Just a few notes on these, in case you weren't around last time:
- These comments (I don't like the word "review" in the case of my things here as you'll see) aren't really intended to be proper reviews, but rather single paragraphs quickly summarising what I think of an entry.
- I don't neccessarily look at an entry the same way a judge might. Obviously, this is almost always a factor at this stage, but judges may also be looking for points specific to the contest. In this case of course, this means being relevant to the theme set.
- My comments here tend to be upbeat rather than extensive harsh criticisms, unless I really see it neccesary. I would say this is because I want to see an expanding Newgrounds writing community... but it's just as likely to be all about me being soft around here.
- Entries that do not meet the minimum word limit (800 words this time round) will be ignored by me. I try to read those that go over the limit, but I can't promise comments. I'm lazy.
Let's get down on it.
I liked your choice of words, particularly towards the beginning as the scene was set. I don't think the plot was particularly cliche or contrived. Some say there's only a small number of plots in the literary world (some say only seven!), and if that really is the case, then you made good use of the "variables" if you get what I mean, in relation to your opening comments. Although the setting itself is only mentioned specifically briefly, I think it turned out well, going by hat happens in the story, what atmosphere we're supposed to be feeling. I think possibly the birth could have been handled better graphically maybe, but I liked the use of sound of the cat. Not a bad entry at all.
Joswaldo... or "K-Fricking-O". Whichever.
An interesting descriptive piece, with some equally interesting symbolism towards the end. The images were well chosen I think, and the connotations of each image were appropriate for the overall meaning. I would've liked to see more, even something as abstract as the stuff already floating around in the piece. I think it's possible to inject a bit more in without going too over-the-top on that front.
So much positive discussion has already taken place, I think I'm speechless on this entry. I've never watched Sailor Moon, but that side of me feels pressured to now.
I attempted Mirage-aka-Anarchy's entry, but honestly, I really struggled to get into it. The words seemed languid, and there seemed to be numerous syntactical issues. I'm not sure sure whether these decisions were made deliberately to pick out an audience, but I still failed to grasp it. Maybe it's my fault; if you want some proper comments sir, I'll attempt to do so. Otherwise, I think I'll leave this one. The story as it's set up has some promising ideas.
I was going to do more now, but I'll leave it off for now. Erm, yeah.
Oh, one other thing. Again, I'm not sure how much the judges will be going for this, and I suspect it's largely a personal thing. I've noticed some entries have formatting issues. There's nothing really major, and I'm not expecting anything perfect from anyone. I know things can happen when transferring an entry from a program to your BBS post. Still, I always like to see double-spacing at least. Given the colour scheme of the Newgrounds BBS, it makes it much nicer on the eyes. If you're looking to woo judges, I would've thought doing anything to, erm, not make their eyes sore a good thing.
Maybe I'm speaking for myself alone, I don't know. It's just something to put out there, heh.