I'm the luckiest unlucky guy ever!

[AsthmaticHamster]

The subject says it all : I may be unlucky as fuck sometimes, I always seem to get lucky with those fuck-ups. One quick example : 3 weeks ago, I had a pretty serious bike accident that forced me to stay in an hospital for a whole night. But not only did I end up with no broken bones, I also didn't have to move a muscle the next week when I moved in my new apartment : everyone did everything for me cause I was still seriously hurt.

This bring us to tonight. I'm on my way to Best Buy, which is on the other side of town, to buy some random stuff when I suddenly notice, as I'm about to enter the store, that I lost my wallet. I also notice a huge gap in my jacket through which it probably escaped. Furious, I run back to the bus stop where I was 5 minutes earlier, but find nothing. I manage to hitch a free bus ride back home, still angry as hell.

20 minutes later, I'm unlocking the front door to my apartment when my cell suddenly rings. It's some indian guy who seems to have a bit of difficulty speaking english.

- Hello, is this Kevin Landry?
- Yes, that's me...
- Did you lose something tonight, mister Landry?

The guy actually found my wallet right in front of his porch. The most ironic thing is that he was able to find my cell number... by checking the hospital card I received 3 weeks earlier from my bike accident! It seems like every shit that happens to me is linked one to the other in the best way possible!

So I hop on my bike and 20 minutes later, I'm thanking the fuck out of the guy for calling me back. I tell him how this is the third time this year that I lost my wallet, but everytime, it's returned to me exactly as it was before, with none of the money or cards missing. He laughs and suggests to me :

- You should get smaller wallet! Harder to lose if it's smaller.
- Yeah, I'm definitely buying a smaller one!
- Now, take off your pants, yes?

This takes me by surprise, but the old man explains to me how back in his home country, every good favor comes in pair. So not only will he return to me my wallet, but he will also perform atomic oral sex to me! Without hesitation, I drop my pants and boxers and show my newly-born hard-on to the world. This has gone from shitty day to best day ever!

The old indian kneels over, takes out his dentures, wraps his wrinly and moist brown lips around my rock hard cock and start shopvac-ing the hell out of it. The intesity of the moment takes me so by surprise that a measly 12 seconds later, I blow my load into Apu's mouth. We then both laugh at this happy ending and go our separate way.

Thank god there is still some honesty in this world! Kinda gives you hope about humanity!

[squidly]

That... Caught me by surprise.

But, good for you.

[kamelona]

I actually believed it until I rofl'd at the end

[SpiffyMasta]

That was the best ending ever.

[iscrulz]

You can only dream you got a blowjob from an elderly Indian man.

[Cordyceps]

At 5/27/09 10:51 PM, SpiffyMasta wrote: That was the best ending ever.

God, I love happy endings.

[Generalissimus]

That was hilarious! I lol'd so hard!

[Rig]

The mental image I got from those last paragraphs makes me nauseous.

[AsthmaticHamster]

At 5/27/09 10:56 PM, Rig wrote: The mental image I got from those last paragraphs makes me nauseous.

Oh come on, it's not like you've never been there with me!

I keep fond memories of thses moments also, JP! :3

[Sovalkov]

I've seen better plot twists in some Bob the Builder episodes.

[CrowCuervo]

I just got a hard on, but it doesn't count because you totally got me off guard...

[DM692]

Well, that surprised me. In a good way.

[Homosecksual]

You're welcome :3

[Melkarid]

Awesome story.

[AsthmaticHamster]

At 5/27/09 10:58 PM, Sovalkov wrote: I've seen better plot twists in some Bob the Builder episodes.

That's some high standards you're asking me to meet, boy!
I'm not fucking Tarantino!

[Bigfoot3290]

That ending caught me with my pants down. HAA!

[StarF68]

Had me going too.

Nice going sir, I have lol'd.

[Kitten-of-Annoyance]

I almost bought it until that last paragraph....congrats though, you had me and half of the people who read this going.

[Zerok]

At 5/27/09 11:35 PM, Kitten-of-Annoyance wrote: I almost bought it until that last paragraph....congrats though, you had me and half of the people who read this going.

I'm assuming the first three quarters of it were all true.

Or maybe just the last quarter.

[Jin]

Sanjay...?

[Skwurll]

I almost believed you...

until the last sentence.

[Prinzy2]

At 5/27/09 11:38 PM, Jin wrote: Sanjay...?

No , Sanjay's dad, give great head, nice guy too.

[AsthmaticHamster]

At 5/27/09 11:36 PM, Zerok wrote: I'm assuming the first three quarters of it were all true.

Or maybe just the last quarter.

Or maybe it all happened, it's all true?

Well, except for the dentures part; the man didn't have dentures.

[BrainlessDan]

Well I'm sure you made the last part up.

[Mr-President]

Good job, sir. And you have the President's endorsement, now.

[AnonymousAlchemist]

Good story. Glad to see that you found your soul mate. When is the wedding?

You better not resell my gift to you.

[Proottalfain]

Will we get to meet that Indian man?

[AsthmaticHamster]

At 5/28/09 12:35 AM, BrainlessDan wrote: Well I'm sure you made the last part up.

OR DID I?

At 5/28/09 02:07 AM, Proottalfain wrote: Will we get to meet that Indian man?

Sure, I can call him up, I still have his number!

BJs for EVERYONE!

[Diein60s]

At 5/27/09 10:58 PM, Sovalkov wrote: I've seen better plot twists in some Bob the Builder episodes.

You've seen Bob the Builder lose his wallet, then get a blow job from some Indian?

I wish

[Lizzardis]

That caught me off guard, I don't care whether it was true or not, but that was pretty funny!

Well done!