Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

At 7/28/09 10:30 PM, Podburrys wrote:

At 7/28/09 02:10 PM, JackPhantasm wrote: delete the line for the love of my father, works well if you skip that.

I think he has that there to show that the father is a God-like figure in this world (which would make him a God or a Prince in the least). Lost's intent is to show someone conflicted with false memories, and by having tidbits like this, it shows to the reader that perhaps something is going on in the Main's mind. Which it is.

Haha, close. It's a small The Dark Tower series reference. It was my little way of giving a nod to the series. I can remove it if it doesn't fit still though.

personally, I would make the creature much more abstract, like podburry's said i think? He thinks he sees it but he really isn't sure? I sort of still get that feeling, which is why if it was tweaked a bit it would be actually quite scary.

I didn't mention this actually. The creature is supposed to be real, but you could certainly follow Jack's suggestion and hint at it being an illusion if that's a path you want tot take. You can say something like noticing a pincer go through rock, the creature fading or even not say anything and leave it to the reader to decide.

Nah, I'd like the creature to be real in this "world".

I clutched my wooden sword by its handle, I could tell just by looking at it that it would do no harm.
there's no need for candor there.

i'm not sure what the "dag" and "stra" are supposed to be.

Lost said this is supposed to be bursts of repressed memories; this is a man with fals memories slowly remembering who he is really. It makes sense if you know this, with the Main having a train of thought stuck in the false memories super-seeded with ignored corrections from his real persona, but I was confused first too. Again Lost, you might want to think about re-working those because although you have set up the Main having memory problems in the privious paragraph, it's still not entirely clear unless you know the whole false memory thing. The best way to fix this is to extend the story and imply the realistation he's had false memories or something so people look back and see this as a clue.

Sort of, but not quite. I was trying to imply that the person's concious had moved from "his world" into this new world through-out it. I then wanted it so the main character would begin to forget that he was ever part of "his world" and he had always been in "the new world". The correction reaction of the stra- and dag- was my way of just showing how the person kept trying to remember everything about his previous world, the phrases used and so on. Him calling something a (I think it was) a "grandolf" and yelling about his father instead of god was just him succumbing to the thoughts of the "new world" for a brief time due to frustration.

I figured it'd be clear that there may be a second "life" instead his new character's brain. While he's in control of the body and so on, his knowledge is slowly being taken over by the original body's "owner". I guessed it may of been a little clear by the sentence about a second brain corrupting his.

Alright, I definitely think you should make this one big extended metaphor. I think it pretty much already is. But you should definitely make the creature more ethereal, less real.

Definatly not; what would this be a metaphor for? He's set it up for MAYBE Mid-Life Crisis (the guy is employed) but that's sketchy without major rewriting. Metaphors have to be feasable, and I don't think it is in this current draft. It's set up as a traditional Fantasy Short Story.

To be honest, I'm confused as well. This was never intended as a metaphor for anything at all but just a simple case of a fantasy short story. Although you could say it may be a metaphor for DID due to the "split" brain thing happening if you want to push it a bit.

It was actually almost perfect for the song.

Indeed.

Good job.

Thank you.

Also, if you're EVER editing you have to make your edits clear to the writer.

I think this was the main problem about reading Jack's edits on their own.

I found out that I'll be away on Wednesday for a week so I'll try to get each submission marked and posted by then. If you want a comment about your story, then PM me and, assuming the results are posted before I'm back, I'll answer it when I get back.

Story submitted and it's not even 11:59p yet. Weird...

Anyway - these stories look awesome so far! I just hope more people submit something before deadline. While the theme is a bit daunting this time around (which likely scared some people off) I actually enjoyed having a structure for crafting the mood and plot of my story this month.

That being said, I hope that next month's theme is something easy. Like, "Fingerpaint a pretty picture and write about it" or something.

At 8/1/09 01:23 PM, RapeMuffin wrote: That being said, I hope that next month's theme is something easy. Like, "Fingerpaint a pretty picture and write about it" or something.

I hope it's posted before Wednesday, so I can take a look and consider myself doing it while I'm away.

No matter how hard I try to write, I just can't feel it. I guess this contest's not for me.

Good luck to the contestants.

Yes, good luck to everyone. There are a lot of good ones among the bunch

20 minutes to get your stories in. It's time to start writing, Jack. ;)

Oh and how about the idea for the next contest being coming up with a pilot script for one or all of the newground characters. The limit could be 5-22 minutes in length, equaling 5-22 pages per minute.

It would make using the voice actors as winning prizes fit better and the theme would probably be more open to allow for a wide majority of people to want to enter.

At 8/2/09 12:31 AM, PARABLK wrote: Oh and how about the idea for the next contest being coming up with a pilot script for one or all of the newground characters. The limit could be 5-22 minutes in length, equaling 5-22 pages per minute.

