Shedding skin (metaphorically)

[WritersBlock]

So I guess you could call this an epiphany of sorts, although it could very easily be misinterpreted as a mere realisation of the obvious.

As of late, I've begun to notice my life sinking into a bland nothingness of monotony. I've been lacking the drive to actually accomplish my goals, or even bother setting goals. I'm not a religious person, I tend to steer clear of both theism and atheism because I find the whole concept to be a pointless cycle, and religious fulfilment to be unwholesome and based on ideals that are watered down by the collective mindlessness of the worshippers. I'm not a religious person, but over the years I have found myself fascinated with ideals more philosophical in nature.

It is with this interest in philosophy that has lead to my questioning as to what I want out of life and why I yearn for more. And here's what I think it comes down to:

Change. Growing and evolving and discovering that I'm not the person I was. A month ago? A year ago? 5 years? 10? One thing that others have noticed about me is that I like to change my mind a lot, and looking back at all the indecision, it feels like I could have achieved a whole lot more had I gritted my teeth and stuck through with one thing to the end.

But putting things down to no accomplishments would be a lie. I've done stuff, I've succeeded in things that I'm proud of, but sometimes I look back and think "what of it NOW?". I guess I've fallen into the trend of acting on the spur of the moment and not really laying plans out for the best of my future. What I've done, what I'm doing, what I am to do, it feels like everything's plagued with problems.

And here's where the "shedding skin" comes in. What I've done in the past is done. I can't change that. What I can change is the present and the future, provided that I can shed my old skin and focus on what matters now. I've made some pretty big life changes over the past year or two, and I'd like to say they're for the better, but I think that the only way for that to be true is if I can continue to shed my skin and work towards my goals.

It's strange, as I don't really see it as a continuous, gradual process, but more one that occurs in stages, steps, waves, something to build up to, and then hold on to for the fear of slipping back to my old ways.

Right now I feel like my life's rather unfulfilling, however, I think this epiphany has helped me to understand that in time I'll be able to shep my skin and take the jump into the next stage of my life, whenever, or wherever that may be. Most likely, it won't be too far from where I am now, but it'll just be something I need to do for myself. Not to right some of my past wrongs, not to set up my future exactly how I want it, but to make my life in the present feel worth something more than a mere mediocrity.

Looking back, I can see that my life's been full of these "shedding skin" moments, but I haven't bothered to grant them the status of such, but rather holding them to "just" this or "just" that. I think it's important for me to recognise where I'm at and where I'm heading and what I need to get there, and I think this little epiphany has helped me ease into understanding that the process can't be forced or rushed, but rather acted upon with appropriateness, and furthermore, a failure to act warrants a likewise result.

I thought I'd share this with you guys because I thought that maybe some of you could get something from it as I have. I know one of the principal driving forces for me is that I don't want to get bogged down for too long. One of my friends has done absolutely nothing for one and a half years since we've finished school, and if I get stuck in the same routine for too long I fear myself turning into him and I need to change. For me, at this point in time, it's been about 3 weeks I think, and that's been enough to get me depressed enough to initiate a change.

[Jonners]

Believe me, many people feel the same way. I think you could relate to This.

"You can't even begin to know, how many times I've told myself 'I told you so...'
And you can't even begin to believe how many bridges engulfed in flames, behind me."

[gregaaron89]

Wow, that sounds a lot like me.

[MultiCanimefan]

I've felt the same way in my junior year of high school. As in, one day I was thinking about my future, attempting to make some sort of sense of me almost being out of high school, when I realized that I need to really, actually buckle down and do something. It's hits you without warning, and forces you to think about where you're going or want to go in life, what your choice of career might be, and so on and so forth. I've seen friends that have done nothing as well, and quite frankly it scares me a bit to think there's a possibility that I might become a carbon copy in terms of accomplishments and motivation. But you're right, it is not a process to be rushed, nor is it one to be ignored due to it's slow evolution.

[WritersBlock]

At 7/5/09 03:59 AM, Jonners wrote: Believe me, many people feel the same way.

Yeah, like I said at the start of my post, to me, it's epiphany, albeit an obvious one. I just think it's one of those things that goes overlooked so often, a bit of a "hiding in plain sight" deal.

My dad often tells me that he's concerned about my future, but I'm usually a firm optimist, and I come across believing that I won't have a problem about sorting my life out. To me, I think it's all about your mentality. Being optimistic hasn't led me astray so far, and I feel that when I come across a challenge in my life and I do lose a bit of motivation, it's all a matter of understanding, breaking things down so they're easier to work with, and all-in-all knowing (and preparing as best you can) what you're in for.

[I-RULE-OVER-ALL]

I felt that same thing, when I got out of middle school, before that, I always tried to fit in, and be a generic kid, but I never did, After that being I had no friends and was always alone I just thought to myself, of my soul, of the world, politics, everything then I just started being me, then I got into Gnosticism, and history, also a big part of making me do this was newgrounds, that's why I love this place, that's why I'll never leave. Don't be afraid, for it serves no purpose, but don't blind yourself, work hard and just be who you are.

[Qwazal]

this is what newgrounds'll do to a person.

good ol' newgrounds.

[knightsofthecircle]

Change is the only constant? Nah.

