Teenagers Today

Has anyone here had trouble with this vermin recently? The grand invention of the mid-20th century, the so-called essential step towards real life, an ideal bridge between the genuine helplessness of young children and the rightful omnipotence of adults. Do you want to know what happened to me today? Read on.

I was walking out of town, where I had been to see if any new coffee shops had been opened. I found that there had not been, so I decided to come straight back home. The road from town to my house isn't a pretty one; filled with undesirables, down-and-outs, and those teenagers we're here to talk about. When I stopped walking to wait for the traffic lights to change, a gang of youths came up to me. They were decked in these track suit things, and one of them wore one of those dreadful hoodies. One of them was playing some music on a mobile phone rather loudly. It didn't really sound very good; I always ensure my son listens to good music.

"Oi missus, got a fag?", one of them asked me. I said no, without any sort of tone, and wanted to move away. Suddenly, one of them spat at me, and another one stabbed me in the chest. As I winced in pain, the hoodlum that asked me for a cigarette said, "Oh no matter, I got a spliff in my pocket anyway!" and laughed. I also think I saw some more teenagers having nude sex on a bench across the road while I trying to control the flow of blood. The statistics say it's probable that I did. While we're talking abut statistics, I'm very grateful that these boys weren't Black: the statistics say I might've been stabbed twice if that were the case.

I stumbled home and put some things on my wound. Judging by some faint noises from upstairs, I could tell my son had come home from school. My son is nineteen. He's burdened us for so long because people say he has issues. It's embarassing to believe in such a thing.

I went to see my son, who was browsing the Internet. I cleared my throat and he turned round.

"Oh, hi Mum! Sorry, I didn't know you were back. I'll put my headphones in. You probably don't want to listen to The Band, haha." I spied a book on his floor with a naked woman on the front.

"Is that pornography Simon?"

"Heh, no Mum. It's John Fowles' The Collector. It's very good. I can see where critics pick up their conclusion that Mr. Fowles was a fascist, but even with my general life outlook, I think it's good. One character is a near-perfect 1960s Western socialist parody."

"And what are you doing on the computer? Wasting your time on Facebook or MySpace, or whatever they call it these days?"

"Nah, I don't like those websites. I'm reading an online version of The History of the Russian Revolution by Leon Trotsky. It's a great read. It seriously is. If I could, I would put more primary reading in the history courses at school, and use a few more alternative perspectives. That's because I'm so eager to learn."

I looked at him blankly. All this nonsense wasn't going to fool me.

"Simon, what would you like to be when you grow up?"
"I'd like to be a newspaper journalist possibly. I don't know, everything could go!"

I continued my blank look at him. I cut off his right hand with the meat cleaver I'd bought up with me. He looked at me in extreme confusion. I forgot he wrote his left hand, so then I cut off that too.

He's still sobbing in his room. I did the right thing. Because I encountered those youths earlier today, my son is in exactly the same boat. By that, he's a menace to this society, so he needs to be punished. I think more people should follow my example on punishment because these teenagers get it far too easy. Young people should be stereotyped to one image in my opinion.

Do you have anything to discuss with these stupidly problematic people?

[fohn-jarmery]

Whine whine whine.

[BigJimmy08]

i do belive that not all teenagers are like this only the biggest vermin of all chavs
be affraid be very affraid

[Mechabloby]

Hahaha, that was brilliant! Where did you find that passage? I've not laughed in a while like that.

[MultiCanimefan]

How's that stab wound?

[ClickToPlay]

I think you should cut off his feet.
Some people write with those you know!

[SCUD14]

I lol'ed, and hard.

At 3/24/09 01:49 PM, Mechabloby wrote: Hahaha, that was brilliant! Where did you find that passage? I've not laughed in a while like that.

It's homegrown, but it's inspired by the second part of journalist Michele Hanson's post here. My post lacks, but it sure lept me unbored for a few minutes.

[Conal]

Well of course you're a target, I mean, just look at you. I'm not a thuggish teenager, but even I'd beat the shit out of you with hammers & knifes. Cut your hair, hippy. IT'S NOT COOL.

[ToiletTissues]

funny :D

heh you actually had me going until you got stabbed.

[Conal]

At 3/24/09 02:05 PM, GOTHCLAWZ wrote: Well of course you're a target, I mean, just look at you. I'm not a thuggish teenager, but even I'd beat the shit out of you with hammers & knifes. Cut your hair, hippy. IT'S NOT COOL.

Having said that, look at my old hair:

[JohnnyWang]

People weren't any more clever back in the day, people just reflect on nostalgia.

