I'm a bartender

[DirtySyko]

So last night I started work at my new job, bartending. It was one of the slowest nights they've had in a long time, but still managed to be rather entertaining. The great place about a job like this is all of the wonderful stories I'll be able to tell each night I work.

I started talking to this one guy for a while who found out that last night was my first day working and he asked me why I picked this job. I told him I just wanted to find something interesting, something that paid good but could also be pretty enjoyable. He asked me what I really wanted to do, I told him I wanted to be a writer, and at this point he basically went on a 30 minute discussion about how I need to follow my heart. He told me not to sell out to the corporate whores, don't cave in to money, you have to write what is true to yourself, even if you don't make money from it. He was a hippy landscaper. He also gave me and the other bartender tips on how to fight, even though he was like 5'6 and really scrawny.

Later in the evening I go outside to the bar's patio and get some drinks for the group outside. One of the guys, an older man, probably in his late 50s/early 60s, calls me a "British, Ringo Starr, John Lennon lookin' mother fucker," and then goes on saying how I'm an all right guy, and I need to grab a beer and drink with them.

Now, the night is ending and one guy is left in the bar. Before he goes he tells us how our joint is really nice and upscale and how much he likes it, then he suddenly begins talking about Cherokee Indians. He says he is part of the remaining 1% of people in the United States who can speak the Cherokee language. At first it started friendly, he was just ranting about how Cherokee Indians only care about Ipods now and not their heritage, but he started getting really loud and angry and he saw one of the blonde female bartenders laughing, and he was like, "Go ahead and laugh, blonde hair, blue eyed.... The land was taken and we're gonna get it back!" Except he said it in a much drunker fashion. At that point the bouncer sort of pushed him toward the door.

All in all, for a first day and being really slow, it was pretty cool

[yugimt]

Nice stuff, syko.

[Greenfrost]

Nice. Hopefully it picks up.

[BrianEtrius]

You got to know all the drink though man. All of them by memory, or else you look pretty damn foolish.

[Corky-D]

That's a lot for a first day.

So do you get to mix drinks or do you just hand them out?

[Jon-86]

You'll get sick of it eventually unless you really really really enjoy the work or take comfort in the fact your making more sense then most of the drunken idiots who wish to enlighten you with their pearls of wisdom!

[thelittleemo]

Well that sounds like fun. But remember, don't sell out to those corporate whores or the Cherokees will kill you in your sleep.

[HungarianSupermarket]

That's cool. I've been meaning to get my RSA certificate some time so I can find myself a better job. I assume it would be a great way to meet lots of interesting people.

[DirtySyko]

At 5/3/09 02:56 PM, Corky-D wrote: That's a lot for a first day.

So do you get to mix drinks or do you just hand them out?

I made a few drinks, but nothing fancy that night. I was pouring beer out of the tap, making things like rum and coke, whiskey and coke, and jager bombs, but I didn't have to put together any long island ice teas or anything.

[Me-Patch]

Well no offense but I'de still rather have a pretty female bartender than you any day of the week.

[STEM]

I heard only people with big breasts get bar tending jobs
so can we see?

[Sensationalism]

That does sound interesting. Only the first day, and you've already got some good stories!!

[NEVR]

You get some weird people in bars. I remember one time my friend and I were in a pub having a few pints, and my mate asks some guy nearby playing on a fruit machine how he's doing on the game. The guy ends up going on and on at my friend asking him what he wants to do with his life blah blah blah, tells him he's full of shit for about half an hour, then gets called by his wife to come home, presumably because his dinner is getting cold or something along those lines.

Dunno whatever happened to friendly smalltalk.

[DirtySyko]

At 5/3/09 02:58 PM, Me-Patch wrote: Well no offense but I'de still rather have a pretty female bartender than you any day of the week.

At 5/3/09 02:58 PM, STEM wrote: I heard only people with big breasts get bar tending jobs
so can we see?

