline, breath in some hydroxide mist and have a nice day.

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vashtsakared

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Posted at: 11/1/09 01:01 AM

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Gee, done just in time to start NaNoWriMo.


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gumOnShoe

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Posted at: 11/1/09 10:08 AM

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All right guys, you have till tonight!

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M-Y

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Posted at: 11/1/09 12:44 PM

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At 11/1/09 01:01 AM, vashtsakared wrote: Gee, done just in time to start NaNoWriMo.

the nano what now?


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MattTheParanoidKat

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Posted at: 11/1/09 02:13 PM

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At 11/1/09 10:08 AM, gumOnShoe wrote: All right guys, you have till tonight!

Oops jew. I could ve had it proof read by someone else after all.


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RapeMuffin

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Posted at: 11/1/09 02:18 PM

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At 11/1/09 10:08 AM, gumOnShoe wrote: All right guys, you have till tonight!

Pressure's on!

I've been purposely avoiding this talk thread and the entry thread so I don't unintentionally steal any ideas from other authors.

Good luck to everyone who is still proofreading and finishing up their stories (like myself...)!

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Coop83

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Posted at: 11/1/09 08:31 PM

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Well, I was even unsure as to whether or not I would get this finished by the end of the day, but I did manage to squeak under the wire with this piece.

Battered and bruised (mentally), I'm looking forward to seeing what people think of this one, as I personally think it was better than the entry I gave for the June contest.

I'm knackered, and I'm off to watch the World Series.

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MattTheParanoidKat

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Posted at: 11/1/09 08:39 PM

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Hey, could you guys read my story and tell me that it's not a complete failure?

Yeah, I need some criticism and some positive reassurence because I miht be a bit ciritical and I can't wait a good 2 weeks for this.

PM me and tell me watcha think.


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BrianEtrius

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Posted at: 11/1/09 10:09 PM

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There we go, all done.

And that's an epic. Barely got under the word limit there, but it works.

Also, try to spot the ironies in it ;)

New to Politics? Read this./ Endless Crew/ Life's little things
There is a great need for a sarcasm font. Oh really?

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TheReno

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Posted at: 11/1/09 10:16 PM

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Done! Lol and in the nick of time. Im happy with the outcome. I tried to do it last night but those damn kids kept interuptting me. Ah well, its there. GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!

Its time to play games and jerk off. And Im all out of quarters.

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