Dick Suckin' and Bitch Slappin'

[Burnzoid]

10:23AM - Woke up, stretched my limbs and proceeded to the three basic morning S's: Shit, shave, and shower.

11:00AM - Considered having a morning wank; clunge was on the mind. However, energy levels were piss poor so decided to allow it. Instead watched bears do the funniest things, in HD.

11:32AM - Fucked off out the house. Fucking heatwave, so dressed in the lightest possible attire. Used this as an excuse to show off my package. Getting the totty wet was a mission, looking forward to pulling a right dirty skank.

12:32PM - Stopped off for a bite to eat in some local café. Waitress was proper fit, saw right down her top as she placed my food on the table. Shooting in my pants was an option. Saw her name 'Lucy', decided to add it to my list of 'girls I will fuck.'

12:45PM - Saw a dog shit in the street, thought of Germany invading Poland.

1:01PM - Stopped to meet Sophie. By this point my bellend needed some well earned stimulation. Tried to talk her into giving me a cheeky handjob behind a skip. A tramp was there so decided to pass. Picked up a coin on the floor, took advantage of the situation and took a snapshot of her snatch from underneath her skirt, fucking get in.

2:49PM - Took a shit in a lock Maccy D's toilet. Thought of Stalin fucking Mussolini. Air con needed.

3:00PM - Desperate for a release at this point. Any bird would do. On the verge of considering rape. Then realised rape was for people who couldn't get any fanny by trying. Knobeyes.

3:35PM - Gave up, tossed myself off to a picture of Barbara Windsor in a car park bog. Only mental stimulation I could find. Apart from a poster of that woman from desperate housewives.

3:37PM - Thinking straight, decided to fill up again and go after the real deal.

4:00PM - Fucking Asian tourists. There is an extreme lack of minge out. Isn't doing well for my libido. Lowering my standards by one point. Just for today.

4:48PM - Went for a drink, started chatting up the barmaid. Lured her into getting her number. Need to work on lines, getting old. Still quality for grabbing slags. My cock, in her ass. Oh yeah.

8:38PM - Walked Amy home after her shift had finished, invited my self in for a well deserved banging session.

12:13AM - Jizzed on her face and kissed her goodbye. Didn't use a johnny that time, took a chance. If she calls me up in a few days I'm moving to Spain.

1:01AM - Blogger crashed. Browsed porn, laughed at the interracial scenes.

1:46AM - Fell asleep thing of your mums tits, in my face. For a packet of biscuits.

[Lagamuffin]

You took my fucking Digestives?! D:<

[Steak89]

"1:01PM - Stopped to meet Sophie. By this point my bellend needed some well earned stimulation. Tried to talk her into giving me a cheeky handjob behind a skip. A tramp was there so decided to pass. Picked up a coin on the floor, took advantage of the situation and took a snapshot of her snatch from underneath her skirt, fucking get in."

Well, aren't you going to show us the pic?

[Viridis]

At 6/29/09 10:06 PM, Burnzoid wrote: 10:23AM - Woke up, stretched my limbs and proceeded to the three basic morning S's: Shit, shave, and shower.

A morning ritual that all men must go through, lest we be smelly, hairy and full of shit. I personally only have to shave once a week at the least because the teeny hairs that try and grow on my upper lip and like tiny snails.

11:00AM - Considered having a morning wank; clunge was on the mind. However, energy levels were piss poor so decided to allow it. Instead watched bears do the funniest things, in HD.
11:32AM - Fucked off out the house. Fucking heatwave, so dressed in the lightest possible attire. Used this as an excuse to show off my package. Getting the totty wet was a mission, looking forward to pulling a right dirty skank.

Isn't it a mission for every day? Good thing you didnt have that wank, save your semen for that skank. Drown her, cover her and slap her about till she is senseless.
I fucking hate it when it's sweltering hot, sure you can walk around with little to no clothes on but I prefer regularly warm weather.

12:32PM - Stopped off for a bite to eat in some local café. Waitress was proper fit, saw right down her top as she placed my food on the table. Shooting in my pants was an option. Saw her name 'Lucy', decided to add it to my list of 'girls I will fuck.'

You have a list? Just write it on your arm, once they're done you probably never want to see their name again!

12:45PM - Saw a dog shit in the street, thought of Germany invading Poland.

Awesome.

1:01PM - Stopped to meet Sophie. By this point my bellend needed some well earned stimulation. Tried to talk her into giving me a cheeky handjob behind a skip. A tramp was there so decided to pass. Picked up a coin on the floor, took advantage of the situation and took a snapshot of her snatch from underneath her skirt, fucking get in.

You should of invited the tramp into it. That's a real Devils Threesome right there. I demand you post the photo of her snatch in the thread for all of us to fap to. It's common decency Burnzoid.

2:49PM - Took a shit in a lock Maccy D's toilet. Thought of Stalin fucking Mussolini. Air con needed.

Awesome again. Shitting is awesome.

3:00PM - Desperate for a release at this point. Any bird would do. On the verge of considering rape. Then realised rape was for people who couldn't get any fanny by trying. Knobeyes.
3:35PM - Gave up, tossed myself off to a picture of Barbara Windsor in a car park bog. Only mental stimulation I could find. Apart from a poster of that woman from desperate housewives.
3:37PM - Thinking straight, decided to fill up again and go after the real deal.

I am half ashamed and half proud that you didnt give up, initially you failed in my books... at least you gave it a second shot. Rape is a last resort, and always do it in a town that you have never been to before, and never EVER plan on visiting again. Too dangerous otherwise ;)

4:00PM - Fucking Asian tourists. There is an extreme lack of minge out. Isn't doing well for my libido. Lowering my standards by one point. Just for today.

What's wrong with fucking an aisan? THen again tourists are horribly annoying so I don't blame you for passing them up. Or maybe they were all guys?

4:48PM - Went for a drink, started chatting up the barmaid. Lured her into getting her number. Need to work on lines, getting old. Still quality for grabbing slags. My cock, in her ass. Oh yeah.
8:38PM - Walked Amy home after her shift had finished, invited my self in for a well deserved banging session.
12:13AM - Jizzed on her face and kissed her goodbye. Didn't use a johnny that time, took a chance. If she calls me up in a few days I'm moving to Spain.

Well done. If she's preggerz just go shopping for coat hangers. Does the job 60% of the time, 100% of the time. Tell her you moved to Spain but really move to Madagascar.

1:01AM - Blogger crashed. Browsed porn, laughed at the interracial scenes.
1:46AM - Fell asleep thing of your mums tits, in my face. For a packet of biscuits.

Same way I fall asleep. I miss my mum.

[Me-Patch]

At 6/29/09 10:06 PM, Burnzoid wrote: 12:45PM - Saw a dog shit in the street, thought of Germany invading Poland.

That was like the only funny part. The rest of it makes me want to have an eyeball bath.

[EverReady2Kill]

Your story left me confused and slightly aroused.

[Excursius]

you sir, win

[kidd25]

....well im guessing you have a good day.

[aquaticmole]

Cool day, I did pretty much the same.

[RED-X-MASTER-777]

Can you make this into a flash movie??? I would give it a 5 and a 10!!! it's got everything... to an extent....

[Prinzy2]

How pathetic is your life that you need attention from a bunch of twelve year olds?

[SarviasX]

what an exciting day.

[RED-X-MASTER-777]

At 6/29/09 10:53 PM, Prinzy2 wrote: How pathetic is your life that you need attention from a bunch of twelve year olds?

Hey, Your right... this was a pretty attentive needy move... well, not boring though...