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At 10/9/09 06:04 AM, Podburrys wrote:

At 10/5/09 11:00 AM, gumOnShoe wrote: Punk stories usually have a very defined setting, technology level, society, and universe.

Hm, then I need to re-write mine. It's from the perspective of a M.E, and is more noir. :/

I'm confused as to how that would keep you from being punk unless you ignored the technology aspect all together. Noir certainly has close ties to horror & punk...

At 10/9/09 06:23 AM, gumOnShoe wrote:

At 10/9/09 06:04 AM, Podburrys wrote:

At 10/5/09 11:00 AM, gumOnShoe wrote: Punk stories usually have a very defined setting, technology level, society, and universe.

Hm, then I need to re-write mine. It's from the perspective of a M.E, and is more noir. :/

I'm confused as to how that would keep you from being punk unless you ignored the technology aspect all together. Noir certainly has close ties to horror & punk...

In my mind, I've always associated punk with gangs and a gritty realism. I'll finish it, post on the user page and ask what you think sometime within the week.

At 10/9/09 06:27 AM, Podburrys wrote: In my mind, I've always associated punk with gangs and a gritty realism. I'll finish it, post on the user page and ask what you think sometime within the week.

Which you can do! Just for this competition, make sure its in the realm of one of the ____punk genres. No reason you couldn't have a gang, gritty realism, noir in any of those settings, its just going to give you a different feel and a few different options or limitations on what your characters can or will do. What their main concerns are, etc.

I guess if you missed the tech bit of it you may have some reinventing to do. Keep in mind though, the best way to deal with the fantastical in type is to make it normal and live by it.

I'm afraid, I don't understand the punk genre entirely, but I'll definitely come up with something.

I hope.

http://thereno.newgrounds.com/news/post/
385505

Critique on what Ive got so far? Anything need more or less description?

Quick question that is slightly related to my entry, which is in progress: H.P. Lovecraft is steampunk, right? Technically, at least?

Ideas for Steam Factory of Death

I've been going through several ideas when I write for my horror. Here are some ideas I chose, you can add some if you like. I also found I'm much better at action and comedy than horror. So don't expect to be scared as much as entertained.

Also what type of factory could accomodate. Textile mills can't have everything.

Pipework Maze
Pendulum Swing
Giant Gear Climb
Strapped to a conveyor about to enter a furnace
Rivet Gun?
Piston Tunnel (Thwomps)
Battle with steam powered mech suit
Sword fight on conveyors, gears, catwalks, and on the ground
Creepy old person
Should I go Steamboy?

At 10/10/09 04:06 AM, Some-Stupid-Idiot wrote: alot of stuff

If you're reading my mind please stop. I don't wanna get ahead of myself, but it seems you have alot of the same ideas I wanna put in my story.

At 10/10/09 01:24 AM, Redface wrote: Quick question that is slightly related to my entry, which is in progress: H.P. Lovecraft is steampunk, right? Technically, at least?

I believe so. I haven't read H.P. Lovecraft (yet), but I thought I remembered seeing that somewhere in my readings on the genre. He and Jules Verne are credited with the genre's invention.

Pipework Maze

Any factory ever

Pendulum Swing

A very ghoulish meat processing plant

Giant Gear Climb

Again any plant ever

Strapped to a conveyor about to enter a furnace

A metal works factory

Rivet Gun?

Any factory that builds large items (such as the mecha suit mentioned below)

Piston Tunnel (Thwomps)

Again, any factory ever.

Battle with steam powered mech suit

Any factory that either builds them or has reasons to need high security.

Sword fight on conveyors, gears, catwalks, and on the ground

Any factory ever xD

Creepy old person

Any old factory ever xD

Should I go Steamboy?

As the spy would say "No, I think not". Make this one your own.

Hope that answers your questions. If you have the time, check out my beginning and see if there is anything I need to improve upon before heading off to get more done.