It would make using the voice actors as winning prizes fit better and the theme would probably be more open to allow for a wide majority of people to want to enter.

Whilst writing a TV show sounds interesting, it really isn't. It's mainly dialouge with short action ques. Not particularly roomy for creative flow for some.

True. So then how about SPEC FORMAT? That format is pretty much just writing a story but with the dialogue portions formatted a certain way.

This way the flow is no different than writing a story.

Either way, I hope the theme for the next one isn't too limiting and is creative.

At 8/2/09 01:19 AM, PARABLK wrote: Either way, I hope the theme for the next one isn't too limiting and is creative.

A theme is only as creative as its participants, so lay the hope in yourself.

Well, it seems like it is time for me to start judging. Hopefully, if all goes well and I don't end up dying like Zerok, I'll have my scores sent in by next Monday, at the latest. I'll be writing critiques for everyone, and although they'll be harsh, at least they're something to take into consideration.

I'll be posting a breakdown of my scoring later on my userpage, so if you wish to see how I'll score you or you want to kvetch about my shoddy method of scoring, might as well put down your thoughts when I post the breakdown.

At 8/2/09 02:24 AM, blakedatch wrote:

At 8/2/09 01:19 AM, PARABLK wrote: Either way, I hope the theme for the next one isn't too limiting and is creative.

A theme is only as creative as its participants, so lay the hope in yourself.

I can see where you're coming from, although I don't wholly agree. I though PARABLK's idea was very limiting in suggesting that the theme should be based around a series of characters with a particular theme. Note that while some may still take a creative spin on the theme, it'll only be in reference to the restrictions of the theme.

Well, it seems like it is time for me to start judging. Hopefully, if all goes well and I don't end up dying like Zerok, I'll have my scores sent in by next Monday, at the latest. I'll be writing critiques for everyone, and although they'll be harsh, at least they're something to take into consideration.

I'll be posting a breakdown of my scoring later on my userpage, so if you wish to see how I'll score you or you want to kvetch about my shoddy method of scoring, might as well put down your thoughts when I post the breakdown.

I look forward to that, as I'm always intrigued as to what others think of my own writing. I trust you'll be posting a link either here or in the winners thread once your blog is up?

At 8/2/09 12:31 AM, PARABLK wrote: Oh and how about the idea for the next contest being coming up with a pilot script for one or all of the newground characters. The limit could be 5-22 minutes in length, equaling 5-22 pages per minute.

It would make using the voice actors as winning prizes fit better and the theme would probably be more open to allow for a wide majority of people to want to enter.

Hmm... interesting idea. I don't know that it'd appeal to a wider majority of people, but I like the idea. Script writing would definitely be something new. I'd probably throw my hat in the ring for that one.

The big problem is that you can't necessarily judge a script by the same standards you would a short story. I mean, you can still check for grammar, sentence structure, etc., but most of the detail in a script will come from either stage directions or characters. Hence, you really have to focus on creating relationships between characters and giving them interesting dialogue so that the readers stay focused. Even then, that's difficult to do unless the reader can visualize the events happening as he/she reads them (also important for a short story).

You'd really need judges who have some experience either reading/writing scripts or those with experience in theatre (obviously, actors read and act out scripts, so they'd be able to know what works in practice).

It might turn off a lot of people, but it might also bring in others who like that sort of thing. What would be really neat to do would be to see if we can get a hold of some artists/animators in addition to voice actors, then have the top two (three?) scripts made into a Flash animation. It'd appeal to a lot of people (who wouldn't want one of their stories turned into a movie?) and it might just boost said writers up so that they get noticed by others.

At 8/2/09 01:13 AM, Podburrys wrote:

At 8/2/09 12:31 AM, PARABLK wrote: Oh and how about the idea for the next contest being coming up with a pilot script for one or all of the newground characters. The limit could be 5-22 minutes in length, equaling 5-22 pages per minute.

It would make using the voice actors as winning prizes fit better and the theme would probably be more open to allow for a wide majority of people to want to enter.

Whilst writing a TV show sounds interesting, it really isn't. It's mainly dialouge with short action ques. Not particularly roomy for creative flow for some.

I disagree slightly. The creativity doesn't necessarily shrink; it just manifests itself differently. You just have to tweak how you write. Like lots of detail? Use stage directions to provide detail about characters, actions, and locations. Good with dialogue? Creating lines of characters is right up your alley. Emotion? Combination of stage direction and dialogue. Plus, you get access to another set of literary devices. How often do you get to use rhyming couplets, iambic pentameter, monologues, and asides in a short story? Besides, a good writer should be able to express his/her ideas in multiple forms.

