Mwc9 -july- Scint. Sounds : Winners

[gumOnShoe]

So, without any further delays, I give you, on the last day of August, the results of July's Scintilating Sounds competition. Entrants had to base their piece off of a song in the Audio portal and you can find all of the entries here. We had some very solid entries, and as always we put a lot of time into our decisions.

Entries were ranked on a 1-10 scale by each judge, and when all the scores were handed in the winners were clear. I noticed that there was a higher level of quality in this contest than in some before so you should all be proud.

And now the winners:

1st Place - $30 Store Credit & Eventually a Recording - SonicLe
TANQUERAY ON CHRISTMAS DAY
after,

• 
  Psychedelicious by thecoreman

  Click to listen.

  Score

  4.21 / 5.00

  Type

  Song

  Genre

  Blues

  Popularity

  901 Views

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Synopsis:
An aging Assassin sits in a bar musing over his past jobs, cares, and loves. He's got one last one to take care of, unless something goes wrong.

2nd Place - $30 Store Credit & Eventually a Recording - Podburrys
Hopeful
after,

• 
  Winterbliss by cycerin

  Click to listen.

  Score

  4.38 / 5.00

  Type

  Song

  Genre

  Trance

  Popularity

  79,372 Views

• Loading...

Synopsis:
A young woman in a secluded village protects a stranger, but at what cost, and is he really human?

3rd Place - $30 Store Credit & Eventually a Recording
Dying Memories
after,

• 
  Nightmares of past by DayDreamingFox

  Click to listen.

  Score

  4.27 / 5.00

  Type

  Song

  Genre

  Ambient

  Popularity

  351 Views

• Loading...

Synopsis:
A troubled young man falls in with trouble in an effort to fit in, but he quickly finds out he wasn't ready for what he got himself into as everything spirals out of control.

4th Place - RapeMuffin

5th Place - WritersBlock

Honorable mentions; These users both did a stand up job and were very close to placing, falling in judges' top 5: RandomParadoX & Koji98.

In other news, September's contest will be a poetry contest. Post here to volunteer for judging: http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1099 964

Additionally, I may have May's results. As soon as I finish my correspondence with Zerok I'll know for sure, but tentatively I should be releasing those results over the next few days. Cross your fingers.

[gumOnShoe]

As I can't post anything without messing up: Ekublai was 3rd place, I simply forgot to name him.

[ForNoReason]

Congrats to the winners!

[Ptcfast]

These are all great pieces of music that i enjoyed listening too!

[o0-0o]

This was a very interesting one. Congratulations to all the winners and participants.

[Podburrys]

Second? Sweet! :D

Although I'll have to ask how the store credit thing will work. I've never bought anything from the store, I'm afraid to say.

[gumOnShoe]

At 8/31/09 09:44 PM, Podburrys wrote: Second? Sweet! :D

Although I'll have to ask how the store credit thing will work. I've never bought anything from the store, I'm afraid to say.

I'll get some info to you in a few days. I want to send in the results along with May's Toms, so the credit won't show up for a bit. Also, you'll need to fill out the profit sharing info for you to receive it. You'll see that under your account options somewhere.

[blakedatch]

Congrats to the winners! I had a great time reading all of your submissions and I hope to see more of everyone's work in the future. As for my critiques, I'll get those up when I have a bit more time, but I have them, I assure you!

[PARABLK]

Interesting contest indeed. Congrats to the winners and honorable mentions! They deserved to win and to be mentioned. Plus, they earned it.

Curiously to see how the critiques go this time around. Since it seem the May/June ones, people were claiming Judges weren't understanding the stories and/or dropping large amount of points for minor grammar problems.

Seeing how the core problem for this one for a lot of people was how to approach the song element, I suspect this will be the biggest issue mention in the critiques.

Either way, I know where I stand for most of the judges score-wise, so I really only care about the feedback on how to improve my style.

[WritersBlock]

Top 5, thanks! Congratulations to the other winners and the honourable mentions. I felt really proud about my story for this competition, and I'm looking forward to the judge's comments and critiques. Thanks to all the judges and other competitors, I think this competition turned out really well.

As for next competition, I've just started studying poetry at uni, so I'll hopefully be able to whip something up for that competition too.

