Today is actually my birthday.

[FUNKbrs]

And here YOU are.

Still breathing.

Now, couldn't you have mixed up some ammonia and bleach and huffed it, just for me? I mean, c'mon, is it THAT HARD to be a little more SOCIAL and patronize me by using ICYHOT for lube?

I don't think so. And furthermore, I think you're all being a little selfish about this. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I mean, c'mon, can't ONE of you do something horribly self-destructive?

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking "But FUNK, I.. uh... well, I just don't know you like that. I mean, YES, I want to die, but only after having lots of sex and dope first. Really AWKARD sex. The kind you only have when completely fried on dope. Does that make me a bad person?"

And my answer is YES. YES. YOU ARE A BAD PERSON.

But there's hope, and that hope, ladies and gentlemen, is called "Dancing blind folded in busy traffic"

Do you have any idea what a rush that would be, knowing every second you danced was a second you denied everything that restrained you, that you were finally FREE, and noone could stop you?

So think about it. Go dance in traffic, blindfolded. Do it for me. C'mon, bro, it's my fucking birthday.

[TheSilverGuitar]

I've already accepted myself as a bad person. If I do something mindless and destructive today, IT WON'T BE FOR YOU.

[ThoseSneakyFrench]

Making your own birthday thread is lame.

[Irrelephant]

BRB, taking a bath with a toaster.

[Knights]

Think of it like this, Funk:

You're one year closer to death's unforgiving grasp, so you won't have to deal with our douchebaggery any longer.

[TheBoyOfAges]

BRB, having fork fight with power outlet.

[WeHaveFreshCookies]

How about an awesome, brutal, birthday song?

Many years ago today something grew
inside of your mother...
That thing was you

YOU

YOU YOU YOU YOU

Did she scream did she cry
Only those that are born are the ones that
Get to die

One more year closer to dying
Rotting organs ripping grinding
Biological discordance
Birthday equals self abhorrence

Years keep passing aging always
Mutate into vapid slugs
Doctor gives a new perscription
Bullet in a fucking gun

One more year closer to dying
Plastic surgeons fuel the lying
You forget why you came in here
Your mind rots with every New Year

RSVP PLEASE
For the DETH of thee
You have little time
And you're running out of life

Happy Birthday
You're gonna die

Now you're old and full of hatred
Take a pill to masturbatred
Children point to you and scream
Because they will become that thing

One more year of further suffering
There's no point of fucking bluffing
Open up your DETHDAY present
It's a box of fucking nothing

RSVP PLEASE
For the DETH of thee
You have little time
And you're running out of life

DIE DIE
DETHDAY
BIRTHDAY
DETHDAY
DIE DIE
DETHDAY
BIRTHDAY
DETHDAY

RSVP PLEASE
For the DETH of thee
You have little time
And you're running out of life

Happy Birthday
You're gonna die

[FUNKbrs]

At 6/16/09 07:33 PM, knightsofthecircle wrote: Think of it like this, Funk:

You're one year closer to death's unforgiving grasp, so you won't have to deal with our douchebaggery any longer.

I have to admit, that is a bit of a bright spot, but still, wouldn't it be so much better to surrender to death's sweet beckoning call after watching at least SOME of you dying slow, horrible deaths?

[MetallixTheKnight]

At 6/16/09 07:34 PM, WeHaveFreshCookies wrote: How about an awesome, brutal, birthday song?

Dethkopypasta? WHFC, I really love you.

No, really, I do. You win for the Dethklok reference, though.

[Godface]

At 6/16/09 07:38 PM, MetallixTheKnight wrote:

At 6/16/09 07:34 PM, WeHaveFreshCookies wrote: How about an awesome, brutal, birthday song?

Dethkopypasta? WHFC, I really love you.

No, really, I do. You win for the Dethklok reference, though.

Skibbitabatbat.

[dobo69]

i am now using icyhot as lube just for you

[ThoseSneakyFrench]

At 6/16/09 07:33 PM, Myillusions wrote:

At 6/16/09 07:31 PM, ThoseSneakyFrench wrote: Making your own birthday thread is lame.

yes thats why im counting the days till your birthday and making one for you

I have friends way more deserving of making a thread for me than you.