Well, the females do the cocktailing, the guys stay up at the bar. That's usually how it is in the bars I've gone into. So if you want the service of a female you just sit at a table and wait for them to come up. If you want to go up to the bar and order you'll probably get served by a guy.

But my tits are pretty voluptuous.

[Corky-D]

At 5/3/09 02:58 PM, DirtySyko wrote:

At 5/3/09 02:56 PM, Corky-D wrote: That's a lot for a first day.

So do you get to mix drinks or do you just hand them out?

I made a few drinks, but nothing fancy that night. I was pouring beer out of the tap, making things like rum and coke, whiskey and coke, and jager bombs, but I didn't have to put together any long island ice teas or anything.

Well yeah, it was your fist day, I guess they'll let you get used to their environment first.

Wait until you get to mix Zombies and Adios Motherfuckers, they're supposed to be strong. It would be fun watching the guests attempting to stay sober.

[alucardxmeow]

I'm not sure what's funnier, your story or your sig.

Anyway, can't wait to here more of your stories :P

[Me-Patch]

At 5/3/09 03:01 PM, DirtySyko wrote: Well, the females do the cocktailing, the guys stay up at the bar. That's usually how it is in the bars I've gone into.

The bars I go to there are always two teenage girls behind the bar running around in circles trying to keep up and a bunch of dudes all squeezed togethor around it trying to get drinks in less then 10 minutes, and there is no cocktailing.

[AntarcticBarbecue]

cool story bro...

[DirtySyko]

At 5/3/09 03:07 PM, AntarcticBarbecue wrote: cool story bro...

Feels good man.

[AngelSierra]

I don't know why?, but I love the smell of a bar. Not the dirty ones the clean, calm ones

[BrockManson]

Welcome to the world that is bartending!

You'll definitely meet alot of interesting and unique characters. My advice to you would be to give as good as you get in terms of banter. If someone gives you shit and you don't give it back, then the precedent is set.

I love working in a bar, it's the most social job you can hope to have, and sometimes it's just so damn funny I can hardly breathe. =D

Best of luck!

[EvilJesus]

What place do you work at? I'll know I've never heard of it or be near it but at least I can dream about sexing you up drunk.

[Colombiana]

Make me a Bloody Mary extra spicy! NAU!

[UncleSlicric]

haha thats funny

One time when i was outside that club i was working at the club recently... i had two drunk white guys bring a 12 pack of beer and bag of chips and try getting into the club. The bouncer kicked them away but they came back and called the cops... 12 cop cars showed up. (i know i was like what the fuck?) It was a big scene and it was totally the drunk guys fault but they made it look like they didnt do anything wrong. We had witnesses though so we were good.

[TheD-LucksEdition]

Hello, yes, I'm looking for a Miss Huggenkiss. First name, Amanda.

[Fim]

Congratulations on finding a job that not only pays but also that you actually enjoy doing :P I hope you have such great tales to tell throughout your time working there

[DirtySyko]

At 5/3/09 03:43 PM, TheD-LucksEdition wrote: Hello, yes, I'm looking for a Miss Huggenkiss. First name, Amanda.

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG GGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

[Ozcar]

Awesome :) When I was younger (I was 18) I used to work as a bartender too... You'll have a lot of fun :)

Good luck with your new job, Matt...

[The-Omnipresence]

And soon your life will turn into a highly successful sitcom.

[UpTheIrons]

Just remember that you have the right to refuse drinks to someone that you believe has had enough.

I was a bartender as well, just an inbetween job thing, and I had one night where the manager's friend had come, and after a while I could tell he has had enough. He was swaggering a little, kind of talking goofy but still coheirent. But I knew that he had reached the limit. He asked for 3 more shots, but I told him that he has had enough tonight.

Well the manager didn't like that, he told me, "Look, this is my friend here. He can have as many drinks as he wants. So sell him the shots or you are fired"

I told him that I have the right to refuse drinks by law, and that I wont serve him the drinks, since I could go to jail for it.

So he fired me, jackass. Was a crappy place too. Last I heard of it, the place was shut down.