At 12/20/12 11:42 AM, Mich wrote:
At 12/20/12 09:26 AM, Quarl wrote:
btw, that car accident was kind of an attempt at suicide. Never really told anyone that.Well shit. As I recall from a comment on Facebook there was someone else with you in that car.
Walker, best friend of mine since 1st grade. Hence why I've never told any one that. He used to tell me to drive fast every where we went. He'd say "I don't want to wait around, make it quick." I was really depressed that year. While I certainly didn't want to kill my friend I was sure as hell ready and willing to die young. I drove recklessly that night because I just didn't care anymore. I told myself that if I died then great. I figured it's what I ultimately wanted. We were a reckless duo.
I woke up in the hospital a few weeks after the accident and was horrified by all the stories my friends and family relayed to me. My memory didn't come back at once. Instead it came back slowly. My dad told me that at first, I couldn't even recognize him. I can recall a time when I could form a perfect sentence in my head but when I tried to move my mouth only gibberish would come out. Some friends visited me while I was in the hospital. The next day I thought that had been a dream.
The weirdest story came from my brother Casey. The coma was drug induced and every so often they'd wake me to see if I was coherent. I was strapped into a bed with needles feeding me, a respirator breathing for me and a catheter peeing for me. This was the second time I've ever been in the hospital for something serious and this was the second time someone thought it would be funny to put a catheter up there. They fucking love putting things up your dick.
My brother said that every time they woke me up I would jerk about in my bed trying to get out of my restraints. I would thrash about and look around the room like a wild animal. Then they would put me back into my coma until I could calm down. At one awakening I actually managed to break out of my restraints and I started pulling needles out of my body. The doctor, my dad and my brother had to try to hold me down while the nurse strapped me back in.
I realized that I never want to put my friends or family through something like that ever again. I could have killed my best friend. I could have killed myself. I could talk all day about that fucking car accident. I could tell you about mental/ physical therapy. What it's like to have to relearn how to walk. I could tell you what it feels like to wake up in a hospital a half second after being with your best friend. The only thing I can't tell you is what it's like to actually be in a car accident. I can't honestly remember it.