Babae ka (aka women != our slaves)

[RubberTrucky]

I just read in the newspaper a tragic story about how a nurse killed herself after being treated as a sex slave by her husband for a long time. She had to go through physical and mental humiliation and torture to satisfy his sick needs. Unfortunately the news was not big enough to have English articles about it.

This may have been an extreme case, but it happens that women in relationships are burdened with slave like tasks. Men expect from their girlfriends or wives that they do anything they say, clean the house and cook all the diners. Likewise, women often think that it is their duty to listen to their husbands and have no voice of their own.
This is also a cultural thing. In some cultures the women are quite free, in others they are taught how to obey from their early ages. Not so long ago, at school women were expected to be taking classes as cooking and house chores.

As for sexuality, especially for sexuality, the issue can be raised whether a man can force their partner into acts of sexuality. I mean, you are together for that reason, so you can no longer rape your partner, right? Wrong. Even in relationships the partner who refuses sex or certain acts of sexuality is in his/her rights. Sex in relationships is still a favour and not so much an obligation. This is regardless of whether the partner is a complete slut. Slutty behaviour does not mean a free card for all kinds of sexual favours. So anyone should have sex because they want it themselves, not so much because it is an obligation to their partner.

To sum up, even though relationship creates a bond between two people, placing them together, it should never be one where one partner is forced to listen to the other.
Men, don't think you own your girlfriend in any way. Let her do the things she likes and if you are not agreeing with them, voice it, but never expect her to give in.
Women, you might love your partner, but always maintain your own ideas and ways of living. Your body is yours and yours alone and you both carry the responsibilities. Even in classical chores as cleaning and cooking and raising kids.

As a majority of Newgrounders is in the zone of early relationship exploring, this message is really relevant I feel.

But then again, people may disagree. So what's NG-s stance on women's position in a relationship or marriage?

Yes, the same goes in reverse, men != slaves

[morefngdbs]

At 6/27/09 07:33 AM, RubberTrucky wrote: it happens that women in relationships are burdened with slave like tasks.

It happens, & is unfortunate, I'm lucky enough to have a lover who shares the chores around our house, the only thing we don't share is laundry. She does her own & I do my own, when there is a load of sheets or towels who ever is doing the next laundry, takes that & does it as well. This has been working for us for almost 6 years now .

This is also a cultural thing. In some cultures the women are quite free, in others they are taught how to obey from their early ages.

;;;; My brother has a Korean wife, their system is... Let's just say i can see the attraction in it, but women have much more control than you might think at first glance.

So anyone should have sex because they want it themselves, not so much because it is an obligation to their partner.

;;;
I disagree, I'm not always in the mood when my girlfriend is...& vice versa ,but all it takes is some fondeling & a little of this or that & voila we are now both in the mood !

To sum up, even though relationship creates a bond between two people, placing them together, it should never be one where one partner is forced to listen to the other.

I disagree , there are times in a relationship when your significant other has something on their mind, a work situation, a scary incident on the drive home, or maybe she was held down last night & robbed at work with a knife to her throat & she's got a lot to say ! This of course could also be something that happened to the guy (me) but I degress. So she has something to say & wants someone she cares for to listen to her & be concerned, supportive or even just listen to her vent. As someone who supposedly cares for this person, you at times have to be that shoulder (or ear) for them to talk to.
That goes hand in hand with "being in a relationship" !

Men, don't think you own your girlfriend in any way. Let her do the things she likes and if you are not agreeing with them, voice it, but never expect her to give in.

;;;
I suppose that's why I've never had this problem. I refuse to take the responsibility for someone else's life. My girlfriend has her own friends & I don't always have to be present (nor do i want to be) when something is planned. Everyone needs their own space sometimes, not that it isn't nice to both having the same interests and pursuing them together. (That's why we hooked up in the first place & took 2 + years before deciding to move in together )

[fatape]

well first of all, that bitch should have went to the police .

women have this retarded instinct to forgive men who are asshole's and give them a second chance,
the same gose for guy's who get cheated on and get mad at the man instead of the women and dumping her.

some basic advice about relationships:

-if your mans a asshole chances are hes not going to change and the best course of action is to dump him (and I mean geuine asshole , not like forgetting a made up annversery or something like that)

-if your women is a bitch and cheats on you , DUMP HER . Do not get mad at the guy instead (unless hes your former friend ,)

[RubberTrucky]

At 6/27/09 09:09 AM, morefngdbs wrote: So she has something to say & wants someone she cares for to listen to her & be concerned, supportive or even just listen to her vent.