[iShield]

Can you post more scores and your thoughts on the other entries? I'd like to read on about what the other judges thoguht about the other entries,

[gumOnShoe]

At 9/1/09 05:22 AM, iShield wrote: Can you post more scores and your thoughts on the other entries? I'd like to read on about what the other judges thoguht about the other entries,

In due time, I'm trying to pull a story together before today ends. :o

I've got rough comments, as always, but they need typed up and they aren't always the most "helpful" type of comments as I used them for scoring. A lot of the time what breaks pieces is the lack of revision and editing. As an author you can't have intentions or be worried about being misunderstood. As soon as you place your story out there it HAS to stand on its own. I saw someone comment about that earlier and that's still what I have to say.

So that you're all aware, I judged the stories first with out music and then after listening to the music adjusted for tone again. Good writing is always a must. Theme for these contests for me is something you have to follow, but its going to do more to adjust your score up or down than really set what level you're at in the competition.

[Lost-Chances]

At 9/1/09 05:22 AM, iShield wrote: Can you post more scores and your thoughts on the other entries? I'd like to read on about what the other judges thoguht about the other entries,

Well I only managed to read two entries because I got caught up in real life shit.

[Coop]

At 8/31/09 08:59 PM, gumOnShoe wrote: So, without any further delays, I give you, on the last day of August, the results of July's Scintilating Sounds competition. Entrants had to base their piece off of a song in the Audio portal and you can find all of the entries here. We had some very solid entries, and as always we put a lot of time into our decisions.

Congratulations to the winners, there is some really nice stuff there.

Any news on the winners thread for June and the audio submissions that spouted from that, Gum? Do we need to light a fire under ZeroK for that?

I ask as you're obviously someone in 'The Know'

Yes, I will start judging the August entries at some point...

[gumOnShoe]

At 9/1/09 09:13 AM, Coop83 wrote:

At 8/31/09 08:59 PM, gumOnShoe wrote: So, without any further delays, I give you, on the last day of August, the results of July's Scintilating Sounds competition. Entrants had to base their piece off of a song in the Audio portal and you can find all of the entries here. We had some very solid entries, and as always we put a lot of time into our decisions.

Congratulations to the winners, there is some really nice stuff there.

Any news on the winners thread for June and the audio submissions that spouted from that, Gum? Do we need to light a fire under ZeroK for that?

I ask as you're obviously someone in 'The Know'

Uh, so I got a pm from him with what he described only as the top ten. Which begs the answerable question of whether this was the global top ten from all of the judges, or simply his top ten. I think its the global one, I think I have the results, but I need him to confirm this.

So, as soon as he has time to jump on and shoot off one more pm we should be good. Masters are serious business, so we'll get there in due time.

Yes, I will start judging the August entries at some point...

Haha, I know how that is. :)

Contest doesn't end till tonight.

[Lunaful]

Congratulations to the winners.

[WeirdJamFace]

I loved Winterbliss in Castle Crashers.
It really deserves it's 2nd place.

[gumOnShoe]

At 9/1/09 10:06 AM, WeirdJamFace wrote: I loved Winterbliss in Castle Crashers.
It really deserves it's 2nd place.

The audio isn't the winner, the story is... lol. Wow.

[Coop]

At 9/1/09 09:19 AM, gumOnShoe wrote:

At 9/1/09 09:13 AM, Coop83 wrote: I ask as you're obviously someone in 'The Know'

Uh, so I got a pm from him with what he described only as the top ten. Which begs the answerable question of whether this was the global top ten from all of the judges, or simply his top ten. I think its the global one, I think I have the results, but I need him to confirm this.

Those were the global results, I'll guess. Try looking at the end of the Talk thread for clarification, I think he gave out results there (I'll be pissed if they were only his and I didn't finish in second!)

So, as soon as he has time to jump on and shoot off one more pm we should be good. Masters are serious business, so we'll get there in due time.

Oh, that I can certainly appreciate. I didn't even get to the end of Year 1, so I can understand how hard he's working atm.

Yes, I will start judging the August entries at some point...

Haha, I know how that is. :)

Contest doesn't end till tonight.

