Girl is a whore... I ask question?

[CacheHelper]

I gotta ask a girl a question... but I'm not sure if I should. I want to know the answer but at the same time I think that maybe it's better if I just drop the whole thing. I've put a lot of thought into it and still can't make up my mind, so now I turn to you, almight and all-knowing internet... boring details below:

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PS: This is about a date, or her being my girlfriend. It's not another one of 'those' topics.
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I've known this girl a long time... we've always been close but I've never been under the impression that we would ever be anything then 'just friends'. Throughout the years, there have been odd moments... drunken nights holding hands, spooning in bed, and one night we even kissed. It was drunken fun and I never really put any thought into it.

Then, about a month ago, she gets talking and starts telling me about how she use to 'party'. Basically, she's a big ol' whore. She talked about how she use to just fuck random guys just for the sake of fucking. She said that she would just grab a guy and think "eh, you'll do" and then go fuck him. Instantly I felt terrible... but I didn't know why. We're just friends... I've always known that, why do I care who she's fucked?

I put a lot of thought into it but I just couldn't shake the feeling of depression. Last weekend my band played this big local festival... it's an all day/night party with 15 bands. Everybody drinks, gets fucked up, and stays the night. I decide to bring her... after all, she's my friend.

Everything is cool for awhile, but once she gets a few drinks she runs off with a couple of random guys and completly abandons me. I get sort of upset... but I can't figure out why. I'm not an idiot... I know we're just friends... why am I so bothered? Am I in denial? No, that's not it.

The next couple of days I just can't stop thinking about it. Why am I upset? Then it hits me... my problem isn't what she's doing, it's why she's not doing it with me. I mean, it's not a relationship thing... but if you're going to run off and just have casual sex for the sake of having casual sex why not me? I'm bothered not because we haven't fucked... but I'm bothered because when she decides to fuck she never chooses me.

It's like a subconsious insult. She says things later like,

"I was making out with this one guy... he had no personality and smelled like onions. He was also really young."

And I interpret that as:

"He was young and stupid... plus he smelled bad... but he was still better then you".

Am I wrong in thinking that way?

Anyway, it's kind of caused a riff in our friendship. Suddenly I feel terrible everytime she comes around and I no longer want to be seen with her because it makes me feel like I'm an idiot... you know, the guy who brings the whore to the party so everybody but him can get laid. That sucks... I'm not that guy and I sure as hell don't want to be that guy.

So I've been thinking about asking her... 'Why not me?'.

Part of me wants to know. maybe there's a personality flaw I don't know about... or maybe it's because she thinks I'll get attached. Maybe she thinks that if we fuck, I'll take it the wrong way and assume we're dating. But I won't. I don't think she owes me anything and I don't want to treat her like an object but hey, if you roll around having casual sex, I want to join the party... getting shit faced and fucking in a field sounds fun. She obviously doesn't really care who the guy is so it might as well be me right?

It's kind of dirty, I admit... really dirty, actually... but hey, I don't care. Other girls like this I wouldn't touch... but because she's my friend, I'd do it for the experiance. The memories... the good times. But I'm not allowed... and I really want to know why. What's wrong with me?

On the other hand, I'm afraid to bring it up for the fear that it might make my situation worse. Maybe she'll tell me something I don't want to hear... or maybe it'll make it awkword and by brining it up and insure it never happens. Maybe she'll take the question the wrong way and take it as a confession of my love for her and ruin the friendship... but really, we are just friends... I don't want to change that. But hey, friends can fuck... there's nothing wrong with that.

I really don't know what to do... should I ask her or not?

[ShmenonPie]

Yeah, I'd ask her. I'm sure one question can't decimate a long friendship. Go for it!

[Me-Patch]

You said there were drunken instances when you were holding hands and spooning and even kissed. That was your window. The reason she doesn't bang you now is because she practicaly threw herself on you a bunch of times and you didn't go for it. She probably just figures your not interested.

Or perhaps she is repulsed by your body.

[ShmenonPie]

At 9/22/09 12:08 PM, Me-Patch wrote: Or perhaps she is repulsed by your body.

Pwned. XD

But if she did it with someone who was fuck ugly and smelt of onions, (as is written in the TL;DR OP), even if you're pretty ugly, she'd still do her.

[greenfaerie4]

At 9/22/09 12:08 PM, Me-Patch wrote: You said there were drunken instances when you were holding hands and spooning and even kissed. That was your window. The reason she doesn't bang you now is because she practically threw herself on you a bunch of times and you didn't go for it.

^^ This, it sounds as if all the guys she fucked took the hint and followed through whereas you did not.
Idk if the thought of having sex with you has crossed her mind at all. Otherwise it would have happened already especially if she is a promiscuous person.

[denchius-fattius]

At 9/22/09 12:08 PM, Me-Patch wrote: The reason she doesn't bang you now is because she practicaly threw herself on you a bunch of times and you didn't go for it. She probably just figures your not interested.

Yeah i'd go with that.

[zee666]

Lies

this is NG, da pussy doesn't exist in this universe

[CacheHelper]

At 9/22/09 12:04 PM, Otto wrote: In all serious, you won't learn shit if you can't make your own judgement call.

I'm leaning towards "ask her". I want to know... and if it ruins the friendship, fuck it. What kind of friend makes you feel bad all the time? Why would I want to stay friends with someone I can't hang out with in public?

