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Hello all, I think I would like to post the first two paragraphs of my story, just to gauge opinions on how it's shaping up. Please let me know what you all think.

TAKEN FROM THE DESK OF J. HORACE STANDISH:

To Constable Redding, or whom it may concern,

This is my account of the horrible events that began with a curious machine and closed with the egregious murder of my dear friend, Dr. Charles Lightstrom. I must warn adamantly, Constable, that the details contained within this letter seem fantastic and at times nonsensical, and that is because the final days of Dr. Lightstrom are themselves fantastic and at times nonsensical. It is not my intention to mislead Scotland Yard in its investigation of this most unforgivable crime, but since I fear that while the circumstances of this case are most unconventional, your men will most assuredly use strictly conventional means to piece this puzzle together. Please understand that this crime is unlike any thing you've ever known, Constable, and Lightstrom's killer is a far more ferocious and evil brute than old Jack the Ripper himself. But if I may, Constable, I'd like to start at the very beginning.

It was September 30th, in the year of our lord 1895. I had departed from my quaint cottage in Leeds and boarded the zeppelin to visit my dear friend Dr. Charles Lightstrom in his Manor in London. We were to engage in our weekly ritual of tea and conversation, but my presence this week was urgently requested as Charles had a new invention that he was desperate to show me. Dr. Lightstrom was quite the inventor, and this invention, he assured me, would revolutionize daily living as we new it. As I boarded the steamcart en route to the Lightstrom Manor, my fancy was thoroughly tickled as to what this fabulous new invention might be. Little did I know that Lightstrom's final gift to humanity would be a pox on him, and the horrors it would wrought in the coming weeks would be his undoing.

Out of curiosity, does anyone besides me listen to music while writing?

I'm listening to a variety of music, from Shiny Toy Guns to Beethoven to ragtime. Which is probably why the title of the story is called Major Tom.

It's weird, but it's easier (at least for me) to write something with something going on in the background to inspire.

At 10/12/09 01:56 AM, BrianEtrius wrote: Out of curiosity, does anyone besides me listen to music while writing?

Usually, if I'm doing late night writing, I listen to I'm Not In Love by 10CC a lot due to it's slightly melancholic and empty feel to it. It lets me listen to music, but doesn't feel too strong to disrupt any weak thoughts lurking around my head. There are other songs I do listen to depending on the story, although the most common of these was probably Love Bites by Def Leppard; partly due to it's guitar work and partly due to the chorus.

Currently, I'm waiting for my new computer to start writing. It should arrive either today, or tomorrow.

At 10/12/09 02:42 AM, Lost-Chances wrote:

At 10/12/09 01:56 AM, BrianEtrius wrote: Out of curiosity, does anyone besides me listen to music while writing?

Usually, if I'm doing late night writing, I listen to I'm Not In Love by 10CC a lot due to it's slightly melancholic and empty feel to it. It lets me listen to music, but doesn't feel too strong to disrupt any weak thoughts lurking around my head. There are other songs I do listen to depending on the story, although the most common of these was probably Love Bites by Def Leppard; partly due to it's guitar work and partly due to the chorus.

Currently, I'm waiting for my new computer to start writing. It should arrive either today, or tomorrow.

Sigur Ros or Radiohead or some sort of general playlist, tends to work for me. Especially for late night writing. I might have to whip up a unique playlist for NaNoWriMo, as I usually flick through my playlists until I get to a song that feels 'right'. Removing the wrong ones should hopefully amp up the productivity methinks.

Anywho, gonna post two more paragraphs here and now (what a treat!) and then get back to digging into my story again. Shit's gonna kick up a notch. >:D

III (cont'd)

I walked out of the room and down the hallway, checking the doors that I passed by as I passed by. Locked, locked, locked, locked. I didn't dare test my luck on a busted door here because I didn't want to tempt death over my newly acquired freedom. Locked, locked, locked. My head was pulsing slightly with a slowly ebbing migraine. The light burned my eyes after those hours of deep dark sleep. My arms and legs felt lead-heavy and my chest felt so stiff from resting on the table so long. Locked. I rubbed my fingers along my chest to feel how bad the rash and cuts were but I was numb and it felt like there was a thick wall of metal or meta-plastic keeping me from feeling anything at all. Unlocked, this one door stood ajar. I tentatively pushed it into the room, which I gathered to be some sort of kitchen/laboratory. On the back of the door were hung a few white coats. I grabbed one and slid it over myself, and buttoned it up mostly around my waist. I walked further into the room, tables and chairs and benches and bottles and jars and liquids and metals and acrid smelling fuels were splayed about the room. I picked up one bottle, a black sludge compound, and that's when I heard a scream ring out from elsewhere in the building.

