Not on my turf!

[Spilda-Bongwata]

I hate tourists.

So I was walking with a friend, my girlfriend and one of my girlfriends friends when these random little shits (brothers would be a strong guess) that looked about my age but shorter (which is sad because I'm short) came up to us and started asking us the dumbest fucking questions I've ever heard.

Typical American tourist questions, but ignorant:

Why the fuck do you guys say 'eh?' all the time?
Why does your milk come in bags?
Do you know Santa Claus?
Where are the igloos?

Being absolute genuine pricks. I just told them to fuck off, that their guns won't save them here. So they start walking away and I would have left it but then while one of them was walking the other way he had decided to slap my girlfriend on the ass ont he way out. She responds with a gasp, turns around and tries to slap him in the face. He dodges out of the way and starts running towards his friends/brothers or whatever.

So I dart after the motherfucker, catching him by the scruff of his collar, swung him down onto the grass. (I threw him away from the sidewalk because I didn't want to get arrested twice in the span of one month) He almost scrambles to his feet when I swung a hard hit directly into his back. I was about to jump on top of him when I felt a hard hit across the side of my face. It was his buddy. He got me with another hit but I kicked him in the knee (he'll be feeling that this morning, I don't think it's supposed to bend that way) and he lost his balance, almost falling out onto the road.

I suppose he was nursing his knee or something because I didn't see him for the rest of the fight. The guy who slapped my girlfriend on the ass was getting steady when my friend got his back smehow and started nailing him in the back of the head while my girlfriend and her friend wer kicking his ribs. Then there was me and buddy #3 who already had me in a full mount and was hammering hits intothe front of my face. I bucked him, reached my right arm around, got him into a reverse choke and pulled until he let up and thn seized the oppoertunity to spin and get him in a guard. I ended up getting on top but he shrimped his way so that he was on his side protecting his face. In stead of nailing him in the face I thought of the most epic shit ever.

I rolled to the left and wiggled my fingers through his hands so that I could get his grip off. It worked. In the half a second I had I got my left arm under his chin and stabled my right arm on the back of his head to create a blood choke (or rear naked choke in laymans terms). I now had him in my complete control, buddy #2 was too scared to do anything with his knee and my friend had the asshole that spanked my girl pinned. I got up, pulled buddy #3 up with me and got him to learn - and sing - my national anthem.

Fuckin right. This guy sung O' Canada.

Mind you it wasn't perfect, especially the beginning where half of it's french but still. It was epic.

And that's why when yo come to my fucking country you'd better bring a gun or some research.

Wrecked.

[Onizero]

You should leave to the US...it's better.

[thelittleemo]

That is possibly the most epic thing I have ever read. Kudos to you.

[disorderly1]

TL;DR, dude.

[TheBoyOfAges]

By turf did you mean her ass?

[simon]

Generic fighting story involving none-existant girlfriend - CHECK.

[Spilda-Bongwata]

At 5/17/09 01:31 PM, Onizero wrote: You should leave to the US...it's better.

Well apparently the U.S. can't fight for shit unless they've got a magnum in their pants so I'd rather not.

[Spilda-Bongwata]

At 5/17/09 01:33 PM, TheBoyOfAges wrote: By turf did you mean her ass?

Well that too. I was referring to my country though.

[truegamer1]

dude.....that was so badass of you to do that.I bow down to you,I just hope you don't get arrested for being so awesome.

[TheSporkLord]

ok you do realize thats about THE MOST stereotypical thing ive ever heard. you should get arrested just for posting this. and " not on your turf?" you make it sound like canada is it's own country. we ALL live on north america fag. also there are always going to be tourists like that. you just jow much of a temper problem you have. your sayin we have problems jeez.

[Heretic-Anchorite]

Yeah, tourist are annoying, no matter where they are from, and when you fought them, did you kill 30 ninjas, and rip hair off of Chuck Norris's chest?

[Onizero]

At 5/17/09 01:34 PM, Strategize wrote:

At 5/17/09 01:31 PM, Onizero wrote: You should leave to the US...it's better.