Only real details I can think of now for my new story (which I haven't remotely started) is that it's a ghost story and will likely be called The Train-station.

At 10/10/09 02:07 PM, Lost-Chances wrote: Only real details I can think of now for my new story (which I haven't remotely started) is that it's a ghost story and will likely be called The Train-station.

Good premise. Creepy shit is always happening in train stations. If your going to shoot for horror then you have limitless opportunities with this setting. Lol I have thousands of ideas already for this place. Call me if ya need help xD

At 10/10/09 02:23 PM, TheReno wrote:

At 10/10/09 02:07 PM, Lost-Chances wrote: Only real details I can think of now for my new story (which I haven't remotely started) is that it's a ghost story and will likely be called The Train-station.

Good premise. Creepy shit is always happening in train stations. If your going to shoot for horror then you have limitless opportunities with this setting. Lol I have thousands of ideas already for this place. Call me if ya need help xD

Haha, believe me, I have a pretty nice picture already. I'm just holding back on some details so I don't spoil some major information. There's some details I still need to fill the holes into but they will come in time.

I don't really get this month's theme. Anyone willing to put it an a nutshell?

At 10/10/09 02:36 PM, Twilight wrote: I don't really get this month's theme. Anyone willing to put it an a nutshell?

Horror Story about people that live in a teched out world with lots of creative engines/mechanisms that specifically work off of something special (electricity/steam/clockwork/bio/diesel/
atomic/etc)

At 10/10/09 04:48 PM, gumOnShoe wrote:

At 10/10/09 02:36 PM, Twilight wrote: I don't really get this month's theme. Anyone willing to put it an a nutshell?

Horror Story about people that live in a teched out world with lots of creative engines/mechanisms that specifically work off of something special (electricity/steam/clockwork/bio/diesel/
atomic/etc)

Oooooooooooooh.

I was seriously thinking of English bands and drugs....

This month's writing contest sounds great!

I'm already working on a steampunk horror noir.

We'll see how exactly it works out.

We'll see how exactly it works out.

We know how it will work out, you will write this epic story and then evark will come along and write and epically long story that takes up the entire page.

Oh dear, you're actually using my theme idea?

You guys must have been pretty desperate not to come up with something better.

At 10/10/09 09:50 PM, Fyndir wrote: Oh dear, you're actually using my theme idea?

You guys must have been pretty desperate not to come up with something better.

Why not? It's a great idea.

Next paragraph of Flonkerton:

The sound ceased as the stranger redoubled the weight upon my back. Pinned to the table, I could be rid of these leather straps and still be utterly useless. I felt a cold metal cylinder slide smoothly into a point in my upper back. The bullet-hole. The cold spiral rod of a stainless steel drill bit. The hand upon my back was nothing. It was less than nothing; it was a million times further from this room than the sun. The drill, however; it was right inside my brain. It was under my skin, it was anything and everything around me. It slid into my bullet wound like they were made for each other. Fuck. I spat on the floor. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Drills drill things. And I spat again, I felt like I was sweating from the mouth, I felt like I was inhaling many lifetimes of air in each and every breath. I felt like dying, yet I felt so alive, so aware. I couldn't move. I couldn't swallow. I spat on the floor. Drills drill things, and it wound itself around and around and I could feel it reverberating through my whole body and I could feel it digging, digging, deeper, deeper, and the blood welled up in the neat hole and small flakes of my flesh worked their way up the spiral and I couldn't put it from my mind. No amount of clenched teeth or groans or screams could lessen the agony. And my stomach sent its contents streaming up my throat, warm digestive acids burned inside my neck before hitting the floor. When the drill broke through my skin just below my collar bone, that's when I passed out for a second time.

You ever have those moments of intense doubt when writing? When you think to yourself, "This is stupid, no one will like this" or "I'm sure someone has done this before, but better."

I have those moments all the time. Like, right now, while I'm working on my entry.

