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Bangable
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I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 10:47 AM Reply

Before you read this, know that this isn't me. If you knew me for who i really am, hen you'd know that I'm usually a cynical bastard with a shallow outlook on life. Whenever I see two people going out, I laugh in pity. I wonder why we slow ourselves down with these rituals of, "going out" and "marrying". I only do this to cover it up to myself. I'm not the bad-ass mysterious guy who is too macho for emotion, no, of course, that is what I told myself, but in actual fact all along it was a lack of confidence combined with an intense fear or rejection that held me back from ANY sort of relationship.

And now I'm here, with my conscience slapping me with every key I type, having to use a shitty alt so that no one knows that I am what you would consider an effeminate pussy, trying not to tell myself that you guys don't give a shit. I know, you're either going to post something worth reading or your just going to tell me to snap out of it like my mind is telling my as I type. I don't blame you, you probably have the same disposition that I had. I wouldn't be here if you guys were anything other than that.

This is where I really start to kick myself. So, there is this girl, okay? Yes, thats right, I'm a total fag aren't I? Yes, so, here is the deal; she is stunningly pretty, incredibly nice, somewhat intelligent and not a shallow minded bitch like the rest of them, I originally met her on MSN through someone I was arguing with, she had been relatively talked about with my social circle, so yeah, we start off hating eachother. She has a long list of "ex-boyfriends" who did nothing more than use her. One of these perpetrators is my best friend, and he was her most recent quip. He didn't like her, she lives in a different town to us, it is only a few miles away, but she still has to get the train over here (the town I live in is far better) So he can only see her during weekends, so during school, he brags on how good the arrangement is. He gets off with a girl all weekend, then during the week itself he doesn't have to even think about her. They were never going out, only "seeing each-other" which was really just a ploy to cover up the fact that he didn't have the balls to commit. So for about a week or so towards the climax of this, i wanted to punch that fucker.

A perfect example of the power of the pussy you might say, wanting to punch your best friend because you were a little jealous, and you think he was using her? (shit, think about suicide bombers, they blow themselves up just for the chance of 7 virgins) Well, I guess you're right. So, eventually she ends it. And he is quick to say to me, "Shit man, now that I'm out of the scene, you should totally jump in there!" Therefore overruling the social rule that is, "you can't go out with your best friend's ex" shit, if you still fall for that load of bollox then you MUST be retarded.

So there you have the back-story to this incredibly odd situation. (And yes, everything you've read uptill now is just a background) The primary story is as follows.

So, she is going along in life, not so long after they, "broke up" and starts talking to me on MSN. Nothing special, it is all just MSN banter, 'hey' 'how are you' etc. Eventually the subject of her latest ex comes up. Due to me being a good friend of his, I have a lot to say on it. I told her how he was a hell of a lot more arrogant ever since he got her, and how I personally thought he was using her. This progresses on for a few days, until I start to really, "like" her, if you get my pathetic drift. We talked more, on the phone as well,we met up on our own, and would go around together, I'm not sure what as. This grows and grows until you may beg the question, "is he a schizophrenic?" No really, I needed her just to stay normal. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping, I felt sick half the time, I'd spend hours and hours pacing up and down my bedroom eating off my thumb nails, with thoughts racing through my head on just about everything related to her. Whether she was an object of love or obsession was anyone's guess. My moods often fluctuated. One minute I'd be happy-go-lucky, the next I'd be yelling at someone. I preferred solitude, if I was with y friends, I'd sit away on a wall or something. Whilst I'd be telling myself, "stop doing this, you're doing it for the attention you whiney little prick" Of course, whenever she was around, this all canged, and i was back to my usual self.

