Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

At 5/21/09 12:29 AM, knightsofthecircle wrote: Wait, can we base OCs on characters from actual literary works? For instance, Holden from Catcher in the Rye?

I don't know how anyone else would see it on the judge team, but I would think using some influence from a novel like Catcher in the Rye to be fine. In fact, I would've thought that piece to be a good example to start your ideas for this contest, if you see what I mean. I wouldn't say it was a "great" idea to explicitly take another writer's ideas, especially if it borders on plagiarism. It's just that, again, pre-existing works can give some good examples of the kind of style that this contest hopes to get out of people; gumOnShoe posted a list of good examples on the previous page, slightly related.

If you create a character similar to Holden, you can do as you wish to him. The character should exist independantly of Holden obviously. That's how I see it anyway.

Still remember to abide by the themes of the contest though: literary fiction involving humans primarily, and the other terms in the entries thread.

At 5/21/09 12:37 AM, TacticalShoe wrote: ALSO, on another note, a story that I submitted for another MWC was recently published in a literary magazine at my college and it has been getting great reviews.

Thought I'd toot my own horn for a moment.

Awesome, and good to hear about the reviews too. I'm not as active as I'd like to be on the Newgrounds literature front (making many things I say completely hypocritical), so I'm not sure if I've read your pece myself. Nice one though. I haven't sent anything to a magazine to a newspaper in a while actually. I hope to get back into that if I can (and if I deem myself good enough) this summer and later at university. I've only had very minor mentions before... maybe I can get myself up to the level where you are now at some point, yes?

OK, before I get to far into this, I wanted to get some first opinions on my story. Not much so far but this is the style it is going to be written in.

A man wakes up at 6:00 AM. The same time as he does every weekday. He rubs his eyes and looks around the room. His eye is drawn to the 9mm handgun on his dresser. He keeps it there for protection. The man laughs at himself, "Protection for what?" he jokes to himself as he looks around his one room apartment. The walls are painted white so the landlord can nickel and dime any tenant who finally decides they have had enough of the rat infested squabble a moves out. The man's furniture is scattered across the tiny room in no particular fashion. A bed under the window, a night stand next to the stove, which is next to the toilet. "Yep, time to redecorate," the man sarcastically jokes to himself as he continues to rub one eye in a vain attempt to wake himself faster.

Forgoing a shower this morning the man washes his face in his sink. He stares at himself in the mirror as the water drips off his face. His medium lengthen, untamable, brown hair is soaking wet from a mixture of grease and the sink water desperately trying to cling on as it beads off the tip of his locks. He stares into his own eyes in the mirror and looks past himself. He notices his cleft chin and box nose. Seeing them as impurities when most would see them as unique.

After quickly eating a bowl of cereal with sour milk the man hurries out the door to start his workday.

At 5/21/09 02:03 AM, WritersBlock wrote:

At 5/21/09 12:37 AM, TacticalShoe wrote: I hope that this doesn't end up turning into a story that goes over word limit, like 36Holla said. I have a great idea, though, so this should be fun.

ALSO, on another note, a story that I submitted for another MWC was recently published in a literary magazine at my college and it has been getting great reviews.

Thought I'd toot my own horn for a moment.

U owe me 1 recording >:(

I mean... hey TS, are you still up for recording 2nd place stories for these competitions?

And that's awesome about the publication, which story was it, may I ask?

My man, I'm all for recording these stories now that I'm home for the summer. Just send me the info on all of the second place people that I owe and I'll start right away.

And yeah, the story that got published was the story that I wrote for the Flash Fiction MWC about the detective and the ice cream.

First draft of my story is up on my userpage. Please read it and tell me what you think.

Time spent: Not long.
Effort placed into peice: You decide
Words: 700 and change
Guidlines: Check
Author notes: I took a verbal shit on my screen. Enjoy.
(Rough draft don't complain about errors)