I will admit that I'm slightly biased in favor of the idea because I'm an actor and fairly involved in theatre :)

At 8/2/09 03:36 AM, shadow1124 wrote: The big problem is that you can't necessarily judge a script by the same standards you would a short story. I mean, you can still check for grammar, sentence structure, etc., but most of the detail in a script will come from either stage directions or characters. Hence, you really have to focus on creating relationships between characters and giving them interesting dialogue so that the readers stay focused. Even then, that's difficult to do unless the reader can visualize the events happening as he/she reads them (also important for a short story).

It also depends on the type of script; movie, television or play? To be honest I think this might be an idea to hold back on. With scripts, you rely mainly on dialouge and actor performance and although you can be descriptive in setting up a scene, and even say how you want the dialouge to be expressed, how your piece is performed is vital in setting it right...for a creative writting competition I'm not entirely sure it's appropriate to (I feel) rely on a visual element when none will ever be provided. Scripts are a different ball game than short stories.

You'd really need judges who have some experience either reading/writing scripts or those with experience in theatre (obviously, actors read and act out scripts, so they'd be able to know what works in practice).

On the off chance you do decide to do scripts, I'm happy to be a judge for the competition. I've actually written some plays and am currently studying Playwriting as a part of my Professional Writing and Editing course. So I'm good for critique. :P

It might turn off a lot of people, but it might also bring in others who like that sort of thing. What would be really neat to do would be to see if we can get a hold of some artists/animators in addition to voice actors, then have the top two (three?) scripts made into a Flash animation. It'd appeal to a lot of people (who wouldn't want one of their stories turned into a movie?) and it might just boost said writers up so that they get noticed by others.

Now, if this were to happen it would be appealing at first, but then you realise that artist is interpereting your work. Unguided, as the case may be. Unless you work very closely with them, your piece may turn out very poorly or be misinterpereted; this is why playwrights are usually at the performances and heavily consulted during pre-production (when the play is being set up the first time). Another reason I suggest we don't really follow up scripts for the next competition.

At 8/2/09 03:47 AM, shadow1124 wrote: I disagree slightly. The creativity doesn't necessarily shrink; it just manifests itself differently. You just have to tweak how you write. Like lots of detail? Use stage directions to provide detail about characters, actions, and locations. Good with dialogue? Creating lines of characters is right up your alley. Emotion? Combination of stage direction and dialogue. Plus, you get access to another set of literary devices. How often do you get to use rhyming couplets, iambic pentameter, monologues, and asides in a short story? Besides, a good writer should be able to express his/her ideas in multiple forms.

I will admit that I'm slightly biased in favor of the idea because I'm an actor and fairly involved in theatre :)

I've written several plays, from One Acts to full sets of four. Whilst I see what you mean with the work remaining as plyable, I'm not entirely certain it's appropriate for a creative writing competition. It may be my own bias towards short stories for these things, but it seems a waste to write a play that will never be performed, and to ask people to read and interperete it only in thier minds. I'm not saying people can't, but it doesn't seem right to me. I like guiding people on a journey when I write creativly, and I feel the format of a short story in particular has more to offer for this. Plays are great, but they be intended to be acted. It's just different for me I guess.

I have an insanely wicked idea (both uses of 'wicked'). Let's have next months contest be a joke per sentence story contest, where every sentence has to be a set-up or punchline of a joke or witty anecdote (Catch-22 is probably the best example of this I've read). It's one of the hardest styles of writing to make work and it really forces people to put effort into choosing their structure carefully. In other words, it teaches a lot more to aspiring writers than just how to write a good joke.

At 8/2/09 03:17 AM, WritersBlock wrote: I can see where you're coming from, although I don't wholly agree. I though PARABLK's idea was very limiting in suggesting that the theme should be based around a series of characters with a particular theme. Note that while some may still take a creative spin on the theme, it'll only be in reference to the restrictions of the theme.

My comment was more to imply the MWCs always have a creative and open theme, but on the plus side, I agee with your comments.

I look forward to that, as I'm always intrigued as to what others think of my own writing. I trust you'll be posting a link either here or in the winners thread once your blog is up?

I will. And here the "rubric" is. Before you get interested, this just explains my reasoning behind my general scoring for submissions, and as I have found out, it will probably help my thinking more than it will help anyone else. Still, if you have any questions about it, I'd be happy to answer them and further flesh out my rubric.

Admittedly, I'm running low on sleep, so the rubric isn't exactly what I'd like it to be yet, but the link's there for whenever anybody wants to use it.

The joy of statistics:
The smallest word count: 1000, followed by 1001 and then 1003. You lot know how to cut it close.
Largest word count: 4082.

Amount of people who entered: 31 (this is including any judges who entered).
Amount of people disqualified: 8.
Of those:
Due to being over the word limit or under it: 7.
Due to no paragraphs: 1.
Amount of valid entries: 23.

Looks like I'm going to busy today and tomorrow...