Yep, but I can still start judging the entries that have been there for a while - so long as I can provide critique and then sort them out into some sort of discernable order, we'll be good to go.

Perhaps we can get the old Soft Lock picture out :P

[gumOnShoe]

At 9/1/09 11:33 AM, Coop83 wrote:

At 9/1/09 09:19 AM, gumOnShoe wrote:

At 9/1/09 09:13 AM, Coop83 wrote: I ask as you're obviously someone in 'The Know'

Uh, so I got a pm from him with what he described only as the top ten. Which begs the answerable question of whether this was the global top ten from all of the judges, or simply his top ten. I think its the global one, I think I have the results, but I need him to confirm this.

Those were the global results, I'll guess. Try looking at the end of the Talk thread for clarification, I think he gave out results there (I'll be pissed if they were only his and I didn't finish in second!)

Mmmk, I'll go through what he gave me tonight then and do all the fun announcing stuff.

Oh, that I can certainly appreciate. I didn't even get to the end of Year 1, so I can understand how hard he's working atm.

My gf just finished, so I have an idea, but I'm waiting till I know what I want to do before I move on.

Yep, but I can still start judging the entries that have been there for a while - so long as I can provide critique and then sort them out into some sort of discernable order, we'll be good to go.

Yup.

Perhaps we can get the old Soft Lock picture out :P

You should be able to use any of these as they don't imply the thread is spam, the others I made did, and I didn't make all of these:
http://bbsimg.ngfiles.com/9/16363000/ngb bs4832702a9af2b.gif
http://bbsimg.ngfiles.com/9/16326000/ngb bs482cc88e8ac47.jpg
http://bbsimg.ngfiles.com/9/16330000/ngb bs482da5272277a.gif
http://bbsimg.ngfiles.com/9/16336000/ngb bs482e728851db9.gif
http://bbsimg.ngfiles.com/9/16351000/ngb bs4830bcdd4ba7f.gif

[RapeMuffin]

Wow - I must say that I am honestly shocked that my submission made it into the Top 5! After reading through the other pieces, I was fairly certain that, at best, I would get an honorable mention if I was lucky. But 4th is awesome!

Congrats to all of the winners - you guys have really excellent writing skills and I hope to see more work from all of you in future contests.

Again - much thanks to the judges and GumOnShoe for running this contest and for the speedy results!

[EKublai]

3rd Place? Awesome!

hooray for white guilt

Good job everyone, this was fun.

[RandomParadoX]

Considering this was the first writing contest I've ever entered, I am extremely satisfied with making an honorable mention. Congratulations to all the winners and I hope to see more work and more competition from you guys in the future.

[blakedatch]

Well, finally I have some time to post my critiques. I hope most of you can benefit from them in some way, and if you want a more thorough critique, PM me. Otherwise, here they are:

DarkLink777: A good story, just not an exceptional one. Your character was likable enough, and you write well, but nothing really stood out in this story. It was emotional, but these emotions have been written about many times, making much of your story predictable, almost to the point where I was annoyed by some obvious details you made. Others details troubled me, mainly his first fall. Although he experiences immense pain, there isn't much else. No broken bones? No internal bleeding? The tower itself is also inexplicably deserted. These details, while somewhat small, were hard to swallow.

ForFinnegansSake: While I think your story is generally well done, it seems as if it is self-indulgent. Your style of writing, although it faintly creates a persona for your main character, seems like it is trying to beat the living hell out a thesaurus. Like candy, descriptive words can be pleasing, but too much can hurt the experience. With your story, so much focus was placed on making your sentences sound appealing that your characters and your story lost depth and importance, leaving the reader with only a block of frivolous descriptions. I still enjoyed parts of your story (despite my earlier comments, some descriptions were phenomenal), but perhaps your descriptions should focus more on the characters, plot, or atmosphere rather than on the descriptions themselves.

TheAutocrat: First and foremost, paragraphs; separate them. Despite the eyesore, I felt your story was pretty good. Your song and story matched extremely well. The creepy atmosphere was the high point of this story, and the plot was compelling as well. However, the ending was disappointing, finishing a bit simpler than I would have liked. Your delivery of the story was also jarring since it seemed your character was remembering the event instead of experiencing it at that moment. Several grammar problems also marred the reading.

