I should be ashamed of myself?

[Ranger2]

I was told by my grandma today that I should be ashamed of myself. Here's why:
This Friday is my Confirmation ceremony (In Judaism you get confirmed at age 16, and I am a Jew.)
and I'm not doing much for it; I'm inviting some of my immediate family, we'll order pizza from a Chicago-Style Pizzaria, eat it at my house, and then at 8:15 the ceremony will start, and people will be in suits and ties.
My grandparents are traveling through California, and are cutting part of their trip short to see my Confirmation. After all, a Confirmation is almost as important as a Bar Mitzvah, which is very important.

So my dad calls up his mom (my grandma) to wish her a happy Mother's Day, and she asks to speak to me.
"What's this about not going out to dinner?"
I told her that I just wanted something simple. I don't like fancy dinners.

"If I had known that we wouldn't be going out to dinner, I would not have stopped my trip to come."
I told her that I didn't know what to say to that, but I assumed she was coming for the Confirmation and not for the dinner.

"You're not even bothering to call up a fancy restaurant, and I'm stopping my trip through California to go see you. You should be ashamed of yourself."
I told her that I was sorry she felt that way.

I tried to be polite, because my dad was in the car and it's not like I could start yelling at my grandma. Plus, this is COMPLETELY out of her normal character, and she's normally a joker. I was expecting for her to laugh any moment. I wasn't too defensive with her because I didn't want to take the "joke" seriously. I thought she was kidding.

Turns out she wasn't.
So according to her, because she is stopping her trip to see my Confirmation, I'm obligated to set up a dinner for her even though the reason she's coming to Chicago is not for the dinner.
I bet tomorrow she'll wake up and say to herself, "Holy crap, I can't believe I said that!"

So what do you guys think? What would you have said?

[InsertFunnyUserName]

No, you have no reason to be ashamed of yourself.

It's the ceremony that matters, not where you eat.

[Ocean]

Just don't do the dinner, you promised nothing.

[doomed9]

your grandma is being a pain. she thinks that the dinner is better but in reallity she said no its the ceremony that counts . i think that it is your ceremony and if i were of a jewish culture i would have done the same exact thing. just dont get too nuts tho if u have another confirmation. you dont want her to think your extremely angered with her or the situation will never get solved if it aint al ready.

[gamejunkie]

NO! Your grandparents should be ashamed for thinking they control your life. You do what you want to do. Dont let others influence what you do especially family.

[Ranger2]

At 5/10/09 11:29 PM, Ocean wrote: Just don't do the dinner, you promised nothing.

Oh yeah, another note that might help, she was invited before the dinner was planned.

[Heretic-Anchorite]

you have nothing to be ashamed of, whats important is the spiritual side of things, not physical.

The only criticism I have for you if that "Chicago pizza" crap isn't pizza, it is a bunch of fucking Germans and Irishmen hijacking my Sicilian culture, call it something else. >:(

[BetaOrionis]

My limited exposure to elderly Jews has been nothing but similar selfish shenanigans. It has fostered a growing antisemitism that I'm not particularly proud of.

Damn those Jews, it's all their fault I'm starting to hate Jews! ARGGG!!

[Prinzy2]

You should make a reservation at a fancy restaurant, for one. She can eat at a fancy restaurant while the rest of your family eats some pizza at your place.

[doomed9]

there are really controlling people out there i have witnessed this happen to me myself. and this my grandma as well. one week after my 12th birthday i wanted to know if i could have coffee at my grand mas house because at the age of five i started drinking it and my lust for if grew exponentially ever scince. my parents said yes and the second they leave i asked her for coffee. she said no. all week at my grandmas house without any frickin coffee was like a druggie without their fix for a day. and the worste part was when we went to a STARBUCKS she still said no. as i swaid before there are very controlling people out theier. sometimes so sentient that they would wait for enforcers to leave so they can force their ways upon you. so yea dont let her do this. it wont just be a stand for you. it would be an example to other victims of what they can do to stop the abuse.

[NEVR]

I wouldn't worry about it, personally. Older people are just set in their ways, so it's probably just difficult for her to understand why you'd be doing something differently to how she would have done it. I don't think there's any reason to be 'ashamed', but then I'm no expert on Judaism. ;P

[HappyYeti]

i'm not really sure...

you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself, but i'm guessing you value your grandma's opinion more than mine, i would politely say that you don't wish to organise a dinner and if she dosen't agree then just let her sit in a pit of turtles

[Ranger2]

At 5/10/09 11:48 PM, NEVR wrote: I wouldn't worry about it, personally. Older people are just set in their ways, so it's probably just difficult for her to understand why you'd be doing something differently to how she would have done it. I don't think there's any reason to be 'ashamed', but then I'm no expert on Judaism. ;P

No matter what she says, I'm not doing another dinner. I decided that from the start.

[reveihca]

Look at her point of view and you'll understand how she feels, but honestly--as an outsider looking in on Jewish culture--the important thing should be the actual ceremony, not the dinner. If I where you I'd stick to my stance and take my Grandmother's disappointment in strife. Good luck!

Insert antisemitic joke here

[Generalissimus]

Tell that her that if she is going to be a bitch, she should fuck off and then cut her out of your life.