[Jamoke]

Anyone who's been where you're going can tell you, being a teenager is always a strange place. The insecurities, the confusion, the lack of sureness about what's to come and what you will do- it's all very overwhelming sometimes. And it might not go away ever.

This is a very transitional time in any person's life. Every day you live brings change, small or not so small, until one day the person you were isn't even recognizable in the person you are. The concerns of today will likely not be the same concerns you have tomorrow, a year from now, 10 years from now. If you had asked me at 17 if I thought I'd be at where I am now, I'd have probably said no, not in a million years. But then things changed.

Most people think their life is unfulfilling, this is part of the modern human condition. The world as it is today is so engorged with stimulus it's hard to not want to take it all in or at least seek more. Turn that ambition into drive, turn that drive into the energy to fulfill your desires. In this day and age, anyone can do anything if they work hard enough for it.

As far as religion goes, who doesn't have problems with organized theology these days? We as a species (for the most part) have moved beyond antiquated systems of hierarchy and superstition as our understanding of the physical universe around us has grown exponentially. My advice to anyone who is unwilling to fully and blindly commit to an ethos, otherwise known as having faith, is to simply keep an open mind. Someone much, much wiser than I once said, "Only a fool makes up his mind." If anything, I've always found a religion's mythology to be far more interesting than it's dogma. Sometimes it can be a fun fantasy world that makes you want to believe it's true, especially Catholic mythology. I fucking love watching The Prophecy 1, 2 and 3 lol.

[WritersBlock]

At 7/5/09 04:37 AM, THEJamoke wrote: Anyone who's been where you're going can tell you, being a teenager is always a strange place. The insecurities, the confusion, the lack of sureness about what's to come and what you will do- it's all very overwhelming sometimes. And it might not go away ever.

This is a very transitional time in any person's life. Every day you live brings change, small or not so small, until one day the person you were isn't even recognizable in the person you are. The concerns of today will likely not be the same concerns you have tomorrow, a year from now, 10 years from now. If you had asked me at 17 if I thought I'd be at where I am now, I'd have probably said no, not in a million years. But then things changed.

Most people think their life is unfulfilling, this is part of the modern human condition. The world as it is today is so engorged with stimulus it's hard to not want to take it all in or at least seek more. Turn that ambition into drive, turn that drive into the energy to fulfill your desires. In this day and age, anyone can do anything if they work hard enough for it.

As far as religion goes, who doesn't have problems with organized theology these days? We as a species (for the most part) have moved beyond antiquated systems of hierarchy and superstition as our understanding of the physical universe around us has grown exponentially. My advice to anyone who is unwilling to fully and blindly commit to an ethos, otherwise known as having faith, is to simply keep an open mind. Someone much, much wiser than I once said, "Only a fool makes up his mind." If anything, I've always found a religion's mythology to be far more interesting than it's dogma. Sometimes it can be a fun fantasy world that makes you want to believe it's true, especially Catholic mythology. I fucking love watching The Prophecy 1, 2 and 3 lol.

Thanks for shining your light on the topic. You know, the term "teenager" it feels very foreign to me, mostly because I don't often buy into the anarchistic party ways of today's youth. Yesterday was my cousin's 20th birthday. My brother and I went out and had dinner with his family. I was the only "teenager" there, even though I'd readily claim to being an adult.

I suppose growing up in a small country town has had its impact on my fascination with "the bigger picture", but sometime I just cringe when I hear the phrase "because that's the way things are" or when people are just content to stick to the same boring job day in day out.

I'm a firm believer in the idea that if you can find a job that makes you happy, you'll never have to work another day in your life. Probably not as straight-forward as that, but on the flip side, I don't plan on getting bogged down on some nowhere job for years with no end in sight.

[fli]

This is what being a teen feels.
Big shocker for you--

You're not the only person to feel that way.

Antipathy and lack of sincerity... it's not a shedding skin phase. That's something that you'll may eventually shed.

From my own experience, don't read Cadmus.... that exacerbates the situation. And by the time you're 25, you'll say to myself, "Well... I'm done and wasted years."

Although, there will be the part that says, "So what."
But the drive to get shit done gets back into you.

Sometimes you got to pretend that you're happy. Not the best advice, but if you need to get point a to b... a fake smile helps out.

[Jonners]

At 7/5/09 04:16 AM, WritersBlock wrote: Yeah, like I said at the start of my post, to me, it's epiphany, albeit an obvious one. I just think it's one of those things that goes overlooked so often, a bit of a "hiding in plain sight" deal.

I know what you mean. I'm kinda worried I'm heading for the same place as you. I can never seem to get myself to stick to one thing, even for short amounts of time. The two things I've stuck with the longest are badminton and guitar. I don't seem to be going anywhere with badminton, in fact I seem to be getting worse, and I quite guitar lessons, so I'm now stuck with nearly nothing.

Even when it comes to minor things, I tend to give up way too easily. This summer, during the summer holidays when I'd have nothign to do, I was planning on building myself a new guitar. I then ditched this as I thought I couldn't be bothered to learn how the electronics work. Admittably, it was also for financial reason as I wouldn't be able to afford all of it, but if I saved up, then it would've been easily affordable.

Another example is my GCSE Music composition. As it can be anything, I can't seem to give myself any starting point or stick with an idea. I have changed my composition over 10 times.

I'm just hoping I'll find someway to motivate myself. Maybe this is just how I'm supposed to be. If so, damn...