My story has no actors. My story has no stage. Hell, my story has no plot or meaning. That's right no deep seeded meaning will be found in any of the words to follow this rather poorly written into. Rather, I just didn't know how to start writing my story so I just included this to make it seem like I had a creative purpose behind where I chose to start. I'm not a good liar though, so I am sure you can tell that I honestly have no talent. No passion either. I just write because I can. I write, I suppose, for the pure time consumption entitled to the task. Plus women find the sensitive writer type to be extremely interesting.
Anyways I'm going to start writing now. That's right just like this. I don't think my English teacher would like how I am starting this though. You're never supposed to say "Anyways I'm going to start writing now" or anything of the sort. "Just do it" or so they say. I never did pay attention in class and every time I spoke I got the damn word digression shouted at me. Hell, I think I hear it now.
Digression. Digression. Digression.
Listen now, it's time to start:
The name is Chase Freewing and I am a 23 year old college drop out. I work as a janitor for a dump on Main Street, you know the place. It's a local shop that sells clothes and what ever other useless crap you could ever need. It's a swell little place, don't get me wrong, but the pay is shitty and the people even shittier. Boss man Taylor is the biggest bastard that ever walked the Earth and he only gets meaner by the day. I think he's about 102 or something like that. He's a damn walking corpse and he likes to use that as an excuse to boss me around. Fucker.
Anyways I digress. I do that a lot. I think that's why I got kicked out of college. I was a med student but I could never finish a paper. I would always get caught up in some protégés side project that was sure to win me some major prize. The thing is I never finished those either. I never finish anything. I'm just not a doer. I'm a thinker. Besides I would much rather spend my nights jacking off in my bedroom or watching movies than doing class-work. I would write too, but it was always about people living their depressing lives and dealing with other depressed people. Nothing that would ever be widely published and defiantly not what I needed for class. Not to mention my vocabulary sucks and so does my writing. I think I mentioned the writing part though.
Digression. Digression. Digression.
God I do that a lot. Fuckers. God how I hate it how they used to yell that in class. I would just start talking about some amazing topic and then BAMB out of fucking no where they would start yelling that damn word. They never listened to any free thought. That's too scary. Yes, it's much better to conform to the ideas of the man by the black board. We get our A's and our fancy letters that way. Pft, idiots.
College was a waste of time for me and if not for any other reason than that. All they do in those institutions is: whittle away at each pupil's mind until they are just another conformed clone to march onto the workforce. I couldn't let that happen. Hell, I'm glad I dropped out. I got to keep my dignity and my sanity. My wallet is kinda empty though. I could try to publish something to fix that, but I think I said that my writing is garbage so there is no point in that. Rejection is just too damn annoying and I'm afraid of success anyways; so I lose either way.
Don't try to analyze me. There is no point. If you can't tell this isn't just a story, it's my life. This is my Dear John letter to the world. Hell, by the time the poor bastard that reads this even gets here I will already be dead. Hanging from the rafters probably or maybe I'll use the gun on the table. Maybe both, yes, that would be some way to go.
Now tell me that isn't a poetic way to end a poorly written story. Hey, don't blame me, you read it. Idiot.

At 5/21/09 01:23 PM, ForNoReason wrote: OK, before I get to far into this, I wanted to get some first opinions on my story. Not much so far but this is the style it is going to be written in.

My take on this is that there is a lot you still need to add to this. I think your first paragraph could be less contemplative and more descriptive. That being said, I really like the detail imagery you use in the second paragraph. I had a great mind picture of water and grease dripping off of a piece of hair. Not exactly a pleasant image, but a realistic one. I wonder where your piece is going from here. What conflict will your character face?

That is the meat of the story. Give another shot at an opening paragraph that will be more of a hook for your story.

At 5/22/09 11:23 PM, SprintT wrote: Time spent: Not long.
Effort placed into peice: You decide
Words: 700 and change
Guidlines: Check
Author notes: I took a verbal shit on my screen. Enjoy.
(Rough draft don't complain about errors)

Interesting story. There are a couple grammar and spelling errors in the story as well as several inconsistencies. That being said, the story is intriguing. I think your strength is that you connect the story to the reader. This seems to be an "average joe" type of lifestyle. My question is why bother to write it in the first place? You don't have to answer the question but you have to know the answer for yourself. If you keep it in mind, it will automatically translate into your writing. Is this actually your entry or will you edit it somewhat before placing it in the entries thread?

I just submitted my entry now, and it seems I have already encountered some problems...

The first problem I seem to have encountered is that all indentations from paragraphing have disappeared upon entry. Is this meant to happen?

The second problem is significantly worse than the first. My story involves a lot of names with foreign symbols in them. Though all the symbols work through microsoft word and they seemed to go through fine when entered here on the posting page, every symbol has come out garbled once posted onto the forum. Is there any remedy for this situation? Would I have to contact GumOnShoe directly about this problem?