EKublai: Your story was a joy to read despite its dark themes and atmosphere. The characters were compelling; the story was unique and powerful; and for the most part, your writing hit hard. Song and story went well together, although it seemed you followed the song's voice samples a bit too closely (the dog's involvement and the birds' appearance at the end made me cringe more than it made me admire your attention to the song's detail). There were some small things that bothered me (such as Gordon's decision to call an addiction helpline or his sudden maniacal laughter at the end), but ultimately, your story's highpoints greatly overshadowed its weaker spots.

UpoqvoSAMMIovpoqU: Too much style, too little substance. Although you have shown you have a grasp on many writing techniques, you have loaded this story with so much needless description that it was a chore to wade through it all. There is nothing wrong with description, but your descriptions seem to have no focus other than to show off your skill. The second-person perspective wasn't executed too well either. First, it weakened your character because you forced my thoughts and her thoughts to clash, and second, you said I had a vagina and a period. Apart from being tasteless, these comments, when directed at me (the reader), distanced me from the piece because I could no longer fulfill the "you." Lastly, apart from the lyrics, song and story did not mix well. Again, I can see that you're a good writer; it seems you are not best represented by this story.

PARABLK: Your story needed quite a bit of editing; it was hard to stay focused with all the mistakes. While I liked your idea, I didn't enjoy your execution as much. Although I see the potential for better writing, it appears you do not have a proper grasp on all writing techniques. For instance, you had a tendency to supply us with information we don't need. Again, the idea was good, but you need to hone your writing skills some more.

Mariomasher: This is an epic story, just not a really good one. I appreciate your attempt to be humorous, but you didn't succeed all that often. If you want to be funnier than your common internet joke, you'll need to produce a more engaging story, better characters, and humor that doesn't involve the latest fads.

Blind4156: Awful song, just awful. However, while the song seemed awful, your story wasn't. It maintained the same chaotic tone as the song, but unlike the song, executed it tastefully. Except for a few awkward sentences and some grammar problems, the story was well-written. Greg was a very interesting lead, and his murderous rampage, for the most part, was enjoyable to follow, never quite gory but also descriptive enough to be chilling and slightly humorous. Your ending was a bit of a letdown though. His demonic "powers" felt cheap, almost an excuse to be able to say he was an unstoppable killing machine without going into any creative detail. Some other plot holes were also noticeable, but your story's highlights were great enough that I was willing enough to ignore them as well as some of my disappointment over the ending.

RandomParadoX: First things first, drop the second markers. Your story fits the song just fine without them, so in reality, they're just annoying and unhelpful. As for your story, it is good, just not much else. I was intrigued, but beyond mentioning names and emotions, you didn't give me anything to satiate my curiosity. With no specific details, I wasn't pulled into your story because there was no reason. It was almost like reading a summary. A good one, but a summary nonetheless.

Koji98: You have a very good story here, complemented amazingly by a very nice song. Although the story started somewhat iffy at first, it picked up quickly with the appearance of the girl and, more importantly, the dialogue. Your few lines of dialogue, although simple, were executed well and helped establish your characters, especially the speaker (the likable bastard). One main criticism I have is that you never go into too much detail at the beginning or end. You tell the readers almost immediately that your speaker is depressed, but we don't know enough about him to really care, and at the end, you essentially boil the story down to, "this happened, and then this happened, and this is what I thought." You write very well; it was just disappointing that you wedged a great middle section between two rather unspectacular sections.

Lunaful: Your story felt somewhat superfluous. Although it was nowhere near bad, I felt you could've added a little more spice to the story. The piece had a nice glowing feel to it, but beyond that it was just another...well "boy meets girl" story, which you somewhat pointed out in your title. Your descriptions-while many were executed okay-also came off as a bit strange; too many times it felt as if you were just pulling the most pleasing words from the thesaurus without much regard to the word's full meaning. Still, you have a nice story on your hands; it just doesn't have that extra "oomph" that would make endearing and unique yet.