I paused, bottle in hand, ears tuning to the motion and sounds from outside the room. Footsteps, footsteps, footsteps. I dropped the bottle, which smashed upon the floor, and I made for the nearest door. Get out of the room and away from the hallway. But don't stop listening. I opened the door which exposed a small storage cupboard. With the footsteps drawing closer closer I didn't hesitate to throw myself in there and slide shut the door behind me. I rested on the shelving and saw myself in the reflective surface of the closed door. And I think I am going to be sick.

At 10/10/09 11:50 PM, Redface wrote: You ever have those moments of intense doubt when writing? When you think to yourself, "This is stupid, no one will like this" or "I'm sure someone has done this before, but better."

I have those moments all the time. Like, right now, while I'm working on my entry.

Listen to them, but only the right thoughts and respond to them in the right way. Because yeah I get those moments all the time. Best thing you can do is read it out loud to a friend and see what they think. Generally I also shoot to improve my language when I start feeling like that. I'll look at a scene and try to expand it and make it important where it wasn't maybe before. I also generally right my stories in several parts about different things and then merge the ideas together in one story, then making sure things are consistant.

But I always hate my work, always.

At 10/12/09 01:56 AM, BrianEtrius wrote: Out of curiosity, does anyone besides me listen to music while writing?

Yeah, anything to keep the brain going. I switch between having and not having music. Usually when I do listen its either upbeat to keep me going or accustical and weird to inspire. Safri Duo's Everything is actually something that's a mix of both and really up beat. It has derigidoos, an accustic feeling, drums, and electronica in it, also maybe strings. Just anything to keep my spirits up and my mind off of other things...

At 10/12/09 01:56 AM, BrianEtrius wrote: Out of curiosity, does anyone besides me listen to music while writing?

I'm listening to a variety of music, from Shiny Toy Guns to Beethoven to ragtime. Which is probably why the title of the story is called Major Tom.

It's weird, but it's easier (at least for me) to write something with something going on in the background to inspire.

Yeah, I listen to music alot while writing. However, I have to choose the music that is appropriate for the genre I am writing. Akira Yamaoka seems ideal for a Steampunk Horror based story.

At 10/12/09 01:56 AM, BrianEtrius wrote: Out of curiosity, does anyone besides me listen to music while writing?

I listen to a variety of things. I usually listen to the playlist of newgrounds songs I have, or to job for a cowboy. Oddly makes me think harder.

At 10/12/09 01:56 AM, BrianEtrius wrote: Out of curiosity, does anyone besides me listen to music while writing?

It's weird, but it's easier (at least for me) to write something with something going on in the background to inspire.

It depends a bit on the situation for me, though I often have some music playing quietly while I read or make notes on something I plan to write. At the risk of sounding like a typical arts student, I'm very interested in instrumental jazz while I really go at it, though I can turn on some of the lyrical classics (example, Straighten Up And Fly Right, originally performed by Nat King Cole and his band, but I've listened to a version sung by Rosemary Clooney which is great too) if I'm in the mood. I've found that jazz, and to a lesser extent, blues-based rock, generates quite a warm atmosphere. It goes well with the environment, whether it's the middle of the day or in the early morning.

Just as another example I've had on many times while brainstorming ideas, check out John McLaughlin by Miles Davis and his band (including McLaughlin on guitar). It comes from Miles Davis' more electric, fusion period. It's a sort of a staple of my writing playlists, heh.

Oh, and techno/ambient sort of styles too. Newgrounds and its audio artists have helped me build a considerable collection of this sort of stuff over time. The pieces I've gone for tend to be cool and calm for the most part, if quite striking at select moments, quite jolting. I'm still inexperienced in all of these genres, so randomly-generated Internet radio found on programs such as Spotify (unfortunately only available in Scandinavia and parts of western Europe, but there's got to be an alternative, you get the idea) has been great for me while I get into writing.