Well, I meant listening in the form of obeying. Not so much as people should ignore their significant other.

[GrammerNaziElite]

Agreed with fatape 100%.

Women usually enjoy serving the domestic role in a relationship, and if the man acts like an ass, it's their fault for not going to the police.

[RubberTrucky]

At 6/27/09 01:21 PM, GrammerNaziElite wrote: and if the man acts like an ass, it's their fault for not going to the police.

It's easy to say this when you haven't been in a similar situation.

It's comparable, I think, to children who are being molested by people close by. The truth is often uncovered only years afterwards.
It's also not easy to report someone who you've sworn to be with. It's an emotional heavy task. Nor is it easy to tell others how he humiliated you sexually and how you 'let that happen'.

Saying it's the woman's fault for not going to the police, is kind of like suggesting that she should just hit back if her partner hits her.

[xKore]

At 6/27/09 07:33 AM, RubberTrucky wrote: As for sexuality, especially for sexuality, the issue can be raised whether a man can force their partner into acts of sexuality. I mean, you are together for that reason, so you can no longer rape your partner, right? Wrong. Even in relationships the partner who refuses sex etc.

What? From my perspective, it is generally the case that this is common sense. Maybe in less civilized regions like Africa and the Middle East, and maybe small pockets of society, but you seem to be generalizing that our civilized society is like this, when from my point of view, it's totally the opposite. I think nowadays, women are respected more than ever.

[KidneyThief]

At 6/27/09 03:30 PM, xKore wrote:
What? From my perspective, it is generally the case that this is common sense. Maybe in less civilized regions like Africa and the Middle East, and maybe small pockets of society, but you seem to be generalizing that our civilized society is like this, when from my point of view, it's totally the opposite. I think nowadays, women are respected more than ever.

You would be surprised. Woman in the public eye have much more respect now than lets say a decade ago, but within the household and in relationships it is much different. I respect woman as much as anybody else, but I see countless guys who treat their girls poorly. Some just buy into stereotypes but there are many guys who use women, play them, treat them poorly because they know they will always come back to them, and more. This isn't to say that there aren't woman guilty of manipulating men, but in our society men seem to be guilty of much more. Perhaps it is the way they were brought up? Not necessarily by parents, but how they were influenced by their friends views as well as other people around them.
Just last night I was on the train home and let a woman borrow my phone. As it turned out she needed to call her boyfriend because she was late home and he was "the type that kept her on a short leash." She stated how nervous she was, and it made me think, I haven't felt like that since I was maybe 10 years old? But that was coming home to my parents, I would never let a girl treat me like that, nor would I treat anyone that way.

[Christopherr]

At 6/27/09 03:30 PM, xKore wrote:

At 6/27/09 07:33 AM, RubberTrucky wrote: As for sexuality, especially for sexuality, the issue can be raised whether a man can force their partner into acts of sexuality. I mean, you are together for that reason, so you can no longer rape your partner, right? Wrong. Even in relationships the partner who refuses sex etc.

What? From my perspective, it is generally the case that this is common sense. Maybe in less civilized regions like Africa and the Middle East, and maybe small pockets of society, but you seem to be generalizing that our civilized society is like this, when from my point of view, it's totally the opposite. I think nowadays, women are respected more than ever.

Don't confuse equal treatment with respect. Victorian era women were generally seen as "pure" and "clean" creatures, unlike modern women.

But, as far as Muslim countries go, women have gained VAST amounts of respect with the rise of Western influence.

[RubberTrucky]

At 6/27/09 03:30 PM, xKore wrote:
What? From my perspective, it is generally the case that this is common sense. Maybe in less civilized regions like Africa and the Middle East, and maybe small pockets of society, but you seem to be generalizing that our civilized society is like this, when from my point of view, it's totally the opposite. I think nowadays, women are respected more than ever.

Probably they are. We have a lot of respect for women already. but disrespect is not as uncommon as you may think. A recent study in England showed that there is still some aggressiveness present.
Link.

