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At 8/4/09 12:46 AM, Squishy69 wrote: Hey guys! Maybe to help pass the time until judging is over perhaps you all could look over my posted story and give me some feedback on it. I know it's too late to change things but I'd still like to hear what other people think of my writing style, and if they found it entertaining. Pretty please??

So yours is both a fan fic and a script based fic? Well, your warning was right - I know nothing of this 'Tohou Shooter' series, and I got confused. That being said, I actually could imagine people (although I have no idea how they look) singing thier lines with the song. The song sort of matched the story well enough, if only for the implied anime-fight style the series is and the singing, but the fast-paced and light-hearted music still matched as much as it did. So good on you for that.

But it was really confusing. I had no idea what the hell was going on half the time; you cannot enter a short story competition with a fan fic, if for the only reason that most rely on prior knowledge of the characters to work. I don't think many will know your series anyway. Also, script format is a bad idea as you completly forgo the descriptions to have people imagine the settings, the characters or what they're even doing. I just had a mental image of generic anime characters standing in a temple singing, and the randomness of it only made me cringe and want the story to go away.

It did not keep my interest, and I strained trying to read it through. I'm sorry, but it's honestly how it made me feel. I like how you used a unique premise of a musical to play on the story's association with it, and how you told us when the characters were singing, but it was horrid to read. I hope you enjoyed writing it though. Sorry. : /

Next time, spend more time on it, use your own ideas and try to forgo a script format. Writing, although enjoyable, is all about the reader, and the story has to be accessable to them or it won't work.

I'm a big fan of Touhou, but I put that to the side when I read it. Podburrys pretty much said exactly what I think. It was hard to finish, plus I found it unnecessary for the little epilogue with Reimu and Marissa. I can't stand reading the script format unless produced like a visual novel, limiting the amount of lines on the screen. The musical idea was interesting, but I don't think you executed it well.

At 8/4/09 01:14 AM, Podburrys wrote:

At 8/4/09 12:46 AM, Squishy69 wrote: Hey guys! Maybe to help pass the time until judging is over perhaps you all could look over my posted story and give me some feedback on it. I know it's too late to change things but I'd still like to hear what other people think of my writing style, and if they found it entertaining. Pretty please??

So yours is both a fan fic and a script based fic? Well, your warning was right - I know nothing of this 'Tohou Shooter' series, and I got confused. That being said, I actually could imagine people (although I have no idea how they look) singing thier lines with the song. The song sort of matched the story well enough, if only for the implied anime-fight style the series is and the singing, but the fast-paced and light-hearted music still matched as much as it did. So good on you for that.

But it was really confusing. I had no idea what the hell was going on half the time; you cannot enter a short story competition with a fan fic, if for the only reason that most rely on prior knowledge of the characters to work. I don't think many will know your series anyway. Also, script format is a bad idea as you completly forgo the descriptions to have people imagine the settings, the characters or what they're even doing. I just had a mental image of generic anime characters standing in a temple singing, and the randomness of it only made me cringe and want the story to go away.

It did not keep my interest, and I strained trying to read it through. I'm sorry, but it's honestly how it made me feel. I like how you used a unique premise of a musical to play on the story's association with it, and how you told us when the characters were singing, but it was horrid to read. I hope you enjoyed writing it though. Sorry. : /

Next time, spend more time on it, use your own ideas and try to forgo a script format. Writing, although enjoyable, is all about the reader, and the story has to be accessable to them or it won't work.

...Ouch. Well, no one said it was going to be easy XP.

But yeah, to you and everyone else who reads it I apologize for the confusion and the script format. Personally that's my preferred writing style. Call it my wanting to animate something when I can not animate, but rather only can write it in script format. Also, I didn't put in descriptions because I didn't want people to get hanged up reading them as the music was going by. I was trying to lengthen and shorten the story so that the reader reaches the singing parts at just the right point in the song. But yeah I could've done more to describe things. Call it my lauding ego as a writer.

Sigh... and I guess fan fics aren't really the best material for these contests either? Well I was really in the mood for Touhou, though I had another idea for a story of same length. There was also another idea that would've been lengthy and just like a regular story, but to be frank I was lazy and only got the gumption to work on an entry just a few days ago. Guess next time I better work on my time management.

So again thanks for the blunt and honest critique Podburrys. I'm sorry that reading my fiction was painful for you; believe me that was not my intention :'(. And I did have fun writing it... and, if I could, I would've made it into a flash animation so you could see what I had envisioned. But alas, I can only work with what I got, ie, active imagination rather than decent drawing capability and the patience to improve it. Still, there's always next month :). And I promise I'll make it as pain-free as humanly possible for all of you ;) (I hope @_@)

i haaaate tendonitis

future contests: could I scan a hand written submission?