But I'm no Don Juan... I'm not completly pathetic but I've had my fair share of "why the fuck did I do/say that" moments. I didn't want this to be another one of those. I couldn't decide if this would help me, or make me look like a pussy.

I don't want to be that guy who sits around all day trying to win over the heart of a girl who claims
that you remind her of her brother. That guy sucks. I just wanted to make sure that this isn't the impression I was about to put off.

At 9/22/09 12:29 PM, greenfaerie4 wrote: This, it sounds as if all the guys she fucked took the hint and followed through whereas you did not.

I thought of that too. But the times we had weren't the same times as the other guys. Like this past weekend I watched her grab a dudes hand, walk him to a secluded area, and make out with him. But with me, we'd be hanging out on the porch with all of my friends and she'd just grab my hand. It wasn't a "lets get out of here" thing... just a, "I want to touch you while we hang out" thing.

The night we slept in the same bed was sort of odd too. At first we weren't touching... then we where. Then she was asleep. I wasn't going to take advantage of her like that. Also, at the time, I didn't know she was like this. The night we kissed was a night I picked her up and gave her a ride home after she drank too much at a bar. It was cool that it happened, but at the same time I didn't want to take advantage of a really drunk friend... I didn't know she was loose until this past month or so.

But don't think I haven't thought about those nights with much regret and shame. Maybe you're right... maybe I need to tell her these things and not you.

I guess my instict of "ask her" was correct.

[physicsman09]

I think you should study hard in school.

That way everyone wins.

[EvilJesus]

Whores you say...

[zyzy]

Somebody has daddy issues

[Pilot-Doofy]

At 9/22/09 12:08 PM, Me-Patch wrote: You said there were drunken instances when you were holding hands and spooning and even kissed. That was your window. The reason she doesn't bang you now is because she practicaly threw herself on you a bunch of times and you didn't go for it. She probably just figures your not interested.

Or perhaps she is repulsed by your body.

Agreed. You can't wait for someone to make the first move on you if you're a guy, unless you're going to be gay. But besides I would say can her and find a girl who respects herself. I used to go and bang every slut under the sun but it's more fun to get the ones that are hard.

Plus, I don't want a girl that's made out with people she has no interest in whatsoever. Because to you she says make out, but she really means at least second base. In 90% of cases, unless you get seriously inquisitive about a girl's sexual past you will never really know the truth, but in the case of most girls you probably wouldn't want to know the truth.

But if you're younger than 18 get a taste for that sweet underage skin before it's torn away from you by Uncle Sam. LOL

[TiredPaperBoy]

It seems to her that you are a friend.

The people she fucks aren't usually her friends.

I.E. She cares too much about you and doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

Trying to change anything may make you lose her as a friend.

Maybe simply talk to her about it?

"Ya know you always go of with guys at parties... why don't you ever ask me?" - Should be enough to get an answer, without risking losing anything.

[blackattackbitch]

At 9/22/09 12:08 PM, Me-Patch wrote: You said there were drunken instances when you were holding hands and spooning and even kissed. That was your window. The reason she doesn't bang you now is because she practicaly threw herself on you a bunch of times and you didn't go for it. She probably just figures your not interested.

This, with the exception of the last part, which really didn't relate to the rest of the post.

First of all, you've already exceeded the point of friendship on different occasions. And you didn't take the hint or go for it at any point. She probably thinks you're not interested.

Either that, or she thinks you are interested, and she's trying to make you jealous by telling you this stuff. If that's the case, then it's working excellently.

My solution? Go for it. The sooner the better, but make sure the moment is right when you do. Although I suggest that you go straight for sex before actually asking her out. From what I can tell, you have a much better chance of becoming "friends with benefits" than an actual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Also, I think that would be better for you in the long term, as I personally wouldn't pursue anything more than a "friends with benefits" relationship with a girl like that.

[jarrydn]

At 9/25/09 10:10 AM, TiredPaperBoy wrote: It seems to her that you are a friend.

The people she fucks aren't usually her friends.

I.E. She cares too much about you and doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

This. Friends pretty much don't fuck, and when they do, that's when it goes pearshaped.

So would you rather do the nasty with her once, or you know...continue to have a meaningful friendship with her, and lose your hangups about what she, as an independent person, likes to do with other people?

[Gedveikur]

At 9/22/09 12:02 PM, CacheHelper wrote: Am I in denial? No, that's not it.

I thought that was kinda funny. Obviously you have some feelings for her whether you admit it or not since you seem to try so hard to say that you don't. I think you should just ask her, maybe sneak it into a conversation casually to try and make it less awkward.

[tankbuster781]

cool story bro

[Timmy]

At 9/25/09 11:48 AM, jarrydn wrote:

At 9/25/09 10:10 AM, TiredPaperBoy wrote: I.E. She cares too much about you and doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

This. Friends pretty much don't fuck, and when they do, that's when it goes pearshaped.

Agreed - girls are very compartimentalized when it comes to relationships, from what I've found (is that even a word?). Everyone around her is either in the 'friend compartment', 'potential relationship compartment', 'quick fuck compartment', etc.

And they are able to willfully separate everyone into these different types of relationships: she won't date someone who is a friend, she won't quickly fuck someone she hopes to date, etc.

If you want a shot at jumping from different compartments in this girl's mind, you need to do something yourself - it's not going to happen on its own. But my advice to you is to keep her as a friend and find some other girl to get your rocks off with. A friend is 100x more valuable than some warm body to enjoy for one night.

Of course, I know absolutely nothing about women - so take this advice with a grain of salt. A big grain.