Black Death

[LimeGun]

The time is December 20, 1340, this is the story of a lonely man his two children and the impact a disease effected millions..

A voice calls out from the distance.."Matthew! I need u now come here please"!... Mathew starts to run back to his house thinking to himself "i wonder whats going on...i hope im not in trouble.." Matthew walks into the house slowly fearing his father will be their... "hello? anyone there? sister..is that you? someone starts to cry in the corner. "Oh sister i thought you were father for a second, how do u feel today"? the crying gets louder "sister are you ok? shall i go fetch some water for you from the well"? the crying stops.."m..my...my arms.. there covered..".. "Sister"? someone starts to knock at the door.. "come in" Matthew calls out, Father steps in holding a jug of water. He looks over to the corner which is now illuminated by the outside sun from the open door suddenly he drops the jug of water which falls to the ground and shaters to a million pieces as a asy as a soul can be broken with a loved ones death.. "Daughter! what have i done to deserve this?!..i pray every moring i pay my fines to the lord and this is what i am rewarded with!?..please my lord..please have mercy take me to your kingdom of gold and silver! do not take my daughter..". The little girl has been called by the black death..god now summons her...

The Day is December 23 , 1340

Dear my love Angela

Your daughter has fallen to the disease that takes all but gives nothing... I will never hear here beautiful voice ever again..i will never see here smile... i will never be the same now.. Matthew has it also but not as severe i say mybe... 4 days at the max he will live after he dies i will burn his body and pray that he reaches heaven.. only time and the lord knows when i will catych the disease but till than i will search for new answers.. why have we been givin this curse? i feel that we have been played by the pope tricked into believing that you can cure someone by saying some meaningless words! Oh how i can i see his face when he two catches to black death...please my love move somewhere that it is safe please do not die.. you are the only thing i have left..

Love, Lew

Lew gets a letter back but it is not from his love but from his loves sister...it says "she is dead"

The time is December 24, 1340 Lew family is dead but he is alive..alone..cold..TO BE CONTINUED!!

please excuse the grammar i wrote this realy fast and i was bored xD tell me if i should continue!!

[flashwarrior]

Learn to use the English language please.

"u" is not a whole word.

[Ejit]

At 3/26/09 04:27 PM, flashwarrior wrote: Learn to use the English language please.

"u" is not a whole word.

Oh shut up. You're pathetic.

[pyromaniac616]

Do not continue, that was terrible. Seriously. Also, capital letters after the ends of sentances.

[Achilles2]

At 3/26/09 04:27 PM, flashwarrior wrote: Learn to use the English language please.

"u" is not a whole word.

Learn to use the English language please.

"'u' is not a whole word" is not grammatically correct.

[kindmortal]

So many grammar nazi's.

[rsslee43]

At 3/26/09 05:04 PM, Achilles2 wrote:

At 3/26/09 04:27 PM, flashwarrior wrote: Learn to use the English language please.

"u" is not a whole word.

Learn to use the English language please.

"'u' is not a whole word" is not grammatically correct.

Why is everyone making such a big fuss on a small word 'u' which we all know means 'you'.

[blindone2]

At my school atm we are learning about it. Quite interesting.

[flashwarrior]

At 3/26/09 05:04 PM, Achilles2 wrote:

At 3/26/09 04:27 PM, flashwarrior wrote: Learn to use the English language please.

"u" is not a whole word.

Learn to use the English language please.

"'u' is not a whole word" is not grammatically correct.

Ehhhh, if he's gonna write a story of some sort he should know that the correct word is "you" not "u"..

Now everybody hates me. FUCK.

[Lagerkapo]

At 3/26/09 04:27 PM, flashwarrior wrote: Learn to use the English language please.

"u" is not a whole word.

Although on one level I do agree with him, I am capable of looking at the actual CONTENT of the post. Grammar serves ONE purpose: It provides readability to the reader. Half of people will not even try to read something if it challenges them at all. More acutely, more people will take U seriously.