Well apparently the U.S. can't fight for shit unless they've got a magnum in their pants so I'd rather not.

Were they black? I think not. You couldn't pull that shit on some average black teens. And um you said you were short. Your basing your opinion that the whole U.S. can't fight based off of some short kids. Though some short guys can fight (Eazy-E). How short are you anyway?

[TheSporkLord]

woops brainfart i meant continent. canada is a country

[truegamer1]

At 5/17/09 01:33 PM, disorderly1 wrote: TL;DR, dude.

that picture made me laugh.saving that for later.

[Spilda-Bongwata]

At 5/17/09 01:37 PM, TheSporkLord wrote: we ALL live on north america fag.

LOL.

You have no idea how much I'm laughing at your fail right there. North America is a continent dumbass. Not everyone in Asia is Chinese.

[Tott]

At 5/17/09 01:33 PM, TheBoyOfAges wrote: By turf did you mean her ass?

She must be a bit hairy.

[TheSporkLord]

At 5/17/09 01:40 PM, Strategize wrote:

At 5/17/09 01:37 PM, TheSporkLord wrote: we ALL live on north america fag.

LOL.

You have no idea how much I'm laughing at your fail right there. North America is a continent dumbass. Not everyone in Asia is Chinese.

ok you must have not read my last post. brainfart canada is a country not a continent. and im also gonna guess your the kinda fag who makes themself sound totally jacked on the web. id like to see you come down here and start a fight.

[The-Darkphoenix]

At 5/17/09 01:37 PM, I-RULE-OVER-ALL wrote: Yeah, tourist are annoying, no matter where they are from, and when you fought them, did you kill 30 ninjas, and rip hair off of Chuck Norris's chest?

And he was on his laptop with one hand typing this up, whilst being blindfolded the entire time.
In reality, he got his ass kicked by some yanks and "got back at them" by badmouthing them anonymously on Newgrounds.

[TheSporkLord]

At 5/17/09 01:43 PM, The-Darkphoenix wrote:

And he was on his laptop with one hand typing this up, whilst being blindfolded the entire time.
In reality, he got his ass kicked by some yanks and "got back at them" by badmouthing them anonymously on Newgrounds.

exactly.

[All-American-Badass]

At 5/17/09 01:37 PM, TheSporkLord wrote: ok you do realize thats about THE MOST stereotypical thing ive ever heard. you should get arrested just for posting this. and " not on your turf?" you make it sound like canada is it's own country. we ALL live on north america fag. also there are always going to be tourists like that. you just jow much of a temper problem you have. your sayin we have problems jeez.

But Canada is it's own country. North America =/= European Union so no one in north america refers to themselves as north american

[SeaBoundRhino]

I hate stereotypical tourists. People asking 'Are leprechauns real?', 'Is your favourite colour green?', 'do you eat potatoes?' and other crap really pisses me off.

[Generalissimus]

Haha they had that coming. I'm an American and I still hate ignorant assholes like that and its just common sense that you don't mess with another guy's gf.

[Freaki-boy92]

At 5/17/09 01:52 PM, SeaBoundRhino wrote: I hate stereotypical tourists. People asking 'Are leprechauns real?', 'Is your favourite colour green?', 'do you eat potatoes?' and other crap really pisses me off.

exactly, every time i go down from hemel to london (which is very short), i often get tourists coming up saying "Would you like a cup of tea?" in an english accent so bad, that it is actually funny- at least the japanese only gawp about taking photos of things!

[adrastos12]

yeah if some one slapped my girlfriends ass like that I would fucking murder them

[Ryan]

14 year olds can kick some ass.

No, really. This is proof.

[Me-Patch]

Now I'm gonna commit a hate crime against the next Canadian I meet just to even the score. " I made them sing O Canada" Yeah right. You dreamt this whole thing anyway.

[TheSporkLord]

enjoy beating up kids that are smaller than you. i mean really? try fighting someone at least your own size. aren't you special for beating on little kids.

[6r0undZ3r0]

Good job. Watch out for the cops..