This all elevated when her friends started hinting that she liked me back. If you can, picture a wild eyed guy walking up and down his bedroom, with one arm having it's elbow rested on the other arms hand, with it's thumb being bitten whilst we takes small sharp steps up and down his bedroom. It was like that pretty much all day apart from whenever I was with her of with friends, which was usually a good 7 hours. I was the only one aware of this. And I'd got to the tipping point. So yesterday, her moronic friend (who I have little patience for) asks me what has been up with me. This is where I snap. In a fit or rage, I furiously type out everything that I've been going through for the past fortnight, everything, even how I didn't have the balls to say anything to her. And then I go tell her to tell everyone sarcastically, as an expression of how little I cared any more. I then start the whole pacing around act again. By now, this girl I liked had had figured it out any way, she asks me if it is about her, and I say nothing. So she rightly guesses she it is. The combination of her guessing, with her friend knowing, really freaks me out for some reason. And then, her stupid friend tells her.

everything from here is blurred, mainly because i had mentally blacked out. For the first time in 2 weeks, I had no thoughts in my head. I was blank. So if you want, you can analyze this. At first her reaction is of shock towards me, and then how she is gutted that I didn't tell her earlier, and how we'd discuss it further tomorrow, and how she wants me to punch my best friend for doing what he did.

Tomorrow is today, I haven't seen her, we were all supposed to be going to Felixstowe (a seaside town not so far from where I live) but I got up too late and missed the train. So yeah, I'm losing it. And it does beg the question, is love and obsession just two cards on the same hand? Am I mentally insane? or am I just being a faggot?


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Bangable
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 10:58 AM Reply

At 4/14/09 10:49 AM, Xarnor wrote:
For not giving us a TL;DR

TL;DR: I might be bat-shit crazy, or just very hormonal.


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pyromaniac616
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 10:58 AM Reply

Hmm. The moment I clicked on this thread, eleanor rigby came on.

Seriana
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 10:59 AM Reply

Nope, you're just hormonal.

Enjoy your bitter heartbreak and disappointment.

All women are scheming whores that just love seeing you cry.

ThePinkyProductions
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:00 AM Reply

Burning yourself is the only answer.


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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:01 AM Reply

yeah you shouldn't go out with her. you're young, go enjoy your life. You really don't want a g/f in high school (even though it's cool, she'll be like a leech) along with homework.


Xbox live: C0n Queso
PSN: A-Spiky-Kitten
Steam: Baby Diesel

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Mich
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:01 AM Reply

At 4/14/09 10:59 AM, Pounce wrote: Nope, you're just hormonal.

Enjoy your bitter heartbreak and disappointment.

All women are scheming whores that just love seeing you cry.

I disagree.
OP, so, does she know you're in love with her?
I think you should just make sure you get some time alone with her and tell her EVERYTHING.
Then let her do her say, just be open about it all.

Honesty is the only way here.

physicsman09
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:01 AM Reply

You're 13 you have much better things to be doing right now.

Hit the books, then all you prolems will go away. If you're focused on work then you wont have to deal with stuff like this.


"Physicsman09: The Gordon Freeman of Newgrounds"
-The-Hitman

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pyromaniac616
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:02 AM Reply

Age/Gender: 13, Male
Location: Narnia

I <3 Goatse

Intresting. Looking at it from my cold, emotionless way, I would say that as you are only 13, it is illogical for you to have a relationship if this is what it is doing to you. Forget about her, push it out of your mind, and re-focus on your education. Once you have done this, and once you are over 18, then it is logical to have a relationship.

Also, I hope that your remark regarding Goatse is a joke.

and what is Tl:Dr?
TheTrooper5
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:03 AM Reply

Wasn't there already a thread like this.....?

Nope....didn't think so

mrpwnzer
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:05 AM Reply

and what is Tl:Dr?

too long; didn't read

it mostly occurs when there's a wall of text (like the 1st post) and you really don't want to read it


Xbox live: C0n Queso
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:06 AM Reply

At 4/14/09 11:02 AM, pyromaniac616 wrote: Age/Gender: 13, Male
Intresting. Looking at it from my cold, emotionless way, I would say that as you are only 13, it is illogical for you to have a relationship if this is what it is doing to you.

13 is a great age for all this crap. This way if you are lucky you will get some of the more devestating life lessons and realizations out of the way early.

Sammeh
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:06 AM Reply

Well, you could just be going through a phase of emo faggotry, but Im n no position to say. Remember that being 13 here means you are subject to a lot of blind stereotyping.


my opinion = fact

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Seriana
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:07 AM Reply

At 4/14/09 11:01 AM, MICHhimself wrote: I disagree.
OP, so, does she know you're in love with her?
you're in love with her
love

oh god I just facepalmed right through my head

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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:10 AM Reply

Thanks for the posts guys, it's been an invaluable source of information to me. Anything worth yof note will happen within the next few days. If it all goes to shit, which it probably will, then I give up. This crap is too complicated for me to handle it's waaaay beyond me now.