[blakedatch]

Critiques 2

Amador10: This is a well-written piece that goes nicely with its song. Your method of telling the story, while at first difficult to accept, ultimately works well. However, it seems your character's insanity is not consistent. While noticeable at the beginning, his insanity is nowhere near as thorough and as morbid as it becomes toward the end. It does not feel like a steady progression, or rather, should not since your character is telling the story at a point where he is already entirely insane. Your use of profanity and violence isn't too favorable. Of course the character is insane, but neither the violence nor the profanity seems to be a significant part of his insanity, and consequently, those sections come off as somewhat immature. Your story was entertaining; it just didn't feel too polished.

Olordyx: Your story was one heck of a ride. It was unfortunate, however, that its end was a dud. Throughout the story, you successfully make the situation seem hopeless and desperate, and this is entertaining as you cycle through your speaker's thoughts and experiences. However, you end your story by essentially recapping the emotions you described earlier: they run without reason or hope. While I have nothing against repetition, the next repetition should still bring something new to separate it from the original, and your ending just didn't have that extra power in it. The rest of the story is good, albeit quick, and it moves well with your song.

Rapemuffin: This is a very well-executed piece. Although iffy at first, your song and story eventually moved along perfectly in my head. You're a good writer; there is no doubt about that. However, it seems you played it a bit safer this time because your story felt somewhat generic. The emotional conflicts, the characters, and the battles seem to have all been written before, and while your writing ability still kept my attention, I never quite felt surprised by the next event or cared too much after it happened. Marius' character was a bit undefined in his emotions and thoughts, making him hard to cheer for. Artilius was the weakest part of your story for me, coming off a too one-dimensional. Nevertheless, good story.

Vashtsakared: You crafted a rather ridiculous story. The funky vibe and fast pace made me wonder what the hell I was reading, but in the end, I enjoyed your story. Granted, the elements that made your story preposterously good could have been improved. The funkiness could have been amped up considerably; besides a few one-liners and strange actions, that was as far as the funkiness went and it was missed. Your lack of description was also disappointing. You can have a fast-paced story, but you don't need to take out significant details to make it still go quickly. For instance, what the hell happened during the ninja fight? Although strange, I can't help but think it was one of many missed opportunities.

Flashman16: Your piece was severely in need of a closer proof read; mistakes were abundant enough to hurt the reading experience. Despite the mistakes, however, your story showed potential. It followed the song pretty well, but almost to a fault. Although your story's quick pace worked during the action sequences, it created a train wreck when you were going over character backgrounds and slower paced moments, making it seem as if it would have been better if you told us less and would have just let the action go on. Unfortunately, both the plot and action became preposterous as the story unfolded and as you added more elements to your story. Granted, I could accept genetic enhancement and even germ warfare, but when it came to sword-armed suicide bomber, I couldn't take the story too seriously. Characters were lacking, dialogue didn't fit, and many sentences came off awkwardly. Again, there were traces of good writing, but not enough to cover the issues.

Podburrys: Fantastic story. The writing, characters, plot, and dialogue are all incredible. Unfortunately, this story seems to be written with little regard to its song: the tempo does not seem to match, dynamics are not really considered, the song's tone is just barely reflected. Since this problem causes the story to have little connection to the contest, your story does not rise as high as it would have in another contest.

WritersBlock: Solid writing. Although you sometimes got a bit wordy, your story moved along wonderfully, conveying an atmosphere that matched perfectly with its song. The beginning was the highlight of the story, introducing Oliver and the atmosphere so quickly and thoroughly that I was immediately immersed into the story. Unfortunately, it seemed the ending wasn't as inspired as the beginning and came a bit too quickly. The apparition, although established as Amelia's murderer, never grew into much of a threat, causing her actions and pursuit of Oliver to not seem that intense. The pursuit itself wasn't really that thrilling either; Oliver's struggle to reach home ended just as quickly as it had begun. I enjoyed your story, but I was left wanting more.

Sawdust: I can see your story developing into something good, but currently, it's not there yet. The song and story seemed to clash, and the story itself didn't seem to have any real direction. It followed a tale of revenge, but you never really focused on any one aspect that you brought up. One of the things that also got to me was your voice. The first-person perspective is a perfectly fine way of telling of story, but when your personal voice overpowers your character's voice, then the perspective becomes a problem. Essentially, it was hard to believe I was reading the thoughts of an Asian young adult.