At 8/2/09 04:00 AM, Podburrys wrote: It also depends on the type of script; movie, television or play? To be honest I think this might be an idea to hold back on. With scripts, you rely mainly on dialouge and actor performance and although you can be descriptive in setting up a scene, and even say how you want the dialouge to be expressed, how your piece is performed is vital in setting it right...for a creative writting competition I'm not entirely sure it's appropriate to (I feel) rely on a visual element when none will ever be provided. Scripts are a different ball game than short stories.

I see your point. I don't know if there is that much difference between movie, television, and play scripts (aside from formatting and tone), but I'm not 100% sure.

On the off chance you do decide to do scripts, I'm happy to be a judge for the competition. I've actually written some plays and am currently studying Playwriting as a part of my Professional Writing and Editing course. So I'm good for critique. :P

Yeah, I'd like to be a judge too if this gets off the ground. I haven't taken Playwriting (the college I go to doesn't offer anything like that...), but I have acted in various college-level plays, so I have experience reading scripts and would be able judge an entry on how well it would work for those acting it out.

At 8/2/09 08:30 AM, Lost-Chances wrote: The joy of statistics:
The smallest word count: 1000, followed by 1001 and then 1003. You lot know how to cut it close.
Largest word count: 4082.

Amount of people who entered: 31 (this is including any judges who entered).
Amount of people disqualified: 8.
Of those:
Due to being over the word limit or under it: 7.
Due to no paragraphs: 1.
Amount of valid entries: 23.

Looks like I'm going to busy today and tomorrow...

Which one had no paragraphs? Not 19th edition blood stain? That was my favorite submission.

At 8/2/09 06:42 PM, EKublai wrote: Which one had no paragraphs? Not 19th edition blood stain? That was my favorite submission.

Earthshine's entry.

Honestly, it could of been the best story in the world (which judging by a quick skim, it looks like a horrible story), but if it's hard to read then I'm not going to waste my time on it.

So wait, is each judge responsible for which stories are eligible and which arn't, or have you guys all talked to each other about it? Like is everyone discounting earthshine's or (as far as we know) just you?

At 8/2/09 09:21 PM, EKublai wrote: So wait, is each judge responsible for which stories are eligible and which arn't, or have you guys all talked to each other about it? Like is everyone discounting earthshine's or (as far as we know) just you?

I assume so far just Lost, but that doesn't mean other judges won't mark it down. Paragraphs are important, and a wall of text into a short story comp is a big no-no. Marks depend entirely on the judge in these competitions - they might collaborate on difficult choices but they're mostly stand alone with thier opinion, and in the end the marks are put together and we get the overall winner that way.

At 8/2/09 09:21 PM, EKublai wrote: So wait, is each judge responsible for which stories are eligible and which arn't, or have you guys all talked to each other about it? Like is everyone discounting earthshine's or (as far as we know) just you?

To be honest, the main thing that causes disqualifications is word count which is easily agreed with. The paragraphs thing is when it starts to get a bit grey and there once was a case when there was the possibility of someone getting disqualified due to not sticking to the theme close enough (I wouldn't say who though). Usually, it's commonly agreed although discussions may happen if two judges disagree if an entry should be disqualified or not.

At 8/2/09 10:51 PM, Lost-Chances wrote: To be honest, the main thing that causes disqualifications is word count which is easily agreed with. The paragraphs thing is when it starts to get a bit grey and there once was a case when there was the possibility of someone getting disqualified due to not sticking to the theme close enough (I wouldn't say who though). Usually, it's commonly agreed although discussions may happen if two judges disagree if an entry should be disqualified or not.

With that story that was 4082 words long, is that within allowance limits still? It is only 82 words and it would suck to go because it was 82 too big. :/

At 8/2/09 10:55 PM, Podburrys wrote: With that story that was 4082 words long, is that within allowance limits still? It is only 82 words and it would suck to go because it was 82 too big. :/

"RESTRICTIONS

1) Word Count Minimum: 1000 words
2) Word Count Maximum: 4500 words
3) You must acquire your tone from a song in the Newgrounds Audio Portal
4) You should pay attention to musical elements and how they could apply to your story."

Dunno.

At 8/2/09 11:02 PM, Lost-Chances wrote: "RESTRICTIONS

1) Word Count Minimum: 1000 words
2) Word Count Maximum: 4500 words
3) You must acquire your tone from a song in the Newgrounds Audio Portal
4) You should pay attention to musical elements and how they could apply to your story."

Dunno.

The limit was 4500? Bugger, I cut out so much for nothing then. :(

Good to hear that story's in though.

Oh no! I was just throwing the idea of using newground characters as a accompanying theme. Anything really could work.

Hey guys! Maybe to help pass the time until judging is over perhaps you all could look over my posted story and give me some feedback on it. I know it's too late to change things but I'd still like to hear what other people think of my writing style, and if they found it entertaining. Pretty please??