At 8/4/09 12:51 PM, JackPhantasm wrote: i haaaate tendonitis

future contests: could I scan a hand written submission?

To be honest, I don't see why not as long it's got your alias in the corner. The only problem is this makes the whole word count thing problematic and if your handwriting is unreadable...Well, then you're fucked.

wordcount: you'll just have to trust me

At 8/4/09 01:17 PM, JackPhantasm wrote: wordcount: you'll just have to trust me

I'm the least generally-trustful person you'll likely speak to here.

So should we just expect this judging to take as long as the june one did?

At 8/4/09 10:24 PM, EKublai wrote: So should we just expect this judging to take as long as the june one did?

Hopefully we can get the judging done sooner than the June contest. However, it may take awhile because many judges are now dealing with "real life."

At 8/4/09 10:39 PM, BankingOntheEnemy wrote:

At 8/4/09 10:24 PM, EKublai wrote: So should we just expect this judging to take as long as the june one did?

Hopefully we can get the judging done sooner than the June contest. However, it may take awhile because many judges are now dealing with "real life."

Well, you, Lost, Blakedatch and Zerok are all here. It's only Gum's scores I'd be worried about getting. And the sooner this is done, the sooner the August one can begin. :)

At 8/4/09 10:39 PM, BankingOntheEnemy wrote:

At 8/4/09 10:24 PM, EKublai wrote: So should we just expect this judging to take as long as the june one did?

Hopefully we can get the judging done sooner than the June contest. However, it may take awhile because many judges are now dealing with "real life."

I'd make a joke about "real life," but I don't feel like degrading myself any further. On that note, I hope to get through my judging quickly, and I'll let you guys know when I'm done.

...And then I'll disappear before I can PM my scores and you won't get your results until October. Mwuhahahaha....

Might I, like Sir Squishy, get some pre-post-judging critique? Paranoia and anxious anticipation squeeze me harder with each passing day.

At 8/5/09 04:58 AM, vashtsakared wrote: Might I, like Sir Squishy, get some pre-post-judging critique? Paranoia and anxious anticipation squeeze me harder with each passing day.

Sorry, I don't see yours in the submission thread..?

It's page two, the Blue Tooth Meets Acid Paradox writing.

Can I ask someone to tell me how shit my one shot shitpile is, thanks.

It's called points and it's very shitty and I provided the song myself which makes it even shittier.

At 8/4/09 11:15 PM, Podburrys wrote:

At 8/4/09 10:39 PM, BankingOntheEnemy wrote:

At 8/4/09 10:24 PM, EKublai wrote: So should we just expect this judging to take as long as the june one did?

Hopefully we can get the judging done sooner than the June contest. However, it may take awhile because many judges are now dealing with "real life."

Well, you, Lost, Blakedatch and Zerok are all here. It's only Gum's scores I'd be worried about getting. And the sooner this is done, the sooner the August one can begin. :)

I'm sure Gum (or whoever is running the August contest) will release the new theme long before the results come out - that's how all of the other contests have occurred at least. We just need to figure out what theme to do.

I'd say it's pretty good. Seems a tad like cheating to use your own song, but it isn't technically, and I think you fit the feel of it. Pretty good writing through most of it, but heavy on the exposition. It'd be cool if it really busted out action around the guitar solo. Overall, I think you've got a good shot.

At 8/5/09 10:10 AM, Sawdust wrote: Can I ask someone to tell me how shit my one shot shitpile is, thanks.

It's called points and it's very shitty and I provided the song myself which makes it even shittier.

At 8/5/09 10:10 AM, Sawdust wrote: Can I ask someone to tell me how shit my one shot shitpile is, thanks.

It's called points and it's very shitty and I provided the song myself which makes it even shittier.

Well, geez, this makes judging easy. You get a zero without me even looking at it.

I respect different authors' opinions of their own work, but if you despise your work but still decide to submit it, you waste everyone's time. I realize you're making a comment like that to get attention (and I guess you sure did), but that is just as despicable.

Well this is a little off-topic, but just now I have beaten the boss who's theme I had used in the contest. So yay me. Also, where exactly do we look to learn about each month's contest theme? I learned about this one from Tom's front page post and that was like midway through the month. Is there any way to find out about it sooner than that?

At 8/6/09 04:47 PM, Squishy69 wrote: Well this is a little off-topic, but just now I have beaten the boss who's theme I had used in the contest. So yay me. Also, where exactly do we look to learn about each month's contest theme? I learned about this one from Tom's front page post and that was like midway through the month. Is there any way to find out about it sooner than that?

