This is an imaginary conversation between me and President Washington:
Me: HOLY ASS FUCK! THE HELL? *runs to grab shotgun*
Weird zombie man in colonial clothing: Wait my dear boy. I mean you no harm! Im George Washington for petes sake!
Me: Washington? What the fuck are you doing pulling a thriller on my lawn?
Washington: Ive been allowed back here to see the state of affairs of my fair country. Unfortuneately this is my first time Ive been granted this privilage so Im a little out of touch.
Me: Oooook... So uh... what do you want to know about?
Washington: Everything.
Me: Everything?
Washington: Everything.
Me: How much time you got?
Washington: an hour or two.
Me: well you may want to get a little more specific.
Washington: Alright, hmm. Do you own any slaves?
Me: No. We did away with slavery. You see some people wrote a couple of books detailing the horrors of slavery but over exagerated alot. Since slavery was a sothern state practice, the northern states became furious and waged war on the south the end it. Well not initially but thats eventually what it became. It was originally about the states right to suceed from the union, but just got boiled down as time went on. The North won, slavery was abolished.
Washington: Oh my! Well Americans have always had the spirit in em. So what of the constitution. Have you kept it or did you do away with it?
Me: Kept it. And added alot of amendments to it. That abolish slavery is one of em. Yeah we still have the freedom of speech and the right to bear arms (unless your sotomayor)
Washington: Who?
Me: Oh. Well you see, following into this abolish slavery thing the blacks had a big movement to gain equal rights. They won and one of the rights was the right to vote. Now while that never hindered a black man from running, our current president recived a majority of the black vote. And when I mean majority I mean 99%. So that plus no one realizing the democrats owned the house and the senate and that blame should have fallen on that party if any one party (another story) gave our black president the win. So he got to pick a supreme court justice nominee and picked a woman named Sotomayor, who said in a court case to determine if the right to bear arms fell over nun chucks that the constitution pertained only to the federal government, not the states.
Washington: What the fucking shit is that malarky? She does realize we tried the articles of confederacy and it nearly destroyed us right? She realizes that the states need a guiding hand from a larger government right? And she realizes without guns she couldnt say that bullshit in to begin with right?
Me: Probably. Hell alot of us arent sure what she knows.
Washington: My god. How much worse could this get?
Me: Oh it gets so much worse. Trust me. We tried igniting our atmosphere three times.
Washington: WHAT!?>!?!?!>!@#LASKNF
Me: Oh yeah. See we developed a technology called nuclear energy. Its basically breaking something down releases a lot of energy. And then we put this in a bomb to drop on people. We were in a war at the time so its ok. But when we tested it the scientists throught it would ignite the atmosphere and kill us all, but did it anyway. Well it looked like it wouldnt so we used it on the enemy twice and they gave up. Further mini tests showed that it indeed had the power to do so, we were just lucky it didnt.
Washington: Please. No more. I cant take it.
Me: Oh, and now we are trying to give everyone free medical care
Washington: How is that a bad thing?
Me: Well in a world facing over population and resource drain and in the middle of a recession being in a world driven by education with 44% of kids graduating high school, it seems kind of dumb.
Washington: Dumb? Why giving a hand to a fellow human being is as American as I am!
Me: Oh, so you would give help to a family who shouldnt even exist? The parents could barely take care of themselves let alone 4 children.
Washington: Well why should the children suffer for their parents mistakes?
Me: The children suffer? We all get free schooling up till the twelfth grade and most of these kids dont do shit with it.
Washington: So you would punish these kids because their parents were to stupid to realize their problems, and you would punish them because their enviroment is so tought they give up? What kind of a sick man are you?
Me: Not sick, but how bout this. These same kids that fail to grow in their own enviroment could bloom in another. Move them out and have a family that can actually support kids, support these kids they want to. That way the ones who deserve the medical attention get it, and Im not paying for dumbasses who dont know shit to get a new set of teeth. We do it when the family is homeless, lets tighten this adoption belt.
Washington: Well... this has been an eye opening hour. I think I might retire for another 2000 years. Goodbye my friend
Me: Bye Thriller Washington