What we have here is a short story where dialogue shapes most of my opinion. It's ok, you're not completely inept, but you need a LOT more substance for a story. You began, continued and ended with death. I kind of knew the whole story after the first few sentences. Which can be a good thing, but not here.

I can see how you could make this a lot better if it were a lot longer. You have to have variances in the story that correlate to form a cohesive body. Your story was "tragedy-tragedy-tragedy." Not very interesting...

Keep at it. Learn from criticism. It's not flaming if you don't make it flaming.

[LivinInTheSunlight]

At 3/26/09 04:27 PM, flashwarrior wrote: Learn to use the English language please.

"u" is not a whole word.

Your use of the letter "u"
Your use of "da"
Your use of "dat"

I could go on and on. Long story short: Shut the fuck up.

[Pokemonpoeguygcn]

At 3/26/09 05:05 PM, kindmortal wrote: So many grammar nazi's.

Yes, join us......

Ooooooh........
Ooooooh........

[flashwarrior]

At 3/26/09 06:00 PM, LivinInTheSunlight wrote:

At 3/26/09 04:27 PM, flashwarrior wrote: Learn to use the English language please.

"u" is not a whole word.

Your use of the letter "u"
Your use of "da"
Your use of "dat"

I could go on and on. Long story short: Shut the fuck up.

It's funny how I was joking in all three of those posts, though the one where i said "true dat" wasn't very obvious i must admit. The other thing I find funny is that the first time i ever take the role of a dick i am called out and cock slapped for it, by multiple people repeatedly, though I've seen other people say something like this without a word turned their way. i have heard "shut the fuck up" multiple times already, so the next person to say it to me, I will be pissed off at for being ignorant as hell. i know i was ignorant for not reading the whole post to the part where they stated that they typed that very fast and were bored, and i admit that. So now I am going to tell everyone else to please shut the fuck up, this thread is not about me telling someone to learn English, and i don't want a big deal out of this. i guess I've learned my lesson to never ever ever slip up on being courteus to anyone ever. I also noticed multiple spelling and grammar errors, though i only stated that one. if you'd like me to just prove a point even more like a prick, I guess i could quote the OP's post and point out every single mistake. Thank you for pissing me off. I'm sorry for any inconvenience caused by being a dick one small time, like others have done.

[WeHaveFreshCookies]

Huntington's disease is far cooler.

[Lagerkapo]

At 3/26/09 06:31 PM, WeHaveFreshCookies wrote: Huntington's disease is far cooler.

Marburg.

[MilestoneRazor]

To the grammar Nazis: Tell those illiterate cunts, you tell them.

To the illiterate cunts: It's not much work to type your words out properly, if you didn't pay attention in class then that's your problem, and you'll pay for it dearly in your life. But if you honestly just type like that out of laziness, I have absolutely zero sympathy for you. Don't be such a wimp, and make your posts readable.

@ OP, I didn't read it. Looked like a dumb story, and your laziness in writing showed up in the first few sentences, so therefore I knew it would be low quality and crap.

[WeHaveFreshCookies]

At 3/26/09 06:36 PM, Lagerkapo wrote:

At 3/26/09 06:31 PM, WeHaveFreshCookies wrote: Huntington's disease is far cooler.

Marburg.

Oh shit... I'm actually a little bit afraid now...

[MegaMelmo]

Bad beginning, but your writing is ok. This whole passage seems like a beginning, even though everyone dies. You need to have more of an attachment to the character, then if you wish let them...die, sadly. It's much more of an impact on the reader and they want to read more. When you wrote that Matthew had the plague less severely, you wrote he was going to die. Why even say it wasn't as severe if it still meant death? One more thing, try to fix your mistakes, like you don't need to make a capital letter after every start quote...EX: "m..my...my arms.. there covered..".. "Sister"? It's still the same sentence. Good writing, for just a boredom story. Keep practicing.