Wait no I don't...

BRB, drinking antifreeze

[TheBoyOfAges]

At 6/16/09 07:36 PM, FUNKbrs wrote:

I have to admit, that is a bit of a bright spot, but still, wouldn't it be so much better to surrender to death's sweet beckoning call after watching at least SOME of you dying slow, horrible deaths?

Ok im back; does this make you feel better: Im going to die alone between 60 or 70 after two failed marriages, having 4 children who hate and despise me, I struggle every day just to reach for the pills that stop the pain for about 1 hour, I cant control my bowels and anyone who come 10 feet of me calls me a disgusting sack of crap that needs to be put out of their misery, and every night before I go to bed I wish eternally that death will take me in my sleep and every morning I cry not having my wish come true.

[masterchef56]

At 6/16/09 07:34 PM, WeHaveFreshCookies wrote: How about an awesome, brutal, birthday song?

Where did you find that song? I want it, now.

[squidly]

At 6/16/09 07:33 PM, Myillusions wrote:

At 6/16/09 07:31 PM, ThoseSneakyFrench wrote: Making your own birthday thread is lame.

yes thats why im counting the days till your birthday and making one for you

Would be funny if you got banned the day before.

[Sensationalism]

Happy birthday!!
I'm alive, healthy, happy, and younger than you! You'll probably die before me!!
I send you LOVE and RAINBOWS and SUNSHINE for your BIRTHDAY!!

I LOVE you FUNK!!!

[95wave]

woop de freaking doo! ... I'm not pretending to care becasue I'm not pretending

epoch mindfuck to u!

[Drake]

I feel like shit anyways, why not just die and make the world die instead of survive?

I'm sorry FUNK, but without me the people of Earth aren't going to realize how dumb they are. I really am the only person, in the area of New York City, that hates the other dumb people of Earth. I only want a majority of humanity to die, so as to improve the welfare of the world. No, I will not kill them, it's just something I want to happen so we can have a better planet to live on. Newgrounds users that aren't fucking stupid could survive.

[1Tyla1]

The last thing I'd want to wish for you is a happy birthday, you hateful fucker.

[Smokey]

I've never gotten anything for my birthday... why should i do anything for you.

Yes, It's really true that I've never had a birthday party or present. (And I want one so badly)

[Generalissimus]

At 6/16/09 07:30 PM, FUNKbrs wrote: So think about it. Go dance in traffic, blindfolded. Do it for me. C'mon, bro, it's my fucking birthday.

Uh, no thanks, I'll pass...but Happy Birthday!

[Qwazal]

At 6/16/09 07:34 PM, WeHaveFreshCookies wrote: a song

good job with the c+p of a dethklok song.

[Sheizenhammer]

At 6/16/09 07:32 PM, Headshot777 wrote: BRB, taking a bath with a toaster.

Ok, I'll admit it, THAT made me laugh.

Speaking of which: I can throw an electric heater (or ten) into the local public swimming pool tomorrow, if that would count.

That, or you could go for option number 2. Which I haven't figured out the details of yet, but it involves a lawnmower, some ICYHOT, and the nearest old folk's home (or hospice, maybe).

Your choice, FUNK.

[Loki]

Hey happy b-day sexy.

Also I didn't read your first post, but <3 anyways

[FUNKbrs]

At 6/16/09 08:13 PM, Sheizenhammer wrote: Your choice, FUNK.

Option two. Body count is important.

[Imaku]

What if I kill or seriously injure someone else, would you be happy?

[Robotchk12]

Just for you, I'm going to go shoot up some random stuff and have a rave.
A crazy rave.

[FUNKbrs]

At 6/16/09 08:20 PM, Imaku wrote: What if I kill or seriously injure someone else, would you be happy?

Only if you do more than one person.

going to a party. Have fun discussing my possible schenanigans.

[TehSlapHappy]

Why can't you just be fucking happy for once? Goddamn.

[RubberTrucky]

So you decide to go lazy and not kill us yourself?

After all the time I laid there waiting for you to come in and thrust that rusty spoon up my liver?

I am sorely dissapointed in you FUNKbrs...