At 10/10/09 11:50 PM, Redface wrote: You ever have those moments of intense doubt when writing? When you think to yourself, "This is stupid, no one will like this" or "I'm sure someone has done this before, but better."

I have those moments all the time. Like, right now, while I'm working on my entry.

Oh yeah all the time. But theres a trick I use when I need to get through difficult things. "The worst thing that can happen is they hate it." Every girl Ive asked out I said to myself "Worse thing that happens is she says no." and you realize that who cares if you dont get what you want, it didnt cost you anything. So just do your best and hope. If you dont win thats ok. Theres always november.

Also writersblock, care to trade comments? Ill go over what you got and you go over what I got?

At 10/11/09 12:13 AM, TheReno wrote: Also writersblock, care to trade comments? Ill go over what you got and you go over what I got?

Sure, sounds good. Yours is up in your blog, yes?

At 10/11/09 12:54 AM, WritersBlock wrote:

At 10/11/09 12:13 AM, TheReno wrote: Also writersblock, care to trade comments? Ill go over what you got and you go over what I got?

Sure, sounds good. Yours is up in your blog, yes?

What i have so far yes. And I will go back and read yours in various posts xD

So I like what you got so far writer. You really got your scene down pat. Very grim and gritty and grimy and nasty. I just wish for one thing. What does the drill man look like? You can skip over and get away with not telling us what the boss looks like, but not the guy whose drilling into the main characters back. You didnt specifiy if he was out of the range of vision but most (in many books at movies) stories have it set for when the character wakes he sees his imprisoner.

Other then that this is a great start. It would be nice that when you continue on for him to have dreamt of happy things of past or present to starkly contrast his current prediciment. Your story makes me want to read more. Good job.

At 10/11/09 01:49 AM, TheReno wrote: So I like what you got so far writer. You really got your scene down pat. Very grim and gritty and grimy and nasty. I just wish for one thing. What does the drill man look like? You can skip over and get away with not telling us what the boss looks like, but not the guy whose drilling into the main characters back. You didnt specifiy if he was out of the range of vision but most (in many books at movies) stories have it set for when the character wakes he sees his imprisoner.

Other then that this is a great start. It would be nice that when you continue on for him to have dreamt of happy things of past or present to starkly contrast his current prediciment. Your story makes me want to read more. Good job.

I'll be revealing more of both characters as the story progresses. It's going to be a long one, so there's no need to rush things. I'm glad you like what I've got so far, thanks.

As for your story, well insofar as the punk themes go, you've got a great concept. I think now that you've got that down, your main point of focus should be the horror aspect of the story, as that didn't nearly come off as strongly as I would have liked (as far as my opinion is concerned anywho). I think the point of conflict was nice and intense, what with the threatening suffocation and all that, I just think the build up to that could use more tension and give a greater importance to the horror climax than to the specific workings of the ship. I'd suggest telling those details as if the narrator belongs within that world and is telling others within that world the story instead of explaining everything in too fine of a detail. The world is your world, and your world should feel as natural and real as possible. Here's where the term "Show, don't tell" becomes of great importance.

One thing I like to focus on when I'm writing is the selection of information. As the author of my own stories, I should know everything about them. The characters. Their backgrounds. The settings. The plot, conflict and resolution. I know everything, but what the reader knows is only what I write on the page. I could tell you right now what the drill man looks like or what the boss looks like, or even the boss's name, but I won't because I've chosen to release those bits of information at a later point in time, to give significance to certain things over others. As you said yourself, my story made you want to read more, which means that I must be doing something in all this right. My narrator is the character, and while I know everything, he only knows what's happening right there and then. So I think it's important to know your narrator as well, and know how he chooses to tell the story.

That's just some of the stuff I've been going over in some of my classes, hope it'll be helpful.