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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:13 AM Reply

Aren't you a little young to be writing page long essays on the internet about your love life?

good luck

.

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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:15 AM Reply

Hmmmm, well it's normal to lack confidence when you have no prior experience.
But trust me I am far more cynical than you are when it comes to relationships in general; at least you still think there's some hope lol... Otherwise you wouldn't be making a thread about it. My cause is so lost; it's not even post-worthy.


Bla

Bangable
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:18 AM Reply

At 4/14/09 11:13 AM, ManEggs wrote: Aren't you a little young to be writing page long essays on the internet about your love life?

good luck

I wouldn't call it an essay, I only did all of it to get some guidance from people who have no stake in the situation, therefore having an unbiased verdict on what I should do.


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CacheHelper
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:25 AM Reply

Keep moving folks, nothing to see here... just another relationship thread.

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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:30 AM Reply

*sighs* christ here we go....

Well my friend. normally i just come on NG to troll the forums for some epic lulz threads and kill time.

However today you have touched on a subject that also im dealing with.
Im 18 years old come this may, and for the past 2 and a half years ive had an on going love hate relationship with my best female friend.

Alot of things that you have said i can realte to.

The way i met her is very simular. Through a friend that was dating her best mate.

We dated very briefly for about a month when we first met and it kinda went shit up when certain circumstances became everyones buisness, it ended up with her father telling me to get out of her life. for a long time i did. i kept myself to myself and let her be. we kinda always had a flame burning between us though.

Untill september in 2008 things were running fine. i doing my A levels in college and getting on with life. when we start getting close again. she comes down and we have a few drinks. a few truths and some passion come out within the mix and before i know it alot of feelings have returned... i keep my mouth shut as shes never been a huge one for the relationships. i keep it from my friends as they would just give me shit if they were to find out anyways.

So i kept it to myself and let it bug the fuck out of me daily.
i put the day down to a one off and leave it to that. she comes down a few weeks later and the same thing happens again. this time we go further with things (not going into detail) and she turns to me and says she still needs me and always has.

By this point things have moved on abit were into december 08 and shes dating this guy. Ofc this just continues to play with my head further as im fucking lost as to where i stand. she goes home and back to him and im an after though forgotten about.

I do much like you and pace back and forth, blaze song's out to keep me thinking, smoke excsessive amounts, drink. i tryed everything to keep myself normal. untill one day she comes online and i asked her how she was and she tells me shes just come back from her boyfriends house and how theyve just had sex. so ofc this doesent entirly help my mental state and i freak the fuck out. start going nuts at her calling her every name under the sun, telling her she needs to make up her fucking mind what she wants and i dont need her or to hear from her ever again. we stopped talking.

the next 2 months febuary 09 till up to about a week or so ago were the most depressing ive had in my entire life if im honest. i felt lost without her, scared, i missed her endlessly and just wanted to see her. she was all that kept me together through the good times and the bad.

so one night me and my mate were having a drink and a few spliffs at his house when this number pops up, not taking too much time to notice the number i answer the phone, im greeted with a trembling and upset voice. asking for me to come back into her life.
i ask imediatly if she is still with this guy she reply yes to this i hung up. my mate talking me round saying i needed to listen to what she had to say and stop being so hasty with telling her to go fuck herself.

so i ring her back and hear her out.

turns out she wants the best of both worlds much like you i keep up an act of this smart arse prick who "pitys those in realtionships" i dont need them i tell myself yet its all i want with her. i never show my emotions and will never treat a girl like there something to be worshiped, so the guy she dating is the exact oposite. hes everything she needs, he tells her how much she means to him and how shes the only one he needs. and she thinks this is "cute" and she needs a guy like that. because i held in my emotions and kept myself quite she always classed me as the one who had everything she wanted in a guy and not needed.