Thanks for the help!
--StripeyStudios

At 5/23/09 11:36 PM, BankingOntheEnemy wrote:

:: Interesting story. There are a couple grammar and spelling errors in the story as well as several inconsistencies. That being said, the story is intriguing. I think your strength is that you connect the story to the reader. This seems to be an "average joe" type of lifestyle. My question is why bother to write it in the first place? You don't have to answer the question but you have to know the answer for yourself. If you keep it in mind, it will automatically translate into your writing. Is this actually your entry or will you edit it somewhat before placing it in the entries thread?

As I said its rough. However, I disagree when you say there are inconsistencies, atleast, inrespect to unplaned ones. The story is ment to be jumpy and filled with digression. This is a true human thought process and needs no editing. Grammar and such will be corrected of course.

I wrote it with a sarcastic tone that I am certain that transphers into the writing. The whole peice is a sucide note and is constructed as so. There is also a corrilation between the beginning (My story has no actors. My story has no stage. Hell, my story has no plot or meaning. That's right no deep seeded meaning will be found in any of the words to follow this rather poorly written into.) and the fact that it is a sucide note.

Why did I write it though? I wrote it because the peices I have seen lack feeling and this was the feeling that came to mind. There is no purpose to it other than a mockery at sucide, life, talent, failure, and success. Make your own meaning, because I don't care to provide one. God I'm an ass.

The inconsistancys (sp) can be attirbuted to the characters lack of understanding on his own life and his lack of direction.

At 5/24/09 01:43 AM, SprintT wrote: The inconsistancys (sp) can be attirbuted to the characters lack of understanding on his own life and his lack of direction.

Alright, that I can understand. In terms of everything else from the other post, I got that by the end of the note he was considering suicide, but not that it was a suicide note. To clarify something, one thing I did like about your story was that it was written as a thought process. I see thought process and actually writing something down (as in a suicide note) very different styles of writing. Perhaps just something to think about.

Please understand, I am not claiming I am an expert in writing. I am just trying to give a little feedback for the contest.

I will submit my own piece soon and feel free to critique that if you so choose.

Good luck!

Alright, that I can understand. In terms of everything else from the other post, I got that by the end of the note he was considering suicide, but not that it was a suicide note. To clarify something, one thing I did like about your story was that it was written as a thought process. I see thought process and actually writing something down (as in a suicide note) very different styles of writing. Perhaps just something to think about.

Hmmm maybe you are right. Maybe it is just a thought process related to the actual note. That would make sense. Well decide for yourself I guess.

I'm far too much of a lazy slob to write reviews, but I do have some comments to share.

Sentio: Your descriptive prowess is sensational, I felt like I was reading published works!

Chzz: Even though the fact English isn't your first language was apparent you still managed to craft a story with a level of charm you don't see too often. I felt for the character and was happy when his performance was enjoyed by a large group. A very impressive piece of work, you're well on your way to perfect English!

keslar: At first I was a little hesitant about the Memento-esque approach to your story since you give away his death at the very beginning, but the twist at the end got a laugh out of me as I slowly realised what all the events throughout the reverse timeline actually meant. Good job.

I haven't read any further but by the looks of things there's some decent stories going on here. I might be back with some more encouragement if I continue through the thread. : )

At 5/24/09 01:13 AM, StripeyStudios wrote: The first problem I seem to have encountered is that all indentations from paragraphing have disappeared upon entry. Is this meant to happen?

I take it your entry has been deleted, since I can't find it in the thread anymore. Anyway, I'll just have a go at tackling these issues anyway, since I might be helping you or someone else in the process, assuming gumOnShoe or someone else hasn't already offered an explanation or two.

In regards to paragraphing on the BBS, don't just indent: double space. Seriously, I say this every time, but there's more than a few reasons for it for the writer and the reader. The reason why indents don't show up in BBS posts is because we can't post blank spaces, if that makes any sense. It's not technically correct to just double space for paragraphs, but it's the best we can do here as far as I know.

The second problem is significantly worse than the first. My story involves a lot of names with foreign symbols in them. Though all the symbols work through microsoft word and they seemed to go through fine when entered here on the posting page, every symbol has come out garbled once posted onto the forum. Is there any remedy for this situation? Would I have to contact GumOnShoe directly about this problem?

