The Epic Story of Pimpschach

[General-Ivan]

So I'm just fucking chilling, relaxing in my hood, when I get a call. Sees one of my old boys, Big Buddy Blake, got iced. Got thrown out a fuckin' window in his own crib. His own crib, man. That's some fuckin bullshit.

The cops didn't fuckin know what to do. Shit, they don't know a goddamn thing. That's why I knew it was up to me to figure out what happened to Blake. But first, I needed to go call up some of the homies Triple B and I hung out with.

[TheSilverGuitar]

And that's you in the picture, yes?

[General-Ivan]

So the first one I check up with is my oldest hood, my main man, the Owl. We call him the Owl cause he, like, has a fuckin hard on for them or some shit. I don't fucking know. I didn't have a problem with it at first. It was like "You like birds and shit, that's cool; just don't drag me into it." But then about ten years or so he started going to these conventions with a bunch of fags who thought they were wolves, or dragons, or dragon wolves or some bullshit. We ain't been tight since then, but I thought I had to at least tell him about Blake taking that dive.

And you know what he says to me? He says it's a political killing. He says it may have been one of the other gangs from back when, looking to settle a score. I just about pimp-slapped his dumbass back to the 60s. There ain't no gangs from way back when. We was the last ones.

I walked outta that shit fast as hell after that.

[General-Ivan]

So I'm already feelin a bit ill, you know? One of my boys already dead, another so fucking out of it he don't know what way is up. So I head to my usual bar, looking for old Red to hook me up with some sweet Mary J.

So I get there, and I tell him the score. I say, "Look, Red, one of my boys taking the big dirt nap, and I'm feeling worse for the wear. I'm here for my usual fix, son."

And you know what he says? You know what that fucker says? He just turns to me and says, "Shit, 'Schach, I ain't got a damn thing left."

So I says, "You lyin? You best be lyin."

"Naw, man, I just got enough to tied me over." then that conniving fuck, he gets this hungry look in his eye and he says, "Give it to you for double the usual price."

I wasn't in no mood to be fuckin bidding on some shit this motherfucker may or may not have. I broke that bitch's fingers, then I got the fuck out.

[LobsterJohnson]

At 2/9/09 05:18 PM, Xtesh wrote: 'Sup, bitch-ass?

You wish you were as fly as I am.

Now way,You are just jealous of how blue I am...biatch

[General-Ivan]

Now, let me tell you about the next motherfucker I went to see. He was part of the old hood, but not cause I'dda wanted the fucker there. He's this prissy Aryan bitch that Owl knew, and Owl thought he was on the up and up. I shoulda known from that moment there was something wrong with Owl, cause this bitch didn't do shit but fucking whine and talk about he was like some Persian or Egyptian king or shit. He kept wanting us to call him "Ossimandeus" or some bullshit. I just called him Donger.

So I decided I should warn the dumb fucker, just cause he did ride with us, and Donger just goes and starts talking smack about Blake. He flat-out cold calls him a Nazi. A Nazi, son!

I just about had it with that shit. I got the fuck out of there and went on to see Big Blue.

[LobsterJohnson]

Copy'n'Pase

[General-Ivan]

Now I'm gonna tell you about Big Blue. Now, you gotta see this motherfucker to believe it. This son of a bitch is amazing. I've seen him literally tear apart tanks. TANKS, SON. Shit, when we rolled together, I've seen him eat a man. That ain't no typo; he just picked this fucker up and SHOVED HIM down his throat. So it ain't no wonder the military got ahold of him, and offered him a sweetass deal. We haven't rolled together for a little less than when Owl and I stopped rolling, but I don't grudge him none. Shit, I woulda taken that offer if it came my way.

So Blue and me, we're catching up and I'm telling him about what happened to Blake, and outta fuckin' nowhere, his bitch Laurie starts talkin' shit about Blake. Now, Laurie used to roll with us, and I always thought she was a ho, but I never said nothin' about it since she was with Blue. But hearin' hear say the shit she said about Blake, well, that got my blood to a goddamn boil, so I smacked her about a few times.

Blue didn't like none of that. Motherfucker kicked me out before I could react.

[Soldierofhentai21]

At 2/9/09 05:20 PM, LobsterJohnson wrote:

At 2/9/09 05:18 PM, Xtesh wrote: 'Sup, bitch-ass?

You wish you were as fly as I am.

Now way,You are just jealous of how blue I am...biatch

It's never a thread without Dr. Manhattan's blue genitailia

[General-Ivan]

So I look up and see if there was anyone left I knew of who actually woulda wanted to ice Blake. And then it struck me: motherfucking Old Man M.

Now M was a gangbanger back in his day before they even had a word for gangbangin. We got into a few tussles with him and his boys over what goes on in the hood back in the day, and we never let those motherfuckers gain ground. So it would make sense that he may want to cap us.

So I get into his house and there ain't no one there, dig? So I gotta find a place to hide, and I think "what better place than the fridge? So I wait in there for awhile, and when M gets home, BAM, I slam his old ass up against the wall. His scream sounded like a cat getting fucked by a pig.

So I'm getting in his grill and shaking him down, seeing if he'll crack. But he keeps telling me he ain't responsible for Blake taking that fall, and instead keeps talking about how he's sober, and found Jesus, and has cancer or some bullshit. I couldn't even give a fuck.

I saw he wasn't up for the ride no more, and couldn't cap shit. I got outta there, but no sooner did I leave than I saw I fuckin' left my personal bag of sugar in there. So I go back in. And you know what I see?

[scottmale24]

At 2/9/09 05:23 PM, LobsterJohnson wrote: Copy'n'Pase

I was gonna post that.

Thanks, lobster johnson! NOW GO FIND THAT IRON PROMETHEUS.

[SoTotallyNotANinja]

Please continue this.