DjBlindShadows: Your piece definitely needs better editing; errors were abundant and annoying. Your writing was generally okay, but too many times your word choice didn't fit too well. Your song and story didn't complement each other well either, despite starting off well, in my opinion. Your plot bothered me the most; nothing significant seemed to happen. Sure, you had bestiality and drugs and dirty rooms, but you never had importance placed on any of them. They just were there. You tried to add meaning at the end of the story, but it wasn't explored enough to save the story from generally feeling pointless.

Mr-will: Paragraphs, separate them. As for your story, I enjoyed it, especially the way you delivered it. However, neither the story nor the execution seemed too original. Again, both were fun but nothing too special. The demented clown has been done before, and the twisted yet innocent tone has also accompanied the crazy clown plot. I was almost more intrigued by Funzo's fellow entertainers' acts than Funzo's own story. Perhaps their plights seemed more original to me.

SonicLe: An incredibly fun read. Your story was absolutely dripping with voice, and I enjoyed drowning in it. The plot was a bit predictable, but your characters were so well-done that each event still played out uniquely. I've read many stories that have attempted to be gritty and cool, but yours ranks among the few that actually succeed. Phenomenal job.

[blakedatch]

Critiques 3

Squishy69: I apologize, but I do not appreciate fan fiction. You get away without having to make your own characters, without telling any back story, without doing anything except placing the characters in a new setting. You probably worked hard on this, but this is not the contest you should've entered.

NpPro93: Unfortunately, your story was among the submissions that followed their songs a little too closely. You managed to match your story's pace with your song's tempo, but you lost depth and importance along the way. The soldier, bear, and monster segments all felt weak because none of them seemed to matter; you could have taken out one or two of the segments, and it wouldn't have affected the story in any way. I see the potential for a good story, but I'm still wondering how your story moved from false passports and soldiers to an abnormally slow and vicious bear to a devilish creature. There has yet to be sense or meaning.

[Peaceblossom]

At 9/1/09 11:33 AM, Coop83 wrote: Those were the global results, I'll guess. Try looking at the end of the Talk thread for clarification, I think he gave out results there (I'll be pissed if they were only his and I didn't finish in second!)

Tell me about it. I could really use a new shirt right about now. I've actually held off on shopping with the thought that one new shirt will do me over for a while. If I'm not third I think we'll all be shocked and appalled.

[WritersBlock]

WritersBlock: Solid writing. Although you sometimes got a bit wordy, your story moved along wonderfully, conveying an atmosphere that matched perfectly with its song. The beginning was the highlight of the story, introducing Oliver and the atmosphere so quickly and thoroughly that I was immediately immersed into the story. Unfortunately, it seemed the ending wasn't as inspired as the beginning and came a bit too quickly. The apparition, although established as Amelia's murderer, never grew into much of a threat, causing her actions and pursuit of Oliver to not seem that intense. The pursuit itself wasn't really that thrilling either; Oliver's struggle to reach home ended just as quickly as it had begun. I enjoyed your story, but I was left wanting more.

thank you very much. I totally understand what you mean here, and I'm glad you pointed it out. I'm so glad that you enjoyed the atmosphere, and that you were "left wanting more", albeit in a compromised sense. To be honest, I'm very fond of this story, and I'll most likely give it another good look over, myself, and work on that tension and climax.

Thanks.

[DarkLink777]

Thanks for the critique! I agree, it was a little cliche and vague... but I love the song so much, I just had to do that one, heh. Thanks again.

[Koji98]

At 9/4/09 12:12 AM, blakedatch wrote:

:One main criticism I have is that you never go into too much detail at the beginning or end. You tell the readers almost immediately that your speaker is depressed, but we don't know enough about him to really care, and at the end, you essentially boil the story down to, "this happened, and then this happened, and this is what I thought." You write very well; it was just disappointing that you wedged a great middle section between two rather unspectacular sections.

Guess I should have gone more detail in the beginning and end, but I'm glad that you think I can write well. Now I'm off to rewrite that short into a novel, expanding the loving hell out of it for shits n giggles.