So yeah, I do listen to music while writing. Sort of :)

At 10/12/09 06:34 AM, gumOnShoe wrote: Listen to them, but only the right thoughts and respond to them in the right way. Because yeah I get those moments all the time. Best thing you can do is read it out loud to a friend and see what they think. Generally I also shoot to improve my language when I start feeling like that. I'll look at a scene and try to expand it and make it important where it wasn't maybe before. I also generally right my stories in several parts about different things and then merge the ideas together in one story, then making sure things are consistant.

But I always hate my work, always.

My biggest struggle with writing creatively is picking out the right voices in my mind. There are always a couple of thoughts that are overjoyed with the mess I've developed on the page, but they're not the loudest ones. The most negative bring megaphones with them and act as if it's some sort of protest party rather than a simple exhibition for myself and my thoughts.

But yeah, I love receiving feedback from anyone, on the smallest of ideas I've come up with. I could write a quick eight-lined poem and be happy with a comment from anyone. I might not be able to use and apply it fully, but I'm grateful for the thought, you know? Then I can play around with things with a bit of confidence: change a couple of words I now see as overused and ineffective, delete entire paragraphs full of triteness, piss off the Gods of punctuation with a bit of experimentation, etc.

One, arguably more advanced, skill I'm trying to work on is combining the acts of critically analysing something and finding oppurtunities to enhance my own technical creativity. Not much to say on this so far, but I think it's a good thing to foucs on.

And yes, I hate my work always too, also myself.

***

And just out of interest, where do you all tend to find your ideas coming from? There are so many answers to this obviously, but what has inspired you in these competitions or anywhere else so far, in brief?

I ask because I made myself laugh the other day when I looked at myself and noted that I actually use things I've read on the BBS to make a point, at times. I've even written short pieces off the top of my head from a thread and posted them in the same thread, because my best response as far as I was concerned, would've been creative fiction.

It sounds like a bad question, but maybe you have something intriguing. Honestly, I'm interested!

Just so Gum knows, I am HollowTippedBullets. Wade changed my username back for me, just giving you a heads up!

At 10/12/09 11:06 AM, Calintz wrote: Just so Gum knows, I am HollowTippedBullets. Wade changed my username back for me, just giving you a heads up!

I figured it out. ;)

At 10/12/09 10:49 AM, Scarab wrote: And just out of interest, where do you all tend to find your ideas coming from? There are so many answers to this obviously, but what has inspired you in these competitions or anywhere else so far, in brief?

I ask because I made myself laugh the other day when I looked at myself and noted that I actually use things I've read on the BBS to make a point, at times. I've even written short pieces off the top of my head from a thread and posted them in the same thread, because my best response as far as I was concerned, would've been creative fiction.

It sounds like a bad question, but maybe you have something intriguing. Honestly, I'm interested!

I usually go with a basic theme or genre as a source of inspiration. My planning for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) started out with a steampunk setting, and now it's a steampunk murder/mystery heavily reliant on scientific characters confronted by apparent supernatural occurences. Of course, the characters become more real, the plot becomes more real, and the setting becomes a much more dense environment. From little things, big things grow. I've had a lot of simple ideas extrapolate into some pretty decent stories. Once I've got my idea, I usually spend some time getting my introduction down right. Hook the reader in from the start and get something driving the story forward. My NaNo novel opens with a fight scene. Raise a few questions, rope the reader along, then get the plot churning. Then it's a matter of piecing the plot together, working in some tension and plot twists and ramming it across the finishing line with as much punch as possible.

Unlike you guys, I've come to enjoy my own writing very much so. But some of it is utter horse shit. I focus on the now, the stories that are most relevant. Get it on the paper, deal with editing etc later.

Anyway, I'm getting plenty of writing done now, I just crossed the 2,500 word maximum half-way marker, so here's a bit more Flonkerton:

IV

It could have been the smell of formaldehyde, combined with the small, unventilated space, but I'm quite sure it was the image that evoked the emotional response. That was not me. The sunken cheeks and pasty skin, the glass goggles strapped to my head with black leather, glasses that I'd never worn before. My neck was braced by a series of interconnected brass plate-rings, like an exoskeleton or an armour or a robot machine. I remembered my shoulder and belly and I unbuttoned my coat. More- larger- plates had been strapped to my chest, back and stomach. From what I could see and feel, I had been wrapped mostly in iron plates, with the exception of a brass plug at my collar and a small brass door in my chest. At the sound of the footsteps growing closer, I could only assume whomever was out there had heard the bottle smash. But that was only a distant buzzing in my mind.