I think this is another technical issue for the BBS, for whatever reason. I know people before have tried to post foreign symbols in their entries, and they've been messed up because they can't be displayed. It might have something to do with enforcing the English-only rule in general posts, or maybe the processes behind the place just don't allow it, I'm not sure. Either way, I've seen it happen before. The best thing to do would be to try and minimalise the use of foreign symbols in your entry. Another tip, that may not be useful in this case, is to get rid of the symbols and spell out the sound phonetically, in English, with italics or whatever. Most non-Roman languages have their own Roman translations I believe, so you could use something there. I don't think there's a solution as such, it's just how the BBS works, so sorry if it severely disrupts the prospective entry. Just try to find a way around it.

Posted my entry yesterday. Any feedback is appreciated.

I did not know about this contest until now. Considering that I generally write anything in one sitting anyway, I'll probably give it a go.

I wrote a story, it's not long, so tell me what you think!

At 5/26/09 07:18 AM, Ocean wrote: I wrote a story, it's not long, so tell me what you think!

Holy balls.

That was a joke.

Not even a story, more like a collection of words thrown in to make people angry.

At 5/26/09 07:23 AM, Sawdust wrote:

At 5/26/09 07:18 AM, Ocean wrote: I wrote a story, it's not long, so tell me what you think!

Holy balls.

That was a joke.

Not even a story, more like a collection of words thrown in to make people angry.

Can you elaborate on that?

At 5/26/09 07:25 AM, Ocean wrote: Can you elaborate on that?

It's terrible and I do not like it at all.

Another Idea that I will probably not use. The other is better.

Lighting a rather worn down cigarette I prepare to utter the words that would make me famous one day. You know the words, I'm sure. Those damn words that sound like butter rubbing against my lips as I speak with that sexy voice that drives the girls mad. Yet, there is more to the voice than just the sexiness. In fact the sexiness its self is probably derived from the other feeling placed into the words: the feeling of complete and utter hopelessness, that human feeling. Funny how simple words can bring a god down to mortal standards, but my speech does that. I guess I should just be a public speaker, but I must say I enjoy the expressions of people when I pass silently.
I'm a Greek god.
Right, its time for me to speak:
"Tell me something to get me by."
I know such beautiful words. So needy. I guess I'm selfish, but I need the affection that those words cause in people. When I speak those words I become the reflection for all the people around me. Within my eyes they see all their own pain. It gives them such solace to see their pain on an outer level. Frees them. Indeed I do them a service.
I'm a saint.
The crowd is screaming now. The whole form that is a crowd of at least 500 is roaring and turning tricks at an amazing rate. They love me. They really love me. Yet, I really can't stand them. They annoy the hell out of me with their constant need to reflect upon me. I am my own man. My purpose is my own and if they think that they can yield for shelter under my protection they are sadly mistaken. Their needs are only satisfied when I find the self-want and the amusement within the matter. Hell, I could careless if they all died tomorrow, or today. They mean nothing to me.
I guess I am human. Shit.

Okay, I consider myself to have a decent vocabulary. That doesn't mean I write too hot. Anyone wanna comment on mine? I tried to go for humorous and shocking. I hope you can believe it because it's based on a very true story I was unfortunate enough to be the protagonist for.

I'll return any comments or critique!

The real world came fast and now I have almost no time to write a story. Stupid job interviews that will potentially help me live a productive life >=(

At 5/26/09 09:52 PM, 36Holla wrote: The real world came fast and now I have almost no time to write a story. Stupid job interviews that will potentially help me live a productive life >=(

Try working on a farm like me. No spare time whatsoever.

Just finished and posted my story. It's titled "Bitter". I hope someone out there enjoys it.

At 5/27/09 07:00 AM, themanthelegend wrote: Just finished and posted my story. It's titled "Bitter". I hope someone out there enjoys it.

I found it very generic, normally written and overall bland and unmemorable.

5/10

Well I've started last night on a new story called Eye-Work which I hope to finish by today or tomorrow.

I would love some feed back on this before i submit it, Thanks <3

I made a start on judging entries a fair while ago, but since then I've been 24/7 busy with work and uni. I probably won't finish an entry for this competition, and I'll probably need at least a week to get my judging done. As a result, to save time, I'll be giving those without paragraphs a big fat zero regardless of content. Even the most basic of writers know of the existence of paragraphs. Just thought I'd let you guys know that I'd be taking this to heart:

At 5/17/09 03:41 PM, gumOnShoe wrote:

Protip: If you want to win, double return between paragraphs!

I have to admit, I really expected more entries for this contest. gOs really gave us room to run with this contest, I liked it.