[Elfer]

At 6/27/09 07:33 AM, RubberTrucky wrote: Men expect from their girlfriends or wives that they do anything they say, clean the house and cook all the diners. Likewise, women often think that it is their duty to listen to their husbands and have no voice of their own.

What.

No really what.

The things you're describing are very much on the way out. I don't know anyone (ESPECIALLY among young people) in a relationship where the woman is expected to do all of the cooking and cleaning.

[RubberTrucky]

At 6/27/09 04:37 PM, Elfer wrote:
What.

I didn't mean to generalise it as "all men do", just a sketch of what happens some times.

[Elfer]

At 6/27/09 04:40 PM, RubberTrucky wrote: I didn't mean to generalise it as "all men do", just a sketch of what happens some times.

Um okay. Sometimes people get shot in the face. That's pretty bad, we should work on that too.

Basically what I'm saying is that though what you're describing can be a problem, it's no longer the ingrained societal problem it once was, at least in North America.

[xKore]

At 6/27/09 03:46 PM, stranger14 wrote:

At 6/27/09 03:30 PM, xKore wrote:
What? From my perspective, it is generally the case that this is common sense. Maybe in less civilized regions like Africa and the Middle East, and maybe small pockets of society, but you seem to be generalizing that our civilized society is like this, when from my point of view, it's totally the opposite. I think nowadays, women are respected more than ever.

You would be surprised. Woman in the public eye have much more respect now than lets say a decade ago, but within the household and in relationships it is much different. I respect woman as much as anybody else, but I see countless guys who treat their girls poorly. Some just buy into stereotypes but there are many guys who use women, play them, treat them poorly because they know they will always come back to them, and more. This isn't to say that there aren't woman guilty of manipulating men, but in our society men seem to be guilty of much more. Perhaps it is the way they were brought up? Not necessarily by parents, but how they were influenced by their friends views as well as other people around them.
Just last night I was on the train home and let a woman borrow my phone. As it turned out she needed to call her boyfriend because she was late home and he was "the type that kept her on a short leash." She stated how nervous she was, and it made me think, I haven't felt like that since I was maybe 10 years old? But that was coming home to my parents, I would never let a girl treat me like that, nor would I treat anyone that way.

No, what I was talking about was how OP generalized that somehow we all think that raping the people we marry is A-OK! But it's clearly the opposite. However, poor treatment of girlfriends, such as over-protectiveness and manipulation in the relationship is a different matter.

At 6/27/09 04:29 PM, RubberTrucky wrote: Probably they are. We have a lot of respect for women already. but disrespect is not as uncommon as you may think. A recent study in England showed that there is still some aggressiveness present.
Link.

The link is a study of 17 or 18 teenage males who visited a health clinic, from a deprived area of Britain with high teenage pregnancy and STI rates. Also the study was in focus groups. Since when can you trust opinions from teenage boys in a group when there opinions are obviously being judged by eachother. Again, you cannot generalize from such a small and unreliable study. To me, it is as uncommon as I think. Again, from my perspective.

[fatape]

I hate to say this but what about discrimination against men?

men have a harder time in soceity all around, higher homeless rates , lower life expectancy, less awarness of male deseases, less child rights ect:

for example prostate cancer kills almost as many men as breast cancer dose women , however the only prostate cancer -awarness ad ive ever seen was on spike (a channel for men) while breast cancer get's its own month and a shitload of media coverage.

women also have to take easier tests for the military, police force and fire fighters in some cases. I don't care if your gay, black, crippled women if you can pass the entrance qualifactions you can join but you should get the same test as the rest of us.Terrorists don't care if your women , criminals don't give a shit either and a unconscious body in a burning building isn't going to get magically lighter just becuase your a women.

[morefngdbs]

At 6/27/09 09:22 AM, RubberTrucky wrote:

At 6/27/09 09:09 AM, morefngdbs wrote: So she has something to say & wants someone she cares for to listen to her & be concerned, supportive or even just listen to her vent.

Well, I meant listening in the form of obeying. Not so much as people should ignore their significant other.

;;;
Ah, I see.
I misunderstood what you meant there , & now that you've pointed it out . I understand what you meant in that context . (sorry, about that)