You just have to keep your eye on the BBS to find the next thread. Don't worry - you haven't missed August's contest thread yet since we are still trying to figure out what the theme is and who will run it. There might not even be one, sadly.

At 8/6/09 06:09 PM, RapeMuffin wrote:

At 8/6/09 04:47 PM, Squishy69 wrote: Well this is a little off-topic, but just now I have beaten the boss who's theme I had used in the contest. So yay me. Also, where exactly do we look to learn about each month's contest theme? I learned about this one from Tom's front page post and that was like midway through the month. Is there any way to find out about it sooner than that?

You just have to keep your eye on the BBS to find the next thread. Don't worry - you haven't missed August's contest thread yet since we are still trying to figure out what the theme is and who will run it. There might not even be one, sadly.

Say What!!? No August contest!? Bummer if that were true. After having one story turned away more or less and with another in the wings more than likely about to be shot down I was looking to redeem myself for the next one. Well, if that's how it is then I may have to wait longer for that oppurtunity. I might wind up getting caught up in "real life" anyhow (or not :P).

At 8/5/09 04:01 PM, blakedatch wrote: I respect different authors' opinions of their own work, but if you despise your work but still decide to submit it, you waste everyone's time.

Yeah, well I like the concept and all, but it's just that its a one shot, so like, I never got a chance to improve on it and all. I despise it in the sense that I blew a chance to do something really good.

At 8/5/09 03:45 PM, vashtsakared wrote: I'd say it's pretty good. Seems a tad like cheating to use your own song, but it isn't technically, and I think you fit the feel of it. Pretty good writing through most of it, but heavy on the exposition. It'd be cool if it really busted out action around the guitar solo. Overall, I think you've got a good shot.

Thanks man, I was really intending on getting the action done around the middle then slowly bringing it to a close, that way it'd really fit the song and all

Anyone any idea when we'll start seeing results?

Good question. I like to know as well so I have some pointers to go off of when it comes to writing August contest.

I just got a PM from gum. I won this competition. You loosers can all go home now and cry to your toilet roll puppets and tell them how it hurts you so.

;P

Ohey, new contest's up, and a heads up for the future, search "MWC9" and the threads should all show up.

You won! Man... :( *In Capt. Kirk voice* I... must not... cry. I... must not... cry.
(Joking aside)
Nevertheless, I'm just looking for some critiques to improve my writing in general and also to make sure I don't make the same mistakes in the August one.

This is my first time entering one of these and though winning is desired, I look more forward to the critiques since as a writer, I'm always trying to improve and grow my style.

You would have thught gum would make a post about the winer rather than just pm the winner and leave the rest of us sorry sacks of crap in the dark.

Ah well, any possibility of critique for my poor excuse of a story? I'd like to know how badly it failed =p

Self-deprecation ftw =D

At 8/10/09 07:51 PM, flashman16 wrote: You would have thught gum would make a post about the winer rather than just pm the winner and leave the rest of us sorry sacks of crap in the dark.

Ah well, any possibility of critique for my poor excuse of a story? I'd like to know how badly it failed =p

Self-deprecation ftw =D

Let's got back and read blakedatch's post on the last page. Now let's re-read your post and re-read my post.
Why would gum PM the winner rather than create a thread?
Why do you all incessantly put down your own writing abilities?
"Poor excuse of a story"
Granted, it should be "Poor excuse FOR a story", but that's not the biggest difference between yourself and myself.
You see, you don't have the confidence to back yourself, whereas I do. I often play down my own work, usually in the lines of "it's not exactly my best work", but by golly, that means you must have some other piece of writing that IS your best work.

To put it simply, the results aren't out yet, so statistically, everyone who wasn't disqualified still has a chance. Ergo, in waiting we see those who are willing to believe in their own abilities, or at least aspire to improve, and we see those who lack the spine to back their own writing.
There ARE second and third place prizes, so even if I DID win, there's still two prize slots open.

You guys should REALLY learn how to stand up for your own writing.

At 8/10/09 07:51 PM, flashman16 wrote: You would have thught gum would make a post about the winer rather than just pm the winner and leave the rest of us sorry sacks of crap in the dark.

I haven't even finished voting.

Fuck you.

Like I said, I could careless about winning ( I knew you were joking anyway). I entered, like most to test myself and experiment with different themes that can help pull you out of your comfort zone. Winning or just placing is good, but means nothing if there is no reason to it.

This isn't one of those "STAND UP FOR YOUR WORK" moments. I'm more than confident with any and all my work, but at the same time, only a fool believes their work is perfect. It can be improved on like anything.

Sorry if my words earlier came out the wrong way. I apologize.