As I came confronted with this twisted, inhuman creature before my eyes I staggered back hard against the shelf. The corners would have undoubtedly dug themselves into my ribs but now I was not so sure I had any. I stepped back onto some glass bottles, but instead of the white hot agony of a sliced foot, there was just the grainy crunch of glass underneath a lump of lead.

And just out of interest, where do you all tend to find your ideas coming from?

My brain. You see Im crazy xD so it doesnt take much to trigger weird ass day dreams. Take this audio track my friend made.

Round 2 (Demo), by gregaaron89 Type: SongGenre: Classical

When listening to that it just set off this day dream that I was standing at the bow of an airship, griping onto one of the many ropes for balance as the enemy armada turned their ships to bear arms and me just standing there with my sword still in its sheath watching it all go down as my ship goes through manuvers to avoid the cannonballs with the help of some weird steam contraption to get close enough to the lead ship that was the commander of the fleet's vessel and me and my men jump aboard leading an all out assault that we cant win as help for the commander comes from all sides and soon, I am dead.

No where close plot wise to what Im going to write about buuuuuut it got the world down for me xD

Well, it's funny for this one, since it was steampunk, I thought a little bit of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Firefly, some John Wayne, Clint of course, and other stuff. Music wise I was drawn to like Rush, Pink Floyd, David Bowie, to draw out the theme of isolation in a desert. Part of another sotry I'm working on has the line "In the desert, no one can hear you scream." So I've been playing off that motif in this story. I've also been reading some Louis Lamour, which also helps draw out the Western theme. As a noir writer I'm also drawing off of a sheriff in a town where everyone's a bit shady too, because it's noir. And of course, because it's me, there will be an appearance of a special character, which I'll leave up to you guys to figure out.

It's been good constantly posting my work up here, as I'm making sure I keep well on top of the deadline. I've got the end of Uni in two weeks and assignments are crawling all over the place, so it's good to be past the half way conflict in my story. Here's a couple more paragraphs:

IV (cont.)

The formaldehyde, I could smell it off the walls, off the door, ceiling and shelves, writhing its way into my nostrils and settling within a deep discomfort. With the breaking of the glass came an intensifying of the smell. Burning, churning, my head began turning, the migraine resurged and I began to spin with an induced motion sickness. Lurch, heave. Nothing. Throat dry like a rusted skeleton of a ship in the Sahara. God only knows how it could have got there. And God only knows how I came to be here, wherever here was. The lights went out.

The lights went out and for a moment the intense blackness consumed me. The footsteps had stopped and I heard something within the room. An ever so gentle tick, tick, tick of I don't know what. And then a light flared up and I could see two glassy blue irises in the reflection of the door, and my eyes seemed to illuminate of their own accord. And the ticking grew louder and I felt a soft hammering in my chest and I raised a finger (of which my hand was covered over with a leather glove) and gently prised at the little latch on the brass plate on my chest. I got another finger underneath the plate and I was able to pry it open on its spring-held hinges. And there, much like a clock, was a maze of cogs and hammers keeping rhythm to a small motor-engine, which pumped dozens of artery and vein tubes which sent oil coursing throughout my body. Throughout my shell.

I'm still working on my submission. I'm feeling a biopunk story rather than using mythpunk.

Do we have to specify an era or can we just let the reader visualize what time period they're in?

At 10/12/09 08:03 PM, knightsofthecircle wrote: Do we have to specify an era or can we just let the reader visualize what time period they're in?

It aught to be apparent with out you saying so. If you're placing it in the real world, a casual remark on something might not be remiss.

I'm reading a steampunk story about seattle and zombies during the civilwar called Boneshaker atm. Some decent writing in it. It's character driven, and she doesn't make the mistake of saying "this is how it is too much." The only thing so far that has really given us an era is the description of what Seatrle is like, a date on a journal entry, and some references to Civil War and a man in Union uniform who stole an airship from the confederacy. This is over about 80 pages, and so you can see that's not a whole lot of definitive, this is the year and this is where we are, but its enough that since its referenced we get what's going on.