I shot myself in the foot by keeping up this act all the time. i had to sit there and let out 2 years worth of repressed emotions. i told her everything. now i have to wait

Currently shes camping with him for the next 3 more days and untill this saturday i wont get to see her to talk in person. I feel ill to the core of my stomach. i feel rotten and just want to see her to get it over with. shes all i can think about and all i want to be happy..

So is love and obsession the same thing.... after two and a half years? all i have to say is simply this.

Ive loved, Ive losed and continued to love.... And i will get my chance to proof that love.
Bordering obsession... maybe but some men will do anything to show how they feel. PS to the majority of newgrounds blaze me too if you want i couldent careless this is a repost for bangable and i hope in someway it helps him

there are guys like us everywhere 90% of them are just too much of a massive E penis to admit it


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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:34 AM Reply

At 4/14/09 10:47 AM, Bangable wrote:

Tomorrow is today, I haven't seen her, we were all supposed to be going to Felixstowe (a seaside town not so far from where I live) but I got up too late and missed the train.

Your parents let you leave the house? WOOOoooooo Big Man with an interesting stream on consciousness post on a website that could give less then two shits about your life.


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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:35 AM Reply

Hormones/ you are thinking and trying way too hard.

Let loose, son.
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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:39 AM Reply

At 4/14/09 11:30 AM, Whatsontv wrote:

there are guys like us everywhere 90% of them are just too much of a massive E penis to admit it

Well I am proud to say that I am in the 10% category. If you have feelings for a girl she probably has had similar thoughts as well. You need to stop being such a pussy and kiss her. Even if it might be weird, if she has a boyfriend, If you are scared to lose what you have. JUST DO IT. Most guys who can relate to the opposite sex have similar issues (myself included), but what I have learned is that if you are really good friends it makes hooking up or sex that much better. GO FOR IT YOU PUSSIES


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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 12:25 PM Reply

At 4/14/09 11:00 AM, ThePinkyProductions wrote: Burning yourself is the only answer.

yea and now lets get an answer from somebody who is not a complete retard...

Yes ok now. Not its not that your hormonal or anything of the sort it's just that your changing. Like you said in like your first sentence or two that usually ur a cynical bastard that has pity for other couples and shit. It's not now that you feel bad for them or anything but you'd like a different pace for a change. Ya know try something new instead of the same boring outlook on life. But Considering how you missed your train and shit and the chance to go do this or that your starting to have certain feelings you didn't have before..... Dare I say your growing up and maturing a little more. But either way I saw congrats to you for growing a little and having a better positive outlook on life. You'll see in the future it's good for you..

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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 12:45 PM Reply

At 4/14/09 10:59 AM, Pounce wrote: Nope, you're just hormonal.

Enjoy your bitter heartbreak and disappointment.

All women are scheming whores that just love seeing you cry.

Want to add something to that,

If they know you're hurt and in a difficult situation with no way out, the chance of them wanting to help you out is even more relative if you've helped them beforehand with the bs they were whining about. Never help them, ignore them until they call or message you, then ignore them even more. Then react, meet up, fuck 'm. Then ignore again. This method doesn't work if she's not attract to you. It only does if she's attract to you but at the same time thinks you have a shitty personality. Hope this helps.

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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 05:30 PM Reply

Try talking to a therapist. That works wonders for me. It was a very interesting post, as it had a lot of detail and it certianly had a ton of heart put into it, and for that I admire you.

Please don't go crazy and attack people or anything.


You know the world's gone crazy when the best rapper's a white guy and the best golfer's a black guy - Chris Rock

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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 05:31 PM Reply

You lost it a loooooong time ago pal :P

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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 05:57 PM Reply

I'm not losing it...

I'm losing it.


This too will pass.
Memento mori

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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 06:20 PM Reply

and what is Tl:Dr?

Tl;dr = To long didn't read.


Oh, Ha ha.
V

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Response to I'm losing it. Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 06:34 PM Reply

Yeah, you're losing it.

You see, I have the same thing you do, I laugh at relationships because I see how sad they are, but I have never gotten into an actual one. I never look at the girls that flirt with me, and I always tell my friends 'Get in there!' or 'DO IT.' when they're in relationships.

Seeing you fall behind saddens me. Not only have I lost another person to relate to, but if you do it, you will become of what you and I hate.


What a shame, Mister Jensen.
I never asked for this, Mister Denton.