[Jayson420]

..Becasue we all know teenagers are the problem for everything.

[JohnnyWang]

At 3/24/09 02:09 PM, GOTHCLAWZ wrote:

No-one gives a shit, Clawz.

[TheLameSauce]

i don't see how cutting of his hands is going to stop him from having public nude sex. or, with the aid of his probable hooligan friends, doing illicit drugs. nay, it would have been better to cut off the head. spare the cleaver spoil the child i say.

[1Tyla1]

I thought you were serious for a second...

[Biscuit-head]

At 3/24/09 02:09 PM, GOTHCLAWZ wrote:

At 3/24/09 02:05 PM, GOTHCLAWZ wrote: Well of course you're a target, I mean, just look at you. I'm not a thuggish teenager, but even I'd beat the shit out of you with hammers & knifes. Cut your hair, hippy. IT'S NOT COOL.

Having said that, look at my old hair:

Well thanks alot Clawz. Now I can never get a boner again.

>:c

[Kain-Ceverus]

People young this day suck. No respect. I blame lousy parents. Seriously, they're stupid.

[chavkill]

At 3/24/09 02:25 PM, TheLameSauce wrote: i don't see how cutting of his hands is going to stop him from having public nude sex. or, with the aid of his probable hooligan friends, doing illicit drugs. nay, it would have been better to cut off the head. spare the cleaver spoil the child i say.

do you get the point of his post
incase you didnt its obvious that he is saying that all teenagers are the same even though the boy at home clearly wasnt which appears to be the view of the media today

[Afro-wolf]

At 3/24/09 01:58 PM, Thimbles wrote: Ni-gger ni-gger ni-gger

Re-tard re-tard re-tard

[XwaynecoltX]

At 3/24/09 01:43 PM, Scarab wrote: Has anyone here had trouble with this vermin recently?

Everyday of my life :(

~X~

[kindmortal]

What's wrong with emos?

At 3/24/09 02:29 PM, Kain-Ceverus wrote: People young this day suck. No respect. I blame lousy parents. Seriously, they're stupid.

This makes me sad.

My parents are great people. They're two of the most hard-working, dedicated and nicest people I'll possibly ever meet. I'm hugely indebted to them for being able to give me this life, my near future at university and beyond. If it wasn't for my parents, I wouldn't be sitting here now likely. I get to live my life relatively comfortably thanks to them. I sometimes feel honestly ashamed when I have to ask them for money. I respect them a great deal for putting up with me for nearly nineteen years.

I hope that's not the way my original post looks. It's supposed to be more about widespread perceptions and assumptions, or something.

[Prinzy2]

Now he's going to try to run away from real life, go cut off his feet before it's too late.

[TheLameSauce]

At 3/24/09 02:31 PM, chavkill wrote:

At 3/24/09 02:25 PM, TheLameSauce wrote: i don't see how cutting of his hands is going to stop him from having public nude sex. or, with the aid of his probable hooligan friends, doing illicit drugs. nay, it would have been better to cut off the head. spare the cleaver spoil the child i say.

do you get the point of his post
incase you didnt its obvious that he is saying that all teenagers are the same even though the boy at home clearly wasnt which appears to be the view of the media today

sometimes when i'm presented with satire, i find it more fun to play along and add to the illusion. why do you idiot kids take everything you read on the internet so literally?

[Jayson420]

At 3/24/09 02:35 PM, kindmortal wrote: What's wrong with emos?

What isn't wrong with emo's ?

[Conal]

At 3/24/09 02:24 PM, JohnnyWang wrote:

At 3/24/09 02:09 PM, GOTHCLAWZ wrote:

No-one gives a shit, Clawz.

Eat my corn hole.

[chavkill]

At 3/24/09 02:46 PM, GOTHCLAWZ wrote:

At 3/24/09 02:24 PM, JohnnyWang wrote:

At 3/24/09 02:09 PM, GOTHCLAWZ wrote:

No-one gives a shit, Clawz.

Eat my corn hole.

please post a picture of your corn hole.

[DroopyA]

myyu m,otjher toook ur a;dvoice

harrdf 2 j; tyupe w/ b;loodyu nuubsa

fduclk u!@1@!@!!!!!@1

[BigJimmy08]

At 3/24/09 02:45 PM, Jayson420 wrote:

At 3/24/09 02:35 PM, kindmortal wrote: What's wrong with emos?

What isn't wrong with emo's ?

don't dis emo there so cute and cudly ... go on a dare you next emo u see go up to her or him and hug him or her