The most annoying thing she's done involves some of her repetition, especially about the descriptions of the zombies i haven't actually seen yet.

At 10/12/09 01:56 AM, BrianEtrius wrote: Out of curiosity, does anyone besides me listen to music while writing?

I'm listening to a variety of music, from Shiny Toy Guns to Beethoven to ragtime. Which is probably why the title of the story is called Major Tom.

It's weird, but it's easier (at least for me) to write something with something going on in the background to inspire.

Thats exactly what I do. Strangely enough i listen to trance whilke writing scenes with blood and horror lol. Music helps me concentrate.

For the guy who asked about music, I usually listen to the following in a random order-
Welcome Home-Coheed and Cambria
Anything that is by Wolfmother,
Nirvana,
No Doubt,
Pearl Jam,
R.E.M.,
and usually end with Mrs. Robinson by Simon and Garfunkel

don't judge by my vast variety of music.

At 10/12/09 01:43 AM, Redface wrote:

Hello all, I think I would like to post the first two paragraphs of my story, just to gauge opinions on how it's shaping up. Please let me know what you all think.

Seems like you're off to a great start, but I might suggest you call the airships something other than zeppelins. Zeppelins (apart from reminding me of World of Warcraft) refer to a very specific kind of airship. Additionally, with your 1895 date, "Zeppelins" wouldn't have been around, even though other dirigibles would.

I was also under the impression that steampunk was supposed to be "futuristic" to some degree, with the technology of the 1800s taken to extremes. Perhaps you're going somewhere that I'm not aware of, but late 1800s seems like a really early period to set your piece.

http://thereno.newgrounds.com/news/post/
385505

So Ive updated what I already had, changing around the structure a bit and elaborating less with action moar. Ive also added some paragraphs. This is all before shit gets real in the story and the horror part comes out.

At 10/11/09 12:03 PM, Blush wrote: they're guns

Important reminder, check your grammar thoroughly before posting your story, you will lose points from at least some of the judges if it's poor.

So if I write about a future where we have to eat our dog's shit every morning would that count.

and we worship it too

dog shit = life

Do I get a gold star

At 10/12/09 09:17 PM, Peaceblossom wrote: I was also under the impression that steampunk was supposed to be "futuristic" to some degree, with the technology of the 1800s taken to extremes. Perhaps you're going somewhere that I'm not aware of, but late 1800s seems like a really early period to set your piece.

Not necessarily... I'm reading a Steampunk novel about the civil war era (late 1800s)... the technology should be more complex than we'd generally imagine the technology being, but that doesn't mean you have to write a century later or anything like that. This is ALTERNATE HISTORY, things are different.

Alternate = anything

At 10/13/09 11:30 AM, JackPhantasm wrote: Alternate = anything

No it doesn't and your previous example would net you a zero.

I've spent most of the night reworking chapter 5 to fix up the dialogue. There's a lot there and I don't exactly like dialogue. But I'm at a more content stage now, so... yeah. Getting a lot of the rest of the plot linked together now, even though I've added about 300 words and removed about as much in the reworking of the dialogue and action. And now I'm noticing the story becoming much more complex than a simple story of revenge, as originally intended. Which I suppose is a good thing.

Anyway, here's the rest of IV:

Frozen from the shock of what I had become, frozen from the stringy flesh that hung inside me like some useless decoration, to grow dusted and old. Frozen emotionless, my face was just a mask preserved for old time's sake. Formaldehyde, the smell never left me. Formaldehyde and ethanol, amongst other things. A lifetime of stench to keep my face from rotting. Frozen from fear of revulsion, frozen stiff as my face. The door was opened, but not by me.

At 10/13/09 11:39 AM, gumOnShoe wrote:
No it doesn't and your previous example would net you a zero.

Did you seriously just tell me that an alternate history cannot be anything.

lol

At 10/13/09 02:04 PM, JackPhantasm wrote:

At 10/13/09 11:39 AM, gumOnShoe wrote:
No it doesn't and your previous example would net you a zero.

Did you seriously just tell me that an alternate history cannot be anything.

lol

No jack -_-

I thought we we were talking about alternate versions of punk not specifically referenced in the opening post of the contest. Which means that I was assuming that you were saying you could write about anything.

I was seriously considering writing something this time, but I have waaaaay to much shit to do. Maybe next time.