Like I said, you've got a great punk concept and a well defined world. I suggest working on how you tell your story, and other than that, just spelling, grammar, sentence structure etc. I'd love to see this story fleshed out some more and polished up. As you mentioned, it's what you've got so far, so I look forward to seeing what your end result looks like.

And my story's now racked up 2,000 words. Had a good writing spree tonight so I'll shimmy up another paragraph for you guys. I've pretty much left everything as is since I've written it, but it's taken a while to construct the sentences and to piece it all together. I'm splitting my story into short chapters, which is the only changes I've really made since I've started writing. I'm now a good way through chapter 4, but, like I said, short chapters. First paragraph is its own chapter and this next paragraph is the first of chapter 3, so, it's nice and segmented, as there's a lot to the plot. I'm now getting deep into the dieselpunk genre and it's only going to get more and more involved. More characters make themselves known and the setting itself is soon to become entirely more complex and detailed. So, yes, I'd say I'll be done within a week or two at this rate, and that'll be around 4k-5k words without a doubt.

Next paragraph:

III

When I came to, well, the first thing that I realised was that I was not dead. Again. Fucked my plans up. Then I thought that I was not in the same room that I was when I passed out. But that thought was just an initial reaction. I was facing up now, and I could feel the familiar rust and acid worn iron of the table from earlier. I was facing up; that was probably what threw me off balance. I leaned up and looked around the room. I was no longer tied down. No windows, one door. A few cupboards and shelves. One feeble light. I focussed my energies on the door. I stood up and walked towards it. The door was probably locked. Or I could meet my death on the other side, which I have expressed prior to this as not a negative outcome at all. Or I could find some answers. I would even have some answers if the door was locked. Like I'd know that I was trapped. And that I was a prisoner. And that I would probably die in here. But the door wasn't locked. I walked up to it and grabbed the handle in my palm and pushed. It buckled and bent, and with some bumping and shoving, the jammed door busted out into a hallway. Okay, it might have been locked, but it wasn't now.

Bleh, i decided to do something for the bio-punk, and this is the first two paragraphs in it. Critique it if you can please?

They always point at me when they see me. They always point at me with the cold barrels of they're guns, and scream. And always at me. They always scream," There it is!", and shoot wildly. But it cannot save them from the horrible beatings that they shall face. It cannot save them from the imminent death that I present to them on a silver platter. Nothing can help them. Not even their God. I was made for this reason, to strike fear into the hearts of enemies, and to crush them. To make them beg for mercy, only to have their lives ended. I was made for this.

I still remember the night that I was made. The laughter. The heat radiating from the sun on my body. The sound of children laughing at splashing in the cold ocean water. I remember the feel of the hot sand on my feet as sat with my friends. I remember the peace I felt then, with everybody. I also remember the screams. The screams of my friends as they were thrown from the back of the truck and out the front window. The screams as they landed on the side of the road. The screams as they saw their bones sticking out of their bodies. The screams. I also remember the paramedics, running around me, yelling out. I could make out only a few words, like "risky", or "he won't survive". I especially remember the voice saying "I don't care", and that was when I knew I would die.

Writer: Thanks for that. While its just the intro, I find its best to perfect it so you have a template of what the rest of your work should be. See I started writing as you are doing right now, not revealing a single detail of the characters and then I went back and tried to work it in. But now I see how that could take from the story. This first conflict isnt even close to the main plot that will hold the horror elements, but more to show who we are going to follow, his position on the ship and level of abilities instead of just starting off on the main plot because then Rook becomes T.V Batman. "Oh no its dark in here" "Thats ok, I have the sight!" But thank you, I think I will revise what I got and ask you to review it once more before continueing

Blush: Great start. You've taken a cliche element (lab creature escaping) and so far have made it your own. I say this because usually when they escape, they avoid all conflict till they figure out wtf is going on. Your guy is like "Fuck that" and is a killing machine. Im intrested to see where this goes.

Im already at 2400 words hehe. i hope i can fit my story in... :/